Last week, Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck began the journey to legally cremate their marriage and spread its ashes at one of their favorite places: the pap stroll in front of the Brentwood Country Mart. They had been separated for an eternity (two years) and many of us thought that the chances of Nine Lives being inducted into the National Film Registry were greater than Jennifer and Ben divorcing each other. But they both filed papers and now People is popping up to say why they waited. A source tells them that Jennifer waited to file until Ben finished up rehab treatment for booze addiction. Ben apparently thought that if he cleaned up and got his shit together in rehab, he may have been able to save his marriage. We all know how that worked out.
If you’ve got a “Free Jinger” t-shirt, go ahead and cross out “Jinger” and scribble “Jana” on it.
Jinger Duggar was one of the Duggars that people hoped would escape the baby farm of cult craziness in the dead of night and run off to NYC where she’d change her name to Ginger, move in with a gay struggling actor and get a job as a nanny to a rich bitch, but that’s not going to happen. Jinger Duggar’s uterus has begun screaming the chorus to ABBA’s SOS, because if everything goes according to plan, she’ll soon be coochie belching up babies by the dozen.
The Duggars have a new TLC shit show called Counting On to whore out and so they have given People the news that 22-year-old Jinger Duggar and 28-year-old Jeremy Vuolo have begun courting. Their “courting” will be shown on the new season of their show. “Courting” is at the top of the list of words that make me heave along with “CROCS,” “Uggs,” “moist,” “shingles,” “taxes” and “Kardashian.”
Jeremy is a graduate of Syracuse University and he played professional soccer in the US and Europe before leaving the game to devote his life to spreading the word of the Lord like his pastor father. Jeremy is friends with Jinger’s sister and brother-in-law, Jessa and Ben Seewald, and he met his current side hugging partner during a missionary trip last May. You know Jim Bob Duggar busted a nut over the fact that Jeremy’s name starts with a “J.”
A Duggar isn’t officially courting until they’ve used the “news” to get attention, so Jinger and Jeremy made an awkward-as-hell announcement video. Their mouths say, “we’re happy,” but their eyes say, “heeeeelp me.”
Hmmm.. I have a question after watching that video. If Jinger’s face accidentally brushes up against Jeremy’s juicy tit when they side hug, does that count as half-motorboating, and if so, does half-motorboating go against the laws of courting?
Most of the Duggar husbands look like strung out polyps, so at least Jinger got stuck with a hot one. And yes, I’d hit that, sideways, of course.