Category: How Brave Of You

Kim Kardashian Says That Her Met Gala Diet Caused Her To Have A Psoriatic Arthritis Flare

July 11, 2022 / Posted by:

It’s been two months since the Met Gala and we’re still hearing about Kim Kardashian wearing Marilyn Monroe’s friggin’ dress because Kim keeps slowly burping out new tidbits every time she sits down for another interview. This time, it’s that in Kim’s quest to become the next very serious artiste and lose weight for “the role” of wearing Marilyn’s dress, she had to abandon her usual plant-based diet to choke down meat (it’s just too easy) for it to fit, and instead of just getting the “meat sweats,” she got a case of the meat “psoriatic arthritis-es.” Her sharing of this very crucial and intriguing information is either a smokescreen for some other shady K-business going on or an attempt by Kris Jenner to broker a deal to replace Khloe Kardashian’s unsettling, artificial Nurtec commercial face with Kim’s natural, “never filled, only minimally Botoxed” face in a Xeljanz campaign.

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Katy Perry Wants You To Know That Not A Lot Of Women Would Pose On The Cover Of Forbes

June 30, 2015 / Posted by:

Lydia Deetz’s Forever 21 equivalent Katy Perry is currently on the cover of Forbes magazine, thanks to the crapload of money she made last year singing, hustling makeup, and getting into middle school girl fights with Taylor Swift (I don’t know those two could monetize that, but I’m sure Tay Tay found a way). And when Katy Perry called up Forbes and agreed to appear on the cover, Forbes pulled up their fanciest fainting couch and collapsed, because women don’t normally agree to that sort of thing. Katy spilled the rich person tea on Instragram yesterday:

“Before accepting the offer to be on the cover of Forbes, I was told that a lot of women have previously shied away from doing it. I wondered if it was because they thought socially it would look like they were flaunting or bragging or it wasn’t a humble decision. Ladies, there is a difference between being humble and working hard to see the fruits of your labor blossom, and your dreams realized. Hopefully this cover can be an inspiration to women out there that it’s okay to be proud of hard earned success and that there is no shame in being a boss. Also…don’t think that I didn’t celebrate this moment by going straight to Taco Bell and getting my crunch wrap supreme”

Maybe they kept turning it down because they were afraid they’d end up looking like the bastard baby of Scrooge McDuck and Magica De Spell? Maybe.

Posing on the cover of Forbes with the number of dollars you made last year floating above your shoulder is one of the more shameless ways to say “I’M RICH, BITCH!!!“, but I don’t blame her. Katy Perry earned $135 million, and she should be proud of it. Sure, she’s a grown woman who dressed up night after night like a rejected Nick Jr. cartoon from the 90s to get it, but $135 million is $135 million.

Pics: Forbes

George Clooney Is Pissed That Sony Pulled “The Interview”

December 19, 2014 / Posted by:

Fancy Lawyer Barbie Amal Clooney’s part-time Hollywood actor husband George has some major feelings about the Sony email hack. In case you’ve forgotten because your brain is too interested in St. Angie’s messy Cleopatra drama, several sad emails Georgie sent to Amy Pascal about the shit reviews for his film The Monuments Men were leaked last weekend. That would normally be enough to piss someone off, but it was Sony’s decision to pull The Interview that really set him over the edge. So much, that it made him angry enough to circulate…A PETITION.

George spoke to Deadline and told them about the petition he created with his agent to show support for Sony and unite as an industry to stand up to the terrorists threatening the release of The Interview, and confessed that NO ONE in Hollywood was brave enough to sign it. George’s letter is long as hell, so it’s hidden after the cut. By the way, it sounds badass if you read it while listening to “America, Fuck Yeah (Bummer Remix)“, so I suggest you throw that on to enhance your George Clooney American Hero Petition Experience.

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Brad Pitt Is A Miserable Bastard Loner And A Director Snob, Says Brad Pitt

September 29, 2014 / Posted by:

Sorry, you’ll have to give me a moment – I’m trying to make sense of Brad Pitt’s janky facial hair on the cover of GQ. Why does it look like his beard is running away from his moustache? And why does his chin look like an elderly badger after a bikini wax? “Oooh girl, let your garden grown!”  said some elderly badgers.

