Category: Hot Slut of the Month

Who Is August’s Hot Slut Of The Month? 

September 5, 2018 / Posted by:

We’ve got four blurry legends before us, but only one can take August’s Hot (Blurry) Slut of the Month crown!

Will the animal kingdom continue to rule the HSOTM throne or will a human finally break their reign (SPOILER ALERT: Probably not)? For August’s HSOTM battle royale, we’ve got two animals who both should run for political office and we’ve got two humans who should travel with a yellow slippery floor sign because they just ooze potent talent.

As always, the first three HSOTM finalists got the most Facebook likes for the month, and the fourth is a wild card picked by me. Your choices are:

Peacemaker Dog, the dog who should be the head of the United Nations and should win several Nobel Peace Prizes for stopping a pussy fight before it started.

Jessie, the feather-covered pile of charm who told a firefighter trying to save her to fuck off before flying away. Bitch is the anti-damsel in distress and can save herself, thankyouvermuch!

The Padres Game Dance Machine, the lighting bolt of moves in coochie cutters who caused a teen boy (her son?) to fill up to the top with embarrassment at a Padres game.

Mary Halsey, Missy Elliott’s funky white sister who put her thing down, flipped it, and reversed it at a BBQ!

Voting is below. The winning HSOTM will be announced next Wednesday!

Pics: Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter


Maxdonna Is July’s Hot Slut Of The Month! 

August 17, 2018 / Posted by:

It would’ve been more fitting for Maxdonna to be given the HSOTM tiara, sash and scepter (which yes, looks like this) for August since August is the real Madonna’s birth month, but he’s getting crowned in August, so close enough.

Maxdonna, the rescue pooch from France who set the pussies of the internet on fire by doing Madonna (not like in the Sex book kind of way) on Instagram, is now our reigning Hot Slut of the Month. Maxdonna got 39% of your votes, beating dick-sucking legend Fredy Alanis  (who got 36% of the votes), The Jeff Goldblum Statue (15%), and The Blank Memorex Tape (10%).

Queen Maxdonna is the fifth animal in a row to win HSOTM this year. Dog The Fish-Selling Pussy, Karamel The Two-Wheeled Squirrel, The Badass Flying Pussy, and Officer Poncho are the other ones. The animal kingdom is clinging to the HSOTM title like me clinging to any man who – I was going to add more, but that sentence is factual as is.

Maxdonna celebrated Madonna’s birthday yesterday by announcing on his Instagram that he and his human have raised $12,000 from the sale of his stunning portraits. The money is going to Madge’s charity Raising Malawi. Madonna herself “thanked” Maxdonna for the donation and for showing her up repeatedly by sending him a basket of Snausages that totally weren’t laced with rat poison. No, Madonna approves… until she finds Maxdonna’s act “reductive.”

Thanks to all who voted!

Pic: Instagram


Who Is July’s Hot Slut Of The Month?

August 10, 2018 / Posted by:

Times flies when the world is burning like a flaming hemorrhoid, I guess, because we’re more than halfway through with the year, and you’re all about to make the seventh most important decision you’ve had to make in 2018 (the first being voting for Hot Slut of January, the second being voting for Hot Slut of February, etc… etc..)! As always, the first three HSOTM finalists got the most Facebook likes from the people, and the fourth was picked by me, because in addition to being just a freak, I’m a control freak too. Here’s your choices for July:

The blank Memorex tape from the 80s and 90s, the Rolls Royce of blank tapes that you only saved for special mix tapes for your crush. If you’ve got a box of Memorex mix tapes in a shoebox in your garage, then I’m throwing a jealous face at you since you were obviously a highly in-demand slut in school.

Fredy Alanis, the 19-year-old who ended up in the hospital with a busted up breathing tunnel after taking on a giant 10-inch dick. Fredy will probably never get to try to deepthroat a super burrito dick again (because dudes don’t want to get sued) but at least he has a beautiful story to tell his grandchildren.

The Jeff Goldblum Statue, the metal Jeff Goldblum that was erected in London for the 25th anniversary of Jurassic Park, and has probably been removed by the public health department after it was covered with several layers of cooch cream.

Maxdonna, the rescue dog from France who showed Lady Gaga how to really do a good Madonna impersonation.

