Category: It’s Not Easy Being A Cunt

Piers Morgan Was Highly Offended By Susan Sarandon’s Titty Action At The SAGs

February 4, 2016 / Posted by:

Susan Sarandon’s 69-year-old chichis took over the SAGs on Sunday and got a whole lot of attention. Even Kate Winslet was in awe of Susan Sarandon’s magnificent chichis. But not everyone was into Susan’s cleavage. Noted cunt plug Piers Morgan let it be known on Twitter that he thought that Susan’s look at the SAGs was highly inappropriate because she presented the In Memoriam segment and he felt like it was disrespectful to the dead. Um, I’m pretty sure that dead people love titty balls too. Here’s what Piers spilled out yesterday:

Would Susan Sarandon wear this to a funeral? No. It was thus horribly inappropriate for an In Memoriam tribute.

No problem with Ms Sarandon showing off her cleavage. Big problem with her doing it for ‘In Memoriam’ tribute.

No, what’s tacky is deliberately flaunting your breasts on TV for publicity, during a tribute to dead stars.

That started a cleavage war and chicks defending Susan Sarandon have been tweeting pics of their chichis at Piers since yesterday. They’ve been doing the same thing to Susan Sarandon as a way of supporting her (pun intended) and she’s been re-tweeting those pics. Susan also blew an air kiss of love at Piers today by tweeting this:

What’s pretty impressive is that Piers didn’t misspell any words while tweeting with one hand and jacking off to Susan Sarandon’s chichis with the other. That’s what’s really going on here. But you know, I have to agree with Piers. The outfit that Susan Sarandon wore would be highly inappropriate for a funeral. I mean, she wore a white suit. Wearing white to a funeral is tacky! But if she wore nothing but that black bra and black heels to a funeral, then that would be totally appropriate and okay. Hell, I want her to wear that to my funeral.

Pic: Wenn.com

And No, Madge Isn’t Talking About Sean Penn

January 21, 2016 / Posted by:

The Illuminati’s High Plastic Priestess of Darkness has been on a roll this week. This week, thousands of Madonna fans have been dragging their hungover and underslept carcasses into their cubicles after staying up all night at her show. Madge’s shows have been starting hours late and many of her fans say they’re too damn old to be dropping their asses to “Deeper and Deeper” at 1am on a damn work night. Some of them also accused her of adding a whole lot of vodka to the blood of virgins she drinks backstage, because they say she seemed drunk during her show. Madge denied that. Madge played Nashville, TN on Monday night and she kept her fans waiting for 2 hours and I guess not all of them were mad at her for that, because one proposed to her. Madge used that proposal from a fan to call one of her ex-husbands a cunt. Keeping paying whores waiting for hours is wrong, but I guess dropping the cunt word into their ears is one way to make up for it.

The Daily Mirror says that during her show in Nashville, a fan in the front asked her to marry them. The fan either called themselves a cunt or they were wearing a shirt with the word on it. Madge let it be known that she is trolling for a man since the dark orb in her heart needs recharging and she can only do that by sucking the life out of another husband. But she also told the fan that she’s not looking for a cunt because she was already married to one.

Madonna has apparently used the C-word while lashing out at her ex-husband Guy Ritchie on stage.

The Queen of Pop, 57, seemed to launch into the foul-mouthed rant as she responded to a fan’s marriage proposal at her gig in Nashville.

She is alleged to have said: “I’m looking for a husband, not a cunt. I already married a cunt.”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I’m sure calling Guy Ritchie a cunt in front of thousands of people is really, really going to make Rocco come running back to live with her. At first I wished that she was talking about Sean Penn, but I don’t mean that. Calling Sean Penn a cunt is extremely wrong. That’s offensive to cunts. Cunts don’t deserve that.

Pic: Splash

Justin Bieber And His Nalgas Terrorized Tulum

January 8, 2016 / Posted by:

When I went to the Mayan ruins in Tulum a couple of years ago, I watched a trucker hat-wearing tourist take a selfie using a selfie stick and I thought that was the most disrespectful act the Mayan gods will ever witness. But the Canadian anal fissure topped that yesterday by acting like a spoiled drunk mess at the Mayan ruins. Ellen DeGeneres better clear her schedule and pull out the glycerine, because Justin Bieber is going to go on her show to cry out fake tears while swearing that he’s really sowwy this time.