Brapi gave an interview to British GQ where talked about his gorgeous hair in Interview with the Vampire and what the hell was up with St. Angie’s wedding dress. NO! I wish. He actually talked about pretentious Hobo Brad shit (all of which is super-fun to read in Taran Killam’s Brad Pitt voice):

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Karl Lagerfeld Is A Hero (If You Have A Very Loose Definition Of The Word)

February 9, 2014 / Posted by:

And my definition is the loosest! I’m such a jaded fuck, I think anyone that goes out of their way to not be a raging asshole on purpose is a hero. An employee at McDonalds didn’t tell me to ‘eat shit’ when I asked for an extra ketchup packet? HERO. Seeing a car wait an extra 10 seconds while an old lady finished crossing the road? HERO. My shower had hot water? OMG SUCH HERO.

With that being said, I applaud Kunty Karl for taking a break from being the World’s Second Largest Undead Kunt (the title of First Largest is being reserved in the event Pimp Mama Kris dies and returns as a zombie) long enough to save Women’s Wear Daily editor Bridget Foley from the pain and anguish she suffered after being detained by customs officials in France. I know: quelle fucking horreur. Showbiz Spy says that Bridget Foley was on her way to the Paris couture shows when she was held up by French customs because her passport was nearly expired, then put in a holding cell before being taken to police. Despite intervention by her bosses at Condé Nast and the US Embassy, Bridget was detained for so long she missed the first day of couture shows in Paris (LE GASP).

Things for Bridget seemed hopeless until news spread to Karl Lagerfeld, who made a couple calls and sent his main Chanel bitch, Bruno Pavlovsky, to free her from a life of prison yard shankings and teardrop tattoos. Bridget Foley later wrote about her harrowing ordeal for Women’s Wear Daily by saying:

“My personal takeaway, should I ever be stopped by law enforcement personnel for anything, for crossing against the light, my first words will be ‘Officer, I’m so sorry.’ And my second: ‘I want to call a lawyer. Or Chanel.’ ”

Who does this bitch think Karl Lagerfeld is? Better Call Saul? Get real Bridget; Karl’s too busy drinking the blood of virgins with Choupette to get you out of a jaywalking ticket. She’s lucky she caught Karl at weak moment; an hour earlier or later and he would have been all: “What a pity. I certainly hope she looks good in orange.”

And today’s Important Life Lesson: France does not fuck around when it comes to passports and will Brokedown Palace your ass.

(Pic: Wenn)

Justin Timberlake Took His People’s Choice Awards On A Romantic Date To Taco Bell

January 9, 2014 / Posted by:

YAAASSSS!!! Taco Bell is finally getting the A-list respect it deserves! Nothing says ‘Congratulations’ like the reward of 2 Doritos Locos tacos, nachos supreme, and a 24oz Mountain Dew Baja Blast, and apparently Justin Timberlake agrees. After taking home 3 People’s Choice Awards last night, Justin decided to celebrate his winnings in the same way I celebrate my cellphone company turning my phone back on by taking the party to Taco Bell and posting a picture to Instagram.

Now, we all know that Justin’s b-hole is probably too precious for the asshole-tearing that is Taco Bell Meat-Style Filling™, so I don’t believe for a damn minute that he ate anything from Taco Bell besides a Diet Pepsi and a packet of mild Border Sauce. I doubt he’s built up the  tolerance needed to handle Taco Bell without shitting your pants. I mean, I have, but my training involved eating it at least once a week for a year. I could walk into a Taco Bell in the middle of Kansas (where they pronounce it tay-koes), watch them assemble my food with items pulled from a box labeled with a question mark, and not spend a moment on the toilet. I believe that’s called ‘living the dream’.

Regardless, Justin seemed to have a good time riding high off taco farts and freedom at Taco Bell, since he left his boring-ass bowl of Cream of Wheat wife, Jessica Biel, at home; but he was kind enough to acknowledge her during his acceptance speech:

“I’d like to thank all the fans who voted. I’ll take it — people’s champ, I love it. And I’d like to thank my beautiful wife for teaching me patience and the little things like just putting the dishes in the dish washer. It goes a long way — fellas, you’re welcome!”

Isn’t it cute when rich people act like they know what a dishwasher is? As if they don’t have a disgruntled Eastern European housekeeper who silently curses in Polish under her breath every time she finds a 3-day old bowl of Lucky Charms in the den. I bet JT hasn’t loaded a dishwasher since his ‘N Sync days, and even then, something tells me Chris Kirkpatrick was the dishwasher if the group (he had to do something, right?)

(Pics via Instagram, Splash)

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