Category: Hot Slut of the Day

Hot Slut Of The Day!

August 2, 2015 / Posted by:

Sprinkle Spangles cereal from the 90s!

Kids love sprinkles and I’m sure some of them snort lines of sprinkles in the darkened part of the cafeteria during lunchtime. Back in the 80s afterbirth of foolery known as the 90s, General Mills knew this and they put out Sprinkle Spangles cereal, which was star-shaped corn puffs that looked like they were spat on by a rainbow. They were covered in sprinkles. They looked like the herpes warts of a unicorn.

Sprinkle Spangles came out in the early 90s and General Mills went hard trying to push that shit by hiring the legendary Dom DeLuise to do the voice of the cereal’s mascot, a purple genie with a rainbow ponytail. The Sprinkle Genie was totally the Aladdin genie’s less-talented (but much hotter) third cousin who was assigned to make the breakfast wishes of brats come true, but he made the most of that shitty assignment by giving the world star-shaped, sprinkles-covered cereal!

Sprinkle Spangles cereal didn’t last long. It was discontinued in the late 90s. Who knows what became of the Sprinkle Genie. He probably became a back alley dealer and sells baggies full of sprinkles to hard-up children of the 90s who miss Sprinkle Spangles cereal.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

August 1, 2015 / Posted by:

Disco Boy! And yes, I guess Sharpie-written messages on man chests is today’s theme.

Now, my idea of entertaining truckers is TOTALLY different than Disco Boy’s idea of entertaining truckers. Disco Boy (born name: Lee Marshall) considers himself a prankster/entertainer, but he’s also a saint, because he strips down to his panties and entertains the lorry drivers (that’s British for tuckers) in Operation Stack. Operation Stack isn’t only the name that Kim Kartrashian’s plastic surgeons call the procedure where they stack several silicone implants in her ass. It’s also the name of a procedure where truckers have to park on the M20 motorway. Wikipedia explains it like this:

Operation Stack is a procedure used by Kent Police and the Port of Dover in England to park (or “stack”) lorries on the M20 motorway in Kent when services across the English Channel, such as those through the Channel Tunnel or from the Port of Dover, are disrupted, for example by bad weather, industrial action, fire or derailments in the tunnel.

Kent Online says that on Monday night, Disco Boy set up a party in the Roundhill Tunnel during Operation Stack and brought some sex, hot moves, talent, charisma, sex and more hot moves to the lives of the lorry drivers who had to park. Get high on those car fumes, Disco Boy, and serve it up:

Those moves… It looks like he’s riding an invisible bike. But really, if you got to see this hot piece rave extravaganza while stuck in traffic, you’d want to be stuck in traffic every second of the day!

(For the one and only Bradiful Bitch)

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Hot Sluts Of The Day!

July 31, 2015 / Posted by:

KBG84, Japan’s premiere group of singing memaws! Destiny’s Child, who? Spice Girls, huh? The Supremes, eh? KBG84 is the only girl group we need.

I’m sure that if any of us made it to our 90s, we’d spend our days screaming at brats and getting drunk under the car port. But these Japanese grandmas spend their days coming up with sweet moves and laying down some hot beats. KBG84 is a music group of 33 memaws who are taking Japan by storm. Cosmopolitan says that KBG84 is from the island of Kohima island in Okinawa and the youngest member is 80 and the most seasoned member is 97.

They’ve recorded an entire album and brought bitches to their knees in a sold out tour through Japan. According to The Telegraph, the Japanese abuelitas of KBG84 are considered “idols” in their country and the “queen bee” of the group says that she thought that was a nice of way of saying, “You dead soon, girl.

“When I first heard someone call us ‘idols’ I thought an idol meant someone who had lived a long life and was at the gates of heaven. But in Tokyo they told me it was an entertainer – which was a relief because I thought it meant I was on my way to heaven. I hadn’t even been to Tokyo or Osaka. I wanted to go there before I went to heaven. Going to Tokyo for the first time, I thought I was so lucky to be born. I got to meet my grandchildren. I’ll never forget it. I was moved to tears.”

