Category: Hot Slut of the Week

Hot Slut Of The Week: John Wall

January 4, 2010 / Posted by:

Birthday: September 6, 1990
Age: 19
Birth Name: John Wall

Original Date of HS of the Day: January 2, 2009
Claim to Fame: John Wall throws balls and dodges ass for the University of Kentucky’s basketball team. But for me, John Wall didn’t pass my eyes until I watched this viral video of him turning follicle jumping into an art form.

Where is he now? Hopefully negotiating an endorsement deal with Pantene, because nobody respects hair as much as John Wall does.
Why is he HS of the Week? Well, because when I made him Hot Slut of the Day, some hos wrote me shit like, “I didn’t know you were a basketball fan” and “Who knew you loved sports?” It seriously made me feel so butch. I even drank a Heineken out of the bottle that night instead of pouring it in a plastic champagne glass like I usually do! And in case you missed John’s jumping over a wall of cheerleaders, here you go:

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Hot Slut Of The Week: Banana Jesus

December 28, 2009 / Posted by:

Birthday: A few weeks old
Age: Ripe
Birth Name: Somethingoranother Dole

Original Date of HS of the Day: December 26, 2009
Claim to Fame: It’s the face of Jesus on a banana. Do not question.

Where is he now? Probably trying to turn milk and Cheerios into a 40 and a few blunts.
Why is he HS of the Week? Good question. It might have something to do with the empty bowl staring at me.

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Hot Slut Of The Week: Snooki

December 22, 2009 / Posted by:

Birthday: 1988ish
Age: 21
Birth Name: Nicole Polizzi

Original Date of HS of the Day: December 18, 2009
Claim to Fame: Snickerdoodles (or Snackwells as my mom calls her) stumbled onto MTV’s Jersey Shore from the Willy Wonka Factory to charm all of us with her delectable backfat and hypnotizing skankrobatics. Snooki had me at the first Jager shot.

Where is she now? Snooki is on the road to becoming the most famous munchkin on the stroll! I mean, Snooki’s rental fee is $2,000 + transportation (aka 1 ticket on the Chinatown bus and a McDonald’s coupon book). I should sell a few of my organs, so that I can get her to host the Dlisted Meat & Booze Party at the parking lot of the In ‘N Out in La Habra, CA.

Why is she HS of the Week? Because 64% of you voted her through. Democracy is working!

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Who Is The Hot Slut Of The Week?

December 21, 2009 / Posted by:

I really can’t choose a Hot Slut of the Week this week. It’s impossible. It’s like that last scene in The Good Son where the mom has to choose between the evil Macaulay Culkin or the angel Elijah Wood. What a hard decision. I mean, Elijah is made out of sugary rainbows and everything, but Macaulay’s character made things interesting. And if Macaulay’s character lived, there would be a sequel, which meant that the mom would get another paycheck. Decisions, decisions.

This is like that, so I’m asking you hos to choose, because you always know what’s best after two shots of Andre. Here’s your choices:

Tami Roman: MTV’s First Lady of Crazy and the poet who came up with “It wasn’t not funny!
Bülent Ersoy: Turkey’s official tranny beauty!
RAED (pronounced: RAID): The tone-deaf rap legend from Melbourne!
Maxx Factor: Avon ladies with voices!
Patrick McDonald: Reality star and eyebrow aficionado!
Snooki from Jersey Shore: Needs no introduction!
Angelina Marcantognini: Canada’s worst driver!

This is a one-night thing, so the winning slut will be announced tomorrow. Voting is in the sidebar to the right ——->

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Hot Slut Of The Week: Suzanne Roberts

December 14, 2009 / Posted by:

Birthday: 1922ish
Age: 87
Birth Name: Suzanne Somethingoranother

Original Date of HS of the Day: December 6, 2009
Claim to Fame: Suzanne is an actress, child tamer (more on that below), public speaker, socialite and the senior of all seniors. Suzanne was a well-known stage actress in Philadelphia before she married her now husband. Suzanne’s husband is the founder of Comcast, so dude gave his lady her own talk show where she talks about oldies and all their problems.

Where is she now? Either annoying someone by spending hours unwrapping a piece of candy or taking a nap. That’s how most memaws spend 90% of their day.

Why is she HS of the Week? It was between Suzanne and another Hot Slut, but then I read this in her bio and it sealed the deal.

A true pioneer, Suzanne has also received international recognition for her work with emotionally disturbed children. When, as a mother of five, she and her family spent a summer at a Navajo Reservation, she discovered special methods of communicating with hostile and withdrawn hospital patients.

You know she’s slipping those people a little peyote. Suzanne has the touch.

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Hot Slut Of The Week: Harald Glööckler

December 8, 2009 / Posted by:

Birthday: ?
Age: Unicorns never age
Birth Name: Harald Glööckler

Original Date of HS of the Day: December 2, 2009
Claim to Fame: One summer night in Germany, a star fell from the star and out pranced Harald looking just like he does now. The faeries gathered around him, ejaculated over his eyes and then carried him to Berlin where he became the toast of the fashion world. Okay, he actually became the toast of HSN, which is better if you ask me. Harald currently sells fancy rayon ensembles to the masses on HSN!

Where is he now? Most likely covering his skin with a paste made from melted down mannequins. It’s one of his daily rituals.
Why is he HS of the Week? THE BROWS! THE JEWELS! THE BEAUTY! THE BULGE (it’s rhinestones and Skittles)! THE EVERYTHING!

Below are some pictures of Harald at a party last week with Nastassja Kinski and Bonnie Tyler. True story: Harald’s glamorous eye staches were the inspiration for “Total Eclipse of the Heart.”

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