The Next Teaser Trailer For “The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1” Is Here

Even though The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1 will make a hundred billion dollars at the box office when its released in late November, another teaser trailer was released to the thirsty nerds of San Diego Comic-Con this weekend. So far, this is the third “teaser”, and by the time they’re done releasing “teasers”, we’ll be able to edit them all together and watch a rough cut of the movie and save ourselves $15 and having to wait in line behind a neckbeard dressed like Katniss who smells like ham and cheese Hot Pockets. Keep ’em coming, guys!

The first trailer for Mockingjay – Part 1 looked like an ad for a fancy Beverly Hills baby store, and the second looked like a clip from a Scientology training video, but this third one is caked in grime and everyone looks super fucking stressed out. We open on the late Philip Seymour Hoffman who’s stressing out to Julianne Moore in discount Stacy London drag. We then cut to a bunch of stressed-out looking Warriors rejects and some budget Storm Troopers, and rain. SO MUCH RAIN. And everything looks damp as shit. It’s like The Hunger Games Does Dickens.

At the very end, we get to see a stressed looking Jennifer Lawrence making the same worried face I make when I realize I’m out of Diet Coke. Or maybe she’s just concentrating not falling.

And I can’t wait for the next hundred trailers that will be released. At the rate they’re going, they’ll eventually run out of material and start releasing “trailers” that are nothing but behind-the-scenes footage of the cast eating their lunch. “EXCLUSIVE TEASER TRAILER #2,394: PEETA EATS TURKEY SANDWICH, APPLE.”

(via UsWeekly)

The First Trailer For “The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1” Is Here

If watching toilet paper commercials gives you the urge to go pee, then I strongly suggest you take a break and empty your bladder before pressing play on the first trailer for The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1, otherwise you might find yourself in the middle of a Fergie-Ferg moment. I know it’s supposed to get me all amped up to see another 2 hours of Jennifer Lawrence shooting arrows at shit in depressing future times, but all the trailer does is make me want to go to the bathroom.

I know it’s supposed to be Donald Sutherland’s office or castle in Panem or whatever (can you tell I’ve never watched The Hunger Games?) but it feels like they filmed the whole thing inside a fancy future Restoration Hardware catalogue. And I’m told this is supposed to be a propaganda commercial, but it still feels like Donald Sutherland is auditioning to replace those butthole-obsessed Charmin bears. I can practically feel the quilted cottony softness of his coat soothing my no-no after eating an entire bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

This is a new trailer, but it’s giving me deja-vu for some reason. Let’s see…stark white room…a delusional megalomaniac with a god complex…a silent twink with a vacant look on his face. Oh right! The Scientology Christmas card.

And how much do you want to bet that immediately after watching this all-white Hunger Games trailer, the search history on Lindsay Lohan’s laptop started filling up results for “Panem” + “Magical city make of coke??” + “Direct flights”.

ICYMI: The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Trailer

The MTV Movie Awards should’ve been called The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Trailer Event (featuring the MTV Movie Awards), because that trailer is the only reason why most bitches sat through that crusty skid mark of a fake awards show. Jennifer Lawrence couldn’t be bothered to show up to the MTV Movie Awards last night, so Miley Cyrus’ future ex fiance is the one who introduced the trailer which featured Donald Sutherland’s luscious eyebrows, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Woody Harrelson’s middle part weave and a bunch of sad hos looking grey-faced, miserable and dead inside (aka me while waiting in line at the post office today. Happy Tax Day!).

And on Halloween last year, I saw so many people wearing a broke down, busted Effie Trinket costume. So when I saw Effie Trinket’s purple dress in the trailer, I just knew that this Halloween I’m going to see a lot of broke Effie wannabes wearing a dress made of purple-dyed coffee filters.

Everybody Went To See The Hunger Games This Weekend

Yes, I was one of the 10 trillion assholes who waited 90 minutes to see The Hunger Games (not to be confused with New York Fashion Week). Yes, I was also that asshole who threw a not-so-secret side-eye and an under the breath “stupid cunt” at the people in front of me whose group of friends magically showed up to join them in front of the line ten seconds before they let us in. (Note: That “stupid cunt” was really meant for me, because I’m mad that I didn’t have friends who waited 90 minutes in line for me.) You were probably one of those assholes in line with me, because EVERYBODY went to see that Hongray shit this weekend.

Deadline says that THG beat the sparkle out of the Twatlight Saga by earning $214.25 million internationally ($155 million domestically), making it the third biggest opening of all time behind Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 2 and The Dark Knight. The last Twatlight movie opened with $138 million. That calmness you just felt was the universe sighing over the fact that every Twihard has stopped creaming…for now. Here’s this weekend’s top 10:

1. The Hunger Games – $155 million
2. 21 Jump Street – $21.3 million
3. Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax 3D – $13.1 million
4. John Carter 3D – $5 million
5. Act Of Valor – $2 million
6. Project X – $1.9 million
7. A Thousand Words – $1.9 million
8. October Baby – $1.7 million
9. Safe House – $1.3 million
9. Journey 2 – $1.3 million

HA @ John Carter.

For the most part, I liked The Hongray Games, but mostly because the dude across the aisle from me provided me with priceless moments like shouting “DAMN BITCH” when Katmess schooled her mother. The movie I imagined in my head while reading the book was a lot better, but that’s because I pictured RuPaul as Ru, Gayle King as Gale (the movie Gale sucked) and The Silver Fox as Foxface. But you know, the people who saw John Carter probably had a better time than I did. Because the only reason to buy a ticket to John Carter is if you and your fuck piece need a private, empty and dark place to get down. Any theater showing John Carter can provide that, because nobody went to see that shit.

And here’s a few ultra exciting pictures of Jennifer Lawrence buying coffee or tea or whatever at Whole Foods in Santa Monica.