Category: Hot Slut of the Month

June’s Hot Slut Of The Month Is….

July 17, 2017 / Posted by:

Nikos Giannopoulos!

Clariol’s True-To-Light Makeup Mirror has shattered into a million pieces. Man Bun Ken’s man bun has unraveled. And my current favorite auto-tuned chanteuse, Sarah Dunne, has melted into a puddle of rejection and woe and is at a loss for words. It’s all because they got their asses beat hard in June’s Hot Slut of the Month showdown by Nikos Giannopoulos, the Rhode Island teacher of the year who brought some refreshing gayness and glamour to a White House that’s about as gay as a Miller Lite stain on a Nascar shirt and didn’t acknowledge Pride Month.

Nikos got a whopping 64% of your votes, and far behind in second was Clariol’s True-To-Light Makeup Mirror with 19%. In third was Man Bun Ken with 14%, and in last was Sarah Dunne with 3%. Nikos fanned away the competition and will now go on to the Hot Slut of the Year semi-finals in January.

Thanks to everyone who voted. And if you’ve got a HSOTD idea that you don’t think I’ve ever done, stick the tip in my inbox.

Pic: Facebook

 

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Who Is June’s Hot Slut Of The Month? 

July 11, 2017 / Posted by:

I am taking a break from planning my Thelma and Louise-like road trip with my sister (but instead of killing rapists and fucking early-90s Brad Pitt I’ll be guzzling down canned wine while playing travel Scrabble with her in a room at a Super 8) to ask you to vote in Dlisted’s sixth Hot Slut of the Month pageant of the year. We’re over halfway through with 2017, and that’s crazy, but I guess it’s true what they say: time flies when you’re snorting whole Xanax pills, mainlining red wine and soothing your nerves by playing with your fidget spinner butt plug after watching the news or reading twitter. But before the world completely burns down, let’s crown June’s HSOTM, because I will curse everything and everyone if my laptop gets nuked before I can announce June’s HSOTM champion.

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Anderson Cooper’s Eye Roll Is May’s Hot Slut Of The Month! 

June 9, 2017 / Posted by:

Winona Ryder’s Facial Expressions are no longer the lone facial expressions who will compete for the illustrious title of Hot Slut of 2018 next year. You know, one of my cousins said a while ago that she doesn’t read Dlisted because it’s too weird for her. I didn’t know what the hell she was talking about until I finished typing that first sentence.

It wasn’t even a competition. Anderson Cooper’s Eye Roll easily rolled away from its Hot Slut of the Month rivals and took the title. Anderson Cooper’s Eye Roll got 65% of your votes, easily beating The Mets Dildo (18%), Slavko Kalezić (9%) and Billina from Return To Oz (8%). ACER will go on to the Hot Slut of the Year semi-finals in January.

And now, let’s relieve the moment when The Silver Fox (or The Sexist Fox as Kellyanne Conway probably calls him) could no longer stay in “serious journalist” mode and took his eyeballs on a journey to GirlPleaseTown when she hit him with some sarcasm.

Thanks to everyone who voted!

Pic: CNN

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Who Is May’s Hot Slut Of The Month?

June 2, 2017 / Posted by:

It’s that time for April’s Hot Slut of the Month grand champion Chroma Key Grandma to pass the crown to either a curved dildo, Anderson Cooper’s eye roll, a talking chicken or a gay yodeling Montenegrin. A curved dildo, Anderson Cooper’s eye roll, a talking chicken and a gay yodeling Montenegrin sound like the main characters in the weirdest, most fucked-up sex dream ever. Actually, I take that back. I once had a sex dream with Bill O’Reilly and it was definitely more fucked-up and brain-scarring than a sex dream with those four. But let’s move on…

May’s HSOTM showdown is between the second best member of the Mets (after Mr. Met, of course), the eye roll we all felt, an 80s icon and a Montenegrin legend. As always, the first three HSOTM finalists got the most Facebook likes for the month and the fourth finalist was picked by me. Your choices for are:

The Mets dildo – Usually when you hear about a big dildo making an appearance in the locker room of a New York baseball team, you think to yourself, “It was nice of Alex Rodriguez to visit his old Yankees teammates.” But an actual dildo made an appearance in a Twitter picture taken in the Mets locker room and it became the star of the night.

