A few months after Iggy Azalea called it quits with French Montana, she bounced her exploded-can-of-biscuits ass over to Odell Beckham Jr., wide receiver for the NY Giants. Page Six says that Odell skipped the Giant’s first OTA practice (organized team activities, aka training) on Monday. Instead of throwing balls with the rest of his team in New Jersey, he went bowling with Iggy and some friends in Los Angeles.
Real love IS a trick risking his life by putting his head on Iggy Azalea’s DuPont factory of an ass. Because if she blew out a fart onto his face, he would’ve died of toxic plastic fume inhalation a few seconds later.
French Montana, rapper-type and survivor of the Kartrashian Man Kurse, and Iggy Azalea, alleged rapper turned (insert the name of whatever the hell she does now), got together last August. During Friggy’s reign as the definition of true love’s favorite couple, he went to Jared seven times for her and they partook in some couples animal cruelty by posing with a poor circus elephant at his birthday party. Since both French and Iggy are certified attention whores, I figured that they would eventually get married in a televised wedding on the season finale of their E! reality show. But sadly, it looks like their love has died like that poor elephant’s sense of dignity when it was forced to perform for those two dildo dingles.
Tax-evading Twitter mess Iggy Azalea was given the Woman of the Year Award at GQ Australia’s Men of the Year Awards. That’s right, of all the women in the world, Iggy Azalea was given the trophy. And don’t say it’s because GQ Australia wanted to give the award to an Australian; a good percentage of Iggy’s body parts have been made in America.
UsWeekly says Iggy began her acceptance speech by bragging to the audience that she’s won many awards over the years. Like, okay Iggy, we get it, you’ve got a Radio Disney award. But she tells the GQ Awards audience that this is the first time she can brag about having an award-winning vagina, then said it was “amazing” that she’s got the “best vagina in the world.” Ummmm, correct me if I’m wrong, but a Woman of the Year award doesn’t necessarily mean GQ thinks Iggy has the best vagina of 2016, does it? I thought you had to go to the Hustler Center Honors to receive that kind of award.
You can watch the first part of Iggy’s acceptance speech below.
About six seconds into Iggy’s speech, everyone in the audience became confused and wondered who the hell that was up there accepting that award before someone from GQ hopped on stage and yanked back their award. “I don’t know who you are, but you can’t be the real Iggy Azalea. I mean, we understood everything you were saying when you spoke into the microphone!”
Pic: GQ Australia
It feels like every other day there’s a GQ Men of the Year Awards somewhere and I wonder if the world would continue to spin if GQ suddenly stopped giving dumb awards to famous men. Probably not, so they should keep on, keep on and they did in Sydney today.
Australia has many homegrown dudes that GQ could’ve honored, like Roger the Buff Kangaroo, but they imported a few pieces of American dude meat instead. They brought in Jon Hamm, Chris Evans and Scott Eastwood, who wore sunglasses on the red carpet, because he wanted to remind us that he’s got boiling hot used douche water running through his veins.
I’ll take Jon Hamm in any form, but he sometimes looks uncomfortable in a tuxedo. It’s as if you made Fred Flintstone wear tight pants and a suffocating shirt instead of the usual loose-fitting animal-print shift dress he always wears. The Hammaconda on the other hand… It’s always been a refined gentlepeen and I’m sure that underneath those pants, it’s wearing a monocle, a bow tie, a top hat and is delicately sipping on a flute full of champagne. The Hammaconda should stay in Australia to teach etiquette and manners to those Melbourne Cup messes. Jon Hamm can still come back to the U.S. Yes, the Hammaconda can stretch that far.
And here’s more pictures from the GQ Men of the Year Awards including some of Jai Courtney and ex-rapper, alleged celebrity and living Mannequin Challenge Iggy Azalea.
It’s been a bad year for exotic animals being forced to interact with famous douchebags. Back in May, a tiger was the guest of honor at an engagement party for Justin Bieber’s daddy. Then on Tuesday, French Montana celebrated his birthday by making an elephant do tricks on his driveway. I don’t know what is making me more sad: that that elephant was forced to perform for a former Kardashian boyfriend, or how close it came to catching a glimpse of his flaccid business popping out of his bathrobe.
Two months after she finally decided she was officially done inspecting the crotch of Nick Young’s gymshorts for traces of away game strange, Iggy Azalea has found love. Or at least found someone willing to take her on an expensive makeout-filled vacation to Mexico.