Category: Hot Slut of the Month

Who Is The Final Hot Slut Of The Month Of 2018?

January 3, 2019 / Posted by:

We made it through 2018, and I’m sure that once we crawled out of that impacted shit chute of horribleness, we all (read: me, just me) said, “I only made it through because I need to know who Miss Hot Slut of 2018!” But before we find out who will succeed Winona Ryder’s Many Faces as the Hottest Hot Slut to Hot Slut the Hot Sluttiest in 2018, we need to find out who has taken the last Hot Slut of the Month spot of the year.

Every time we do this shit, I say that this month’s choices are a real motley crew, but I mean it this time. We’ve got a typo, some cereal, inflatable dragons, and the most glamorous Marvel character who isn’t a Marvel character. That’s like the start of an Aristocrats joke. As it goes with every damn HSOTM contest, the first three finalists got the most Facebook likes for the month, and the fourth was picked my me. Your choices for December’s HSOTM are:

The Julia Roberts’ holes typo, the instantly legendary typo that The Post-Journal of Jamestown, NY made about Julia Roberts and her holes that get better with age. It may have been a typo, but my hole still wants to slide up to Julia Roberts’ holes (not in a scissor sister way, you gutter-brained bitches!) and ask them what their secrete is. That was another typo that stays.

Cinnamon Toast Crunch Churros, the cereal that is probably just churros-shaped Cinnamon Toast Crunch, but call anything a churro, and mouths will slobber as we reach for the insulin.

The Christmas Dragons, the inflatable lawn dragons who caused a neighbor to shit out a flame of Christian rage over those dark-sided Christmas decorations. The neighbor was off base and wrong since we all know the Three Wisemen were Puff the Magic Dragon, Smaug, and Mushu.

Super Bitch, the sparkly wonder of hot pink badassness who drop kicked late into 2018 to let assholes know that he’s going to drop kick their asses all through 2019.

Voting is below. The winning HSOTM will be announced on Tuesday, January 8th, and that’s when we’ll begin voting on the biggest title in the universe in the world on the internet on this site!


Pics: Twitter, General Mills, Twitter, YouTube

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November’s Hot Slut Of The Month Is…

December 14, 2018 / Posted by:

Answer: NOT OLIVIA FROM WIDOWS!

You cold-hearted hos! First Olivia from Widows gets wrongly denied a Golden Globe nomination. Then she gets wrongly denied a SAG nomination. And now she’s been wrongly denied the illustrious title of Hot Slut of the Month! When will Olivia finally catch a break (“I want a break, so I can rest from doing all these fucking movies.” – Olivia)??? But well, a just-as-worthy HSOTD got the title.

Many who voted are as crazy about ginger pussy as I am about ginger peen. Because Saul, the stray cat from England who was ran over by a car and stole hearts with his grumpy face after he was taken to the RSPCA, easily beat out his competition and is our 11th Hot Slut of the Month of 2018. The votes went like this:

Saul The Grumpy Puss – 42%
The Not The One Rat – 27%
Olivia from Widows – 16%
The Garfield Phone – 15%

Saul will battle it out in the Hot Slut of the Year semi-finals next month. The RSPCA said last month that as soon as Saul is healed up, he’ll be available for adoption. I couldn’t find out if he’s been adopted yet, but if he hasn’t, the RSPCA should let possible adopters know that he’s won Dlisted’s HSOTM. That will definitely up his chances by 10000%, and by that I mean lower his chances by 10000%. Sorry, Saul (insert SaulGrumpyFace.jpeg here).

Thanks to all who voted, even those who voted AGAINST Olivia!

Pic: RSPCA

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Who Is November’s Hot Slut Of The Month?

December 7, 2018 / Posted by:

It’s an all-animal battle royale! Well, an almost all-animal battle royale if you don’t count a plastic phone version of a cartoon cat as a real animal. But whatever the case may be, it’s our 11th Hot Slut of the Month contest of the year, and this time around, we all said “fuck it” to the humans and proved that we’re prejudiced against humanity by leaving our kind completely out. Humans deserve it! This HSOTM showdown pits legendary foes against each other. A cat is battling a rat. A dog is battling a cat. And a phone is battling a cat, a rat, and a dog (they’re foes because cats, dogs and rats don’t know how to use a phone).

The first three HSOTM finalists got the most Facebook likes for the month, and the fourth is a wild card picked by me. I did what the Hollywood Foreign Press failed to do and gave Olivia from Widows the shine she deserves. Your choices are:

The Garfield phone, one of the IT phones of the 1980s that had permanent “what a loser you are since nobody calls you” eyes and came alive in the middle of the night to steal lasagna from your fridge.