KBG84’s first single is a wholesome song about whales in the sea and dolphins doing somersaults. That’s how it starts. A group’s first album is always G-rated. In their sophomore album, expect them to bring the edge by singing about getting fucked up at the club and stealing your man. Then they’ll exchange quick diss tracks in their Meek Mill vs. Drake-like feud with rival memaw group Buranovskiye Babushki. Eventually, they’ll break up when the “queen bee” decides she wants to go solo. I can’t wait!

Pic: Daisuke Yajima

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 30, 2015 / Posted by:

The Grumpy Puppy!

The dog world must be sick and tired of all of the shine and millions of dollars Grumpy Cat has gotten over the years, so they have thrown their own contender into the ring. Earl is a half beagle, half pug (a puggle) whose human says that he was born looking like he was just forced to watch an Adam Sandler movie marathon while lying in a CROC bed. That dog’s looking at me like I just said that I love the Kardashians and meant it. That’s dog’s looking at me like I just farted and blamed it on him.  That dog’s looking at me like I just told him those two “jokes.”

Yahoo! UK says that Earl’s climb to Internet fame started a few days ago when his human Derek Bloomfield of Iowa posted his picture on Reddit. A grumpy ass Internet star was born. Earl now has a Facebook and an Instagram page and he’s well on his way to starring in a Lifetime Christmas special and getting extra grumpy as he’s forced to pose with celebs from B to Zzz. Derek says that even though Earl looks like Joe Jackson when his favorite switch goes missing, he is happy on the inside.

“He has had the grumpy expression from day one. The vet said he’s as healthy as any other puppy. He just looks grumpy because of his underbite, wrinkles, and dark complexion. He is the most relaxed, content puppy either one of us has ever seen.”

The definition of grumpy is: “surly or ill-tempered; discontentedly or sullenly irritable; grouchy.” Honestly, Earl looks like he’s way past grumpy. He looks like he’s raging on the inside. That’s a “hide the knives, don’t go to sleep, keep the lights on, pre-dial 911 on your phone” kind of mad. But I guess “Going To Kill You Puppy” just doesn’t have the same ring to it as “Grumpy Puppy” does.

I welcome our new grumpy Internet star! Here’s hoping that Grumpy Puppy and Grumpy Cat join forces one day in a reboot of Grumpy Old Men. Earl is obviously the Walter Matthau.

Pics: Caters, Instagram

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Hot Sluts Of The Day!

July 29, 2015 / Posted by:

The couple who went “dentist hunting” in the Minnesota neighborhood of Walter James Palmer.

By now, I’m sure you’ve already read the story of the dead-hearted demon dentist from Minnesota who murdered Simba’s other uncle and I’m sure you’ve already left a fuck-filled review on his Yelp page. But to make a long, shitty story short, Walter James Palmer is wanted by officials in Zimbabwe for illegally hunting and cruelly killing a beloved 13-year-old lion named Cecil in the country’s Hwange National Park. Dr. Evil McLionKiller allegedly paid $50,000 for the kill and this isn’t the first time he shit on hunting laws. He illegally killed a black bear in Wisconsin a few years ago. I had a dentist once who only played Enya songs in his office and I thought his ass was evil and an ambassador from the Ninth Circle. But anyway, everyone wants the dentist’s head and the media has been camping outside of his house and practice.

MyFox 9 in Minneapolis caught these two messy entertainment makers creeping in front of the dentist’s house with Nerf guns in their hands and stuffed lion toys in their arms. They told reporters they were going dentist hunting and were using the stuffed lions as bait. They threw the stuffed lions in front of the dentist’s house. HA! This is the kind of beautiful messiness that happens when the most popular actors at the local community theater don’t have day jobs and come up with their best stunts while high on the good shit. They look like Bradley Cooper and Vanessa Bayer in a low-budget comedy remake of The Ghost and the Darkness.

