Category: I Don’t Think You Thought This Through

Adele Threw Herself A “Titanic”-Themed 30th Birthday Party

May 7, 2018 / Posted by:

Adele turned the big 3-0 on Saturday. To celebrate, Adele threw herself a Titanic-themed birthday party. Adele posted three pictures from her birthday on Instagram showing what her party looked like, and basically what you get is rich people cosplay. Adele dressed like Rose in an old-timey dress and sashayed down what would appear to be a full-scale model of the first class staircase inside of the ship. Hell, she probably got the real Heart of the Ocean diamond from the bottom of the sea too.

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Duchess Kate Didn’t Really Join The BAFTAs All-Black Dress Movement

February 19, 2018 / Posted by:

The Oscar’s British cousin, the BAFTAs, were held last night in London. The BAFTAs decided to adopt this year’s unofficial dress code from the Golden Globes, which was to wear black in support of the Time’s Up movement. And just like the Golden Globes, some guests didn’t really do the all-black dress code. But the person who broke the code wasn’t an actress with a lone IMDB credit who was hoping to trend on Twitter.

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Chris Brown Could Face Criminal Charges For Having A Pet Monkey

January 12, 2018 / Posted by:

Last month, Chris Brown broke the Parental Hierarchy of Pet Giving by buying his 3-year-old daughter Royalty a monkey. After the internet called him a dumbass for giving a child a pet monkey, he swore the animal – named Fijiwas his. The city of Los Angeles had a real problem with Chris’ monkey ownership. They’re pissed because Chris didn’t have a permit for little Fiji.

TMZ says that the California Department of Fish and Wildlife opened an investigation after getting several tips. Chris voluntarily surrendered Fiji to authorities before they could come raid his house. Having an exotic pet sans permit is a major no-no, and so Chris could be slapped with a misdemeanor charge of owning a restricted species without a permit. Fiji’s file has been turned over to the Los Angeles City Attorney. If Chris is found guilty, he could face up to six months in jail.

TMZ spoke to Chris’ lawyer Mark Geragos, who brushed it all off by calling the situation “absurd,” and implied the City Attorney has better, less petty things to spend taxpayer money on. Mark doesn’t seem to understand that this situation might be the universe’s sneaky way of forcing Chris Brown to take real, actual responsibility for his shitty actions. Monkeys are super smart, and some know sign language. I hope Fiji takes the stand and signs, “Living with Chris Brown was like suffering for 10 monkey lifetimes. Throw the book at him!

Pic: Wenn.com

T.J. Miller Just Burned A Whole Lot Of Bridges

June 26, 2017 / Posted by:

The fourth season finale of HBO’s Silicon Valley aired last night, and with it came the final appearance of mess fest T.J. Miller. Last month it was announced that T.J. and producers had “mutually agreed” that the fourth season would be his last. T.J. talked to The Hollywood Reporter about leaving the show, and he might have helped solve a blind item by going full-smug asshole during the interview.

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Johnny Depp Joked About Assassinating The President

June 23, 2017 / Posted by:

Johnny Depp has made it no secret that he likes Donald Trump about as much as personal grooming and selling his fancy rich people things. Johnny made fun of Trump in a 50-minute parody of The Art Of The Deal for Funny or Die last year, and again on Ellen. He came for Trump again last night, and this time, it may have caused the Secret Service to open up a file on him (if they haven’t already).

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Jennifer Hudson Will Star In Adam Sandler’s Next Netflix Movie

July 20, 2016 / Posted by:

I don’t know what Jennifer Hudson did to her agent to make the words “Jennifer Hudson to star in Adam Sandler’s next Netflix movie” happen. Maybe she forgot her agent’s birthday. Maybe her agent asked her to hold the elevator and she hit the “door close” button instead. Or maybe her agent wasn’t exactly feeling that time Jennifer shat on the last job she got after she was denied a Tony nomination. Whatever the reason, here’s where it led us: Oscar-winning actress Jennifer Hudson has agreed to star in Adam Sandler’s latest made-for-Netflix movie.

The Hollywood Reporter has all the details about JHud’s next role. She’ll be playing a singer named Courtney Clarke in Adam Sandler’s Sandy Wexler, a movie set in the 90s about a Los Angeles talent manager named Sandy Wexler. Sandy Wexler begins shooting in two weeks, and will be released on Netflix sometime in 2017.

Obviously an Adam Sandler direct-to-Netflix movie won’t exactly be the shiniest jewel on Jennifer Hudson’s IMDB page, but she still gets paid for it, so who cares. And who knows? Maybe this Adam Sandler movie won’t be as bad as The Ridiculous 6. Or The Do-Over. What’s that they say about third time’s the charm?

The only other thing known about the Jennifer Hudson’s role in Sandy Wexler is that she plays Adam Sandler’s love interest, and that he falls in love with her at an amusement park. That’s a story I think we can all relate to. I mean, who of us hasn’t experienced the bliss of falling in love with a singer while trying not to throw up corn dogs on the zipper as a remix of Ace of Base’s “Beautiful Life” blares at full-volume into your ear? Tale as old as time.

Pic: Wenn.com

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