Category: Hot Slut of the Day

Hot Slut Of The Day!

August 30, 2015 / Posted by:

The iconique purple shell pasty that Lil’ Kim wore to the 1999 MTV VMAs!

Miley Cyrus pretty much declared herself the creator of the twerk and now she’s running around with sequins stickers covering her nipple knobs and some hos are acting like she invented pasties too. So let’s pay tribute to a truly important part of nipple pasty history. Back in the olden days of 1999 when Lil’ Kim was only on her second face (or was it her third?) and she didn’t completely look like a rejected Pokemon villain, she brought true glamour and elegance to the MTV VMAs when she showed up looking like the Birth of Venus if the Birth of Venus happened in the toilet of a bathroom in a Lisa Frank-themed strip club on Coney Island. (Miley paid homage to that stunning look on Slutoween a couple of years ago.)

That year, Lil’ Kim’s acid trip mermaid-looking ass presented the award for Best Hip-Hop Video with Mary J. Blige. They brought out the legendary Diana Ross to present with them and Miss Ross greeted the raver Wuzzle by molesting her left tit. Mary J. Blige was not amused. This is the moment when some of us wondered if all the Ecstasy and acid we took really jacked up our brains and caused us to hallucinate the image of Diana Ross dribbling Lil’ Kim’s chichi.

Those really were the days when Mary J Blige hadn’t whored herself out to Burger King yet, the VMAs still gave us real star power and Lil’ Kim was a vision of authentic sophistication. Now this is how to work a pasty.

Pics: Wenn.com, Getty

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

August 29, 2015 / Posted by:

Snapple’s Whipper Snapple! 

I had never ever heard of Whipper Snapple until a few weeks ago when my friend brought it up. She was talking about how she missed Whipper Snapple and was going to make a homemade one in the blender. I had no idea what she was talking about. I figured it was some kind of drug drink using Whip-Its and Snapple. But Whipper Snapple was a drink from Snapple that existed in the late 90s.

Whipper Snapple was just juice mixed with a mountain of sugar and milk. It came in flavors like pineapple orange and strawberry banana. My friend said it tasted like a melted Creamsicle, to which I said, “Then why don’t you just melt a fucking Creamsicle and drink that?” But apparently, Whipper Snapple was smoother and had that secret ingredient Snapple put in their drinks to keep hos in the 90s addicted. That secret ingredient was either heroin or the blood of the Snapple Lady.

Whipper Snapple isn’t around anymore. Snapple killed it around 2000. That sucks. I hate it when I find out that a possibly delicious drink from the past that I’ve never tasted is no longer with us. It’s especially sad when that drink looks like it would be extra delicious with a half bottle of rum.

Pic: Bevnet

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

August 28, 2015 / Posted by:

Glorianna Galicia, the mysterious chanteuse who takes you on an international journey of glamour, intrigue and thrill in her video for “Bond Girl.

The producers of the next James Bond movie Spectre have yet to announce any details about the movie’s theme song. Well, they should go ahead and throw their planned song in the trash. Because I’m sure that theme song has nothing on GG’s musical masterpiece “Bond Girl.” This MUST be the next Bond theme song.

The mystifying nightingale and trans beauty gracefully coos out a hypnotic tune about being a Bond Girl. And in the video, she does things with a green screen that have never been done before. The video has magic (see: the yellow towel appearing out of nowhere at the 0:24 mark), action (see: whatever is happening at the 2:28 mark), drama (see: her delivering a multi-layered performance while texting an important message to an operative at the 2:07 mark) and glamour (see: all of it). GG is also an impeccable actress. When she throws looks over yonder, you don’t know if she’s eyeing a figure in the shadows or if she’s admiring her own beauty in a mirror. Take it all in:

GG is our Bond Girl! GG is also my future screensaver. I really need to make a GIF screensaver of her pressing pause on a gunfight with the air to adjust her wig (at the 2:29 mark). A real Bond girl knows that beauty always comes first.

(For Andrew)

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Hot Sluts Of The Day!

August 27, 2015 / Posted by:

The mother and daughter who have spent thousands upon thousands of dollars to look like the second most gorgeous woman in Britain: Katie Price! (Jodie Marsh is the first, of course.)

Meet 38-year-old Georgina Clarke (on the left) and her 20-year-old daughter Kayla Morris (on the right), the silicone daffodils from England who have made their dreams come true by injecting gallons of plastic into their faces and bodies to look like their beauty idol Katie Price. Dina “White Oprah” Lohan and Pimp Mama Kris have some serious competition in the International Mother of the Century contest, because Georgina Clarke paid for her plastic surgeries using the money Kayla made from gold digging and stripping.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

August 26, 2015 / Posted by:

Bubba, the student cat of San Jose, CA!

