Category: I’ll See You In Court!

Johnny Depp Is Suing Amber Heard For $50 Million, Calls Her Claims Of Domestic Abuse “A Hoax”

March 1, 2019 / Posted by:

That Rolling Stone interview from last year gave me the impression that Johnny Depp’s closest friends are his legal team (and any random journalists who happen to stop by for a chat). Now I’m pretty sure I’m right because he’s just filed a wild $50 million lawsuit against his ex-wife Amber Heard. In it he states that Amber’s claims of domestic abuse are all just “an elaborate hoax to generate positive publicity” for herself. The suit is pinned to claims Amber made in a December, 2018 Op-Ed for The Washington Post. Johnny also dragged Elon Musk into this mess by claiming he and Amber started their relationship a month after they were married, and that Elon was at their house, creeping in and out of the penthouse elevator, the night he and Amber got into a fight over a postnuptial agreement. Johnny says that fight led to Amber throwing a vodka bottle at him, which resulted in him having to have his finger “surgically reattached”. Just when we all finished treatment for the smoke inhalation we suffered from during their train wreck of a divorce, Johnny is bringing it back. Grab your oxygen masks!

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Gwyneth Paltrow Is Countersuing The Man Who Accused Her Of A Ski-And-Run

February 20, 2019 / Posted by:

As you sit there, comfortable in your pampered existence, never forget that there’s a whole other world of pain, turmoil and danger up #inthesestreets. Well, to be more exact, up #ontheseslopes. Gwyneth Paltrow knows better than anyone about the dangers of the dog-eat-dog world of recreational skiing, especially since she got slapped with a lawsuit by a man who accused her of skiing into him on the mean slopes of Park City, Utah. Now Gwyneth is taking justice into her own hands by enacting what is called a “Connecticut Drive-by“. Gwyneth is counter-suing Dr. Terry Sanderson, claiming that it was he who skied into her! And she’s digging the knife in even further by pulling a Randolph and Mortimer Duke on him and asking for retribution in the sum of $1, according to TMZ.

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Mariah Carey Is Being Sued By Her Alleged Blackmailer Who Claims She Suffered Abuse While In Her Employ

January 17, 2019 / Posted by:

Mariah’s house is a fucking mess. And I’m not talking empty champagne bottles strewn about, or half-eaten sandwiches forgetfully placed on bookshelves (shut up, you don’t know my life!). I’m talking about The Help. Did Mariah Carey hire her personal assistant Lianna Azarian and former manager Stella Bulochnikov off of Craigslist or something? As you know, Mariah is currently suing Lianna for blackmail. Well, according to TMZ, Lianna is suing Mariah right back for turning a blind eye while Stella physically and verbally abused her (allegedly). Lianna claims Stella used to slap her titties and ass, put things like remote controls and utensils (!?) under her titties, pissed on her, and called her names like “fucking Armenian whore” and the N-word. Mariah Carey! What is going on over there!?!?

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Amber Heard Said Johnny Depp’s Alter Ego Was A Scary “Monster”

January 3, 2019 / Posted by:

It’s been 11 months and 21 days since Johnny Depp and Amber Heard’s divorce was finalized after what felt like decades of tabloid drama. But sadly, just because they are no longer married doesn’t mean we’re free from hearing the most intimate details of their hideous relationship. Johnny is currently suing The Sun for defamation over an April 2008 story which called him a “wife-beater” (the original headline read “How can J.K. Rowling be ‘genuinely happy’ casting wife-beater Johnny Depp in the new Fantastic Beasts film?”). As such, a 471-page deposition is being examined for proof that Johnny abused his wife. The poor clerk who has to work in the courthouse where their divorce records are stored has probably been waiting to take her lunch break since 2016. Can somebody please at least let a bitch step out for a sandwich! According to The Hollywood Reporter, we now know that the couple referred to Johnny as “The Monster” when he was in a mood, and Amber was afraid of him.

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Cardi B Thinks She’s Too Famous For Court

December 4, 2018 / Posted by:

Remember when Cardi B turned herself in for allegedly arranging for those two girls to get jumped? That was the last time she was going to take this shit seriously, because when she was supposed to go to court yesterday, she did not show up. And why was Cardi not in attendance? Durh, because she’s way too relevant and busy to be bothered. Delusion, thy name is Cardi B

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CNN And Jim Acosta Have Filed A Lawsuit Against Donald Trump And Sarah Sanders

November 13, 2018 / Posted by:

This season of America is so wild, y’all. Did you catch last week’s episode where President Trump was holding a press conference and Jim Acosta from CNN asked him a few pointed questions, so Trump sent in an intern to take his microphone away and then revoked his press credentials? Then had his press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders try to make it seem like it was because Jim had “placed hands” on the intern by posting a video they got from a fringe, right-wing conspiracy website, which one of Trump’s attorneys later confirmed to had been “not altered” but “sped up“? That shit was BANANAS. Well, this week’s episode is just as crazy. CNN and Jim are suing Donald, Sarah, White House Chief of Staff John Kelly, the Deputy Chief of staff, the Director of the Secret Service, and an individual secret service officer.

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