Category: Hot Slut of the Day

Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 31, 2014 / Posted by:

Ben Cooper, Inc. – The masters of Halloween who ruled October 31st for decades!

For years and years and years, October 31st was practically National Ben Cooper Day, because trillions of children wore the company’s cheap, janky, ugly costumes. They didn’t cost much. You could buy one absolutely anywhere and they were easy to wear. Ben Cooper himself was a costume designer and in the 1930s he started his company when Halloween started to become a thing thing. Ben Cooper, Inc. bought licenses to produce costumes based on popular characters (Mickey Mouse, Snow White, etc…) and as the years went on, they continued to buy licenses and pretty much had a costume for hundreds of TV, movie and cartoon characters. Their presidential masks were apparently a huge seller, because nothing is scarier than that.

Ben Cooper continued to be the King of Halloween until the early 1980s when hysteria hit after people in the Chicago area began dying from taking cyanide-laced Tylenol.  An evil doer or evil doers added lethal doses of potassium cyanide to capsules of Extra-Strength Tylenol. People bought the Tylenol not knowing that shit was death pills. The entire country freaked out thinking that the deranged murderers were going to start poisoning everything including Halloween candy. Some towns banned trick or treating. So instead of taking their kids out to collect potential death candy from strangers, parents threw Halloween parties. Ben Cooper’s flimsy ass apron and mask costumes didn’t cut it at the Halloween party. Costumes became a little more elaborate.

Ben Cooper still kept on, kept on and continued to sell costume stuff through the 1980s, but in 1988 they declared bankruptcy and a year later their factory burned to the ground. They were eventually bought out in 1992.

The 60s, 70s and really early 80s were the time to be a parent on Halloween. You could spend a few dollars on a Ben Cooper costume and call it a day. Who cares if that costume was highly flammable and if your kid got near a candle they’d turn into a human torch. Who cares if that Ben Cooper mask made your kid look like a serial killer and distributor of nightmares. Who cares about any of that! You didn’t have to spend your nights making them some dumb stupid costume so they could win some dumb stupid prize at a dumb stupid costume contest.

I never had a Ben Cooper costume as a kid (I know, I should turn my mom into CPS for depriving me of a classic), but I may get one now. I’ve got my eye on that She-Ra one in the gallery. I’ll just wear it with sweats while I lounge around the house. Or if I’m ever in the mood to rob a bank, I’ll have the perfect mask for it.

Happy National Ben Cooper Day, everyone!

Pics: Google, DoG, eBay, Flickr

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 30, 2014 / Posted by:

Seven Up candy bar, the seven wonders of the 70s!

A grand total of zero trick or treaters will knock on my door on Friday night, because : 1) Hardly any children live around here; 2) The children who do live around here will probably go to the rich neighborhoods for those full-size candy bars and; 3) The “Get The Fuck Off My Lawn Even Though I Don’t Have A Lawn” sign that hangs on my door keeps kids away for some reason. Even though I won’t get any trick or treaters, I’m still going to buy pounds and pounds of Halloween candy, because I didn’t do it right on Friday night until I pass out in a field of candy wrappers while watching the scariest show of all QVC.

So last night, I spent a little time researching candy, as I do most nights anyway, and my tongue got a boner from the sight of the Seven Up candy bar. Seven Up was a candy bar from the 1970s that was made up of seven little pockets that were filled with different flavors and they regularly changed up the flavors. Because of a certain bitch ass whiny soda brand, Seven Up faced a whole lot of trademark issues and it died before I was born so I was never able to put my mouth on that 7 wonders of deliciousness (strangely enough, I’ve said that line many times when a friend has asked me how my date went).

There’s a “Bring Back” Facebook page for EVERYTHING (I mean, there’s a Bring Back The Lemonades Girl Scout Cookie FB page and what kind of sucio fuck wants that back?), so of course there’s a Bring Back Seven Up FB page and that’s a FB page that needs to exist. Because I need that in my mouth (strangely enough, I’ve said that line many times at the start of a first date)! I guess if I want to experience the delicious glory of the Seven Up candy bar, I can put on one of those dental mouth openers and shove an entire variety box of See’s Candy in there at once. I was planning on doing that anyway.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 29, 2014 / Posted by:

Bennett, the beer-fetching Australian Cattle Dog!