This story is over 7 days old, which is approximately 45 million years in Internet time, but it’s not every day that I get to pay tribute to a real scholar. The San Jose Mercury News says that Bubba lives with his family in a house behind Leland High School and Bret Harte Middle School. Bubba isn’t the kind of homebody pussy who likes to stay indoors and spend his days taking 8,000 naps and licking his own b-hole. Bubba wants to see the world! But since he hasn’t figured out how to get on a plane yet, he has to settle for the high school.

Bubba has ruled Leland High for years. He roams the hallways, sometimes shows up in class, goes to games and hangs out during sports practices. Bubba even looks like he pays more attention in class than most of the students do (see: the picture above). The staff and students love him and while some cats would rather snuggle with a dog in a pool of ice water than hang out with humans, Bubba loves to socialize. Sometimes it gets him into trouble. One time, students watched him lay down in the middle of the soccer field, because he wanted the players to pet him. (I did that too in high school!)

Bubba is so loved that the students want a statue made in his honor. He’s even got his own Facebook page and administration gave him his own I.D. Yes, Bubba looks better in his high school I.D. card picture than all of us did:

bubbacat2

Bubba’s human says that she has high hopes for him. Since Bubba goes to school when it starts and doesn’t leave until all the sports practices are done, he deserves to graduate. His ass put in the work!

“We’d love it if they let him do cap and gown in 2017,” she says. “That’s the group that’s been with him through Bret Harte and Leland.”

Screw, just graduating. Bubba needs to be valedictorian! But really, this seems all sweet and cute and innocent, but I know what’s really going on here. I bet Bubba is only sitting in on math and science classes, because he’s learning everything he needs to know to take over the world. I see you, Bubba!

Pics: Facebook

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

August 25, 2015 / Posted by:

Dick Tips!

No explanation is needed as to why Dick Tips is a HSOTD. The explanation is in Dick Tips’ name. But several of you smeared lube all over the opening to my inbox and shoved Dick Tips in after reading a story on CNN and elsewhere. The body of a woman was stolen from Mission Park Chapels North funeral home in San Antonio, TX and Dick Tips was interviewed because he’s the owner of the Mission Park chain of funeral homes. He was also interviewed, because his name is Dick Tips and that’s a name that’s meant to be flashed in big, white bold letters during a local news report.

Dick Tips’ real name is Robert Dixon Tips, but he goes by Dick Tips, because who wouldn’t want to go by Dick Tips? Dick Tips really won at life the second his parents decided that the middle name “Dixon” would look really good next to the last name “Tips.” Dick Tips isn’t only San Antonio’s premiere funeral home owner, he’s also the Ugly Fiesta King of 2005 and he and his wife are members of San Antonio’s elites. I really hope that one day Dick Tips adds to his resume of accomplishments by writing a tip book titled Just The Tips.

And here’s Dick Tips saying, “Hi, I’m Dick Tips.

I know that a woman’s remains were stolen from a Mission Park funeral home, but I’d still trust Dick Tips with my dead body.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

August 24, 2015 / Posted by:

Speedo Daddy, the hot tattooed hunk of man who delivered sex, sweet moves and all the colors of the rainbow while trolling Westboro Baptist Church.

If Westboro Baptist Church really wanted to protest against evil, they’d protest in front of the house of child-touching cheater Josh Duggar. But for some reason, they brought their dark brand of fuckery to the Foo Fighters show in Kansas City, MO on Friday night. Well, Dave Grohl and company decided to have a little fun with those messes and they drove by while blaring Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up.” No, I can’t with hos still Rickrolling in 2015, but this is a worthy cause and I’m all for it since that hot piece of sirloin in a Speedo is involved.

If you showed me a member of Westboro whose tip didn’t get moist from seeing that raw rack of hotness move his ass in a bikini bottom, I’ll show you a heathen who shat on Leviticus 19:11 by lie-telling! Because it is impossible to not squirt out bodily fluids while watching this:

That ass is like a hairy kaleidoscope none of us want to take our eyes off of.

via Stereogum

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

August 23, 2015 / Posted by:

Paula Abdul (as played by Lisa Marie DiGiacinto) from The Unauthorized Full House Story on Lifetime!

Lifetime’s unauthorized Full House movie was on last night and on a scale from the cold dried turd that was The Unauthorized Saved By The Bell movie to the masterpiece Mother, May I Sleep With Danger? (which is still a masterpiece even though Tori Spelling’s ass was in it), it’s somewhere in the middle. Shit was pretty boring, because it’s not like John Stamos and Dave Coulier were spit roasting Doris Roberts in a dressing room while Jodie Sweetin’ snuck out of the school trailer to make meth in the bathroom (that came way later). (But Bob, Dave and Stamos did do whip-its, apparently.) The movie was mostly just Bob Saget feeling sorry for himself for having to be a sellout millionaire and the cast being jealous of the Olsens. (Side note: I never knew I had OCD until last night when I nearly had a nervous breakdown because the Full House set in Lifetime’s movie was flipped. In the real Full House, the front door of the Tanner house was on the left side and in Lifetime’s movie, it was on the right. Lifetime is trying to destroy me!)

