Category: Hunks

…The Hell Is That Thing On His Head?

December 22, 2010 / Posted by:

It looks like one of the mangy and raggedy moplets from the Twilight wig closet broke free and galloped towards Istanbul to seek refuge on the top of Tom Hardy’s head. It’s not a bad place to seek refuge, but that Julian Assange-like busted wig is bringing down his hotness to dangerous levels. Tom is wearing that dingle-ridden mess on the set of Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy, so it’s part of the job, but still! Way to screw with the beauty. Although, that wig does look like it would make a good cum mop…. Hmm. SOLD!

Choose Your Kelly

December 4, 2010 / Posted by:

On the left is pro surfer Kelly Slater at the Eddie Aikau Big Wave opening ceremonies in Hawaii, and on the right is The Real Housewives of Bellevue’s very own Kelly Bensimon toughening her hide in Miami.

One Kelly makes me want to slather him in Mr. Zog’s Sex Wax and ride his board on a waterbed until the downstairs neighbor complains about a leak ruining their new rug. And the other Kelly makes me wish I was fashionably brave enough to mix brown and black leathers. So there you go, Kelly served two ways: bald and shaved, or jerkyfied!

Are You Gonna Strut My Way?

September 24, 2010 / Posted by:

Those cobblestones have been through some serious shit, but I bet they were not prepared for the kind of heat they felt when Lenny Kravitz stepped out wearing an ensemble you thought only existed in Grace Jones or Bill Kaulitz’ closet. Nope, Lenny has joined the game.

The sight of anyone in leather wedge boots and leather pants would make me reach for a vial of Tim Gunn’s blessed saliva, but Lenny Kravitz can wear whatever the hell he wants.

When Lenny struts his ass in leather wedge boots, everybody’s sphincter pays the price. Yup, so you better move your proctologist appointment up a few hours today. You won’t stop puckering until then.

And yes, I’d hit it until the doctor pronounced me D.O.A. And Lenny can keep the boots on! Please do.

Like Keith, Like Johnny

September 16, 2010 / Posted by:

This has been said a million times over, but Johnny Depp sort of is like a young Keith Richards without the dried adobe clay on his face or the sexy green sneakers or the whole “stealing children’s dreams in the middle of the night” thing. Johnny contemplated this while blowing a cig with Keith outside of a restaurant in London last night.

Johnny and his adoptive hobo daddy spent some time together after shooting Pirates of the Caribbean 4 all day. That’s why Johnny’s body is still covered in fake owwies.

And it was really nice and conscientious of Johnny to X mark the spot on his face where your right ass cheek goes. A gentleman all the way!

Panty Creamer Of The Day: Dreamboat Doherty

September 15, 2010 / Posted by:

If you are a card carrying member of The S.A.L.T., then you better put on your anti-masturbation gloves right now and run far far away from this post! Because the sight and smell (yeah, the co-worker next to you didn’t burp and queef again) of Dreamboat Doherty will send a shot of lust straight to your loins that even God can’t control. That burning itching down below needs to be scratched. If only RID made lube.

It’s been a while since Dlisted’s genital warts flared up for Dreamy, but here he is (with enough shit under his nails to start his own ant farm) peeking at all of the action outside of a court house in London during George Michael’s sentencing. Whenever Dreamy misses the days of getting yelled at by a judge, he drives up to a court house to get his fix. This is his porn. You can tell, because his cracked out eyes are so wide that even STAINS is telling him to calm down.

And now, I’ll leave the two of you alone. And I’ll also place a call to the exterminator, because you totally have bed bugs now.

These Two Are Doing It

September 8, 2010 / Posted by:

Over at People, they have a grainy picture of Halle Berry and Olivier Martinez sucking the escargot chunks out of each other’s mouths on the streets of Paris over the weekend. Usually, women find themselves in the arms of Olivier after he seduced them off their bar seat and into an empty nearby bathroom stall. Then he sucks on your tongue and grabs at your titties before cumming into his palm, wiping it on the wall and then leaving you quivering at the loins wondering what just happened. Yes, I’ve watched Unfaithful way too many times on cable. Anyways, this is not how it happened with Halle. Halle and Olivier shot Dark Tide together in South Africa last month. And here they are now…

An onlooker (aka the pap who followed them all day) says that Halle and Olivier were all over each other the entire day, “They had their arms around each other as they walked. They were both smiling and laughing. Their body language was very flirtatious. They definitely seemed like a couple – absolutely looked like more than friends. It was the classic ‘I’m going to kiss you here in a dark corner’ move. And she was waiting to be kissed.”

LE BARF at that cheesy ass description! To be fair to Olivier, I’m sure he acts like that with 99% of his friends and possibly some of his distant relatives. And maybe a few cats he feels close to. It’s his way! You can tell. Dude is always saying “I will mouth smother you in a dark corner” with his eyes. But my guess is that this isn’t that serious. Halle is simply getting herself a piece of Olivier’s buttery crotch baguette.

Besides, there’s rumors that Halle is also humping on her ex Gabriel Aubry. If that’s true, I say get it. I also say that Gabriel now knows why Halle’s mouth always smells like a strange musky cheese….

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >