Hunky actor Kit Harington (aka Ned Stark’s hunky bastard son Jon Snow from Game of Thrones) recently confessed to News.com.au (via Page Six) that he’s not here for the horny bitches drooling over his hot bod or swooning over his sexy beady little eyes. But he’s especially not here for anyone who refers to him as a “hunk” (Dr. Steve Brule just got very sad):
“To always be put on a pedestal as a hunk is slightly demeaning. It really is and it’s in the same way as it is for women. When an actor is seen only for her physical beauty it can be quite offensive. Well, it’s not just men that can be inappropriate sexually; women can be as well.
I’m in a successful TV show in a kind of leading man way and it can sometimes feel like your art is being put to one side for your sex appeal. And I don’t like that. In this position you get asked a lot, ‘Do you like being a heart-throb? Do you like being a hunk?’ Well, my answer is, ‘That’s not what I got into it for.'”
Part of me thinks Jon Snow doth protest too much, because are that many people busting their nuts over the low-budget Orlando Bloom? I just checked to see if KitHunkington.com or JonSnowMoreLikeJonBlowMe.org were things that existed, and they are not. But if he feels gross every time someone gives him the perv stare or calls him a hunk, there’s an easy way to divert attention away from his hunkiness: start carrying around a cardboard cutout of someone hunkier. Like notorious vintage hunk William Petersen from Manhunter, for example. Human eyes can’t focus on other hunks if they’re glued to the sexy purple short shorts of Detective Will Graham!
File this under: Shit that I’ve learned from the latter years of Kunty Karl, Calvin Klein and Giorgio Armani.
When I’m deep into the “Dinner at 5” phase of my life and want a hot piece of buff man meat to massage waterproof Benjamin Homosexual cream (all the refined socialites refer to it by its full name, dahling) between my wrinkly toes and give me the Heimcock maneuver after I have trouble swallowing my own saliva, I have to somehow sell a million overpriced gowns to a million women first. Sounds easy. Now let me just pull my Sew Easy knitting machine out of my asshole and get on that.
There has be an easier way. I’d do that whole “sell my soul to Lucifer” thing, but my soul went into foreclosure years ago. It ain’t worth shit. Anyway.
Here’s more of the luckiest old bitch alive Giorgio Armani frolicking in Formentera, Spain with a hot piece that I’m sure he’s introducing as “his nephew.” I can’t wait until I’m 77 and can introduce my leased whores as “my nephew.”
I was going to write a post about how Sienna Miller is giving her bull dozer vagina the spring off to fuck around with totally single and unmarried Tom Sturridge, but then I came across this picture of her moistening her chops at the sight of Gandalf’s behind-the-counter goods in London yesterday. Or maybe she’s excited because she’s thinking about all the homes she can barge into with that motorized scooter. Yeah, it’s definitely that.
And now you and horses have something in common, besides the whole “raising your leg whenever somebody comes behind you” thing. Mia Wasikowska, who stars as Jane Eyre in Jane Eyre, tells Movie Line about how her co-star Michael Fassbender caused dozens of horses to replace the Trace Cyrus poster in their stalls with the picture above. Their neeeeeigh is now calling Michael’s name.
Mia says that Michael’s crotch has the stuff that makes horses drop their fifth leg and dream of turning his cheeks into a feedbag, and she learned about this during rehearsals. The Reverse Equus presented by Mia Wasikowska:
“Michael had a very… huge effect on any horse he got on. There was a horse on the third day of filming [when] we were shooting the scene where Jane and Rochester meet, and every time Michael hopped on the horse it got a huge erection. And he’d get off and they’d run the poor thing around the block to try to make it go away, and he’d hop on it again and it would happen all over again, and they’d have to get him off and run it around.
It happened in rehearsals and then on the day of shooting. So it was great.”
It’s easy to laugh at this, but it could’ve ended with Michael getting an anal graft on a surgeon’s table. Michael’s horse could’ve had a “moment” mid-gallop and BOOM! Horse dick hitting the ground like an anchor! Michael would’ve flown over his horse’s head and landed ass up on the dirt. Michael’s ass in the air + a ready-to-party horse – lube = not a good scene.
Another day, another awards show, but the Directors Guild Awards in Los Angeles were something special, because the hypnotic Ronn Moss graced their presence. If you don’t know who Ronn Moss is, there’s a good chance your jaw is going to unlock itself and quit your ass. Ronn Moss is a LEGEND (legend = Ridge Forrester on The Bold and the Beautiful) and his jawline is equally as legendary. Ronn could cut off your panties and shape your bush into a heart with that jaw! Zoolander could pucker like Renee Zellweger giving fellatio to a Lemonhead, and he still wouldn’t get Ronn’s organically beautiful jawline!
You know how some dudes spend years in the gym trying to get that V muscle under their abs? Well, Ronn was naturally born with a V muscle and he didn’t have to lift one stupid weight to get it. Yes, Ronn’s V muscle on his face, but he’s still got it. I swear, watching Ron chew on steak fat is probably a magical and spiritual experience. Let me add that one to my bucket list.
Strangely enough, the Directors Guild Awards weren’t only held to pay tribute to Adonis Ronn’s jaw of marble. They also gave out awards and a bunch of blah blah bitches (besides Ronn, of course) showed up. In order: Claire Danes, Colin Firth, Andrew Garfield, Helena Bonham Carter, Natalie Portman with Darren Aronofsky, Trent Reznor, Peg Bundy, some beige thing and Sofia Vergara.
It looks like one of the mangy and raggedy moplets from the Twilight wig closet broke free and galloped towards Istanbul to seek refuge on the top of Tom Hardy’s head. It’s not a bad place to seek refuge, but that Julian Assange-like busted wig is bringing down his hotness to dangerous levels. Tom is wearing that dingle-ridden mess on the set of Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy, so it’s part of the job, but still! Way to screw with the beauty. Although, that wig does look like it would make a good cum mop…. Hmm. SOLD!