Category: Hot Slut of the Day

Hot Slut Of The Day!

November 28, 2015 / Posted by:

Tommy Puett, the panty creamer of the early 90s from Life Goes On!

I know that the sight of that mullet of perfection and those man nipples probably made your crotch howl into the sky and foam at the mouth. It’s understandable, because Tommy Puett was the epitome of an adonis. Tommy Puett played the boyfriend of Becca (played by Kellie Martin) on Life Goes On from the first season until 1991 when his character, Tyler, (SPOILER ALERT) died in a car crash to give more screen time to her new love interest played by Chad Lowe.

Tyler was also one of Corky’s best friends. Corky was in the passenger seat when Tyler was sent to the unemployment line. Even back then I knew that Tyler was a hot piece. I mean, dude had a mullet you just wanted to grab onto while riding him as you screamed, “yippee-ki-yi-yay,” and he wore a sleeveless shirt like he was born to wear a sleeveless shirt. He looked like Billy Ray Cyrus in a Billy Ray Cyrus gay porn parody called Achy Breaky B-Hole.

During Life Goes On, Tommy had a moment where he was pin-up for Bop and Tiger Beat magazines. After Life Goes On, he did guest appearances on a few more TV shows before retiring from acting in 1997. He’s an entrepreneur now and surprisingly, he doesn’t make millions from letting people stroke his luscious mullet for a fee. Tommy Puett makes tiny bill caps and other sports stuff. He doesn’t have a mullet anymore. I’m sure the party part of his gorgeous mullet was carefully removed from his head and placed in a prime spot at the Smithsonian.

Tommy’s sister is Devyn Puett who was on Kids Incorporated for 2 seasons. Devyn also sang back-up on Martika’s legendary opus “Toy Soldiers.” She was just as important to pop culture as her brother was. So yeah, we will all die wondering, “Why didn’t the Puetts become the royal family of Hollywood?”


Hot Slut Of The Day!

November 27, 2015 / Posted by:

The international hero who wouldn’t leave a burning German sex shop until he finished getting his while watching Throbbin Hood!

This inspirational story of one man’s will to bust a nut at any cost comes from The Daily Mail, so it is definitely 100% true, because I’m sure their 500-person research department worked 48 hours straight to give us the potent facts! The DM says that when a sex shop in Hamburg’s red-light district caught on fire, firefighters ran in to get everyone out and one horny hero who knows what’s really important refused to leave because he was in the middle of watching Throbbin Hood. Dude basically told the firefighters that they’d have to pry his dick from his crispy, smoke-filled dead body.

Authorities said that they found him in a viewing booth by himself and he was in a “high state of sexual arousal” while watching porn. They eventually dragged his ass out and he was heard bitching about how he paid 7.50 Euros for that fap film and wasn’t done yet. A rep for the fire department released a comment about this mess and they were somehow able to do it while burping out a river of laughs.

“He only came out after our people were battering against the locked cabin door. Once it was open they grabbed him and dragged him to safety. He needed treatment at hospital for smoke inhalation.”

…and I’m sure he needed treatment for blue balls too and that’s a whole lot worse than smoke inhalation. Germany should really give this dude a medal of honor, because he is a real hero who was willing to go down with the ship fuck shop and burn alive for the sake of shooting a jizz load while watching the end of a cinematic masterpiece. He’s the Captain Edward Smith of fapping.

Pic: The Daily Mail 


Hot Turkey Slut Of The Day!

November 26, 2015 / Posted by:

The Tissue Paper Turkey!

I asked my friend Lahoma, who barfs up his brilliance on this site every now and again, for his suggestions for a Thanksgiving Day Hot Slut of the Day. Lahoma showed me a picture of the tissue paper turkey and we both went all the way back to the 80s when this shit was in nearly every elementary school classroom. After he brought the tissue paper turkey back into my life, I went to Target for the usual (pork rinds, candles, wine and lube) and looked for one, because I wanted to put one on my eating table for Thanksgiving. They didn’t have not a one! Can you believe that? Target is anti-Thanksgiving and anti-American, obviously.

The tissue paper turkey was (and is) a stunning and exquisite Thanksgiving decoration that adds several touches of beauty and ~whimsy~ to any room. These were and are absolutely gold-plated HIGH ART. The tissue paper turkey isn’t only a thing of holiday exquisiteness, it can also be sliced up and served to your vegetarian guests. I mean, I’m 100% sure it takes better than that Tofurky nastiness.

Pic: Amazon


Hot Slut Of The Day!

November 25, 2015 / Posted by:

Jarvis Johnson, the Black Friday King of Avondale, Arizona!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, the day us ‘Mericans lay on our asses all day and build up our strength by stuffing our eating holes with delicious things so that we’ll be 100% ready to elbow a trick in the throat and kick a bitch in the kneecaps while battling it out in a Walmart for a $10 off waffle maker on the holiday that really matters: Black Friday!

