The last we heard from Jamie Foxx, he was pissing people off with a lame fake sign language gag and avoiding the wrath of Xenu by denying a relationship with Katie Holmes. But in the wake of Hurricane Harvey, we can put all that foolishness aside. Jamie, a Texas native, is going to be hosting a telethon to raise money for hurricane relief.
John Travolta’s wig tamers better Super Glue, Gorilla Glue, and cement glue his hair to his head, because Kevin Spacey is trying to snatch that shit and take the crown. Nobody can beat John Travolta’s flawless man wig game, but Kevin is giving him a run for his lace front.
At today’s London premiere of Baby Driver (and, I’m still fucking pissed it’s not a Latarian Milton biopic), Kevin Spacey worked that rug on his head and he didn’t even care that the hawks flying above were seconds away from swooping in after mistaking it for a squirrel in distress. Kevin also worked it for the cameras even though his makeup person did him wrong by not blending his face paint all the way. Kevin didn’t only wear the best hair at the Baby Driver premiere, he also wore the best ensemble.
Kevin’s co-stars (Jon Hamm, Ansel Elgort, Jamie Foxx, Lily James and Eiza Gonzalez) all wore stuffy outfits from the House of Boring, while Kevin went full mid-life crisis daddy chic. It looks like his twink friends (or the new Ken dolls) took him to Macy’s and gave him a totally hip and fresh makeover. That IS the look. And I bet that at the after-party for Baby Driver, Kevin went up to Ansel and Lily at the bar and said, “Issa ’bout to be savage ay eff tonight, sis!”
Jamie Foxx filmed a Tonight Show promo and decided to pretend to use sign language, while that simpering enabler of assholes Jimmy Fallon laughed at Jamie’s outrageous antics. (Who knows why Wanda thought that was hilarious, but at least he didn’t sing.) The deaf community, as represented by model/activist/dancing Tarzan cosplayer Nyle DiMarco, was unamused.
I’ve never understood why people in Hollywood get so secretive about who they’re fucking. At some point, just by six degrees of separation, they’ve all fucked each other at least once. Case in point, everyone pretty much knows that Jamie Foxx has become Katie Holmes’ dick of choice for a while now, but they still like to keep shit on the hush hush tip, because we’re all idiots, apparently.
The boys in the Scientology bathhouse are going to pop some barley seeds and tip toe up to David Miscavige’s throne room where they’ll press their ears up against his door and hope to hear Tom Cruise screeching and hollering over a speaker phone call while crying about how he saw Jamie Foxx and HER in Paree!
Katie Holmes and Jamie Foxx have allegedly been a secret couple for more than three and a half years, and sneaking around for that long has got to be a killer on your spine. Yes, I picture Katie and Jamie sneaking around to and from their clandestine dinners and Mexican vacations all hunched over on their tip-toes. If UsWeekly’s recent source is correct, Katie might be ready to stand up straight and walk around proudly with her not-secret-boyfriend Jamie Foxx.
A source claims that Katie and Jamie are finally ready to “go public.” Katie used to be worried about the public attention dating Jamie would bring. The source goes on to say that Katie is tired of playing the “hiding game“, like traveling in tinted-windowed cars and using secret back elevators to meet Jamie. Apparently their first outings as an out couple will be more public dinners and a trip to Europe.
UsWeekly’s source says that Katie is ready to go public, but you know there’s a bunch of people thinking, “Uh huh, you mean her conditions of her divorce say she’s ready.” But I think she is ready and I hope that when they do go public, they do it up big to reward us for caring about their secret relationship for so damn long. Sure, they worked hard not to get caught. But we worked hard to make them a thing, like giving them a corny couple name even though they never officially came out as one. At the very least, they should acknowledge that by making their debut in front of a fox hole, maybe while holding two foxes. Please, I don’t ask for much. Just give me this.