I’m not sure I would put on a lion mask and creep around in front of the house of a hunter who allegedly killed a lion with a bow and arrow, but the things artists do for their art! Keep bringing the theater and social commentary to the streets, you two!

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 28, 2015 / Posted by:

Suave Strawberry Shampoo!

That blurry picture of Suave strawberry shampoo is the closest picture I could find of the Suave strawberry shampoo bottle of the 80s. The Internet let me down, because it’s supposed to have a picture of EVERYTHING. I can probably pull up a close-up picture of any Kartrashian b-hole with just a few clicks, but I can’t find a picture of the Suave strawberry shampoo bottle of the 80s? For shame!

When I was 7 or 8, Suave strawberry shampoo was like heaven in a bottle. Back then, Suave was made by Helene Curtis, who is not a real person, by the way. I know, it broke my soul too finding that fucked-up shit out. Anyway, one of my friends had it in their bathroom and after sniffing it like my name was Charlie Sheen and that bottle was filled with coke, I begged my mom to buy me some whenever we went to the store. She said no a few times, but after the millionth time, she finally bought it for me. (Side note: The people who watched me beg my mom for strawberry shampoo knew I was gay before I did.)

Suave strawberry shampoo was my favorite thing for a while and by “a while” I mean 4 or 5 months, which is forever to an 8-year-old. I shampooed with it, I used it as body wash, I took baths with it and I’m sure I snorted a few lines of it, which explains why my brain is the way it is. Eventually, I moved on to another shampoo since chirrun are fickle as fuck and I haven’t since sniffed it in a while.

Suave strawberry-scented shampoo is still around and you can go out right now and buy it, but sadly, it comes in a fug ass bottle. I’m always afraid of buying it now, because it probably smells different and I don’t want to ruin the memory. Although, I bet it’ll taste delicious with rum, triple sec, gin and vodka.

Pic: Pinterest

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 27, 2015 / Posted by:

Sharon Cherski (as played by Devon Odessa) from My So-Called Life!

I know, I know, the hottest HSOTD from My So-Called Life is obviously Rayanne Graff. I mean, Rayanne was voted Most Slut Potential in high school and she’s the main attraction in all of our Spirit Animal Zoos. The runner-up hottest HSOTD from My So-Called Life is probably Rickie. But I thought about Sharon Cherski recently and mostly because, the other day at the mall, I watched a 30-something mother in Tory Burch loafers and capri jeans tell her little daughter that she can’t get an Auntie Anne’s pretzel, because they’re not gluten-free. I thought to myself, “That chick is so a grown-up Sharon Cherski.”

Sharon was Angela’s best friend before Rayanne came long. Sharon was the kind of girl who had a signature Bath and Body Works fragrance (Country Apple), asks for a Dooney & Burke purse for Christmas every year and would grow up to be the kind of woman who would buy Kristin Cavallari’s Secret Bangs. Yeah, Sharon was a cheerleader and annoying, but she had her hot moments. Sharon lost her v-card and regularly screwed on that dumb piece of hotness Kyle before dumping his ass because she realized that her heart didn’t get warm feelings for that douche. Sharon also had it bad for Brad Pitt and you know she made Kyle wear tape a Brad Pitt picture on top of his face during sex.

I’m sure that Sharon Cherski married some jock she met at college and she later quit her job as a beauty industry publicist to raise her twins Taylee and McKartee in a 6 bedroom colonial in the suburbs. She’s the queen of the block, is known for her collection of Tiffany & Co silver jewelry with her name engraved on it and she’s probably fucking the bus boy at the restaurant where she lunches with the ladies every other weekday. Or her obsession with Brad Pitt grew to terrifying levels and she moved back home where she spends all day defending him in the comments of blogs. Brace yourself, Sharon Cherski may be a Brangeloonie.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 26, 2015 / Posted by:

Gianmarco Tamberi, the half-bearded high jumper from Italy!

