Category: I Don’t Think You Thought This Through

T.J. Miller Just Burned A Whole Lot Of Bridges

June 26, 2017 / Posted by:

The fourth season finale of HBO’s Silicon Valley aired last night, and with it came the final appearance of mess fest T.J. Miller. Last month it was announced that T.J. and producers had “mutually agreed” that the fourth season would be his last. T.J. talked to The Hollywood Reporter about leaving the show, and he might have helped solve a blind item by going full-smug asshole during the interview.

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Johnny Depp Joked About Assassinating The President

June 23, 2017 / Posted by:

Johnny Depp has made it no secret that he likes Donald Trump about as much as personal grooming and selling his fancy rich people things. Johnny made fun of Trump in a 50-minute parody of The Art Of The Deal for Funny or Die last year, and again on Ellen. He came for Trump again last night, and this time, it may have caused the Secret Service to open up a file on him (if they haven’t already).

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Jennifer Hudson Will Star In Adam Sandler’s Next Netflix Movie

July 20, 2016 / Posted by:

I don’t know what Jennifer Hudson did to her agent to make the words “Jennifer Hudson to star in Adam Sandler’s next Netflix movie” happen. Maybe she forgot her agent’s birthday. Maybe her agent asked her to hold the elevator and she hit the “door close” button instead. Or maybe her agent wasn’t exactly feeling that time Jennifer shat on the last job she got after she was denied a Tony nomination. Whatever the reason, here’s where it led us: Oscar-winning actress Jennifer Hudson has agreed to star in Adam Sandler’s latest made-for-Netflix movie.

The Hollywood Reporter has all the details about JHud’s next role. She’ll be playing a singer named Courtney Clarke in Adam Sandler’s Sandy Wexler, a movie set in the 90s about a Los Angeles talent manager named Sandy Wexler. Sandy Wexler begins shooting in two weeks, and will be released on Netflix sometime in 2017.

Obviously an Adam Sandler direct-to-Netflix movie won’t exactly be the shiniest jewel on Jennifer Hudson’s IMDB page, but she still gets paid for it, so who cares. And who knows? Maybe this Adam Sandler movie won’t be as bad as The Ridiculous 6. Or The Do-Over. What’s that they say about third time’s the charm?

The only other thing known about the Jennifer Hudson’s role in Sandy Wexler is that she plays Adam Sandler’s love interest, and that he falls in love with her at an amusement park. That’s a story I think we can all relate to. I mean, who of us hasn’t experienced the bliss of falling in love with a singer while trying not to throw up corn dogs on the zipper as a remix of Ace of Base’s “Beautiful Life” blares at full-volume into your ear? Tale as old as time.

Pic: Wenn.com

The Makers Of A Biopic About A Persian Poet Are Hoping To Cast Leonardo DiCaprio In The Lead Role

June 9, 2016 / Posted by:

Really? Me? As a Persian man? We think this is a good idea?” is what it looks like Leonardo DiCaprio is thinking in that picture above.

Because Hollywood clearly hasn’t learned anything from that time they cast Rooney Mara as Tiger Lily , or Rooney Mara as Mary Magdalene, or Joaquin Phoenix as Jesus, or Emma Stone was cast as Allison Ng, or Tilda Swinton as The Ancient One, Leonardo DiCaprio is being considered to play Persian poet Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Rumi (or simply Rumi) in an upcoming biopic. Yes, that Leonardo DiCaprio. The one you’re looking at above.

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Azealia Banks Won’t Be Charged For One Of The Times She Beat On A Club Bouncer

February 1, 2016 / Posted by:

Back in October, part-time rapper/ full-time poster child for crazy Azealia Banks got into it with a bouncer at a nightclub in Los Angeles. I have no idea why Azealia went full-Azealia that night. Maybe he triggered the Oh Hell No switch in her brain by telling her he really liked her song “Fancy.” Regardless, Azealia and the bouncer started fighting and it was all caught on camera.

Usually the words “caught on camera” means you better start practicing how to walk into jail with a handful cigarettes tucked between your butt cheeks, but Azealia doesn’t have to do any of that. TMZ says that Azealia Banks won’t do any time for allegedly beating on a club bouncer, because the L.A. City Attorney has thrown the case out. Even though footage of their fight was caught on a security camera, law enforcement can’t tell who started it. And since the bouncer didn’t have any injuries, it’s sort of a draw.

That’s not to say that Azealia’s bouncer-whooping days are behind her. Back in December, Azealia got into a fight with the bouncers at a club in NYC that ended with Azealia biting one of the bouncer’s boobies. That shit hasn’t gone to court yet.

But as one crazy door closes, another one opens. Earlier today, she hopped on Twitter, set her internal thought filter to bonkers, and started typing up a shade-laced endorsement of aspiring Presidential candidate/confirmed turd Donald Trump. Azealia truly covered all the bases of why Trump should be the 45th President of the United States: he’s evil, he’s a piece of shit, he’s not a THOT like the other candidates – you know, all the qualities the founding fathers wanted in a leader.

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Today In Not-Great Decisions: Nicki Minaj Performed For A Dictator

December 20, 2015 / Posted by:

Thanks to a little thing called The Internet, finding out if you’re about to perform for a dictator-type has never been easier. For example, you could throw their name into a search engine with the words “is maybe a dictator?” and see what comes up. Or you could use email and see if you receive any concerned emails from human rights groups with the subject line: “So I heard you’re about to perform for a dictator…“. Or, if you’re Nicki Minaj, you say “Fuck it” and perform for the dictator anyway.

The Daily Mail says that the possessed Crank Yankers puppet joined Mariah Carey’s Make That Angolan Dictator Money Club yesterday by performing at a Christmas party hosted by Unitel, a company part-owned by Angolan dictator-type José Eduardo dos Santos. Although really, even if the Daily Mail wasn’t saying shit about it, we’d still know she did it, thanks to the whole mess of pictures she threw up on Instagram before and after the show. Like the one of her wrapped in the Angolan flag (see above), or posing with José Eduardo dos Santos’ daughter and richest woman in Africa, Isabel dos Santos.

But maybe Nicki didn’t know she was performing for shady people? Well….I don’t know. According to the Daily Mail, human rights groups side-eyed her decision to do so and claimed that her performance was “an endorsement” of President dos Santos’ authoritarian rule. But they don’t say whether they told her before hand or not? Today I learned: human rights groups are totally that friend of yours who don’t warn you that the dude you’re about to bone will leave you with a rash on your business until after you ask them to come with you to pick up a tube of coochie cream.

Speaking of money, the Daily Mail says Nicki went home with a check for $2 million. When Mimi performed for the dos Santos family, she only got $1 million. And there’s your proof that the dos Santos family is dark-sided and corrupt; paying Nicki Minaj $2 million, but stiffing a glittering cotton candy goddess like Mariah Carey with a paltry $1 million? EVIL!

Here’s a couple pics of Nicki arriving in Luanda, Angola yesterday (courtesy of Nicki herself), as well as her wearing what appears to be the funeral-appropriate version of Brit Brit’s Toxic bodysuit.

Pics: Instagram

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