Category: James Bond

007 Best Get That Tux Dry Cleaned!

July 25, 2017 / Posted by:

Daniel Craig may have said back in 2015 that he’d rather “slash his wrists” than play James Bond ever again, but his checking account was more like, “Ehhhh, that direct deposit from MGM is gonna be a tourniquet that stop’s the bleeding, Drama Queen.

The New York Times (via People) reports Danny boy will be back as Bond in November of 2019. Mieka reported back on her and my first day at DListed Elementary School that the new 007 flick might be a reunion of sorts, as Adele might return to croon out the movie’s song. Which is great, because Spectre was doomed from the start with Sam Smith’s cat screeching.

Daniel really holds back when speaking to the press, so it’s unclear why he would decide to ever return the franchise he so famously poo-poohed. Just kidding, he told Time Out back in 2015, “If I did another Bond movie, it would only be for the money.” And money, it is! Sony is said to be offering him $150 MILLION to do two more films. While that is a LOT of shaken martinis, let’s just call a spade a spade: that’s just what the production and craft services teams pooled to offer him, just so they don’t have to hear Tom Hiddleston blab about how seeing him boning the Bond Girl in 3-D is going to really boost morale around UNICEF sites around the world.

Pic: Wenn.com

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Daniel Craig C’aint Quit Bond

July 10, 2017 / Posted by:

First off, let me introduce myself! My name is Mieka and I’m likely old enough to be your mother but am actually your fun auntie who smokes you out in her car in the driveway after Thanksgiving dinner. I’m from Berkeley, California but I do not fux wit white people with dreads. I currently live in Switzerland, so good luck trying to find and murder me. Last night I had an anxiety dream where I met The Rock in a bar and tried to talk him into sending me pictures of his new dog (who was named Gipfel which is Swiss German for croissant so actually a really cute name) for a Dlisted post and he became sullen and irritated with me. In my mind, I’m the kind of monster who wipes the smile off The Rock’s face. I am genuinely humbled and grateful to be part of the Dlisted family so seriously, please do not try to murder me.

The Mirror is reporting that Daniel Craig has agreed to don The Tux once again and reprise his role as James Bond for the fifth time. Back in 2015 Craig was possessed by a 14 year old emo girl when he dramatically declared “I’d rather break this glass and slash my wrists” when asked if he’s ever play Bond again. He then slammed his bedroom door, cranked up the Fall Out Boy and angrily journaled about how nobody respects him as real AC-TOR. But then mom (producer Barbara Broccoli) gently knocked on the door and told him she made his favorite meatloaf and if he’d come down to dinner she’d let him sit next to Aunt Adele (who might also return to do the theme song) and give him millions of more dollars. Apparently that may have been incentive enough so Craig put on his big boy pants (you know the ones, they are just a little too tight in the crotch) and came down to take his seat at the table, as expected.

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