I’ve seen a few of these videos where a multi-talented genius dog fetches beer for their human and whenever I watch one I press my eyeballs against the screen to look for the zipper on that dog, because I try to convince myself it’s a human in a dog costume. As a stupid ass human who has been trained by his chihuahua to fetch food, treats, water, toys (etc…..) for him, it boggles my mind when I see a dog doing what I’m trained to do. Dogs aren’t supposed to do those kind of things for humans. Humans are supposed to do those kind of things for dogs! What is going on?

Well, here’s another video my dog doesn’t want me to see. (Actually, I doubt he gives three fucks, because he knows I’m too dumb to train him to do that.) Every time Josh Ace says, “I’m parched,” his dog Bennett goes to the fridge, opens the door, fetches a cold beer, closes the door and brings it back. Not only does Bennett look like STAINS‘ cousin, but he can fetch a cold beer. He’s the perfect dog and don’t tell my dog I said that or he’ll punish me by taking a diarrhea on our next walk so he can cackle to himself while watching me try to pick that wet shit up.

And Josh Ace might look like the real winner here, but nope. That title belongs to Bennett. Thanks to the pull that Josh Ace put on the fridge, Bennett can get drunk on beer anytime he wants.

via VVV

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October 28, 2014 / Posted by:

The grain of rice necklace!

One of the many mysteries from the 90s that still haunts my mind today is, “What kind of next level magic wizardry was pulled to write out names and notes of love on tiny grains of rice?!” Nearly ever mall I went to in the 90s (and I went to a lot because what else was there to do) had a kiosk where they sold grain of rice necklaces. You could get your name on the grain of rice or some kind of note. Wikipedia says that rice writing is an ancient art and goes back thousands of years. It originated in India and Ancient Anatolia and rice artisans believed it brought good luck. The art REALLY evolved in the 90s when teens bought rice art at mall kiosks and hung it around their necks or on their cell phones.

In the 90s, nobody really thought it was weird to wear a vial of water with a grain of rice in it, but today some hos might think that shit was weird. Personally, I think it’s weird to think that’s weird. Do not question the grain of rice necklace.

The grain of rice necklace probably isn’t a huge thing anymore, because people are afraid that wearing a grain of white rice around their neck will attract CARBS! Now if only malls sold quinoa necklaces….

Pic: Name-Painting.com

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October 27, 2014 / Posted by:

Tesco’s dick-filled packaging for their own brand of buttermilk!

Metro UK threw up this picture over the weekend of a carton of Tesco buttermilk that has some people in the UK seeing soft dick and a Cisco Adler-like nutsack. I don’t even know what Tesco was going for. I think that’s supposed to be a jug pouring out some yellow shit. I don’t know, but I do know I see an anteater nose-shaped soft peen and a ballsack that’s so big it’ll give you a concussion if it teabags you. It must be holding a whole lot of buttermilk. I guess this is Tesco’s way of letting us know what the “secret ingredient” in their buttermilk is. Jizz-guzzling hos in the UK shouldn’t even bother going to Tesco to buy as much “buttermilk” as they can, because Scientology has already bought their entire stock and is having it shipped to their Celebrity Centre in L.A.

And that crease on the right carton tells me that Tesco’s “buttermilk” also comes in a kosher version!

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October 26, 2014 / Posted by:

This corn-loving Siamese Cat!

There’s approximately 7 billion videos on YouTube that proves that cats are really damn weird and here’s another one to throw on that pile, and strangely enough that pile is next to the pile of eaten corn cobs this pussy has devoured. In this clip, the part of Pimp Mama Kris is being played by that cat and the part of the souls of innocent children is being played by that corn. Just like PMK’s favorite thing in the world to do is nom nom nom up the souls of innocent children, this pussy’s favorite thing in life is eating corn.

The best part really is that corn-crazed pussy’s cat friend throwing a look like, “Yeah, that bitch is crazy for corn.

I mean, we all eat delicious corn as though it’s the last time we’re going to eat corn and we’re not going to let any trick take it away from us, but I didn’t know some cats eat it like that too. That cat is going crazy on that corn. It’s not going to let any bitch get in between it and that corn. It’s “Diz Iz Mah Cornz” eyes and Lucifer growl tells you that it’s possessed by that corn! It’s a pussy of the corn. I think it might love corn more than Teddy Bear loves corn.

That video was uploaded onto YouTube two Junes ago, but I’m not sure when it was shot (judging by the blurriness and that tablecloth, I’m guessing 1984 or current day Russia). Whenever it was shot, I’m sure that cat is still eating corn like there’s really no tomorrow.

