Category: Hot Slut of the Day

Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 6, 2016 / Posted by:

Mary-L, a Belgian blossom whose petals are dripping with talent, charisma and grace!

The Grammy nominations were announced today and the usual names like Beyonce, Adele, Drake and blah blah blah were spit up over and over again, but if that awards show was really about genuine talent and true musicality, the name Mary-L would’ve come up at least a dozen times. If you asked me a few days ago who Mary-L is, I would’ve guessed that she’s Mary Kay’s way lesser-known younger sister who sells used eyeliner, broken lipsticks and makeup made with non-FDA approved ingredients from the trunk of the beat-up pink Cadillac that she “borrowed” from her sister 20 years ago and never gave back. But reader Philippe let me know a few days ago that Mary-L is practically the Mariah Carey of Belgium!

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 4, 2016 / Posted by:

Moonies!

The 1980s are truly and whoreheartedly (typo an it stays) the most tasteful era of the 20th century and if anybody tells you otherwise, direct them to this shit. Back in the 80s, whenever anybody wanted to turn their vehicle into a chariot of pure class, they just sunctioned a Moonies to one of their car windows. Voila, instant class!

Like the classy car window decoration known as Suction Cup Garfield, Moonies brought entertainment and sophistication to every car window. Moonies looked like a cross between a fat Alice the Goon and a weirdly-shaped dick with shifty eyes drawn on it (yes, I’d still hit it). None of the kids I knew had parents who were connoisseurs of refined car decorations, so the only time I got to play Moonies was at a Spencer Gifts, or some shit. All you had to do was slap a Moonies on your car window and squeeze a bulb to moon a stupid asshole driver. In case you need a visual, a kind soul provided one on YouTube:

Now, whenever I want to let a shit driver know how I feel, I prefer to use the old-fashioned method of flipping their asses off while cursing loud enough out of my opened window for them to hear. But I do love the thought of rating another trick’s driving by simply squeezing a bulb. If Moonies could also scream out the words, “I’m memorizing your license plate and gonna turn your stupid piece of trash in, you cuntastic asshole,” it’d be perfect!

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Hot Sluts Of The Day!

December 3, 2016 / Posted by:

Charles & Eddie!

I’ll wait here as your eyes dive into that luscious fall of gorgeous stallion hair that is delicately flowing off of Eddie Chacon’s head like a majestic waterfall on the highest peaks in heaven. I’ve already done that like 45 times today.

Nobody asks the question, “Would I lie to you?”, like the Eurythmics do, but Charles & Eddie came really close to outdoing them in 1992 when they released the song that lived deep inside my ears for years. Charles & Eddie were made up of Charles Pettigrew and Eddie Chacon, and they were a soul music duo who supposedly met on the subway in NYC and gave the world the early-90s hit Would I Lie To You? That song played absolutely everywhere.

It played in the car on the way to the doctor who you’d go to see to treat you for the ear worm condition called: CantGetThatWouldILieToYouSongOutOfMyHead-itis. It played in the elevator in your doctor’s building, it played in your doctor’s waiting room and the doctor would hum it while examining you. And then it’d also play in the drugstore as you waited to pick up the meds the doctor prescribed to help you get that song out of your head. It was everywhere and I don’t even know if I ever truly liked it, but I heard it so much that I grew to love it.

Charles & Eddie made two albums together before going off to do their own thing in the mid-90s. Charles died of that cunt cancer in 2001. Eddie continues to make music. But this 90s masterpiece will forever be their legacy:

And don’t even bring up the fact that EDM butcherer David Guetta destroyed this ’92 jewel. Just forget about that and instead get lost in those Simple Red vocals and that Structure clothing store glamour.

Pic: Capitol Records

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 2, 2016 / Posted by:

The anti-Christmas beaver who has already had it with the holidays and went wild at a Dollar General in Maryland!

Looking at that picture of a bitchy beaver screaming at a Santa Claus doll is like looking into a crystal ball for a lot of us, because in a quick minute, we’re going to meltdown in the middle of a Dollar General after hearing (insert the annoying Christmas song that raw fucks your nerves the worst) for the 10 billionth time. CBS News reports that on Monday, a wild beaver waddled into a Dollar General in Charlotte Hall, MD and went straight to the holiday section to declare war on Christmas!

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Hot Sluts Of The Day!

December 1, 2016 / Posted by:

The collectible Cher dolls who helped nab a burglar! 

When I first read the headline, “Collectible Cher dolls lead to arrest of prolific Portland burglar,” the other day, I hoped it would be a story about how two crime-fighting Cher dolls threw themselves in the path of a thief, causing the robbing trick to fall, hit their head and stay passed out until the cops showed up. But that’s not what happened. KATU reports that two stolen Cher dolls helped link alleged burglar Jordan Bradley Payne to a bunch of robberies in the Portland, OR area. Detective La Toya better be planning a ceremony to award these fellow celebrity crime solvers with medals of valor!

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