Category: Hot Slut of the Day

“Hot Slut Of The Day!” Is Taking A Break Too. Blame My Goddamn Left Retina 

August 15, 2017 / Posted by:

Pictured: The last Hot Slut of the Day for a while, Lily Charles from Pushing Daisies (as played with glamorous perfection by Swoosie Kurtz) who reinvented the eye patch eleganza game and could easily knock out a trick with just one devastating eye glare.

So…. remember last month when I said that I was taking a break from regularly posting because I needed to deal with some health shit? Well, my health shit didn’t involve my eye, but I guess my eye got jealous and decided to get in on the fun. I got some retina tears in my left eyeball about two weeks ago, and they were lasered, but it didn’t take and so my retina detached. “Bitch, I can no longer take the heat of what comes up when you Google ‘Carrot Top naked’ so I’m out of this ho.” – my retina, most likely.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

August 14, 2017 / Posted by:

Jibba Jabber!

Long, long before some growns soothed their splintery nerves with those annoying fidget spinners (Side note: Us real mature growns still soothe our splintery nerves with weed, porn and passively aggressively fighting with relatives about politics on Facebook.), a toy company named Ertl did some damage control by trying to pass off their Jibba Jabber doll as a stress reliever.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

August 13, 2017 / Posted by:

Rally Cat!

In between horrifying shit about flea dick-having Nazi ass bubbles and more horrifying shit about flea dick-having Nazi ass bubbles (and yes, I burned my khakis yesterday… I had to buy a pair when I worked retail, okay?), my Twitter timeline has been filled with the harrowing tale of Rally Cat! The legend of Rally Cat was born on Wednesday night at Busch Stadium in St. Louis, MO during a game between the Cardinals and the Kansas City Royals. It was the sixth inning, and the Cardinals were getting their asses beat 5-4 in their own house when a lucky charm crashed the field (yes, a pussy hijacked a Busch) and became the most exciting thing to happen to baseball in a long time.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

August 12, 2017 / Posted by:

The wiggling dick hair tie! 

Not since the scrunchie or the banana clip, has there been such a simple and tasteful hair tool that lets everyone know that you’re both practical and appreciate classic style. Reader Kelly stuck this tip into my inbox that was posted on Instagram by stylist Sheff Pavel, and there’s not much to say about it (because it’s kind of hard to type words while you’re licking the screen). If you don’t have time to fuck with your hair, just put it into a ponytail with help from the gorgeous peen and huevos hair tie (which is fitting since that thing is hung like a pony) and wear it with pride. It’s also the perfect thing to wear if you want to tell the world that you’ve always got dick on the brain, or in this case, dick on the hair.

These wiggling dick ties can be bought on eBay, and I’m sure they’re also for sale in the Scientology Celebrity Centre’s bathhouse salon. Sure this hair tie makes Shia LaBeouf as hung as Jon Hamm, but I’d still chase it down the street with mouth wide open. Size queen: I ain’t.

And this reminds me of Coco Chanel’s (more like Cocko Chanel’s) most famous quote: “Before leaving the house, a lady should look in the mirror and put on a pink dick hair accessory.”

Pic: Instagram

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

August 11, 2017 / Posted by:

Taco Bell’s latest abomination that will truly give you a case of explosive diarrhea! 

If one of your dreams is to wrap your mouth around something that looks like a blended-up abortion on top of a freshly creampied prolapsed anus, then please pick up the phone, dial 911 and turn yourself in since you’re obviously a sick fuck with brains cut from the same cloth as Jeffrey Dahmer’s. But as the police are shuffling you off to prison for life, ask the paddy wagon driver to stop at a Taco Bell in Santa Ana, CA so that you can fulfill your fantasy of wrapping your mouth around something that looks like a blended-up abortion on top of a freshly creampied prolapsed anus.

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