Voting is below. Dlisted’s Miss July will be crowned next Friday!

Pics: Pinterest, @ELECTRIC_PAPI,, Instagram


Officer Poncho Is June’s Hot Slut Of The Month!

July 17, 2018 / Posted by:

The animal kingdom’s reign over the Hot Slut of the Month crown hasn’t let up. Sorry, humans and non-living things, but those animal friends’ furry grasp on the HSOTM title is much too strong for your weak asses to take. For the fourth month in a row, creatures who are too good for this destroyed-by-humans world have beat the other Hot Sluts.

Dog The Fish-Selling Pussy won Miss Hot Slut of March, Karamel The Two-Wheeled Squirrel won Miss Hot Slut of April, The Badass Flying Pussy won Miss Hot Slut of May, and now Officer Poncho has won Hot Slut of June. The life-saving cop puppy from Spain, who caused us all to fill with the awwws from watching his impeccable CPR skills, is now our reigning HSOTM thanks to getting 34% of the votes. Officer Poncho took out Mark Kanemura (28%), The Canadian Bonnie Parker (also 28%), and Veronica Recinos (10%). Officer Poncho killed the competition, but because he’s devoted to a career in life-saving, he brought them back to life by giving them CPR. A saint and a hero.

If you want to relive one of the only good things to happen in this world this year, here you go:

Thanks to all who voted! And if you’ve ever got a HSOTD idea you don’t think I’ve done, lube it up and toss it in

Pic: YouTube 


Who Is June’s Hot Slut Of The Month? 

July 11, 2018 / Posted by:

June was Pride Month, so if you don’t vote for one of the two burgeoning gay icons in this Hot Slut of the Month showdown, you’re a homophobic piece of trash and may a rainbow never appear before your ugly gay-hating eyes again. Just kidding, everyone in June’s HSOTM contest is a burgeoning gay icon from the wigged blossom of wonder to the puppy who got to pound on a hot Spanish cop to the white Canadian Tandi Iman Depree to gay Twitter hero Veronica Recinos. And yes, “burgeoning” was on my word of the day app. And yes, when you say it out loud it sounds like the phrase you use while getting fucked by Tom Bergeron.

As always, the first three HSOTM finalists got the most Facebook likes for the month. The fourth was picked by me. Your choices for June are:

Mark Kanemura, the human wig dispenser who splatters rainbow glitter onto the eyes of his Instagram followers by busting out a one-man Carly Rae Jepsen-backed Pride Parade float.

Officer Poncho, the police dog from Madrid who killed people with his cuteness and then brought them back to life with his impeccable and next-level CPR skills.

The Canadian Bonnie Parker, the alleged criminal from Alberta who became an overnight internet star after twirling out a ballet de buffoonery move when she fall out of the ceiling of a convenience store while trying to get away from the cops.

Veronica Recinos, the Los Angeles-area realtor who doesn’t only sells houses but also sells theatrical drama in YouTube videos where she lets you know that she’s going to show YOU how to be a homeowner.

Voting is below. The winning HSOTM will be crowned this Monday!

Pics: Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, YouTube


The Badass Flying Pussy Is May’s Hot Slut Of The Month!

June 15, 2018 / Posted by:

Pussymanity is back to ruling the Hot Slut of the Month game AND HOW!

There was pussy dry period for a bit where cats never won the Hot Slut of the Month title, but that’s changed. First, Dog The Fish-Selling Pussy won Hot Slut of March, and now the high-flying video game cat has won Hot Slut of May. The cat who became an instant viral superstar by busting out some hot “Bernardo in West Side Story” ballet moves soared its way to victory by getting 36% of the votes. It beat The Not The One Nail Salon Worker (31%), Frances McDormand’s Met Gala Look (19%), Jerad Kluting (9%), and Balenciaga’s Double Dad Shirt (5%).

The Badass Flying Pussy will go on to try to get a perfect KO by taking down its Hot Slut of the Month rivals in the Hot Slut of the Year semifinals in January.

And now I leave you with the video that made our current reigning Hot Slut of the Month a star. There’s no follow-up about this cat yet, but I’m guessing pussy’s deciding whether to accept an offer as Jackie Chan’s stunt double or a principal dancer with the Joffrey Ballet.

Thanks to all who voted!

Pic: YouTube


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