Say so long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye to those buff bald daddy muscles, because they’re going away for a while.
If you’ve wondered what Santino Rice has been up to since Ru filled his seat with the butts belonging to Ross Matthews and Carson Kressley, well, he’s a hardcore health person. A quick peek at his Instagram shows a dude who is really into organic raw food and self-health. The breakout star of Project Runway and former judge of RuPaul’s Drag Race proved just how dedicated he is to living that crazy health life by announcing on Twitter two days ago that he would be fasting for 111 days. Damn, I sincerely wish him the best of luck with that; I can barely go 111 minutes without shoving a handful of Wheat Thins into my mouth.
MTV was really taking a risk by having everyone walk into the VMAs on a white carpet instead of a red one. It was an award show shot in HD, which means it wasn’t a shock to see some people strolling in with their faces covered in a 1/4 inch thick layer of foundation, concealer, powder, the shadow from 6 Morphe eye palettes, 18oz of lipstick, and an entire bottle of setting spray. There’s no way MTV would have gotten their damage deposit back if someone like Kim Kardashian were to trip and land face-first on that carpet. If Kim left a makeup imprint of her face on that carpet, you know the first thing she would have done was had it sent to her mom’s house with a note that said: “Possible $$$ opportunity. Call the rug from Aladdin and set up a camera.”
Thankfully MTV didn’t have to worry about any of that when Alicia Keys hit the white carpet, because her face was au naturel….kind of.
I’ll start by saying that, no, this isn’t Martin Sheen’s idea of an April Fool’s Day prank. President Bartlet really believes that O.J. Simpson is innocent of the 1994 murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman, – like, not just “not guilty“, but actually for-real innocent – and he wants to prove it with a true crime TV show.
According to The Hollywood Reporter, Martin Sheen will executive produce a six-part docuseries titled Hard Evidence: O.J. Is Innocent for Investigation Discovery. THR says that O.J. Is Innocent will reveal new evidence (finally, the star-making vehicle the rusty buried knife deserves!) and cover a new hypothesis as to what happened on the night of the murders. Most of it will be based on a book by a Texas private investigator called O.J. Is Innocent and I Can Prove It, which literally sounds like the name of a Facebook group for O.J. Simpson murder conspiracy theorists. Martin Sheen will also narrate the series. He says he hopes that O.J. Is Innocent will help answer the following three questions:
“What if there were enough evidence that proved O.J. Simpson did not murder his ex-wife Nicole or Ron Goldman? What if the real killer were still at large? And finally, what if a grand jury convened to reconsider the case based on new evidence.”
“Eh, just as long as it doesn’t take away the reason why we’re famous, go nuts” said the Kardashians.
I already see one major problem with that title. If Sarah Paulson’s frustrated Marcia Clark chain smoking on American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson have taught me anything, it’s that the words “evidence” and “O.J. is innocent” sort of cancel each other out. Maybe Martin could fix that by throwing a question mark on the end, like Hard Evidence: O.J. Simpson Is Innocent?. Or just rename the whole thing: If He Didn’t Do It: Like, Guys, It’s Totally Possible, Right?
Former Laguna Beach cast member and current expert in basic baby names Kristin Cavallari is nothing if not passionate about spreading “the truth” about chemicals and toxins. She taught us all there is to know about vaccinations (ie. vaccinations are bad), and now she has moved on to the human diet. Kristin has a book out right now called Balancing in Heels, and she’s clearly coming for Gwyneth Paltrow’s “My insides are healthier than your insides” enlightened rich bitch crown.
According to People, Kristin writes in her book that she’s “become a psycho” about reading food labels and researching ingredients she doesn’t know about. Apparently it’s not just the child-murdering chemicals in polio immunizations that Kristin is protecting her kids from. Kristin would rather wake up with her old nose than let her children eat food containing GMOs, antibiotics, growth hormones, or “toxic chemicals.”
But Kristin isn’t doing it just for the smug mommy endorphins that get released every time she talks about what’s in her fridge. Kristin says that switching over to eating mostly organic foods, wild-caught fish, and grass-fed beef, has helped her unfrozen caveman husband Jay Cutler manage his type-1 diabetes and blood pressure. She also claims it’s the reason her family is rarely sick.
