Category: Hot Slut of the Day

Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 15, 2017 / Posted by:

Singles by Gerber!

When I was a teenager, I knew a few messes, mostly ravers, who wanted everyone to know that they were so edgy and so fucking hardcore that they ate baby food for nearly every meal. We’d all be sitting at Taco Bell and they’d pull out a baby spoon and a jar of Gerber mashed bananas like a total freak. These baby barf-eating ravers also sucked on pacifiers after they dropped Ecstasy. I know, I should’ve never hung out with those losers. Because if you’re going to role play as a baby, you better caca in a diaper exclusively and only talk in coos and gagas. Commit!

But those ravers were born way too soon (or maybe Gerber Singles were way ahead of their time). In 1974, Gerber decided that what college students and single 20-somethings really needed in their lives was adult baby food. Because you know, after a night of guzzling down bottom-shelf booze, nothing hits the spot like creamed beef that looks like an anal cream pie.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 13, 2017 / Posted by:

Petey, the chicken-loving peacock of Australia!

In life, you’re either Petey, a peacock who gets a full-body boner for a hot chick(en). Or you’re the hot chicken who barely knows that Petey is a thing that exists on this planet and would rather take a nap on a prep table in a Cracker Barrel kitchen than fuck that peacock. The Symbio Wildlife Park in Sydney, Australia says that one of their residents, Petey the Peacock, has that gross lovey-dovey feeling in his peacock heart for a  chicken. Petey is me at the gay bar and that chicken is pretty much everybody else. They pretend I’m background as I stand there with “please love me” eyes while wiggling my ass.

The Symbio Wildlife Park must have really wanted to embarrass Petey because they put together a video of Petey being the Lea Michele to that chicken’s Jessica Lange. I can’t really say that I blame the chicken, because Petey is kind of an attention whore and show off.

Oh, Petey, I’ve been there. Trust me, you don’t need that chicken. All you need is a cheap bottle of wine, a thing of lube, a laptop that cleans easily, a WiFi connection, a SeanCody account and a highly absorbent rag to cry your lonely tears into afterward.

Pic: YouTube

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 12, 2017 / Posted by:

The vampire from I Vant To Bite Your Finger!

When I was a kid, my dad, who smoked cigars, thought it would be hilarious to ask me to stick my finger through a cigar cutter. I didn’t know what a cigar cutter was, so I’d stick my finger in it every single time, and every time I did, he’d laugh, laugh and laugh. I never knew why he was laughing. I later learned that sick asshole was laughing over me possibly losing my goddamn little finger to a cigar cutter. What is the statute of limitations on child abuse? Because to this day, I can’t finger a b-hole without worrying about it eating my finger. I blame my father for that. I bring up that traumatic childhood flashback, because today’s HSOTD made me think of it.

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