Category: Hot Slut of the Day

Hot Slut Of The Day!

February 13, 2017 / Posted by:

RiRi’s Bedazzled Flask!

I would expect Rihanna to show up to the Grammys with a bedazzled vape pen, but she decided to keep it classic by bringing a bedazzled flask. Fuck every accessory brought to the Grammys tonight, because RiRi beat everyone by bringing an extremely essential item. That flask is not only the epitome of glamour and class, it’s the epitome of smart! The Grammys are approximately 16 hours long, so the smart thing to do is bring a flask full of some fuel to get you through that mess. And I know that RiRi shits money, but IN THIS ECONOMY, bringing a flask is better than buying a $25 cocktail at the bar. And RiRi’s ballgown skirt was so damn big that I’d like to think she kept several bottles in there so that she could easily refill her flask without ever leaving her seat.

A video posted by badgalriri (@badgalriri) on

Yes, Adele won nearly every Grammy, but the real winner was RiRi for bringing that flask. And you know she didn’t share. It’s not her fault that nobody came with the genius idea to bring their own booze to the Grammys. They learned their lessons and will come correct next year.

Pics: Getty, Wenn.com

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Hot Sluts Of The Day!

February 12, 2017 / Posted by:

The Barbusters!

Light Of Day is a movie I haven’t thought about in eons, but a couple of weeks ago, my dumpster fire of a brain suddenly remembered that movie starring Joan Jett and Michael J. Fox. Either God shot that highly important memory in my brain or… there is no or. God obviously shot that highly important memory in my brain.

Light Of Day is a music movie masterpiece from 1987 and it starred should-be-Oscar-winner Joan Jett as a single mom who constantly gets into it with her deeply religious mother (played by Gena Rowlands), because she lives and breathes rock ‘n roll and that lifestyle isn’t too healthy for her kid. And Michael J.Fox played Joan Jett’s brother who is trying to hold the family together! Joan and MJF are in a band together called The Barbusters and one of the jewels in their flawless treasure trove of songs is one called Light Of Day, which was written by Bruce Springsteen. Only the 1980s could’ve given birth to a beautiful moment where Joan Jett and Alex P. Keaton growl out a song written by Bruce Springsteen in a movie directed by the guy who directed Cat People!

Light Of Day came out in February 1987, so at the beginning of the Grammys tonight, if the announcer doesn’t say, “And closing the show tonight will be a HIGHLY-ANTICIPATED 30th anniversary reunion performance from The Barbusters!“, you may as well change the channel to absolutely anything else. Because really, what would be the point of watching that shit?

Pic: TriStar

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

February 11, 2017 / Posted by:

Constance Landry, the tornado survivor who will check you if you do anything foolish, like round up her age!

Tornados hit southeastern Louisiana earlier this week, and thankfully, there were no reported deaths, but there were dozens of injuries and hundreds of homes were damaged. Reporter Kellie Brown of WDSU News was in the New Orleans East area, talking to victims and she interviewed Constance Landry. But Kellie should’ve triple-checked her facts before interviewing Ms. Constance.

Ms. Constance has lived in New Orleans her entire life and so she’s gone through it, including Hurricane Katrina. But after all that, Ms. Constance still stands strong and will not allow anyone to add years to her age. While introducing Ms. Constance, Kellie made the mistake of saying that she’s seen a lot in her EIGHTY YEARS. Ms. Constance quickly set Kellie right. Here’s their back and forth:

Kellie Brown – Also on Chef was Constance Landry. She says she’s lived here her entire life. Almost 80 years, been through just about everything.

Ms. Constance – I ain’t no 80 years old.

Kellie – Well, just about. I’m sorry, Ms. Constance. 76 to be exact.

Ms. Constance – No, 75.

Kellie – Are you coming back to New Orleans and New Orleans East?

Ms. Constance – Is an elephant heavy? I’m coming back, baby.