Tom Hardy Has A Few Words For The Critic Who Called Him An Asshole (UPDATE)

December 23, 2015 / Posted by:

I know that Stone Cold Tom Hardy is going for, “Bitch, don’t even,” with that pose, but I’m grabbing the ass lube, because to me it looks like he’s saying, “Sit on this, spin and let’s vape afteward.

Last week, Drew McWeeny, a film critic for HitFix, released a river of rant tweets where he spit at Tom Hardy for keeping him, and other reporters, waiting for hours during a press junket for The Revenant. Drew claimed that Tom has a history of being a shit head to the press and he once took a nap during a junket in Toronto. Drew left The Revenant junket without getting an interview with Tom. For some weird reason, I thought that Tom Hardy would let it go and snuggle with a dog friend instead. But nope, Tom threw up an open letter to Drew on his fansite even though the two exchanged e-mails in private.

Tom Hardy Gets Called Out By A Film Critic For Acting Like A Rude Asshole

December 21, 2015 / Posted by:

Tom Hardy has a reputation of treating the press like they’re a rash on his peen head and apparently one critic is completely over it and let that bitch have it. Drew McWeeny of HitFlix was at a junket for The Revenant last week and I guess he was supposed to interview Tom Hardy, but that didn’t happen and so he went off on Twitter (via ONTD). Tom has blown Drew off before (and not in a sexy way) and at last week’s junket, he made reporters and critics wait for three hours. Even after all of that, some didn’t get to talk to him. Hell hath no fury like a rage-filled critic with a Twitter account, because they will go in on you.

Don’t Expect A Noel Gallagher And Adele Duet Anytime Soon

December 10, 2015 / Posted by:

We all know that Noel Gallagher is a human ray of sunshine who only has good and sweet things to say, so it’s totally out of character for him to hate on a trick. But while talking about his upcoming tour in Australia with Music Feed (via Billboard), the crusty cunt pimple shit on Adele’s music and said he doesn’t understand why everyone creams themselves dry over her. Earlier in the interview, Noel said that the state of modern music today is a “sea of cheese.” (“Sea of cheese” is also how Noel’s wife describes his dick situation, I’m guessing.) The interviewer brought up his “sea of cheese” comment and said that thanks to phrases like that, he’s earned a reputation as a bona fide shit talking machine. Noel was asked if he feels like journalists try to pull a bitchy gem out of him, because they know he’ll deliver…and he did just that with his answer.

If I get asked a question on anything, I give a straight answer. It is interesting that no-one ever talks about my love of U2 and Coldplay, but there you go. Lately, the one I’ve been asked about is Adele. If someone wants to know what I think of Adele, I’ll fucking tell them. Not because I have any sort of agenda or because I’m trying to whip up any kind of hysteria. I just don’t see what all the fuss is about. I don’t like her music. I think it’s music for fucking grannies.

The way I was brought up, you’re obliged to give an honest answer if someone asks you an honest question. If you trot out the same bullshit all the time, then you’re one of them. And I’m not one of them. I’m one of us.

The interviewer should’ve asked Noel’s bitter ass what exactly he means by “fucking grannies.” Does he mean that Adele makes granny music or does he mean that “Hello” is the perfect song to blast while you’re pile driving a granny? Because there’s a difference.

I don’t always agree with Noel Gallagher, but I always appreciate how he stays hating. He is a hero to us hating assholes, and not only that, but he’s pretty funny too. I mean, he thinks Adele’s music is boring, but yet he loves the Ambien-stylings of Coldplay? Oh, Noel, you so funny. He was telling a joke, right?

Pic: Wenn.com

Grumpy Ass Robert De Niro Cursed Out A Tech Trick For Not Giving Actors The Respect They Deserve!

November 6, 2015 / Posted by:

What’s the point of getting old if you’re not going to fully embrace your “get off my lawn” phase of life and retire from giving a fuck? Robert De Niro obviously gets it, because he’s been on a cranky roll lately and is reading bitches left and right.