Kristin also really loves goat milk. After Kristin stopped breastfeeding her sons Camden and Jaxon, she found they had a problem with cow milk. Rather than giving them soy milk (because, as Kristin would like you to know, it’s “usually genetically modified“), she put them on a homemade goat milk formula. She doesn’t say where she gets her goat milk from. But since Kristin is such a “psycho” about where her food comes from, I’m going to assume she bought a goat and milks it every morning while interrogating it about what it ate the day before. “Are you SURE you haven’t ingested any non-organic grass? Don’t lie to me, I saw you sniffing over near the neighbor’s fence yesterday.”
Here’s Kristin looking like the keyboard player from a knock-off Partridge Family cover band called The Pigeon Gang while selling her book at GMA on Tuesday.
If I’ve learned anything about Ben Affleck, it’s that when he does something, he goes all in. When Ben Affleck decided to cheat on his wife, he went full-Hollywood and did it with the nanny. When Ben Affleck decided to take his gambling game to the next level, he started counting cards and getting kicked out of casinos. And when it comes to fixing all the fuck-ups and plot holes in the script for Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, he did it dressed as Batman.
A source tells UsWeekly that when Ben arrived to set, he’d head to wardrobe, slip into his Batman suit, grab a copy of the script, and start making changes. I know Ben Affleck is an Academy Award-winning screenwriter, but I wasn’t aware he was helping write that movie. According to the Internet, he wasn’t supposed to do anything more for Superhero Slap Fight than put on a costume and scowl into the camera. But reportedly Ben “wasn’t thrilled with it and would find himself on multiple occasions fixing it the day of.”
I don’t know how long Ben spent fixing the script, but I’ll be honest – it was clearly a waste of time. I must have watched the trailers for Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice at least 600 times, and not ONCE did I see anyone serving up some sweet moves to Prince’s Batdance. How can you rewrite a movie about Batman and leave out the most important aspect of the franchise? But I’ll give credit where credit is due. Ben totally could have done those rewrites in the comfort of a Doritos-covered Snuggie like a real writer (uh…or so I’ve heard). Instead, he chose to marinate in rubber Batsuit sweat and risk heat stroke to his balls. And then when he was done shooting, he made like Bruce Wayne and headed to a club where he proceeded to work his rich single guy game on a bunch of blondes. Ben is truly committed to his craft.
Pic: Warner Brothers
You can file this under many things, but may I suggest either “Drugs are a hell of a drug” or “Names I haven’t thought about since my 10 Things I Hate About You tape exploded in the VCR”. But if either of those are full, I guess you could also throw this into the file marked “Bitch, why the fuck are you dressed like a down-and-out juggler???”
Former 90s teen heartthrob Andrew Keegan told Vice (via Page Six) that he’s created his own religion called Full Circle, because I guess Scientology needed some crazy competition. Andrew created the “conscious social movement” in Venice Beach to “provide an experimental environment designed to creatively expand consciousness through visual and performing arts, movement classes, workshops, forums and healing therapies.” So it’s like arts and crafts and healing crystals? Sort of. But like, 10 times more hippie ju-ju and a million times more fucking WEIRD. Andrew explains how it all started:
Keegan says he had a revelation after being attacked by gang members in Venice Beach on March 11, 2011 — the same day the tsunami hit Japan. The timing of those events would later reveal its power and significance in how “synchronicity” helped him discover his true calling.
“I had a moment where I was looking at a street lamp and it exploded,” he explained. “That was a weird coincidence. At a ceremony, a heart-shaped rose quartz crystal was on the altar, and synchronistically, this whole thing happened. It’s a long story, but basically the crystal jumped off the altar and skipped on camera. That was weird.”
Keegan explains that these were some of the incidents that led him to conclude that “the mission is to take the war out of our story, which is essentially peace, but activated peace.”
Still confused? You should be! I’m as high as a fucking kite after reading that. I still have no idea what the hell Full Circle is. Thankfully, they made a video (YAAAASSSS) to explain their movement a bit better.
Of COURSE that’s the video they made. It’s as if Urban Outfitters started a religion with an enchanted bag of mushrooms, a pair of devil sticks, and a come-to-life drug rug using start up capital borrowed from the drug rug’s trust fund. It’s like if Coachella was a cult for hipsters (“It’s not???” – Vanessa Hudgens).
And I really want to know what that dog at the 0:41 mark thinks of this mess. Never mind, his doggy side-eye says it all.