No, no one got a voicemail message from Alec Baldwin screaming obscenities about barnyard animals and gratitude. But it did involve creative insults, yelling, and a NYC street, which I believe are the top three things that certify this as a classic Alec Baldwin temper tantrum.
The unthinkable has happened today: Lindsay Lohan got an acting job in something that people might actually see. According to Variety, Lindsay has joined the second season of the British comedy series Sick Note. The show, whose first season premieres on Sky in the fall, stars Rupert Grint as an insurance rep who is misdiagnosed with a terminal illness and decides to hide the misdiagnosis from everyone.
Aaron Rodgers and Olivia Munn called it quits last week. During their three year long relationship, there have been many stories about how his family couldn’t stand her ass. When Aaron and Olivia announced they were done, they released a statement saying they had amicably ended it. Well shock of all shocks, several sources have spilled the details to UsWeekly, and those sources are rolling their eyes at the whole amicable angle.
Earlier we found out that police in Cleveland are investigating Justin Bieber for allegedly delivering a concussion-causing beatdown back in June. And now TMZ is saying that he’s currently being investigated for allegedly headbutting someone at a restaurant last weekend. It’s like he’s on a mission to disprove the stereotype that Canadians are a polite, peace-loving people.
Bieber’s latest alleged assault antics happened at around 2am last Saturday in West Hollywood. While at a pre-Grammys party that was hosted by his friend Poo Bear, Bieber was play fighting with Kyle Massey. Poo Bear? Corey from That’s So Raven? You know you’re not exactly hanging with a hard crew when it sounds like it was assembled by Mickey Mouse. Anyway, Bieber noticed that someone from the restaurant staff was recording their play fight. And we all know he doesn’t like that. A pissed-off Bieber demanded he delete the video, and that in turn caused more people to hit record on their cameras. Justin allegedly then lunged at one of the people and headbutted them.
On the bright side, Justin Bieber doesn’t have a brain, so I doubt he caused that much damage. Getting hit with something hollow tends not to hurt as much.
The police were called after the incident, but Bieber was gone by the time they arrived. The alleged victim doesn’t want to press charges, but the police are still investigating.
Justin Bieber has just about covered all his assault bases. He’s used his arms for throwing (both punches and eggs), his mouth for spitting (both words and actual spit), and now he’s headbutting people. He’s like a one-man Street Fighter game. The next thing you know he’ll be firing a surge of shitty energy out of his hands. Ha-douche-en!
One day – ONE DAY – after she dramatically announced she was quitting Twitter and Instagram in an attempt to stop herself from “sayin shit“, Demi Lovato is back. I honestly thought she’d at least be able to make it to Friday, but no. Clearly the only thing worse than negative attention was the thought of getting no attention.
Literally 24 hours after she blew her goodbye kisses to the crowd from the metaphorical balcony, she hopped back on Twitter to announce that “the haters” couldn’t stop her from tweeting whatever nonsense her fingers felt like typing. It’s just like everyone’s wise old grandfathers used to say: If you stop being a mess on social media, then the haters have truly won.
Fuck this.. I’m back bitches. And I’m coming back more honest than ever
— Demi Lovato (@ddlovato) June 21, 2016
I love my Lovatics so fucking much
— Demi Lovato (@ddlovato) June 22, 2016
I love my Lovatics too much to leave them over some lame ass haters.. What was I thinking?! ??
— Demi Lovato (@ddlovato) June 22, 2016
“More honest.” Watch out, other famous people – Demi’s shit-starting quest continues! I can’t wait to see who Demi comes for next. My money is on either Meghan Trainor or that famous Instagram dog whose tongue is always hanging out.
Okay, let’s see if I can’t get this straight. Demi quit Twitter and Instagram because she finally realized she kept saying stuff that was getting her into trouble and that bad internet strangers were bothering her. But then she returned vowing to say even more stuff that will inevitably get her into trouble. You know, for the good internet strangers. Does anyone know how to get Demi’s number to Iyanla Vanzant? Because this feels like a real Fix My Life situation. You know your life needs some SuperSoul Sunday-levels of fixing when you’re crying wolf about quitting Twitter.
For those of you thinking “What in the ever-loving hell is a Swiftmas“, allow me to explain: it’s a made-up word that might soon get your ass sued into the poor house by Taylor Swift’s team of trademark lawyers if you dare utter it. Even though Tay Tay’s monthly bank statements read “Current Balance: $$$RICH AS FUCK“, UsWeekly says the world’s wealthiest American Girl doll has gone ahead and decided to trademark some more words.
According to a blog called Tantalizing Trademarks (which totally sounds like a burlesque club for patent attorneys), Tay Tay’s people have applied for trademarks for the words “Swiftmas“, “Blank Space“, “And I’ll Write Your Name“, “A Girl Named Girl“, and “1989“. Good lord, you know your Get Money Game is out of control when you try to trademark a year. While we’re still allowed to talk about it without receiving an angry cease-and-desist letter, Swiftmas is the annual holiday tradition where Taylor Swift creeps on a bunch of her fans and puts together Christmas presents for them. And now their Swiftmas gifts will come with a legal document about trademark violation taped to the top of the box and directions to the nearest notary public.
If the trademark office stamps APPROVED on Tay Tay’s list, they’ll join her collection of trademarked phrases, which includes her name, “T. S.“, “Party Like It’s 1989“, “Cause We Never Go Out Of Style”, “Could Show You Incredible Things“, “Nice To Meet You. Where You Been?“, and the most cringeworthy jewel in her Pretty Pretty Princess crown, “This Sick Beat.”
That is so many goddamn words. When will it end? You’re right, it never will. It’s only a matter of time before Tay Tay owns the rights to so many phrases that we’re forced to cut her a check every time we open our mouths. Here’s the future owner of 1/25th of the words in the dictionary arriving from Australia at LAX last night.