Saul, the stray ginger puss who won the internet over with his grumpy face after he was taken to the RSPCA because he was hit by a car. And now that I look at that pic, Saul should move to Hollywood to star in a live-action Garfield movie.

The Not The One Rat in Luxembourg who wasn’t about to end up in a cat’s stomach and gave us the new definition of Scaredy Cat.

Olivia, the thespian dog who gave the performance of the year in Widows and should rightfully show up to the Oscars next year and crash the stage Kanye-style every time an award is not given to her since she deserves them all!


Voting is below! The winning HSOTM will be announced next Friday, December 14.

Pic: Etsy, RSPCA, YouTube, Animal Casting Atlanta

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October’s Hot Slut Of The Month Is….

November 16, 2018 / Posted by:

Everyone bow down and throw a McDonald’s hamburger at the paws of the Oklahoma City Princess of Scamming and our current reigning Queen of Hot Sluts, Princess Reyes!

Princess Reyes is the adorable con artist who stole the hearts of the internet by stealing hamburgers from McDonald’s customers who thought she was a starving stray. Princess’ human, Betsy Reyes, caught her grifting ass dog at a McDonald’s drive-thru pretending to be homeless so that people would take pity upon her and give her food. It was a perfect scam until Betsy exposed a bitch! But Betsy blowing up Princess’ game has led to her getting internet fame and winning the illustrious title of HSOTM.

In October’s HSOTM showdown, Princess was up against a trio of nostalgia, but easily took them down. Princess got a whopping 64% of the votes. Her rivals, Five Alive punch (13% of the votes), Rainbow Flip-Flops (12%), and Keebler Tato Skins (11%) didn’t even come close to touching her. If Dlisted’s budget wasn’t worth an alleyway used condom, we’d get her a crown worthy of her brilliance. One that would go perfectly with the McDonald’s GPS choker that Ronald gifted her with:

Princess is our 11th HSOTM, and will go on to the finals in January. Thanks to all who voted!

Pic: Betsy Reyes/Facebook

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Who Is October’s Hot Slut Of The Month?

November 9, 2018 / Posted by:

Since some of you are still tinging at the fingers over voting on Tuesday (and if you’re in Georgia, then your fingers are probably tingling something extra over a possible runoff), so why not put those fingers to use some more by voting in another HIGHLY IMPORTANT election (/sarcasm).

Our 10th Hot Slut of the Month battle royale is filled with nostalgia, and it comes down to three legends from the past, and one current legend (a grifting legend, to be specific). As always, the first three HSOTM finalists got the most Facebook likes for the month, and the fourth was picked by me. I, of course, picked Princess Reyes, because like those people she grifted at McDonald’s, I just can’t say no to an adorable scammer. Your choices for October are:

Five Alive, the citrus punch from the olden-times that was some thirst-quenching meth for the soul.

The Rainbow Flip-Flops from the 70s and 80s, the gay pride parade for your feet that also killed feet.

Keebler Tato Skins, the potato-flavored cardboard discs from the 80s that some people still dream of.

Princess Reyes, the Joanne the Scammer of Oklahoma City who has grifted McDonald’s customers into thinking she’s a stray so they’ll give her a hamburger.

Voting is below. The winning HSOTM will be announced next Friday!


Pics: Reddit, LikeTotally80s, Pinterest, Facebook

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September’s Hot Slut Of The Month Is….

October 12, 2018 / Posted by:

The humans are rising back up on the Hot Slut of the Month scene!

Animals have taken up five of the HSOTM spots this year, and the humans only had three. But that’s changed thanks to Terry Lauerman, who is a beloved friend to the animal kingdom (specifically, pussies), and the angel who fell to earth to cuddle and nap with disabled shelter cats at Safe Haven Pet Sanctuary in Green Bay, Wisconsin. Terry is eighty tons of charm in a t-shirt, and not only has he won over the pussies of Save Haven Pet Sanctuary, he also won over the readers of this mess of a site.

Terry got 55% of the votes in September’s HSOTM battle. Nobody came close to taking him down. The Bread Thief Raccoon of Toronto tried to snatch the victory away from Terry but only got 19% of the votes.  The Ribbed Dick Building Of China tried too, but only ended up with 15%. And the Microsoft Windows Solitaire Deck from the 90s ended up in dead last with 11%.

The Eugene Bostick of catmanity will go on to the Hot Slut of the Year semi-finals next year. In the meantime, you can find him being the angelic meat in a pussy sandwich on any given day of the week.

Thanks to all who voted!

Pic: Facebook

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