You may be looking at that beard and thinking to yourself that it’s the most try-hard beard since Taylor Swift. But I’m looking at that half beard and thinking: 1) That’s my lazy shaver icon and 2) It looks like the other half of his beard got sick of living in the south of his face and relocated to his eyebrows.

Gianmarco is a high jumper from Italy and he hasn’t won any Olympic medals in his sport yet, but he has won all the gold medals in working the fuck out of a half beard. The Daily Mail says that Gianmarco has been shaving only half of his face since 2011 and not because he’s lazy as shit. His explanation is that it’s his signature look. We all need a trademark. Marilyn Monroe had her mole, Anthony Davis has a stunningly gorgeous pair of flying bird eyebrows, Jon Hamm has the Hammaconda and I have blood shot stoner eyes. Gianmarco’s trademark is his half beard. Gianmarco said this about his trademark half beard at the Diamond League event in London on Friday:

“It has become my trademark. I like to be on stage and to entertain the audience.”

And Gianmarco’s beard IS entertaining. Not since Kelly Preston sang “Heaven Is A Place On Earth” in What A Girl Wants has a beard been so entertaining.

I hope that Gianmarco makes the most out of that half beard by regularly performing as a half beautiful lady and half man in a stage show at a Victor/Victoria-themed club. I also hope that he shaves half of his pubes and one ball for the sake of symmetry!

Pics: Reuters, AP, Getty

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Hot Slut Of the Day!

July 25, 2015 / Posted by:

Heather Tenney, Ohio’s answer to Helen of Troy!

Behold, a woman who is so desirable and wanted that she can drive grown men she’s related to by blood to burn down houses because they can’t have her love. Derrick Lewis of WKBN-TV was covering a fire that damaged two houses and two garages in Leavittsburg, Ohio when he interviewed Heather Tenney. Heather lives in one of the houses with her husband, the dude behind her who looks like a skinny Kid Rock if Kid Rock was the lead singer in a Black Crowes cover band.

At around the 1:03 mark in the video below, Derrick asks Heather if she knows how the fire started and she pretty much spits out an entire Jerry Springer episode. I’m just going to put it in Heather’s words, because that shit is gold wrapped in gold:

Heather: Yes, I do. It was cause of my cousin. I don’t wanna mention no names.

Derrick: Your cousin? And you said you think your cousin started this. Do you know how or why?

Heather: He’s mad because he can’t get with me. I’m married to my husband. It’s a long story. To make it short, he already put him (her husband) in the hospital once last month and he figured he’s going to do something else to get back.

And I thought my family reunions were awkward as all hell, but they have nothing on the Tenney family reunions. Maybe Derrick Lewis should be HSOTD, because he showed all the restraint in the world by not laughing himself inside/out.

TLC needs to give them a show (and they will), because I need to know what happens next. I also take back what I said about Heather being Ohio’s answer to Helen of Troy. She’s obviously got it better than Helen of Troy and she doesn’t give any fucks. Helen is Troy’s answer to Heather of Ohio.

via Statter911 (For Renee)

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 24, 2015 / Posted by:

This Scottish fold munchkin kitten in a tutu drinking from a syringe full of liquid food while standing in a pink bowl!

Sometimes, and this is one of those times (see: the news), we could all just use a video of a Scottish fold munchkin pussy in a tutu drinking from a syringe full of liquid food while standing in a pink bowl. That tutu is tacky and doesn’t fit right and that shade of pink hurts my eyes, but this still made me let out a Friday morning “awww.” Since this video was uploaded to Facebook earlier this month, it’s gotten over 20 million hits and over 560,000 shares. Let this be a lesson to all the pop tricks who want to get as many music video views as possible. The easiest way to get millions upon millions of views fast is to put a Scottish fold munchkin kitten in a tutu in your video. That’s what the world really wants to see.

via DPF

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