Robert De Niro recently quit an interview, because he didn’t like the interviewer’s “negative questions” and told her, “I’m not doing this, darling.” And at the WSJ. Innovator Awards in NYC on Wednesday night, he verbally took a chancleta to a tech dude who made a joke. Page Six says that Stewart Butterfield (yes, that’s the name of a real person and not the name of a rejected Bond villain from the 70s), who co-founded Flickr and the app Slack, won an award and during his speech, he joked that he was a “long way from San Francisco” after pointing out all the famous people in the room. Stewart Butterfield then pointed out De Niro in the audience and said:

“I watched ‘Godfather II’ on the plane . . . when you killed Don Fanucci, I liked that.”

Well, Robert De Niro didn’t like that. De Niro got up to the mic to present St. Angie Jolie with an award, and before he did that, he spanked a bitch:

“Whoever the last speaker was . . . I thought you were a bit condescending to us actors . . . celebrities. I’m gonna go on record with you just to say that. And I don’t give a fuck who you are.”

Stewart Butterfield missed a good opportunity to really twist up De Niro’s chonies by saying “You talkin’ to me?” from the audience. But Stewart Butterfield did tweet that he loved getting trash talked by De Niro.

Yeah, Robert De Niro needs to get all the way over himself since actors aren’t untouchable jewels who shouldn’t be joked about, but at the same time I love a delusional old crotchety coot. I just want to follow him around for 5 minutes, because in that 5 minutes I’m sure he’d verbally abuse a pigeon for looking at him wrong and he’d try to fist fight his shadow for standing too close to him.

With that being said, his “give us precious actors the respect we deserve” slap down would’ve been 100% perfect if he added a “darling” to the end of it.

Pics: Splash, Getty, Wenn.com

Fatties, Trash, Olds And Lesbians Have No Business Wearing The Bandage Dress, So Says Herve Leger’s Managing Director (UPDATE)

August 17, 2015 / Posted by:

The last time I was in Las Vegas, I was nearly hit by a giant wave of ladies of all shapes, sizes and ages suffocating their internal organs while squeezed into knock-off Herve Leger bandage dresses. That sight must be the recurring nightmare that Patrick Couderc, the director of Herve Leger UK, has, because he thinks that only refined, young, straight and skinny women should be allowed to wear the bandage dress. Paging Kunty Karl! Paging Kunty Karl! You better make a baby cry or suck the soul out of a young model, because this Patrick asshole is coming for your title as biggest cunt in fashion.

Who Is Morrissey Hating On Now?

July 13, 2015 / Posted by:

Grumpy glum cunt Morrissey is back for another episode of “Yes, Morrissey Hates Life More Than You Do.” Morrissey is flipping off the clouds and slapping the wind while touring the US and to promote his show in Colorado, the British ball of vegan bitterness decided to give his thoughts on the current state of music while talking to Boulder Weekly. Of course, his thoughts on the current state of music are certified bitchy and I love it. Morrissey believes that the mainstream music industry is just a backed-up toilet that keeps spewing out more and more shit. Morrissey thinks that everybody is over-marketed and the likes of slut-shaming crooner Sam Smith and jolly Hobbit Ed Sheeran are only big because their labels force fed their music into our ear holes. Tell it, Morrissey!

“There are no bands or singers who become successful without overwhelming marketing. There are no surprise success stories. Everything is stringently controlled, obvious and predictable and has exactly the same content. So, we are now in the era of marketed pop stars, which means that the labels fully control the charts, and consequently the public has lost interest. It’s very rare that a record label does something for the good of music. Thus we are force-fed such as Ed Sheeran and Sam Smith, which at least means that things can’t possibly get any worse. It is sad, though. There’s no spontaneity now, and it all seems to be unsalvageable.”

Out of all the singers he could’ve labeled as “crap” he goes with Sam Smith and Ed Sheeran? Okay.

I’m with Morrissey on a couple of things, but he lost me at “no surprise success stories.” Has Morrissey never heard of Susan Boyle who was plucked from a cat fur-covered sofa and turned into a not-at-all-controlled-or-marketed star?! Also, Morrissey should brace himself, because mainstream music can get a lot worse. I mean, Iggy Azalea is coming out with a new album next year.

Anyway, now you can go ahead and add Sam Smith’s music and Ed Sheeran’s music to the never-ending list of things that Morrissey can’t stand. You know what? At this point it’s probably just easier to write “EVERYTHING” over that list and call it a day.

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