Category: I Don’t Think You Thought This Through
Sofia Richie Is Reportedly Moving In With Scott Disick
There’s a lot of potential mistakes a 19-year-old could make, because after all – they’re 19. That’s prime mistake-making time. And according to UsWeekly, 19-year-old Sofia Richie has decided to move in with 35-year-old questionably-employed father of three Scott Disick.
Adele Threw Herself A “Titanic”-Themed 30th Birthday Party
Adele turned the big 3-0 on Saturday. To celebrate, Adele threw herself a Titanic-themed birthday party. Adele posted three pictures from her birthday on Instagram showing what her party looked like, and basically what you get is rich people cosplay. Adele dressed like Rose in an old-timey dress and sashayed down what would appear to be a full-scale model of the first class staircase inside of the ship. Hell, she probably got the real Heart of the Ocean diamond from the bottom of the sea too.
Duchess Kate Didn’t Really Join The BAFTAs All-Black Dress Movement
The Oscar’s British cousin, the BAFTAs, were held last night in London. The BAFTAs decided to adopt this year’s unofficial dress code from the Golden Globes, which was to wear black in support of the Time’s Up movement. And just like the Golden Globes, some guests didn’t really do the all-black dress code. But the person who broke the code wasn’t an actress with a lone IMDB credit who was hoping to trend on Twitter.
Chris Brown Could Face Criminal Charges For Having A Pet Monkey
Last month, Chris Brown broke the Parental Hierarchy of Pet Giving by buying his 3-year-old daughter Royalty a monkey. After the internet called him a dumbass for giving a child a pet monkey, he swore the animal – named Fiji – was his. The city of Los Angeles had a real problem with Chris’ monkey ownership. They’re pissed because Chris didn’t have a permit for little Fiji.
TMZ says that the California Department of Fish and Wildlife opened an investigation after getting several tips. Chris voluntarily surrendered Fiji to authorities before they could come raid his house. Having an exotic pet sans permit is a major no-no, and so Chris could be slapped with a misdemeanor charge of owning a restricted species without a permit. Fiji’s file has been turned over to the Los Angeles City Attorney. If Chris is found guilty, he could face up to six months in jail.
TMZ spoke to Chris’ lawyer Mark Geragos, who brushed it all off by calling the situation “absurd,” and implied the City Attorney has better, less petty things to spend taxpayer money on. Mark doesn’t seem to understand that this situation might be the universe’s sneaky way of forcing Chris Brown to take real, actual responsibility for his shitty actions. Monkeys are super smart, and some know sign language. I hope Fiji takes the stand and signs, “Living with Chris Brown was like suffering for 10 monkey lifetimes. Throw the book at him!”
Pic: Wenn.com
T.J. Miller Just Burned A Whole Lot Of Bridges
The fourth season finale of HBO’s Silicon Valley aired last night, and with it came the final appearance of mess fest T.J. Miller. Last month it was announced that T.J. and producers had “mutually agreed” that the fourth season would be his last. T.J. talked to The Hollywood Reporter about leaving the show, and he might have helped solve a blind item by going full-smug asshole during the interview.
Johnny Depp Joked About Assassinating The President
Johnny Depp has made it no secret that he likes Donald Trump about as much as personal grooming and selling his fancy rich people things. Johnny made fun of Trump in a 50-minute parody of The Art Of The Deal for Funny or Die last year, and again on Ellen. He came for Trump again last night, and this time, it may have caused the Secret Service to open up a file on him (if they haven’t already).