And in the video, it’s clear that Ms. Constance senses fuckery ahead. That side-eye says it all:

Oh, Kellie Brown, Kellie Brown. Don’t you know that when you’re not 100% sure, you round all the way down? She should’ve said, “She’s lived here her entire life, which has only been like 40 years.” But now that Kellie Brown has been schooled in front of everyone by a New Orleans gem, she won’t ever make that mistake again.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

February 10, 2017 / Posted by:

Pot Sasquatch!

Winter Storm Niko has dropped so much snow on the Northeast that shit looks like the inside of Chris Brown’s nostrils on a Saturday night… and  Sunday morning… and Sunday afternoon… and Sunday night… Allegedly! (Side note: Why couldn’t they have spelled that storm’s name as “Nico.” It’s about time we get some These Days memes.) Jennifer Pagliei of 22News was reporting in Springfield, MA about Niko when in the distance, a leafy, green creature appeared. That thing must not be organic, because if it was, Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen’s chef would’ve tackled it, juiced it and served it to his employers.

But that thing that looked like it crawled out from Johnny Depp’s armpits is POT SASQUATCH! Jennifer didn’t notice Khloe Kartrashian’s stoner great uncle at first, since she was doing something called working, but she eventually noticed it and laughed. Pot Sasquatch really is related to Khloe, because look at how it loves the camera.

Pot Sasquatch has been ID’d as the mascot of a local marijuana growing supplies shop. So Pot Sasquatch is actually just a man in a costume and he’s not really covered in the good shit. But still, Pot Sasquatch should watch it, because I have a feeling that Snoop Dogg and Willie Nelson are about to take a little hunting trip to Springfield.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

February 9, 2017 / Posted by:

Yesterday was the 10th anniversary of the day that Anna Nicole Smith died at the age of 39 and truly broke the internet. Seriously, gather around children, I was there and Anna Nicole Smith’s death broke the internet in a real way. There were error 500 messages abound.

To honor the Trimspa angel and reality show pioneer, today’s HSOTD is her fluffy sidekick and beloved pooch Sugar Pie Smith. This is a rare posthumous HSOTD. Sugar Pie died last year and is now barking it up in heaven, where Anna Nicole is probably telling her to shut the fuck up. Larry Birkhead also tweeted about Sugar Pie’s death last week. One of my last (really eloquent and articulate) posts about Sugar Pie was from 2007 and it was titled, “BREAKING! CNN RAN OVER SUGARPIE!!!!” So Sugar Pie deserves better, honestly.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

February 8, 2017 / Posted by:

Fruit Wrinkles!

In the early 80s, Fruit Corners made fruit relevant again when they created the now legendary Fruit Roll-Ups. Fruit Roll-Ups became such a gigantic success that they out-sold actual fruit in the 1980s (Note: This is a statistic that was pulled directly from the Department of Agriculture and I’m Full Of Shit). Because Fruit Corners, which was a brand under General Mills, had a hit with Fruit Roll-Ups, they kept the gummy fruit deliciousness coming. And in 1986, they answered the question: “If fruit had mouths and b-holes and ate a bunch of gelatin, what would their shits look like?

Fruit Wrinkles were little gummy fruit turds that came in a pouch and they paved the way for Sunkist Fun Fruits and other fruit dingles. For a quick second, Fruit Wrinkles had the trading value of heroin in my elementary school cafeteria. Although, I don’t ever remember a kid wanting to give them up. The best thing my mom packed in my lunch were sliced apples, or maybe a peach, so I was like that bitch who brings a veggie platter to a Super Bowl party. The other kids were always disgusted with me.

Fruit Wrinkles was apparently put down by its distributor, Betty Crocker, in the early 90s. But I’ll always cherish the moments we had together, including all the times I spent using the bottom of my shirt like floss to get out the gummy chunks of Fruit Wrinkles that stuck to my teefs…

Pic: Gone But Not Forgotten Groceries

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