But before Heigl learned that she may have another flop on her hands, she pushed Doubt on The Late Late Show with James Corden. Heigl and her husband, Josh Kelley, have been married for almost ten years and James Corden said that he heard (through her publicist, probably) that John Mayer had something to do with their love sprouting like a rash you get after fucking John Mayer.
I’ve always suspected that when someone gets a job as a late-night network TV show host, their brains are replaced with a hard drive that causes them to feel zero human emotion and makes it possible for them to experience all kinds of annoying and embarrassing shit without cringing to death. My suspicions were confirmed with the video of James Corden singing out the Queen of Christmas’ All I Want For Christmas Is You over and over again during Carpool Karaoke on The Late Late Show. Okay, I know that technically Mary is the Queen of Christmas since without her, there would be no fucking Christmas. But did Mary co-write and sing a Christmas song that is played every hour on the hour in every damn drugstore from October to January? She did not. So Mary is like the Duchess of Christmas, or something.
Madonna’s Carpool Karaoke segment aired last night as promised on The Late Late Show with James Corden. Thanks to a promo clip, we already knew she was going to attempt to twerk in James Corden’s karaoke room on wheels while cruising around NYC.
Madonna and James sang Madonna classics like Vogue, Papa Don’t Preach, Express Yourself, and and they also sang Bitch I’m Madonna. James also got deep and asked her if she’d get married again (she just wants someone who understands her sense of humor) and grilled her about her friendship with Michael Jackson. Here’s what we learn about Madonna and MJ: she once got Michael loose with a glass of chardonnay and kissed him. She doesn’t elaborate on what happened after that kiss. Thank you Madonna! That was very kind of you.
At least she stayed in her seat somewhat. It would be too dangerous if she was allowed to move around the cabin. Nobody wants to watch A Very Special Carpool Karaoke that opens with Madge pretending to jerk off the parking break while singing Who’s That Girl and ends with a terrified James Corden squealing “Oi oi oi stop trying to hump the steering wheel!”
It’s a well-known fact that Madonna doesn’t care for NYC’s laws, and last night’s carpool karaoke proved that. Twerking, crotch-flexing, and hanging her business out of the car window? That’s two blatant traffic infractions right there: riding without a seat belt and distracting other drivers with your horny mom moves.
Britney Spears’ new album Glory (Hole) is out today, and to promote it, her team pushed her into a locked moving metal box and forced her to uncomfortably sit while listening to the English Jimmy Fallon yodel out her songs. Brit’s team obviously doesn’t think she’s been through enough.
If you really don’t know the words to Brit Brit’s songs, you’re not alone. It doesn’t seem like she really does either. During James Corden’s Carpool Karaoke bit on The Late Late Show, which aired last night, they went through some of her hits and his vocal cords produced actual musical notes while she just sort of mouthed along…. BUT, for a second or two, my ears did take in the sound of Brit Brit singing live! If vocal cords had brains, Brit Brit’s would think to themselves, “Heh? What’s going on?”
James Corden’s Carpool Karaoke segment on The Late Late Show has given us so much more than just watching famous people fulfill an obligation to their publicist. It’s where we learned that Leonardo DiCaprio calls people “boo boo” and that Adele would probably be into replacing both Posh and Sporty in that upcoming Spice Girls reunion tour. And now we can add “saving babies” to the list of things Carpool Karaoke is responsible for.
The latest edition of Carpool Karaoke aired on Monday night and featured the Red Hot Chili Peppers. According to an interview Anthony Keidis recently gave to UK’s Radio X (via Page Six), things got really dramatic on the day they filmed it. Shortly after they finished karaoke-ing, they all decided to pull the car over and get some Mexican food. That’s when they saw a panicked woman coming out of a house across the street with a baby saying “My baby, my baby can’t breathe.” And I’m sure the most terrifying thing they thought they were going to hear that day was the words “I’m going to tape this mic to your bare skin.”
All the Peppers ran across the street, and Anthony says the woman shoved the baby into his arms. Anthony immediately shifted into hero mode and tried CPR. Unfortunately, the baby’s mouth was locked shut, so he couldn’t breath in any air. So he started rubbing the baby’s tummy instead. Eventually bubbles started coming out of baby’s mouth and their eyes rolled back into place. An ambulance showed up, and he passed the baby off to paramedics.
I don’t know if Anthony learned those life-saving skills during his trip to the hospital last month or what, but damn. If someone handed me an unconscious baby while I was eating tacos, I would be freaking out and screaming and knocking over hot sauces and shit. Anthony deserves some kind of award or medal for his quick thinking. I would be ok if he received that medal shirtless and the city pinned it to a gym sock. Just a suggestion!
Actually, Justin Timberlake’s face above is actually a pretty good description of his new song. It’s a “This isn’t bad” smile that turns into an “Okay, I got the gist of it…you can turn it off now.”
Justin Timberlake hasn’t released a new song since 2013, presumably because he was too busy making a baby and teaching said baby to mug for the cameras and training his hair to curl into gorgeous little Ramen ringlets to make new music. After teasing the release of his newest single “Can’t Stop the Feeling” all damn day on Twitter and Instagram (JT acting like he was releasing the damn McRib II or something), he finally threw it up online. Justin recorded “Can’t Stop the Feeling” for the upcoming DreamWorks film Trolls (which Justin also voices a character in), and yeah, it sounds pretty much like something from a DreamWorks movie. I can practically see the animated Troll in a fedora doing that cocky DreamWorks smirk while singing to it.
All those random cameos in that video aren’t actually that random. Gwen Stefani, James Corden, Anna Kendrick, Kunal Nayyar, Ron Funches, and Icona Pop all voice characters in Trolls.
Michael and I talked about this earlier, and his verdict was that it sounded like Bruno Mars meets The Weeknd. Which it absolutely does. It sounds like Pharrell Williams wrote it for Bruno Mars, who passed on it and gave it to The Weekend, who passed on it because it was too vague as to whether or not “the feeling” he was singing about was from cocaine. Then it ended up in Justin Timberlake’s hands, who agreed to do it, because damn if Britney Spears is going to be the only former Mickey Mouse Club member to record a song for a CGI movie about freaky little creatures.
“Can’t Stop the Feeling” isn’t the worst song (although I’m sure my opinion will change after I hear it for the 1 billionth time in the mall this summer). But it really seems like a missed opportunity not to have the lead single from a movie called Trolls performed by troll expert Demi Lovato.