Category: I Like Money
Kylie Jenner Has Taken That “Measly Million Dollars” From Puma After All
Last week, there were whispers going around that semi-professional Kim Kardashian impersonator Kylie Jenner had signed a deal with Puma to promote their shit. One of the reasons we knew about said whispers was because Kylie’s brother-in-law Kanye West went on Twitter and klaimed that there would “never be a Kylie Puma anything” because she’s on Team Yeezy and that Puma can take their “measly million dollars” and shove it up their booty hole faster than a finger up Kanye’s.
As it turns out – and this will absolutely SHOCK you, I’m sure – but Kanye’s tweets about Kylie’s deal with Puma ended up being dipped in delusion. Nice Kicks (via the Daily Mail) says that Kylie, who looks like Jem’s trampy little long-lost sister Krystal in the picture above, and Puma will be working together. Puma announced on Monday that Kylie will serve as a “brand advocate“, and will “support specific Puma products through campaigns and her own personal social outlets.” So basically, Kylie will get a mountain of kash dumped into her bank account every time she pimps out Puma during her bi-weekly pap strolls around Kalabasas.
Puma confirms that Kylie has already shot several photoshoots with them and that the deal is in motion. Which means Kylie was either too busy taking rubber-mouthed selfies to tell Kanye to pipe down about Puma, or she willingly let him run his mouth off because she’s a master-level troll. She is Kris Jenner’s daughter, so I’m going to say: both.
I’m going to go out on a limb and assume Kanye slapping at Puma is one of the Twitter situations Kim Kardashian isn’t happy about, since anything that could prevent a Kardashian making some kash is a big no-no.
And speaking of trolling, TMZ kaught Kanye “Help me, I’m $53 million in personal debt” West shopping for thousand-dollar watches at Jacob & Co. on Monday night. Kanye clearly needs a Suze Orman (or at least a Gail Vaz-Oxlade) in his life. I mean, he needs a lot of things, but let’s start with someone who can teach him basic budgeting.
Pic: Splash
Opposite Of Shocking: Chris Brown And His Baby Mama Are Fighting Over Child Support
According to TMZ, rich Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robot and “good person” (says Rita Ora and only Rita Ora) Chris Brown and his baby mama of four months Nia Guzman are having problems with money. As it turns out, Nia is a Get Money Mommy who wants a fuckload of his cash and Chris is a Deadbeat Daddy who doesn’t want to give it to her. I know, I’m shocked too.
Back when Chris first found out he and Nia made a surprise baby she named Royalty, he gave her a whole lot of cash in an attempt to prevent her from seeking a child support agreement in court. Eventually he got paranoid that Nia was selling stories about him to the press, so he considered cutting her off and sending his lawyers after her. Now it looks like he’s finally made up his mind and is definitely taking this mess to court. Chris Brown filed legal documents in Houston (where Nia and Royalty currently live) to establish paternity so he can fight Nia and her crazy thirst for child support cash. Nia claims she needs $15,000 a month in child support for their 1-year-old daughter. But Chris thinks the number should be closer to $2,500 and that’s what he’s been paying. “$2,500 a month? That’s cute,” thought the custom Lamborghini Chris is leaning his ass against in the picture above.
Chris also wants a judge to define some kind of a clear custody agreement. Chris claims that Nia has been preventing him from seeing Royalty. Yeah, I’m sure any judge would agree with Nia on that one. I would not be surprised if the judge asked Baby Royalty who she wanted to live with and said, “I agree. That would be the best option for you,” after she pointed to the stapler on his desk.
In the event you want to see what a father who still acts and dresses like a child looks like, here’s Chris Brown coming out of a club a couple nights ago.
Katy Perry Wants You To Know That Not A Lot Of Women Would Pose On The Cover Of Forbes
Lydia Deetz’s Forever 21 equivalent Katy Perry is currently on the cover of Forbes magazine, thanks to the crapload of money she made last year singing, hustling makeup, and getting into middle school girl fights with Taylor Swift (I don’t know those two could monetize that, but I’m sure Tay Tay found a way). And when Katy Perry called up Forbes and agreed to appear on the cover, Forbes pulled up their fanciest fainting couch and collapsed, because women don’t normally agree to that sort of thing. Katy spilled the rich person tea on Instragram yesterday:
“Before accepting the offer to be on the cover of Forbes, I was told that a lot of women have previously shied away from doing it. I wondered if it was because they thought socially it would look like they were flaunting or bragging or it wasn’t a humble decision. Ladies, there is a difference between being humble and working hard to see the fruits of your labor blossom, and your dreams realized. Hopefully this cover can be an inspiration to women out there that it’s okay to be proud of hard earned success and that there is no shame in being a boss. Also…don’t think that I didn’t celebrate this moment by going straight to Taco Bell and getting my crunch wrap supreme”
Maybe they kept turning it down because they were afraid they’d end up looking like the bastard baby of Scrooge McDuck and Magica De Spell? Maybe.
Posing on the cover of Forbes with the number of dollars you made last year floating above your shoulder is one of the more shameless ways to say “I’M RICH, BITCH!!!“, but I don’t blame her. Katy Perry earned $135 million, and she should be proud of it. Sure, she’s a grown woman who dressed up night after night like a rejected Nick Jr. cartoon from the 90s to get it, but $135 million is $135 million.
