Category: I’m Cringing For You

And Now In Deeply Embarrassed Old Men News…

April 16, 2015 / Posted by:

If you’ve ever asked yourself the question “I wonder if anyone still has “Let It Go” from Frozen set as the incoming call ringtone on their cellphone?” the answer is yes, there is still one person, and it’s 78-year-old Senator Pat Roberts. Poppa Roberts forgot to turn his phone off during a committee hearing with Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack, and so when a call came in, instead of giving him a case of the secret good feels by vibrating silently in his pocket, his phone started playing “Let It Go” loud enough for everyone to hear. Poppa Roberts quickly yanked his phone out of his pocket and turned it off before jokingly telling Tom Vilsack to “Just let it go, mister.

Of course, because this shit happened on CSPAN or whatever, it was all recorded and he was outed as a hardcore Frozen fan. But before you go emailing Pat Roberts a link to BuzzFeed’s 10 Ways To Tell Whether You’re An Anna Or An Elsa (irrelevant – he’s totally an Olaf), his spokesperson says that the “Let It Go” ringtone is for his grandkids. He also tried to make a joke about it on Twitter. Then he closed the door to his office, lit a trash can fire, and burned his custom-made snow queen gown in an attempt to destroy the rest of the evidence.

Cellphones! Those shady bitches will take any opportunity to shame your ass, I swear. Once I had LMFAO’s “Party Rock Anthem” set as my ringtone and my phone went off in the middle of a date. I swear I had set that shit to silent and removed the battery in my flip phone (oh lord, that might have been the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever admitted) just in case, and it still went off. No, there was no second date. Can you blame him?

Pamela Anderson’s Sons Know About Her Sex Tape

March 21, 2014 / Posted by:

I knew a kid in high school who lived everyone’s nightmare when he popped in a VHS and found that his parents had taped over Bio-Dome with a home movie of them bumping parent parts. So he did what any of us would do; he destroyed the tape, along with his innocence and ability to look his parents in the eye. Kids in the 90s had it so good: Bubble Tape, LA Gears, and the ability to make evidence of your parents doing gross shit disappear.  Sadly, kids of today live in constant fear that they might open up Xtube or YouPorn and come face to face with their mom doing unspeakable acts to that guy who used to bring the orange slices to soccer practice. Case in point: Pamela Anderson’s sons Brandon and Dylan Lee. In her interview with Elle Magazine, Pammy curses out that gossipy bitch The Internet for spilling the beans to her sons that their parents have a fuck video floating around:

“I don’t know if they’ve seen it, but they know about it.  They know about everything.  Stupid Internet.  I don’t know why everyone is so impressed with it.”

She doesn’t know why people are impressed? Clue in, Pammy; it starts with a T and ends with a OMMYLEE’SGIANTDICK. Regardless of why people still care about the Citizen Kane of celebrity sex tapes, I doubt Brandon and Dylan would even be phased by it. Tommy Lee’s house is probably lousy with groupies, so walking in on their dad fucking a plastic-tittied Barbie doll is about as common as walking in on him taking a dump and reading the newspaper. And Pamela only recently started wearing clothes in public, so I’m guessing the most overused phrase in their house growing up was ‘Mom, my friends are coming over. Can you put a shirt on?’

But if by chance they did accidentally see their parents sex tape, it still wouldn’t be nearly as traumatic as seeing their stepdad Rick Salomon’s sex tape“Oh my god, Dylan, why is he fucking that giant wonk-eyed stick bug???”

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