Justin Theroux probably has enough “fuck you” money hanging around that he could roll all of Willie Nelson and Snoop Dogs’ spliffs using hundred dollars bills in perpetuity. You’d think with that kind of money, he’d just go ahead and buy his way out of the ongoing legal battle he’s been having with his downstairs neighbor Norman Resnicow. But maybe Justin’s in it for the principal of the thing at this point, because Norman has been doing the most.
Have you heard the one about Dave Chappelle and the banana peel? It’s really not funny but that never stopped me before so here you go. So a guy with a banana walks into a bar, Dave says something he doesn’t like so he throws a banana peel at him and gets escorted out of the building by security. Dave declines to press charges. Ready for the punchline? According to The Hollywood Reporter, the guy, Christian Englander, is now suing Dave and the security guard/“presumed bodyguard” claiming he was “struck twice while being restrained.”
Kanye West’s fashion companies Yeezy and Unknwn are being sued for ripping off camouflage patterns. I guess good old-fashioned Vietnam War era jungle camo just isn’t good enough for Kanye. With his fashions, as in his private life, Kanye’s always striving to offer most authentic experiences money can buy. According to TMZ, when it came time to refresh Yeezy’s camouflage patterns, Kanye went directly to Jordan Outdoor Enterprises, a company that makes real camo for real hunters with real guns to discuss camo patterns for real scenesters with real IG accounts and real money to burn. However, turns out Kayne may have shot himself in the foot by allegedly skipping a few crucial steps in the licensing process.
Poor Michael Cohen. He likely fucked up big time at work by botching the his assignment to shut down President Donald Trump‘s alleged ex-side piece, Stormy Daniels, with an NDA. I’m sure it’s not entirely his fault, his asshole of a boss probably didn’t give him the tools (poor Michael was scrounging around the backseat of his Subaru looking for loose change for that payout) or the authority (Donny didn’t sign, Michael should have told him it was an “autograph”) he needed to get an airtight NDA out of Stormy (stage name), aka Stephanie Clifford (government name), aka Peggy Peterson (pseudonym) aka Whatever Fucked Up Sex Time Name Donald Had For Her I Don’t Even Want To Know (pet name).
Two new accusations of sexual assault against Nelly have surfaced in conjunction with an ongoing civil lawsuit against him. University of Washington student Monique Greene is suing Nelly for sexual assault, libel, slander and defamation stemming from an encounter with the singer on his tour bus last October. Monique claims that Nelly brought her onto his tour bus after a concert, raped her and unceremoniously (and literally) kicked her to the curb.
Venus Williams can breath a sigh of relief. She is in the clear, in the eyes of the law, after she was declared innocent of any wrongdoing pertaining to the fatal car accident she was involved in this past summer. Venus has been worrying about spending her end of days in the pokey while we’re all out free and worrying about our end of times as we make pilgrimages to ancient sites, praying to every Pagen, Neolithic, Hotep, Wiccan, Hittite, Brahman, Chickasaw and Mayan god we can think of to save our sorry asses. That was dark, my apologies.