Pics: Forbes
Lester Holt Is Coming For Brian Williams’ $10 Million Salary
And now in “Get money” news, which is truly my favorite kind of news, sexy news anchor Lester Holt (don’t judge me) might be inheriting more than just Brian Williams’ custom-made Comfort-A-Bulge™ seat at the NBC Nightly News desk. Page Six says that if/when Lester Holt takes over for Brian Williams, he’s going to try to convince NBC to also give him BriWi’s $10 million a year salary. $10 million!!!
According to a source, NBC doesn’t really have a back-up plan if Lester Holt chooses not to take over for Brian Williams after his six-month suspension is up. Lester apparently knows this too, so he and his agents are trying to squeeze as much cash out of NBC as possible. Lester is currently making about $4 million to read the news, and he’s arguing that if NBC pays him half of what they paid Brian Williams, it sends a message to the newsroom that he’s half the anchor Brian was.
That same source says that NBC is considering giving Lester what Brian made before he signed that $10 million a year deal instead. But since Lester has NBC “by the balls” (I think that source might be my Uncle Lou), there’s a good chance they’ll give in and Lester will be richer, bitch.
Page Six recently said that NBC might keep Brian Williams around after they let him go from the Nightly News, which means there’s a chance NBC will still be cutting him a giant check every month on top of the one they’re cutting Lester. Damn, that’s a lot of money. I expect to see the NBC peacock going by the name “Cockee” and offering something called a “outcalls-only feather job” in an ad in the back pages of a free weekly newspaper.
Beyonce’s Dad Apparently Pitched A Destiny’s Child Biopic To Sony Last Year
And I’m sure he’s still pitching it to anyone with $10 and a camera, because Daddy Knowles is persistent. Also because he has a lot of time on his hands and could use the cash. But let’s go back to 2013, when he was still pitching it to people who mattered. So, more Sony hacked emails have been released, and according to The Daily Beast, there’s one from Screen Gems’ Clint Culpepper to Amy Pascal regarding a pitch by Mathew Knowles about a possible Destiny’s Child biopic. Back in December of 2013, Beyonce’s Dad contacted Sony executives with the idea, and it sounds like they were interested. DUH! Of course they were interested. You could make a 3-hour silent movie about Beyonce brushing her hair called Beyonce Brushes Her Hair and it would gross $9.6 billion.
Also included in the email leak was talk about another Spider-Man reboot, and a feature film starring Kanye West. That last one doesn’t sound like a terrible idea, because Kanye West is a great actor. Did you see him in the wedding episode of KUWTK? He stayed in character the whole time (his character being a man who isn’t totally ashamed to be marrying into that awful family).
Unfortunately, it sounds like Sony never really took it past the ‘interested’ stage, which means there’s a good chance Daddy Knowles packed up his Destiny’s Child biopic and pitched it elsewhere. But that’s not to say there won’t ever be a biopic titled Say My Name: The Story of BEYONCE!!!!!! and the Other Ones. The Daily Beast says that Destiny’s Child has been given the low-budget Lifetime treatment and it will air sometime in February 2015. No word on whether or not Daddy Knowles had anything to do with it.
But if Daddy Knowles is still pitching that Destiny’s Child, then he’s wasting his time. Doesn’t he realize that Beyonce has already made the greatest movie about Beyonce?
Here’s What It Kosts To Have Kim Kardashian Promote Your Product
I know what you’re thinking: “But Allison, we already know what it kosts: your soul, as well as any remaining sense of shame or dignity.” And while that’s true, it will also cost you actual money. That hooker don’t work for free! But thanks to Radar, we now we know just how much it will actually cost you to hire Kim Kardashian (seen above looking like a spooky partially-melting haunted Real Doll) to endorse whatever cheap piece of trash you’re trying to sell.
Radar managed to obtain several emails sent between a rep for the drowsy-faced prostitroll and the owner of a firm interested in hiring her to endorse a product. According to the emails, Kim’s minimum rate is between $750,000 and $1 million. That may seem high for an escort, but just remember – Pimp Mama Kris didn’t become the world’s richest shameless pimp by discounting the merchandise. The rep also offered their Low-Budget Kim option, Kendall Jenner, for $500,000. And for $100 and a gift card to Taco Bell, they could have Rob.
The emails also state that Kim demands extras on top of that $1 million, including: 5 first class tickets plus one coach ticket, first class hotel accommodations, including one suite for Kim and standard rooms for everyone else in her party, first class executive ground transportation, a greeter at the airport, security, daily rate for her hair and makeup team, and a per diem. Her rep also demanded they have final approval over photographers, photos, glam squad, hotel, airline. Meanwhile, cut to Baby North sitting in the filthy ball pit of a drop-in daycare hoping Mommy also hires someone to remind her to come get her before they head back to the airport.
It’s crazy how many times that classless trick asks for “first class” this and “first class” that. Calm down, hooker, you can stay in a Hilton every once in a while. And in case you were wondering who in Kim’s entourage gets that coach ticket, it’s for Satan. He may be the almighty lord of the underworld, but he’s still a pretty down to Earth dude.
And here’s Hooker Billy Mays herself taking a break from all that product shilling to film Keeping Up With The Kartrashians last week wearing what appears to be an XXXL pair of three-legged yoga pants:
Pics: Splash