Category: James Blunt
Ed Sheeran’s Manager Confirms That Princess Beatrice Accidentally Slashed His Face With A Sword In 2016
A few years ago, Ed Sheeran, the man who cursed us with the 2017-ruining song “Shape of You”, allegedly got sliced in the face by a drunken, sword-wielding Princess Beatrice. He never confirmed the story, and, at one point, 2004’s James Blunt suggested it was just a joke. But, in a new interview with the Telegraph, Ed’s longtime manager, Stuart Camp, is finally talking about the incident, calling Princess Beatrice a “fucking idiot”.
Princess Beatrice’s Engagement Party Happened But Her Dad Prince Andrew Didn’t Attend
I guess Prince Andrew was too full of mummy’s turkey to attend his daughter’s engagement party last night. I can’t think of a single other reason he wouldn’t have been there. Oh well, tryptophan strikes again! Princess Beatrice and Edoardo “Edo” Mapelli Mozzi’s engagement party was held last night at Chiltern Firehouse, as originally planned. It was previously reported that the party had been cancelled due to the lack of privacy at the London venue because Bea didn’t want the paparazzi standing outside screaming “Andrew! Andrew! Look over here!” all night. Although he was in attendance at The Queen‘s annual pre-Christmas turkey lunch held earlier that day, Andrew was unable to attend the engagement party, presumably because he has another rare medical condition, one that gives him explosive diarrhea if he has even a bite of mummy’s turkey. Problem solved! The party was back on, and Andrew, again, presumably, spent the evening shitting his brains out and berating his footman to “wipe faster, you fool!” Obviously this is just a guess, why else would he miss it!? You can’t tell me Falklands war hero Prince Andrew is afraid of a couple of paparazzo. It’s not like he has anything to hide.
And Just Like That, “You’re Beautiful” Is Chris Brown’s Favorite Love Song
So many people get an F minus in listening comprehension, and I’m talking about the wrecks who dance to U2’s One at their wedding because they think it’s such a romantic love song about a special union. And the messes who thought Foster The People’s Pumped-Up Kicks was about feel-good dancing and not about school shootings. And the parents who had no idea that Kiss From A Rose is about losing your virginity on a rainy day (that’s what it’s totally about, right?) and let their little kids sing it at the talent show. Those same people probably think that James Blunt’s song You’re Beautiful is a romantic love song about a man admiring his love’s beauty when it’s really about a crazed psychopath stalking the woman whose skin he wants to wear. In other words, if Silence of the Lambs became a musical, You’re Beautiful would be Buffalo Bill’s big solo.