Category: It’s Not Easy Being A Cunt

So, It Looks Like Keira Knightley And The Director Of “Begin Again” Are Never Going To Work Together Again

May 30, 2016 / Posted by:

John Carney, the director of Once, is out there pushing his new movie Sing Street and while he’s got our attention, he’d like to tell us how he pretty much hated working with Keira Knightley and that he learned he’ll never cast a “supermodel” like her again.

Begin Again starred Keira Knightley as a singer-songwriter type who gets discovered by a once-successful record executive played by Mark Ruffalo. Adam Levine is also in it and he basically plays Adam Levine. I watched Begin Again a couple of years ago after it came out on HBO or Starz or whatever, and I didn’t think it was the worse thing and I definitely didn’t call up my cable company and say, “You better give me a partial refund, because I just struggled through a shit show of a movie that killed pieces of my soul and it’s all Keira Knightley’s fault!” (However, I may have done that after watching A Dangerous Method.)

But John Carney, who directed Begin Again, thinks that main problem with that movie was KK. John started off his interview with The Independent by shitting on Keira right out the gate.

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Morrissey’s Prince Tribute Is So Morrissey

April 25, 2016 / Posted by:

Morrissey posted a written tribute to Prince on his fan site True-To-You, and being the cat lover he is, you’d think that he’d slap at Jehovah’s Sexiest Witness for tearin’ up so many pussies. But Morrissey applauded Prince for not eating animal stuff. Morrissey was also mad that in England, Prince’s death was overshadowed by THE QUEEN’s 90th birthday extravaganza. Morrissey’s Prince tribute isn’t so much a Prince tribute as it is slap down against the British royals. It’s as if Morrissey got on the stage and said, “I am here to pay tribute to the beloved Prince,” before pulling out a replica of THE QUEEN’s crown and then shitting on it. It’s 100% Morrissey, it’s 100% messy and I love it. You really can’t spell Morrissey without M-E-S-S-Y. It’s after the cut.

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To The Shock Of Us All, A Noted Shit Head Did Something Shitty

March 30, 2016 / Posted by:

In case you haven’t heard about the sad and messy tale of the R &B singer Kehlani’s suicide attempt, it all started when her ex-boyfriend, rapper/singer PartyNextDoor (born name: Jahron Anthony Brathwaite), recently posted an Instagram picture of his hand holding her hand while in bed together. Many thought that Kehlani was still with Cleveland Cavaliers player Kyrie Irving, so social media went in on her and labeled her a cheating harlot slut whore tramp trollop hussy with a wandering poon. The hate that social media threw at Kehlani got to her so much that she tried to kill herself. On Monday, Kehlani posted a picture on Instagram of her lying in a hospital bed with an IV in her arm, and she added this caption:

“today I wanted to leave this earth. Being completely selfish for once. Never thought I’d get to such a low point. But… Don’t believe the blogs you read… No one was cheated on and I’m not a bad person… Everyone is hurt and everyone is in a place of misunderstanding… But as of today, I had no single wish to see tomorrow… But God saved me for a reason, and for that… I must be grateful… Cuz I’m not in heaven right now for a reason… On that note.. Bye Instagram”

Before Kehlani hit the delete button on her Instagram and Twitter accounts, she said that she never cheated on Kyrie Irving. She was already broken up with him when she got back together with PartyNextDoor (not to be confused with my rapper name PartyInTheBackdoor). Kehlani thanked PND for saving her life. And that brings us to the piping hot wet turd that appeared in Chris Brown’s thought bubble when he said something about this on Twitter.

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The Time Madonna Made Rita Ora Kneel Before Her

March 14, 2016 / Posted by:

Seen above looking like her makeup was done by an airbrush t-shirt artist at the mall, Rita Ora told The Mirror a story that made my head spit up more question marks than yours does whenever you see the name Rita Ora.

Rita says that at the Chime For Change charity event in London in 2013, she met her royal madgesty and the first thing Madge did was tell her to bow down, bitch. Madge apparently travels with her own lighting and didn’t want Rita to block it, so she asked a trick to kneel on the floor. Now, my life rule is that the only time it’s okay to kneel for someone is if that someone has a hard dick and is waving it in front of you, but Rita got on her knees anyway, because a thing called dignity doesn’t run through her veins.

“I was once doing a charity event and I met my idol Madonna. I was waiting for her and I was shivering. And my sister said to me, ‘Are you OK? You look really crazy’. And I was like, ‘I think I am going to be sick’. And Madonna walks in with lighting all around her.

I said, ‘Hi, it is so nice to meet you’ and she was like, ‘This is the lighting here. Can you just kneel down here on the floor?’ I was like OK. So I kneeled down on the floor and we had this conversation where I was on the floor. Can you believe that? But that is Madonna and she can do whatever she wants. That was major. Everything is a learning curve.”

Rita, who was the face of Madge’s clothing line for Macy’s and did a cameo in the Bitch I’m Madonna video, says that they’re totally friends now. To which Madge said, “Who?

What’s weird about this story is that Madge didn’t do what she normally does when she meets a pop trick: suck that life force out of that youngin’. I’m guessing that Madge knew that she wouldn’t be able to handle all of the star power and talent that Rita possesses. I’m also guessing that Madge told that trick to get on the floor, because she knew that if they stood next to each other, she would become a dehydrated piece of chopped liver next to the charismatic goddess that is Rita Ora!

Pic: Wenn.com

Salman Rushdie Called Padma Lakshmi “A Bad Investment” And Other Bits From Her New Memoir

March 6, 2016 / Posted by:

The pinnacle of memoirs and memoir writing, Katie Price, has a new esteemed colleague in the world of celebrity biographies. Let’s give a warm welcome to Top Chef host Padma Lakshmi. That’s right! Give her a hand! Padma, please tell us about you, your life and the days of it. The New York Daily News got their hands on a copy of Padma’s forthcoming autobiography, Love, Loss and What We Ate.

The bulk of what’s been released has to do with Padma’s messy relationship with author and Taken villain-looking person, Salman Rushdie. She and Salman met in 1999 at a party when she was 28 and he was 51. He was also married at the time. Despite that, he wanted her body bad and chased after her. They eventually went out and she says they ended up sans ropas that first night. Of it, she writes, “At 3am, I woke with a start. I’m naked in a married man’s bed.” I can’t read that without going directly to the part in cinematic masterpiece, Obsessed, where Beyonce shouts “Naked?! In your bed?!

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Well, David O. Russell Does Have A Reputation As A Major Asshole To Uphold

March 3, 2016 / Posted by:

“You can’t act worth a damn. I only hired you because we couldn’t afford Jessica Chastain. You have cankles. Wait, you’re not crying yet. Okay, while on my way over here, I stopped by your house and kicked your new kitten.” – David O. Russell in that picture, probably.

There’s been story after story about how director David O. Russell is a throbbing dick slit wart and working with him is about as pleasant and easy as using hot sauce as lube to butt bone yourself with a durian fruit. Cases in point: David O had a cuntastic meltdown and went after Lily Tomlin on the set of I Heart Huckabees. He allegedly molested his niece’s chest in a gym. He made a studio executive cry on the set of Joy. And that’s probably just the tip of the dick wad iceberg. Now here’s another story about what a piece of butt corn he is and I’m sure David O doesn’t mind it. Because every time a story about him being a nip pimple comes out, he stops punching a blind orphan puppy to cackle into the night sky over everyone being reminded of his asshole ways.

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