And it’s all fun and laughs until someone in the comment section says, “Corn kills cats!” But in the meantime, my thoughts and prayers are with that cat’s litter box, because you know it suffered some serious shit the next day. That cat probably redefined the phrase “cornhole.”

via Uproxx

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October 25, 2014 / Posted by:

Regina!

When a song called “Baby Love” came out in 1986, my ears immediately told me it was a Madonna song, because it sounded like a Madonna song and her voice sort of sounded like Madonna’s voice. We didn’t have MTV or anything like that back then so a lot of the time I never got to put a face to the voice (which is why for a little while I thought Taylor Dane was black). But “Baby Love” didn’t come out of the mouth of Madge. “Baby Love” was written and sung by Regina and she worked with one of Madge’s producers Stephen Bray on it which is why it’s kind of Madonna-ized.

Regina had the face of a Jane Wiedlin Precious Moments figurine, a hairstyle like Angelica’s Cynthia doll and dressed like a homeless woman who just came into a lot of money. “Baby Love” was her biggest hit and she had a few semi-dance hits after that, but she pretty much disappeared from the music stroll by the 90s.

Wikipedia says that Regina lives in Austin, TX with her pediatric neurosurgeon husband and her four kids.

Here’s hoping that every now and again, Regina puts all the hair ties and scrunchies in her hair, slips on a monster fur coat and sings “Baby Love” to her husband’s patients.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 24, 2014 / Posted by:

Nosy Bears, the coked up teddy bears from the 80s!

Coke really was the bad shit of choice in the 80s and it was so big that even the teddy bears were snorting it up. The Nosy Bears were neon and pastel colored teddy bears with snow globe noses that came alive when you’d squeeze their bellies. Each drugged up, raver ass-looking Nosy Bear had a plastic globe nose with a scene in it. There was a Nosy Bear whose nose popped popcorn and a Nosy Bear whose nose had a little car in it. Ghost Of The Doll says they hit the toy store stroll in 1987 and were around until they retired (read: went to rehab) sometime in the 90s. Playskool, their creators, replaced them in the 90s with the Rolly Eyed Bears, bears with eyes that would light up and roll around every time you waved a glow stick in front of their faces (because coke was out and E was in). No, the Rolly Eyed Bears didn’t exist, sadly.

Warning: If you press the play button on the Nosy Bears commercial below, the song will snort its way into your brain and stay there all day. “They have a nose for fuuuuuh-uuuuuun….

We know what the Lohan kids got every year for Christmas in the late 80s.

The Nosy Bears have been out of the spotlight for years, but it’s been reported that they recently turned up in Brazil at a Neves 4 Prez rally. They have a nose for fun and for Brazilian politics!

Pic: MLPTP (For Meagan)

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October 23, 2014 / Posted by:

Splash Out! 

In the 80s and 90s, we were really easy to entertain (although, some things never change since I spent a good chunk of my night watching more cyst popping videos on YouTube, because I never want to swallow food again), so the Splash Out ball from the early 90s brought hours upon hours of wet fun. There was really nothing to it. You stuck a water balloon in it, set the timer and played Hot Potato with a group until the loser got a face full of water. I know, a ball exploding liquid in your face… EVERYTHING in the early 90s was HIGHLY inappropriate.

The Splash Out ball must’ve been cheap, because I had one and most of my friends had one. Mine broke almost right away after some careless ass dropped it on the concrete, but it brought tons of wet fun before it’s tragic murder. When nobody was around, I’d play a game of Splash Out by myself. I’d put it on the ground, wait for a few seconds, pick it up and repeat until it exploded. Playing Splash Out by myself was the saddest moment in my life (until last night when I watched 7 cyst popping videos in a row).

 

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 22, 2014 / Posted by:

Momotaro, the pussy in Japan who can walk backwards!

In this 7 second long highly enlightening video, Momotaro stands up on his hind legs and walks backwards after his human says something to him. Momotaro can walk backwards AND he obviously knows the importance of an A+++ eyebrow situation (he should be Renee Zellweger’s private eyebrow game tutor)? What has your pussy done today? Hell, what have I done today, because walking backwards is an accomplishment I wish I could achieve. Feast your eyes on this natural marvel:

See, some cats truly do care about humans. Momotaro knows that humans can never have too many “up on outta this post” GIFS to use in comment threads. Thank you, Momotaro!

(For Caroline)

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