Great news for everyone who loves watching Chris Hemsworth with his shirt off, which I’m assuming is everyone with a pulse: he’ going to play Hulk Hogan. Can you smell what The Rock is cooking?! Oh wait–wrong one.
At least we’ll always have “cunt plug” in our vocabulary thanks to Gawker.com….
Gawker Media declared bankruptcy and went up on the auction block after Hulk Hogan and evil gay billionaire Peter Thiel teamed up to take them down. Hulk sued them for posting clips of a sex tape that was recorded without him knowing it. Hulk won the case and a $140 million judgement. Gawker Media filed for bankruptcy to protect their assets from Hulk’s oiled-up and tanning bed-roasted paws as they go through appeals. Univision bid $135 million for Gawker Media earlier this week and they won. The sale still has to be approved by a bankruptcy court judge and that hearing will happen today. If the judge gives a thumbs up, the sale will be a done deal by next month. The Wall Street Journal says that in the sale agreement is a clause that lets Univision put a “CLOSED” sign on Gawker.com permanently, and they’ve done just that. Univision is expected to keep Gawker Media’s other sites (Jezebel, Deadspin, Lifehacker, Gizmodo, Jalopnik and Kotaku) open.
Gawker.com writer J.K. Trotter said in a post today that they’re leaving the internet after 14 years. Give me a minute, I have to dry heave a bit after picturing Hulk Hogan rubbing his orange salchicha all over his computer screen with Gawker’s goodbye post on it.
No. Nude pictures of Brooke Hogan didn’t leak. Gawker filed for bankruptcy.
Back in March, Hulk Hogan won a total of around $140 million after a jury decided that Gawker Media was in the wrong and violated his privacy by posting clips of a heave-inducing sex tape he unknowingly made with his friend’s then-wife Heather Clem. Gawker’s lawyers responded by asking the judge to reduce the settlement or issue a stay to give them time to appeal the decision. Judge Pamela Campbell didn’t shrink that $140.1 million settlement, but this morning, she granted Gawker a stay. Politico reports that Gawker responded to that by filing for Chapter 11, which means the entire company (including all of its sites like Gawker, Jezebel, Gizmodo and others) is going to be auctioned off to the highest bidder.
On Friday night, Hulk Hogan probably celebrated his $115 million victory against Gawker Media by prematurely ordering a half dozen diamond-encrusted gold-woven silk bandanas. Well, he can order a couple more, because the jury in his secret fuck tape lawsuit against Gawker decided today he should get ANOTHER $25 million. I don’t know if the overdone chicharrón is going to see much of that insane amount of cash, but if he does, then we should brace our eardrums because he’ll probably try to make Brooke Hogan a pop star again.
This is going to buy the Hulkster a lot of pre-ripped tees, overused tanning salon packages, and spandex stretchy pants! TMZ claims that Gawker Media, founder Nick Denton and editor A.J. Daulerio might end up owing cartoony racist ranter Hulk Hogan as much as half a billion. The Gawker Media gang was found liable in court this week for posting a sex tape vid starring Hulk and a former friend’s wife on their site. (I refuse to type “Bubba the Love Sponge.” Argh, I just did.)
According to him, Hulk’s personal narrative turned tragic
after he split with that hot piece Linda when the sex tapin’ cam caught him dropping the n-bomb causing the WWE to axe his leathery ass. Hogan has already been awarded $115 million in compensatory damages. This week, the jury will decide what to award him in punitive. According to Harvey Levin’s House, the legal tea is that the Florida Supreme Court ordinarily awards punitive damages that are two to three times more than compensatory, which means that Gawker Media may end up owing Hulk Hogan close to half a billion dollars. Was the jury imported directly from the Hulkamaniacs fan club? Was the foreman wearing a red and yellow do-rag as he read the verdict? Did Hulk promise that daughter that he’s way too into to someone in the box?
Gawker founder Denton has said that they plan to appeal the verdict. Look for them to install a GoFundMe plug-in on the Gawker site to start collecting the 50 million required for the bond to appeal. That being said, does anyone know if Hulk will be needing a live-in houseboy? I’m white if that helps.
One of Hulk Hogan’s lawyers is probably on top of a ladder and is trying to peel off his bandana from the ceiling, because that shit probably blew off of his head after a jury awarded him $115 million in damages from Gawker. And just like that, Linda Hogan’s deep fried coochie suddenly has the tingles for Hulk Hogan once again.