Category: IN THIS ECONOMY

Open Post: Hosted By Beyoncé’s Renaissance Tour Getting Blamed For An Inflation Spike In Sweden

June 15, 2023 / Posted by:

Beyoncé really is fucking with the economies of the world! First, she’s fighting with the U.S. Tax Man over $3 million, and now she’s being linked to inflation in a whole other country on a different continent! Bey’s tour stop in Sweden reportedly caused price hikes in the country for the month of May. The Bey Hive isn’t the only thing to fear when it comes to Beyoncé–she might get your money fucked up, too!

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Mark Wahlberg Moved His Family From California To Nevada To Give Them “A Better Life”

October 14, 2022 / Posted by:

Caitlyn Jenner tried to warn us, but did we listen? No, we did not. And now the Great State of California is losing one of its buffest assets. Mark Wahlberg has joined the scores of economic refugees before him who’ve fled the state in their private jets in search of greener pastures. Page Six reports that the former Funky Bunch frontman has packed up his fleet of luxury jalopies and moved to income-tax-free Nevada in search of a better life for his children. Not sure if he stacked the contents of his $90 million LA mansion into his $2 million fleet vertically like the Joads in The Grapes of Wrath, which is traditional for salt of the earth types such as himself, or if he made his wife and children travel by foot while he flew ahead to scout out the tax credit he’s hoping to use to build a “state-of-the-art studio,” shoe factory and a separate factory for his apparel company. I’m going to guess the kids went on foot because why else would he need so many shoes in the promised land now that his days of boiling them for sustenance are over?

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Tom Cruise Will Reportedly Make At Least $100 Million From “Top Gun: Maverick”

July 21, 2022 / Posted by:

Despite the massive boycott (okay, by “massive” I mean just me) against Top Gun: Maverick for not including Kelly McGillis yet giving us the poster douche for “I Need An Adult!” (read: Miles Teller with a mustache), it has become a massive hit. Personally, I’m saving my coins for the porn parody Power Top Gun: Mavdick and its follow-up Bossy Bottom Gun, but many did not, and it’s made over $1 billion worldwide since its release in May. It’s also Tom Cruise’s biggest money-making movie, and because of this and his deal, Little Alien Lord Tommy has become even richer. But still, I’m with the talking Michael Myers’ Party City mask that is Mickey Rourke. That mega-rich trick who has the biggest movie of the year is “irrelevant!”

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Sammy Hagar Is Okay With Dying From Coronavirus If It Means Saving The Economy

June 24, 2020 / Posted by:

The name Sammy Hagar would probably make Vanessa Hudgens’ brain contort into a giant question mark like it does when anyone says that her beloved religion Coachella is trash. But Sammy is about to be Vanessa Hudgens’ favorite new musical artiste, because like her, he’s probably got a People Die! That’s Life!” bumper sticker on his car. Sammy is ready to go back on the road and is okay with catching coronavirus and dying if it means that the economy will be saved. You hear that, coronavirus?! Sammy will sacrifice himself to you if you just stop! “Eh, I’m more of a David Lee Roth fan,” said coronavirus.

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The Olsens $39,000 Backpack Is Sold Out

October 6, 2011 / Posted by:

I am not the one to judge a bitch for how they choose to spend their money since I may or may not have been known to spend mine on an autographed Phoebe Price portrait from eBay and a whoopie pie pan (It makes whoopie pie shapes!!!!), but how astronomically fucked in the brain do you have to be to spend the price of two Khias (the rapper, not the car) on some shit designed by the Olsens?! You might as well roll 39,000 $1 bills into a giant butt plug and shove it up your culo, because that’s a better way of shitting on $39,000 and it looks more attractive than carrying around a bag that can be mistaken for a giant cockroach with eczema.

Ashley Olsen told WWDD the other day that their high-end line The Row started selling the crocodile-skin bag at Barney’s last July and it doesn’t stay on the shelves. Ashley stopped prune-ing with her mouth for a second to explain, “It was the first thing that sold off the shelf. During our last economic crisis in the U.S., the only thing that went up was Hermès.”

If I had $39,000 to spend on a bag, I wouldn’t carry a bag in the first place. A bedazzled kangaroo would carry all of my possessions in her pouch. But if you want to spend $39,000 on a bag, then I’m sure there’s higher class shit out there than what the Olsens are peddling. I mean, Lisa Frank makes a limited-edition fanny pack made out of acid penguin hide and that’s a better investment than anything sold by the Olsens is. Do you really want to tell people on the street, “Oh, this thing? No, it’s not from Wilsons Leather, darling. It was $39,000 and made by those troll twins who got their start by shitting in their diapers on national television!

And Crocodile skin?! Is that what those evil swindling minions of hell are saying that mess is made out of? Troll, please. We all know that the Olsens are just mutated geckos. They each shed a new bag off of their body every three weeks.

The Recession Is Real: Joan Collins Shops At Target

November 5, 2010 / Posted by:

Above is Joan Collins wearing a puffy shouldered jacket (puffed up with the hot air of jealousy her arch rivals blow out when she stomps by looking devastatingly gorgeous) on November 3rd in Beverly Hills, July 27th in St. Tropez and June 17th at Ascot. The same jacket, THREE TIMES! That’s some ammunition Krystle Carrington is going to shove into the bullet chamber of her silver lady pistol.

Joan Collins is barred by SAG from playing non-wealthy characters because it’s just TOO unbelievable, but even she has felt the economy pinch her where it’s not right.

The grand dame of luxurious luxury even admitted that never wears her finest jewels during the daytime. Joan sticks with fraudulent gems she buys at TARGET! Joan cooed this out to The View wannabes on The Talk the other day:

“I like to wear things that aren’t real during the day. I don’t believe in going round with lots of jewelery because you never know someone could come and grab it. A friend of ours in England, one of the richest men in England I read in the papers today, John Caudwell, was just tied up and robbed because, you know, his wife goes around dripping with jewels. You can’t do that.”

Julie Chen’s ass shouted at her, “Yes, shop at Target.”

Back to Joan, “Target, yes exactly. I was there yesterday! Although you would never have recognized me.”

And the ambassador of glamour also said that a Botox needle has never made wet love to her forehead before:

“I hate needles and don’t like the idea of putting poison into my face and I’ve seen too many women who have had plastic surgery and facelifts and they look horrible.”

No comment about that, but back to the Target thing. Imagining Joan glide past the lubricant aisle while holding a red basket like it’s a Birkin bag is almost better than the time my cousin asked an employee at Target if she could take an unopened box of Tampax into the bathroom because she really really really needed one at the time. Bitch promised to pay for it afterward. Dude had to go ask his manager, but he never came back. You know he ripped off that red shirt and shouted “I QUIT THIS EVERYTHING” as he walked to his car.

via Daily Mail

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