Page Six says that Jay-Z spent Sunday night celebrating the birthday of his friend Juan “OG” Perez by hopping from bar to bar and picking up the tab. But because Jay-Z is a rich person, it shouldn’t surprise you that his version of boozing with his friends is a little more expensive than what the rest of us are used to.
Last week Busy Philipps admitted that last year she made most of her money from shilling shit on Instagram and not from her acting career. That doesn’t mean Busy doesn’t still try to act. Earlier this year, it was announced Busy would star in The Sackett Sisters, a comedy created by Tina Fey for NBC. Unfortunately, it may not get picked up.
Drake was only 14 when J.Lo came out, so this would be where I should forgive him for not understanding the message Jennifer Lopez was trying to convey in the song Love Don’t Cost a Thing. But since this thing between Drake and Jennifer Lopez probably isn’t love, then $100,000 on a necklace might actually be in line with the cost breakdown outlined in their relationship agreement.
E! News says that Drake walked into a Tiffany store last week and spent $100,000 on a platinum and diamond Tiffany Victoria necklace (probably this one). I guess this news is supposed to help prove that Drake is head-over-wheels in love with JLo. Regardless of the legitimacy of their relationship, I wouldn’t say he threw his money away on that necklace. He’ll have to check with his accountant, but I think he might be able to write that necklace off as a business expense if he lists it as a thank-you gift to a co-worker.
E! doesn’t say how Drake gave the necklace to Jennifer Lopez, which is weird, because you’d think at least one of their publicists would have made up a cute story to go along with it. Like maybe Drake walked JLo into a room with his hands over her eyes, and when he removed them, she was face to face with her new $100,000 necklace. And when Drake put the necklace on her, he cooed “Don’t be fooled by these rocks that you got. I still, I still love you a lot.” Or something like that.
First Kanye, now Oprah! What is happening?!
This morning, Oprah Winfrey went to her bathroom, turned on the light, slowly walked to her mirror and upon seeing her reflection, did not recognise who she saw and had to ask, “Harpo, who dis woman?” because she just lost $21 million.
As you may now, Oprah made $12.5 million for one tweet where she screamed about how much bread she can still eat. She lost almost double that. The slump means that the value of Oprah’s stake in the company dropped by $21 million. However, she’s seen a gain of roughly $75 million since entering the partnership.
But who are we kidding, Oprah isn’t going to notice $21 million. That’s a drop in the damn prop comedy oversized bucket that is her vast wealth! Good for you, Oprah. Eat that bread and don’t bat an eye at that drop! Besides, it’s not really her loss, it’s an on paper stock sort of thing. That shit could skyrocket any day. Ugh. Stocks. Amirite?
St. Angie’s Wedding Present To Brad Pitt Was Going To Be A $250,000 Typewriter Once Owned By Ernest Hemingway
Yes, because that’s what Brad Pitt wants for a wedding present – a $250,000 typewriter. Come on, Dame St. Angie, everybody knows that stoners are the easiest people to buy for! I once had a major stoner for a roommate and you know what I gave her for her birthday? A pizza. A pizza, and she fucking lost her shit over it. I know St. Angie is rich as shit, but come on – $250,000 on a typewriter? Not worth it unless it’s stuffed with cheese and smells like pepperoni! That would truly be a beautiful and thoughtful present.
Regardless, Dame St. Angie never bought her formerly-hot husband said expensive typewriter, but TMZ says she came very close. $11,000 close, in fact! TMZ says that earlier this summer, Our Lady of Eternally Skinny Arms, Dame St. Angie, called up Steve Soboroff, President of the Los Angeles Police Commission and vintage typewriter collector. Steve Soboroff apparently has a huge collection of famous people’s typewriters, like Truman Capote and Marilyn Monroe. Basically if a famous person touched a typewriter, he now owns it. Angie was initially interested in buying Tennessee Williams’ typewriter, but he didn’t want to sell it. So she settled on the last typewriter Ernest Hemingway owned before he died.
St. Angie agreed on the price of the typewriter – $250,000 – and sent an angel over to Steve Soboroff’s house with a deposit check for $11,000. However, something happened and Angie decided to cancel the deal. A source claims she never asked for the $11,000 deposit back, but they sent it anyway. And that’s the story of how St. Angie almost blew a quarter of a million dollars on a typewriter that was fingered by a famous dude!
Angie can spend her Maleficent money on whatever she wants, but $250,000 for Hemingway’s typewriter? Angie, you got hoodwinked! There’s only one typewriter that’s worth $250,000, and it’s this one:
When are people going to realize that New Year’s Eve is a fucking headache and nobody has a good time. Have you ever talked to someone on January 2nd and heard them say anything other than “Yeah, it was ok. We had to wait 2 hours for a cab and some drunk asshole barfed on my face”? Exactly. But according to Today, the people who still refuse to believe that there is no more important night to pour yourself into a tight satin tube dress and shell out $100 for a bottle of cheap champale are letting Applebee’s in Time’s Square bend their wallets over and fuck them with a lukewarm jalapeño popper:
Tuesday night, the two Applebee’s franchise locations in Times Square are offering a dinner package for that price, which includes a buffet dinner, open bar, deejay, live entertainment, party favors and a midnight Champagne toast. With a ticket in hand, partygoers can breeze past the security barriers and head to the restaurant at a reasonable 8 p.m., instead of waiting out in the cold.
I’m the last person to shame someone for eating garbage food (I myself kneel at the altar of Cracker Barrel’s hashbrown casserole) but to spend $300 on a microwaved Applebee’s steak should be classified as a felony. But that’s not even the worst part. Just when you think it couldn’t get sadder than a New Year’s Eve at Applebee’s…
Bubba Gump Shrimp Company, one of the few restaurants in the area with panoramic views of the festivities, was offering tickets for $679, but is already sold out. TGI Friday’s in Times Square New Year’s tickets—ranging from $225 to a whopping $1,095 VIP couple’s package—were still available, as were Ruby Tuesday’s, which is offering packages from $295—for open bar and passed appetizers only.
Well, there you have it: further proof that Idiocracy is coming true. I feel like there should be people from Social Services stationed outside Applebee’s and Bubba Gump to remove children from their parents. Look, I don’t care if it’s New Year’s Eve or not – if you’ve spent $375 to eat at Applebee’s, you’ve proven without a doubt that you are not competent enough to make good decisions.
(Pic via Flickr)