Gwyneth Paltrow‘s brain child from Hell, Goop, is really in a constant state of lunacy. Most recently the company was ordered to fork over $145, 000 because of the vagina eggs they were shilling. Well obviously that was enough for Gwyneth and Team Goop to smarten up and stop selling you expensive garbage. Psyche! It was not enough! In fact, they are still selling you $100 water bottles with crystals in them which infuse the water with “the power of crystals,” (I’m not exaggerating). And because they’re still hawking shit to the richest of idiots, they’re also still getting in trouble for it. What happened to that fact checker, girl?
Gwyneth Paltrow Talked Conscious Uncoupling And Postpartum Depression On Goop’s 10-Year Anniversary Podcast
The most pretentious woman to ever make you shove a jade egg up your vagina, Gwyneth Paltrow, sat down with her mother Blythe Danner on her Goop podcast to celebrate 10 years in the business of selling overpriced forks. On the podcast, Gwyneth talked about her struggle with postpartum depression, and that whole conscious uncoupling shit that we’ll never be able to escape.
Everybody has that one friend who is always trying to do too much. They want to celebrate their birthday, but instead of just going for dinner and drinks they want to do some expensive ass, multiple day, out of town shit and if you say you can’t go you’re labeled a “bad friend”. Well, Gwyneth Paltrow is that friend times a million.
I guess we can finally answer the burning question as to why Cameron Diaz retired from acting. It’s probably because she was asked to dedicate her life full-time to planning her pal Gwyneth Paltrow’s bachelorette party (and eventual uncoupling ceremony). Gwynny probably has Cam under contract for the next 10-20 years. In case your Goop newsletter somehow ended up in your spam folder, Gwyneth is getting hitched to American Horror Story co-creator Brad Falchuk. According to Page Six, the bride’s pre-wedding festivities are all going down this weekend in Mexico.
Every thinking person knows that the best way to start off the year is by squirting a quart of coffee up your anus. Good morning! That’s the Goop way and it’s the right way. Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop sent out its Beauty and Wellness Detox Guide and, according to The Huffington Post, it features a do-it-yourself coffee enema product. It’s called the, I kid you not, Implant O’Rama and is a steal at only $135 USD. Which is indeed a bargain considering she’s also hawking a $4,000 personal Sauna and a 1.7oz jar (about 3 tablespoons) of exfoliating facial mask that you are supposed to use three times a week but that Goop assures “GP uses daily” for $125.
When I free associate on the name Gwyneth Paltrow these are the first things that pop into my mind: Vaginas, dietary restrictions, Brad Pitt, aggressively Caucasian, talks weird, head in a box. Gwyneth recently appeared on Sophia Amoruso’s Girlboss podcast (via Page Six), and she managed to reaffirm most of them in a single interview! But the big take away is that Gwyneth revealed she is romantically challenged, and once again admits she was to blame for things not working out with Brad.