Category: I Don’t Think You Thought This Through

Carey Hart Has Threatened To Shoot California Wildfire Looters

November 14, 2018 / Posted by:

Reports estimate that the California wildfires are only about 35 to 40% contained, with some evacuees able to return home. The lucky ones get to come home to houses that still look like houses instead of still-smoking charred remainsTMZ says that the Woolsey wildfires forced Pink and her husband Carey Hart out of their Malibu home a few days ago, and they’ve since been able to return. And after returning, Carey has formed a neighborhood militia that will shoot anyone trying to loot his neighborhood.

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Adele Threw Herself A “Titanic”-Themed 30th Birthday Party

May 7, 2018 / Posted by:

Adele turned the big 3-0 on Saturday. To celebrate, Adele threw herself a Titanic-themed birthday party. Adele posted three pictures from her birthday on Instagram showing what her party looked like, and basically what you get is rich people cosplay. Adele dressed like Rose in an old-timey dress and sashayed down what would appear to be a full-scale model of the first class staircase inside of the ship. Hell, she probably got the real Heart of the Ocean diamond from the bottom of the sea too.

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Duchess Kate Didn’t Really Join The BAFTAs All-Black Dress Movement

February 19, 2018 / Posted by:

The Oscar’s British cousin, the BAFTAs, were held last night in London. The BAFTAs decided to adopt this year’s unofficial dress code from the Golden Globes, which was to wear black in support of the Time’s Up movement. And just like the Golden Globes, some guests didn’t really do the all-black dress code. But the person who broke the code wasn’t an actress with a lone IMDB credit who was hoping to trend on Twitter.

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Chris Brown Could Face Criminal Charges For Having A Pet Monkey

January 12, 2018 / Posted by:

Last month, Chris Brown broke the Parental Hierarchy of Pet Giving by buying his 3-year-old daughter Royalty a monkey. After the internet called him a dumbass for giving a child a pet monkey, he swore the animal – named Fijiwas his. The city of Los Angeles had a real problem with Chris’ monkey ownership. They’re pissed because Chris didn’t have a permit for little Fiji.

TMZ says that the California Department of Fish and Wildlife opened an investigation after getting several tips. Chris voluntarily surrendered Fiji to authorities before they could come raid his house. Having an exotic pet sans permit is a major no-no, and so Chris could be slapped with a misdemeanor charge of owning a restricted species without a permit. Fiji’s file has been turned over to the Los Angeles City Attorney. If Chris is found guilty, he could face up to six months in jail.

TMZ spoke to Chris’ lawyer Mark Geragos, who brushed it all off by calling the situation “absurd,” and implied the City Attorney has better, less petty things to spend taxpayer money on. Mark doesn’t seem to understand that this situation might be the universe’s sneaky way of forcing Chris Brown to take real, actual responsibility for his shitty actions. Monkeys are super smart, and some know sign language. I hope Fiji takes the stand and signs, “Living with Chris Brown was like suffering for 10 monkey lifetimes. Throw the book at him!

Pic: Wenn.com

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