Like all unauthorized Lifetime movies, nobody looked like the person they were playing. The bag of whole wheat Wonder Bread that has been sitting in my refrigerator for 5 weeks looks more like Dave Coulier than the dude who played Dave Coulier does. But the best casting mess was Lifetime’s answer to Paula Abdul. For a moment in the early 90s, John Stamos and Paula Abdul were the Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie of their time (but way hotter, obviously). So there was a scene where John Stamos (played by Miley Cyrus’ ex-piece in a 25 cent mullet wig) goes to some event with Paula Abdul. From behind, it looked like Paula Abdul but then she turned around and hit us with a stage 10 “Harpo, who dis woman?” It’s funny that the first name of the actress playing Paula is Lisa Marie, because she looked more like Lisa Marie Presley than Paula Abdul. I missed the part in the early 90s when Lisa Marie Presley locked Paula Abdul in a closet so that she could pretend to be her and date and fuck John Stamos.

Why didn’t Lifetime just ask the real Paula Abdul to do it? She would’ve done it for free!

And well, at least Lifetime got Kimmy Gibbler right.

hsotdlifetimefullhousemovie

That’s a good thing, because if they got Kimmy Gibbler wrong, public outrage would have forced the government to shut Lifetime down and charge all of its executives with treason.

Pics: Lifetime

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

August 22, 2015 / Posted by:

CANDYMAN!

Candyman (government name: Candell Manson) was Tone Lōc’s protégée in the 80s and did backing for Tone before going solo. Candyman’s one and only hit was 1990’s “Knockin’ Boots.” I had the cassette single for “Knockin’ Boots” and listened to it so much that by the time I was done with it, the only thing it was knockin’ was the edge of the trash can, because that shit was warped as fuck.

Back in 1990, I probably didn’t know what “knockin’ boots” meant. I probably thought that Candyman was rapping about literally knockin’ his boots together like a hip hop Dorothy or some shit. The chorus, which was a sample of Rose Royce’s “Ooh Boy,” is what really crawled into my brain and lived there for a while. At the time, I thought Madonna sang it. I used to sing it all the time, but I sang it as “Oooh girl I love you so,” because I didn’t know I could sing about loving a boy. But now that I do, you know I’m going to yodel it out at the top of my weed smoke-covered lungs in the aisles of Target today.

Candyman also knew how to bring the fashion. In the “Knockin’ Boots” video, he gives you a couple of hot looks from “house painter chic” to “Super Mario’s way more fashionable second cousin.” You better hold on to your panties, because the sight of a fanny pack, mock turtleneck and overalls will make them want to drop.

That song deserved every single Grammy for the simple fact that Candyman name checked Asti Spumante.

Pic: WC

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

August 21, 2015 / Posted by:

Cat-In-The-Bag, the cat carrier that allows you to easily drag your pussy around.

Ignore the massive amounts of pure hatred and revenge shooting out of that cat’s eyeballs. Try not to think about how that cat is in a straitjacket and if you put a Hannibal Lecter mask on its face it would look like something straight out of a reboot of Silence of the Lambs titled Silence of the Humans. Don’t think about any of that, because that pussy carrier is the cat bag of the future!

Reader Hollie dropped a link in my inbox to a video from 2013 demonstrating a REVOLUTIONARY bag that allows cat owners to give their pussies medicine or take it to the vet or wash its dirty ass without worrying about their furry friend clawing their face skin off or poking their eyes out. Cat-In-The-Bag’s website says the bag is scratch-proof, it really, really works and you can use it for everything!

The Cozy Comfort Carrier features a roomy bag made of tightly woven cotton that resists scratching and snags. The looseness of the bag makes it easy to put on your cat, allows him unrestricted movement inside of it for comfort, and prevents him from scratching through the material.

The Velcro collar adjusts like a drawstring to fit any neck size. Wide and soft, the Velcro strip is inside the cotton neckline for added comfort.

A zipper across the bottom opens the entire bag, making it easier to put on your cat.

A handle on the back of the bag is also a shoulder strap and becomes a seatbelt pass-through in your car.

In this video, the godmother of the Cat-In-The-Bag demonstrates how to use it while her cat friend secretly plots her demise:

That cat is either really into the Cat-In-The-Bag or it’s more drugged up than a toddler with ADD on an 8-hour flight to Europe or it’s really a dog in a cat costume. I’m going with a dog in a cat costume. And the Cat-In-The-Bag should also sell a companion product called Human-In-The-Bag, a revolutionary bag that makes it easy for the morgue to transport your corpse after your cat murders you for putting it in a damn grocery bag.

Pic: Cat-In-The-Bag.com

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