Anderson Cooper’s eye roll – After months and months of successfully fighting the urge to bust out an eye roll over some dumb shit that Kellyanne Conway said, The Silver Fox couldn’t fight it anymore and eye rolled for us all after she said some dumb shit.

Billina – The talking chicken from Return of Oz who showed up Toto and became Dorothy’s most useful pet when she saved the day.

Slavko Kalezić – The pucker-inducing chanteuse from Montenegro who used his clip-on ponytail of glamour to whip his way into the hearts of the people and become the true winner of Eurovision in my eyes.

Voting is below. May’s Hot Slut of the Month winner will be announced next Friday!


Pics: @Mets, CNN, Walt Disney Company, Instagram

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Chroma Key Grandma Is April’s Hot Slut Of The Month! 

May 12, 2017 / Posted by:

We finally got our first whole human Hot Slut of the Month champion of 2017! Winona Ryder’s Many Faces is our HSOTM for January, the Plushie-Loving Seal is our HSOTM for February, Hi Stranger is our HSOTM for March, and now we can crown Chroma Key Grandma as the triumphant winner of April’s HSOTM battle.

Chroma Key Grandma (real name: Tatiana Subbotina), the YouTube STAH from Russia and future of special effects who taught herself green screen magic, got 29% of your votes. Chroma Key Grandma’s special effects wizardry wowed all of your asses and she beat out Riot from Jem (27%), Fotomat (25%) and The Pontiac Trans Sport (19%). Chroma Key Grandma will now go on to the Hot Slut of the Year finals next year. And if she wins, it’ll be the second most illustrious award she’ll get in 2018. We all know that the Academy is going to give her a special Oscar for advancing the art of Chroma Key. The Oscar people fuck up every year, but there’s no way they will ignore Chroma Key Grandma’s skills.

And now I leave you with another Chroma Key Grandma masterpiece. This is probably making Disney ooze pure jealousy out of their pores because Chroma Key Grandma is making their little live-action movies look like low-budget trash.

Thanks to all who voted!

Pic: YouTube

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Who Is April’s Hot Slut Of The Month?

May 5, 2017 / Posted by:

We’ve made it to the fourth Hot Slut of the Month contest of 2017, and when this year started, I thought that I’d be holding April’s HSOTM vote on a pile of rubble among the stray cats I befriended after the apocalypse. Note to future stray cat friends: Get your voting paws ready, because this could happen next month. But for now, we’re still up and running, and April’s HSOTM pageant is between three classic legends and a masterful artiste who will one day be considered a classic legend and will definitely be honored by the Academy as the greatest special effects wizard in history.

Like every month, three of April’s HSOTM finalists got the most Facebook likes and the fourth was picked by me (and I’m always going to pick the memaw). Your choices are:

Fotomat – The tiny parking lot hut of spectacular wizardry where photo developing magic happened before digital killed film. And like I said in my original HSOTD post about Fotomat, it’s probably still a place where magic happens and dreams are made, because I’m sure many messes are using old Fotomats to fuck (Fuckomat).

Riot from Jem and the Holograms – The most gorgeous and talented man in the universe who Fabio tries to look like and fails since it’s impossible to be as gorgeous as Riot.

The Pontiac Trans Sport – The 90s Star Wars minivan from space that blew minds everywhere but was never the hit it should’ve been because suburban moms just weren’t ready for THE FUTURE!

Chroma Key Grandma – The grandma from Russia who taught herself chroma key compositing and shows off her skills on her YouTube channel. She’s got every employee at Industrial Light & Magic packing up their things because she’s coming for all of their jobs.

Voting is below. Dlisted’s Queen of April will be announced next Friday.


Pics: Flickr, Writeups, GM/MoiBibiki, YouTube

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