Category: Hot Slut of the Day

Hot Slut Of The Day!

March 27, 2017 / Posted by:

Shampoodle!

Shampoodle looks like she was pulled out of the pastel-colored vagine of the 1980s, but she didn’t make her debut in toy stores until 1991. Sometime in the late 80s, Rub-A-Dub-Doggie and Lady Lovely Locks’ dog, Silky Pup, definitely conceived Shampoodle after a beautiful night of bareback fun, but the gestation time of a pastel dog toy must be at least a couple of years. Because Shampoodle was totally an 80s trick living in a 90s world.

Shampoodle was a bathtime toy from Hasbro and she was definitely Katy Perry’s biggest style icon. Shampoodle had stunning cotton candy polyester hair, a chest full of several magnificent bubble tits (I’ve counted like six) and she had a sparkle in her eyes from huffing the last glittery fumes that wafted off of the 80s.

While in the tub with Shampoodle, you’d fill her rubber body with shampoo and bathwater and squeeze her belly until a giant dollop of suds shot out of her head. So basically, you’d squeeze her so hard that her foam brains would pop out of her head. Since I put it that way, this commercial is like the most magical and adorable horror movie trailer ever.

Shampoodle wasn’t the hit she should’ve been and that’s because she was born too late. A child of the mid-80s would’ve completely appreciated a pastel poodle in a bubble two-piece who farted up foam from her head.

Shampoodle’s tagline was also, “Squeeze my tummy for lots of foamy bathtime fun.” Hasbro may be able to sue me for copyright infringement, because that’s dangerously close to a line in my Grindr profile: “Squeeze me for lots of foamy fun!

Pic: Tumblr (For Debra)

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

March 26, 2017 / Posted by:

Judith Pronk, the original lead singer of Alice Deejay!

2000 must’ve been a nightmare year for you if you hated the song Better Off Alone by Alice Deejay, because it was absolutely everywhere and I don’t think you could make it through the week, let alone day, without hearing it once. They played it in stores, on the radio, at clubs, in gyms, at sports games, the birds hummed it, it was the soundtrack of your dreams, etc… etc…. You couldn’t escape it! Alice Deejay had other dance hits but none reached the peak that Better Off Alone reached.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

March 24, 2017 / Posted by:

Jell-O Spoon Candy!

Spoon Candy sounds like a cutesy name for coke or cooked heroin, but for a brief minute in the 1970s it was a decadent dessert from Jell-O. In the late-1960s, Jell-O gifted mouths with the magical desert that was like a cloud sitting on top of two layers of unicorn barf. They gave us Jell-O 1-2-3, which I always thought came out in the 1980s, because to me, it was the flavor of the 1980s. Jell-O 1-2-3 lasted long enough to turn some of us into complete 1-2-3 addicts (yes, you can sometimes find me asking the stock people at any grocery store if they got any old 1-2-3 in the back), but it didn’t last as long as it should have (read: FOREVER!).

Spoon Candy was kind of like another Jell-O 1-2-3, only it didn’t last nearly as long. J-O -1-2-3 was around for almost 30 years, while Spoon Candy was apparently only around from 1972 to 1974ish. It was basically pudding with a hard candy topping, and it was supposed to be a candy bar in a bowl. You’d just add milk, blend a little and BOOM: instance dessert decadence.

Spoon Candy was before my time, so sadly for me, I never got to have it. But I guess I sort of get the experience every night when I shovel pudding into my mouth while squirting Magic Shell in there.

And well, if you’re going to Heaven, at least you have something to look forward to, because I’m sure the Jell-O Cafe up there has endless supplies of Spoon Candy and 1-2-3. And if you’re going to Hell, prepare for an eternity of heaving, because I’m sure the Jell-O Cafe down there serves nothing but celery-flavored Jell-O.

PicPinterest (For Joan)

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

March 23, 2017 / Posted by:

If you’re thinking to yourself, “Michael, you narcissistic bitch, why would you make one of your Grindr private pics a Hot Slut of the Day,” then I just need to tell you that I wish I had it like that!

This no-nose-having, gumball-headed marzipan pin-up with a bubble butt that could crush a titanium-wrapped diamond is the creation of animator and writer Kristen Lepore. Kristen created the jizzball head on a bottom twink’s body for Late Night Work Club’s anthology of short films called Strangers, which came out last year. The claymation video called, Hi Stranger, has made its way through the internet the past couple of days. It’s taken people on journey of emotions that starts at, “Do I fap to this?”, makes a stop at, “Errr, someone hold me,” makes another stop at, “Oh, he’s drawing me like one of his French girls,” and ends at, “Okay, I fapped to this, thrice.

The almost three-minute-long video starts with the broken condom baby of Powder and Gumby giving you a moment to take in his par baked biscuit nalgas before turning around and staring at you with a pair of eyes that are almost as dead as a Hadid’s. He then tells you that he misses you and allows you to sweep your eyes against his giant butt-tits. And just when you’re about to call 911, his soothing voice becomes almost meditative and calming. And when he said, “I love you,” at the end, I maaaaay have touched the screen and said, “I love you back.” It’s official, I’m a creepier and more desperate version of Joaquin Phoenix’s Her character.

And after the weird mixed feeling of uncomfortableness and soothingness left me, I suddenly wanted to do a dozen butt squats in a row. Yeah, this video is totally a sneaky ad for Suzanne Somers’ ButtMaster.

Pic: YouTube

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

March 22, 2017 / Posted by:

Kevin, the gutter-brained Wheel of Fortune contestant who’s a perv after my own heart. If the phrase, “after my own heart,” was an almost-complete Wheel of Fortune clue that looked like, “Af_ _r My Own _ _ _R _,” Kevin would definitely answer, “After My Own Hard-On!” Oh, Kevin.

Kevin got his 15 seconds of internet fame last night after he saw the clue above before him and thought he conquered that bitch when his brain (which is run by the same horny fuel as mine) high-fived itself while saying, “Bro, it’s totally ‘A Streetcar Naked Desire.‘” Paul made everyone at home do the face-to-palm move when he asked the owner of the greatest job in the world, Vanna White, to show him a K. While everybody d’oh’d at Kevin’s dumb mistake, that perv in plugs, Pat Sajak, probably got moist in the tip while thinking about a porn version of A Streetcar Named Desire. 

Sure, everyone can make fun of Kevin’s fuck-up, but I’m pretty sure he was thinking of a work by Tennessee Williams’ lesser known brother, San Fernando Valley Williams. San Fernando Valley Williams’ other works include The Ass Menagerie, The Rose Tittoo and Cat On A Hot Tin Poon. Now who’s the uneducated one?!

I’m sure that Kevin’s answer will make complete sense when someone discovers his Reddit username and finds out that he regularly posts in objectophilia threads about how he really gets the tingles for streetcars.

Pic: CBS Television

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