Daniel Craig is expected to hang up his crusty blue Speedo as Bond after filming the next movie. So MGM is on the lookout for a new Bond. For years, there’s been talk that producers will dip Bond into a vat of fresh deliciousness until he comes out resembling Idris Elba. However, Idris is still in no mood for international espionage while saving bony damsel types from villains with unfortunate names like Gold N. Showers. No no, he wants to do other projects but may slide the vacancy spot over to his role model Donald Glover.
Don’t expect the makers of 007 to pull an Ocean’s 11 stunt and someday introduce James Bond’s sister Jane Bond and the Bond “guy” Dick Matized. When Daniel Craig originally said he’d rather slit his wrists than play James Bond again (how upbeat!), a lot of people thought it was time to shake things up and bring in someone who would be different (and actually want the job). There was chatter of Idris Elba to heap giant piles of sexy onto the role, and some even said it was time to give the role to a woman. Sticks in the mud freaked the F over the idea of a black or a lady Bond. Barbara Broccoli, the executive producer of the franchise, has weighed in saying Dame Judi Dench will be the closest a woman gets her paws on the title of Bond.
Most of us got the nether tingles when word came out that Idris Elba and his maybe-maybe-not giant trouser snake were in negotiations to play 007 and double-oh-how-many-inches-is-it, respectively. Idris would have been the first black James Bond, but word is coming out that the role could have had just as momentous a turn years earlier had Michael Jackson gotten his way. Michael wanted to play 007. Alas, the audition sounds like a disaster. I’m shocked!
The Hollywood Reporter says that producers of James Bond 25 announced today on Twitter that Danny Boyle is longer going to direct James Bond 25, which is supposed to be Daniel Craig’s last Bond movie. Danny is leaving due to “creative differences.”
Michael G. Wilson, Barbara Broccoli and Daniel Craig today announced that due to creative differences Danny Boyle has decided to no longer direct Bond 25. pic.twitter.com/0Thl116eAd
— James Bond (@007) August 21, 2018
It’s either fitting, or ironic, that the 007 logo sort of looks like a hand pointing, as if to say, “There’s the door, asshole.”
Danny is a big fan of the Bond films, and even featured Daniel Craig’s Bond in the opening ceremony for the 2012 London Olympics (which he directed). Danny’s frequent collaborative screenwriter John Hodge was reportedly working on a script for the next Bond movie based on an idea by Danny. Not to mention that Danny was reportedly MGM’s first choice to direct the film. Sam Mendes had directed the previous two Bond films, Skyfall and Spectre. Production on James Bond 25 is set to begin in December, so there’s still some time to find a replacement.
As for what exactly those creative differences are, it’s not known. Variety says that Danny was in the early stages of casting the new Bond girl and villain when the decision was made that he’d leave the production. Maybe they had creative differences over the Bond girl. Danny was reportedly working on updating the franchise to reflect the #MeToo era, and I can maybe see a disagreement happening there. Like between Danny and an older 007 traditionalist who tries to argue that #MeToo in James Bond’s world means a second Bond girl enters the bedroom and asks “Me too?” before dropping her clothes.
If you thought the recent flash floods in New York were due to global warming, let me put on my best Trump voice and say that you are “WRONG”. That excessive wetness was a perfectly natural human reaction to the news of a few days ago that Idris Elba and his people were once again in talks for him to play James Bond in the next installment of the soon-to-be panty wringing franchise. But now it looks like this vicious rumor was all made up to keep toying with our emotions, because Idris as Bond isn’t happening anytime soon (again).
Gird your loins: Idris Elba may soon be making your butthole quiver while wearing a perfectly-pressed suit and shooting bad guys as the one and only James Bond 007. Sorry Harry Styles, but honestly Bond doesn’t wear any floral-printed suits so he’d probably hate it anyway.