“Memoryyyyy…I still get chills when I think…of how awkward it was when….a man in a spandex cat suit slunk up to me in the audience of Caaaaaats.” Can you tell I’m still traumatized by the time fate dealt me the hand of hell by having me sit in an aisle seat for my first viewing of Cats? I am not an audience participation type, and so yeah – an aisle seat for Cats wasn’t a great experience. But I’m still a fan of Cats. So even though I cringed a little at “Taylor Swift,” I’m still into this news. Mostly because a film adaptation means there’s zero chance she’ll leap off the screen and do weird cat pantomimes around me while I try to hide behind my popcorn bag.
Sir Ian McKellen is 78 years old. The average life expectancy of a man in the UK is 79.4. So it’s only natural for him to regularly think about the day when a million “Sir Ian McKellen Has Left Us. What Is The Point Of Going On?” headlines pop up after he waltzes with the Grim Reaper up to the heavens. The Independent says that in a new documentary about his life called McKellen: Playing The Part, Sir Ian says that every single day, he thinks about the moment when death takes his ass. Me too, Gandalf, me too. It’s nice to know that when Sir Ian and I both lay awake at night, we think about how one day we’ll be lying in a coffin. Only I think about how the doctors will forget to check that I’m dead dead, and the mortician will forget to embalm me, and I’ll wake up in my coffin and curse my family for not cremating me like I asked! Don’t know if Sir Ian has the same vision or not.
One would think the surge in accusers coming forward to snatch the weaves of Hollywood’s serial sexual predators would kick in a dose of common sense on some people who might not entirely agree with the movement to think, “Rather than voice my concerns, how about I avoid a firestorm and go see Star Wars?” Alas, Star Wars is sold out, so those concerns are getting voiced. Donna Karan said women were basically asking to get preyed upon by Harvey Weinstein, Lindsay Lohan made a “Leave Harvey alone!!” video, and now Sir Ian McKellen is here to talk about how not all victims may be as squeaky clean as they’re admitting. Continue reading
Sir Ian McKellen is Gandalf AND Magneto. He’s also best friends with the (best) captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise. This makes him the Nerd King- er, Queen. I bow down to him every chance a gay comic booky sci-fi fanboy can get. This also means his visually witty sign at the Women’s March yesterday didn’t surprise me in the least. It’s the famed (well, famed in nerd meme circles) still of his bestie Patrick Stewart as Captain Jean-Luc Picard holding his face in his hand.
In this situation, it’s like Captain Picard’s rueing the day that you-know-who took the Oval Office. We feel you, Jean-Luc. Sir Ian later explained on Facebook that he had FOUND the sign but still – it was obviously made for him to find. Patrick Stewart probably made it.
Of course I’m being a *bit* dramatic, since we all know Sir Ian McKellen always has a couch at Sir Patrick Stewart’s house, and you’re never truly homeless when you live in the hearts of millions. But still! The point is that the wannabe Truly Scrumptious once put Gandalf’s ass out on the streets, and that’s how you guarantee yourself a one-way first class ticket to Hell.
Sir Ian recently outed Taylor Swift as the Sweet Valley High version of Benny Coffin III during a recent interview with the Gay Star News when he told the story about how he was evicted from his apartment by Tay Tay. Tay Tay was playing House Hunters in New York City and decided to buy Peter Jackson’s apartment. The only problem was, Sir Ian was crashing at Peter Jackson’s apartment at the time. Rather than doing the right thing and letting life legend Sir Ian keep squatting, she grabbed her Peppermint Rose stationary and a scented push-point pencil and told him to GTFO. According to Sir Ian, he was “thrown out” a month before he was supposed to leave. I don’t know where he went, but I just pictured Sir Ian wandering the streets of New York in the rain with a hobo bindle over his shoulder, and now I’m sad. THANKS TAYLOR.
Because Sir Ian is truly an angel sent from above, he claims he doesn’t hold a grudge against Taylor:
“Well she bought it, she’s every right to take it over. I was just lodging there for free you know.”
Although he’s not exactly rushing out to be one of her next “Please welcome to the stage…” surprise guests either. When asked what it’s like to be part of Taylor’s “squad” (Taylor once Tweeted a collage of picture of Sir Ian and Sir Patrick), Ian confessed that she had asked Sir Ian and Sir Patrick to join her on stage during one of her shows in Los Angeles. But they politely declined because they “had something else to do that night” instead. Oooh, look out, Sir Ian and Sir Patrick; you’re about to become a song titled “Knights in Jealous Hater Armor.“
Following Sir Ian McKellan’s response to Damian’s interview with The Guardian in which he said he looked into his career’s crystal ball when he was in his 20’s and worried about only seeing himself playing Gandalf the Gay, Damian issued an apology (via the NYDN).
“I am hugely embarrassed that comments of mine have been linked in a negative way to Sir Ian McKellen,” Lewis said, in a statement obtained by the Daily News.
In his statement, Lewis said that he has “always been, and continue to be, an enormous fan and admirer” of McKellen.
“My comment in The Guardian was a sound bite I’ve been giving since 1999 — it was a generic analogy that was never intended to demean or describe anyone else’s career,” he said. “I have contacted Sir Ian McKellen and have given him my sincerest apologies.”
Come on, Damian. “Fruity wizard” sounds a little personal and also kind of like a glorious breakfast cereal waiting to happen, as long as they don’t fuck up and make the wizard staffs and hats look like dicks and used condoms. You get a 3 out of 10 on the backpedal scale and Sir Ian wins this round of Wizard vs. Lemme Look You Up On IMDB Real Quick.
Damian should take some time for personal reflection and to brush up on his acting skills to ensure the longevity of a career he would be lucky to have last as long and be as distinguished as Sir Ian’s. I hear Claire Danes is holding a seminar on how to make a career out of ugly crying in her trailer between Homeland scenes.