On the news here, they’ve been showing wrecks who got in line at Best Buy a week ago and I rolled my eyes at those STUNT QUEENs since they obviously don’t care about the beloved Black Friday holiday. They’re just doing that to get on TV. Jarvis Johnson is probably waiting in line early for the same reason, but at least he’s going all out. Show up and show out is his motto.

Jarvis started waiting in line at Best Buy on Sunday and his set-up is more luxurious and better insulated than some NYC apartments I’ve been in and lived in. Jarvis gave Fox 10 (via HuffPo) a tour of his opulent Black Friday pied-à-terre in front of a Best Buy and it comes complete with a bed, a TV, a heater, a microwave and a fridge. Jarvis also has a sidekick, a kid named Eduardo, who randomly pops up during the tour.

Jarvis said, “the early bird gets the worm,” twice and when it came to Black Friday, I always thought the early bird gets punched in the face by a stronger and meaner ho who shows up at the last minute and shanks anybody in their way. But Jarvis is the expert, so I’m not going to disagree. And I hope that mess of an interview leads to Jarvis and his sidekick Eduardo geting their own show on HGTV.


Hot Sluts Of The Day!

November 24, 2015 / Posted by:

The Golden Girls granny panties!

This year’s Victoria’s Secret fashion show was a joke for many, many reasons, but mostly because not one of the Angels sashayed down the runway in a pair of exquisitely perfect Golden Girls panties. The Agent Provocateur of Etsy, the store Bullets and Bees, made dreams we didn’t know we had come true by making and selling panties with the Golden Girls on them.

Despite what it says in on the wall in the men’s bathroom at Mother Lode in West Hollywood, I am not into panty kink, but I still want to put these on my Christmas list. The Dorothy should be made of leather and spiked (because you know she’s kinky like that), but they’re business black and white instead. The Rose is virginal white lace, the Sophia is full coverage and of course, the Blanche is crotchless because DUH.

You can buy them separately for $38 to $52 and the entire set is $160. I know, for $160, that shit better be made of actual gold. But I guess $160 is a small price to pay for fine art and to have the Golden Girls on your crotch. The other thing about the Golden Girls panties is that when you seep out a little coochie cheesecake onto them, it just feels right.

via Hello Giggles & Dangerous Minds (For Hayley, Dana, Pal and Kiki)


Hot Slut Of The Day!

November 23, 2015 / Posted by:

Z LaLa’s Octopus Dress! 

I’m beginning to think that these music award shows exist solely so that “world pop artist” and former HSOTD Z LaLa can grace their red carpets while slathered in an acid trip dream. At the MTV VMAs a few months ago, Z LaLa showed up looking like a Christmas gift wrapped by Liberace while he was high on LSD, and at last night’s American Music Awards, she gifted our eyes with pure HIGH SEAFOOD ART.

Z LaLa (which is Teletubby talk for “POTENT GLAMOUR!“) obliterated all of the hos on the American Music Awards red carpet last night when she slithered onto the red carpet looking like the dumpster baby of Ursula the Sea Witch and Goku from Dragon Ball Z. Bitch is serving enough fake fish to keep Red Lobster in business for decades and beyond.

I’ve never heard any of Z LaLa’s music and she doesn’t even present at these award shows, but that doesn’t matter at all. She was still the best thing on the red carpet and I’m sure she made all the hos scurry for their cars because they knew that they’ll never bring extremely heavy doses of entertainment and beauty the way that she does. The world is a shitty and unfair place, so Z LaLa will probably not be declared the most gorgeous creature of the night, but we all know she was. I mean, what other trick at the AMAs would Jacques Cousteau fap himself raw to?

Pics:, Splash


Hot Sluts Of The Day!

November 22, 2015 / Posted by:

The American Music Awards are tonight and whenever the American Music Awards happen again, I’m a little shocked, because it’s the kind of awards show I thought only existed in the late 80s through the 90s and I can’t believe it made it past 1999. But it did and in honor of the AMAs tonight, let’s pay tribute to a group who should’ve won all of the AMAs since they reshaped the American music scene!

I’ve written about Midi, Maxi & Efti a few times on this site, because in the 90s, I played their CD until that shit was scratched all the way up. Midi, Maxi & Efti came into my life after Columbia House (Never 4Get Columbia House) automatically sent their CD to me. The group was made up of twin sisters Midi and Maxi Berhanu and their friend Freweyni “Efti” Teclehaimanot. They were refugees from Ethiopia who went to Sweden with their parents in 1985. They met in Stockholm and a few years later, their first and only album took the world by storm!

