Category: Jake Gyllenhaal

Jake Gyllenhaal Could Replace Ben Affleck As Batman

November 17, 2017 / Posted by:

We all know by now that Ben Affleck’s once-shiny dreams of playing Batman have turned into a nightmare. Little by little by little, Ben’s unenthusiastic involvement with a standalone Batman film has shrunk to an awkward situation. Not even his brother can see Ben wrapping his bloated muscles in black rubber anymore. So it might be time to find a new Batman, and apparently the first name on the list of possible Affleck replacements is Jake Gyllenhaal.

An official decision regarding Ben’s future as Batman hasn’t been made, but according to  Campea (via Screen Rant), The Batman director Matt Reeves wants it to be Jake. A source adds that Jake has taken a meeting with Matt Reeves not long ago.

This isn’t the first time Jake Gyllenhaal has been rumored to play Batman. More than a decade ago, Jake was reportedly considered by Christopher Nolan to play Batman in Batman Begins (the role of course went to Christian Bale). Jake was also rumored to replace Tobey Maguire in Spider-Man, which obviously never panned out. But it seems like he’s really interested in playing superheroes, so this might end up happening.

Screen Rant notes that if Jake does replace Ben, then this will possibly be another reboot of the franchise. That’s the only way they could explain that switch-up; because it sure as hell won’t look like it takes place in the same universe. I don’t know how they could possibly explain why Batman went from a grizzled 45-year-old dude who looks like he’s one soft chair away from a nap to a cute-faced 36-year-old whose favorite activity is cuddling and blushes if you compliment his hair.

Pic: Wenn.com

The 11th Round Of “Celebrities Read Mean Tweets” Brought To You By Jennifer Lawrence’s Unenthusiastic Handjob

September 26, 2017 / Posted by:

Jimmy Kimmel has been working tirelessly to educate people and politicians about healthcare lately on Jimmy Kimmel Live!. And last night, he gave a real example of the importance of good healthcare by showing celebrities receiving third degree burns from Twitter.

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Jake Gyllenhaal Dodged A Question About Taylor Swift

September 19, 2017 / Posted by:

You can’t be a real Bostonian without being a bit of an a-hole. Hell, I’ve given three people in this coffee shop the finger just over the span of typing out two sentences. So it’s only natural Jake Gyllenhaal gets into character and acts like one on the press tour for Stronger, the film where he portrays real-life Boston Marathon bombing survivor Jeff Bauman. Jake and Jeff interviewed each other and it’s not so much an interview as it’s 2 minutes them sassing one another. Continue reading

Open Post: Hosted By Emily RideAJetSki’s Under-Titty Window 

May 19, 2017 / Posted by:

The brown-haired, dead-eyed wooden model named Bella Hadid is currently at Cannes. And the other brown-haired, dead-eyed wooden model named Emily RideAJetski is also at Cannes, and at yesterday’s premier of Nelyubov, she dropped massive amounts of black lace under-titty classiness on the red carpet. That’s a whole lot of look, but it’s Cannes! If you’re not delivering a whole lot of look, take your ass to the People’s Choice Awards. Although, since Emily is permanently suffering from a severe case of dehydration, she’d wear this to the People’s Choice Awards too.

It looks like some of the worst trends simultaneously caca’d all over Emily. Underboob? Check! Chichis window? Check! Nude illusion? Check!

On I Love Lucy, Lucy would sometimes wear this glamorous sheer housecoat thing over cigarette pants and it was a perfect vision of elegance, and Emily RideAJetSki’s look is like the NastyDress.com version of that. This is something Sophia Loren would’ve worn back in the day if she was tacky, on a budget and suffered from narcolepsy so she needed a fluffy duvet handy for quick naps.

And just when you thought that Emily RideAJetSki reached the pinnacle of elegance with this look, she faced the front and showed off a crotch seam that looks like a never-ending sparkly landing strip (see: first picture in the gallery and prepare to be hit by the classiness of it all).

Here’s more from the Nelyubov premiere and I also threw in pictures from today’s Okja premiere because I just couldn’t ignore Tilda Swinton looking like a glorious albino alien mother of the bride.

Pics: Backgrid, Wenn.com

Open Post: Hosted By Jake Gyllenhaal’s Hairy Nips In St. Barts

December 28, 2016 / Posted by:

It’s that time of year again when those of you who live where the temperature is January Jones’ Queef  (read: ice ice cold) feel the icicles form around your frozen b-hole while looking at pictures of rich famous bitches frolic in the warm waters somewhere. One of those rich famous bitches who are frolicking in the warm waters is Jake Gyllenhaal who is spending his holiday in St. Barts.

Jake, his beard, his “pandas with jaundice” trunks and his friend (and not in a quotation marks and italics sort of way, she’s an actual friend) Greta Caruso (aka the daughter of David Caruso and Melina from the original Total Recall) were papped yesterday going for a swim in the ocean. Or if celebrities really are just like us, they were papped while taking a piss in the ocean because the bathroom is way too damn far away from their loungers. I’m going with that,  because in a few of the pictures, it looks like Jake’s Clan of the Cave Bear-looking ass is smiling the kind of relieved smile someone does while finally emptying their piss bag. And as he’s doing that, Greta is probably screaming, “Eww, Toothy Tile, aim thattaway, it’s hitting my leg!

Pics: Splash

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Jake Gyllenhaal’s Crotch Shrub Is Magnificent, So Says Tom Ford

September 27, 2016 / Posted by:

If Tom Ford isn’t exaggerating, then the crotch crabs of the world probably whisper in each other’s ears about a magical land where the tall, luscious and mighty pubes grow wild and there’s enough room for all of them to freely frolic. That magical land exists on a human called Jake Gyllenhaal. Every crotch crab probably spends their entire life trying to get to that dick bush Shangri-La.

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