Matt Damon’s promo tour for his latest film, Downsizing, has sort of snowballed into a disastrous hijacking of the #MeToo campaign. Matt has argued that there are “levels” to sexual harassment, and that men who haven’t sexually assaulted anyone deserve an enthusiastic pat on the back. Matt was supposed to attend the Downsizing premiere in Los Angeles on Monday night, but he didn’t go. I guess downsizing Matt Damon’s public appearances is one way to ensure more dumb thoughts about sexual harassment don’t come out of his mouth and into the microphone of a reporter.
If there’s one good thing to come out of the ugly and soul-murdering Harvey Weinstein situation, it’s that I’ve heaved and dry barfed so much that my mound of chunk gut has turned into an 8-pack! Who needs that laxative tea and an ab roller when you’ve got disgusting Harvey Weinstein stories? But there’s another good (and more important) thing to come out of this Harvey Weinstein situation. The door to the ILLEGAL and gross shit that happens in Hollywood was kicked open a bit. Dozens of actresses have told their stories about Pervey Weinstein, and now men are telling their own stories about getting touched wrong by the powers-that-be.
Are you a TV person who might one day find themselves in a one-on-one interview with The Beek from the Creek? If so, please pay attention, because this is very important. Unless you want to dump several minutes of awkward onto your viewers, don’t ask James Van Der Beek about Dawson’s Creek. And don’t begin the interview by comparing his career to his more successful co-stars. That’s what happened when James Van Der Beek appeared on ITVs This Morning (via BBC News) on Wednesday.
James was there to promote his appearance on the British sitcom Carters Get Rich, but the hosts Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby just wanted to know about Dawson’s Creek. Phillip and Holly started out their introduction by bragging about how Katie Holmes went on to marry Tom Cruise, Michelle Williams has four Oscar nominations, and Joshua Jackson is on The Affair. When they got to James Van Der Beek, it was crickets and shrugs.
James reminded them he’s been on lots of stuff since Dawson’s Creek premiered in 1997. It only got more uncomfortable from there. James really didn’t want to talk about Dawson. James kept it cool on the outside, but he was the crying Dawson meme on the inside.
That was like watching a scene from Magnolia II: More Depressing. I could almost hear Aimee Mann singing a slowed-down version of “I Don’t Wanna Wait” over a piano. And when James Van Der Beek finally snaps after being asked his 6,204,937th question about Dawson’s Creek, something tells me he’s going to mutter, “The beek from the creek the beek from the creek,” as the men in white coats haul him away.
Here’s James at BBC radio 2 in London on Wednesday.
Doo-do do do do, Doo-do do do do, I don’t wanna wait, for our lives to be over, to have another god damn kid. For some, this life is a place to go forth and prosper from the loins. For others, like me, its a place to yell at people, “ma’am! Your child is out of control and that is why I am hitting him/her repeatedly in the face!” Gentle souls like me look at the other side and pity the commitment they’ve made to wiping butts, paying college tuition and having to pretend to like the people they date during the experimental phase. But I guess Dawson likes that shit. Kinky bitch. Sick bitch.
James Van Der Beek and his wife, Kimberly Brook have welcomed their fourth dependant into the world, Emilia. They have three other little ones, Olivia, 5, Joshua, 4 and Annabel, 2. Get the kid a rattle and a pacifier so I can sit her down and tell her about the true ugliness in this world. She needs to know! He announced the birth via Instagram:
In the spirit of this holiday weekend, I wish them all the best and how wonderful to have new life come into the world during this time of celebrating birth and rebirth and all that shit. Congrats guys. And congrats to all of us for getting that Paula Cole song stuck in our heads.