Their album was released in the US in 1992. They had a few singles and a few of those singles played in TV shows here, but their biggest was “Bad Bad Boys” which is still in heavy rotation on my iTunes. When I first saw the video, I thought it was so NOW. They sleep dance through most of it, their facial expressions are sponsored by NyQuil and their monotone voices sound like you when you talk to yourself while drinking red wine in a Calgon bath. And not since ABBA has a group perfected the art of profile posing in a music video:

Nobody has ever done “meh” the way that Midi, Maxi & Efti did “meh.” They turned “meh” into an art form!

They broke up in the 90s after touring the US, France and South Africa, and they never really made music again. But they are obviously still inspiring artists today. I mean, Adele’s lyric “Hello, it’s me” was obviously inspired by Midi, Maxi & Efti’s lyric, “Hi, it’s me.” What I’m saying is, if there was no Midi, Maxi & Efti, there would be no Adele!


Hot Sluts Of The Day!

November 21, 2015 / Posted by:

Every single cholita in this Real Cholas Talk Fashion segment for mitú!

Go ahead and cancel The View, FABLifeorwhateveritscalled, and The Talk, because the only daytime talk show this country really and truly needs is The Cholas! The Latino digital network mitú got a bunch of wise chola beauties together and asked them for their thoughts on celebrities chola-fying themselves. The video really speaks for itself and I don’t have to say shit besides: I WANT TO HEAR THESE CHOLAS’ THOUGHTS ON EVERYTHING. But here’s some choice quotes that take me higher than a Sharpie does when I sniff it hard.

On Nicki Minaj as a chola:First of all, you’re not going to find any hyna wearing like… Mo-sheen-no… Cochino.”

On RiRi as a chola: “818? She’s got an 818 on her. What she know about 818? She don’t know nothing about 818.

On JLo as a chola: “She gets a gold star.”

REAL Cholas Talk Chola Fashion

"The teardrop…it looks like a bad lunar.” #CholasTalk

Posted by We are mitú on Wednesday, November 18, 2015


I hope there’s a part two and I hope that in part two they critique Gwen Stefani as a chola, Sandra Bullock as a chola, Harald Glööckler as a glamour chola and also talk about the presidential election, Adele, politics, the Sexiest Man Alive debate, anal, Oreo Churros, if Jennifer Lawrence is a stunt queen and pretty much every other topic in the world, because their opinion is highly needed. And they’re right, RiRi don’t know nothing about the 818!

via ONTD


Hot Slut Of The Day!

November 20, 2015 / Posted by:

Oreo Churros! 

My eyes nearly bust a nut yesterday when I read the gorgeous words “Oreo Churros.” Just reading those words may have given me instant diabetes and I’m not sure I even care. Churros are one of my favorite things in the entire world. Whenever I go to a new grocery, I run my ass to the freezer section to see if they have frozen churros, because nobody really carries frozen churros and it’s some delicious shit you should always keep in the house along with weed, booze, a dildo, Hot Fries and the entire Footballers Wives DVD collection. Churros are the dicks of the angels.

And now, Oreo has made the dreams of churros-loving stoners come true. Delish says that five kinds of Oreo Churros are for sale right now and that includes creme-filled and the regulars ones with a creme dip. If churros are the dicks of the angels, then churros cream is the jizz of the angels. Who knows, Oreos Churros could taste like sugar-coated fried shit. I’ve had chocolate churros before and they didn’t do the things to me I thought they would do, which was disappointing. It’s like leaving a threesome with Prince Hot Ginge and Alexander Skarsgard with a “meh” look on your face. But even if Oreos Churros leave me with a “meh” look, I still want them in my mouth hole.


Hot Slut Of The Day!

November 19, 2015 / Posted by:

Vipra from BraveStarr!

Seeing Benedict Cumberbatch looking more alien and more lizard-like than ever in Zoolander 2 reminded me of the serpentine glamour and amphibian beauty of Vipra from BraveStarrBraveStarr came from the long acid trip we all know and love as the 80s. It lasted one season.

BraveStarr was a space western that took place on a planet called New Texas where the hero of the show, a Native American cowboy, used the spirit of animals to give him powers that helped him take down villains and help the people. (File this under: Reason #569,854 for why it’s obvious the air during the 80s was filled with PCP.) One of the villains was Vipra who was sort of like Catra from She-Ra. But instead of being an extremely hot cat woman who purr-talked, Vipra was an extremely hot snake woman who hiss-talked.

You’re probably assuming that Vipra’s power was the ability to stun bitches with her sexiness, huge chichis and charisma, and you’re soooort of right. Vipra could hypnotize tricks and put them in a state I like to call “me on a Friday night.” Once Vipra hypnotized them, they were stoned as shit and couldn’t move their body. Here’s Vipra showing BraveStarr, that homely ginger and a standing horse (who needs to give Tina Turner her Mad Max wig back) not to mess with her.

BraveStarr probably only lasted one season, because the creators made the major mistake of not naming the show VipraStarr and making it all about. Because what the audience (read: me and only me, probably) really, really wanted was more Vipra!


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