Category: Hot Slut of the Day

Hot Slut Of The Day!

February 22, 2017 / Posted by:

Nestle Alpine White, the latest craze from Europe!

It took only 12 years and 22 days of Hot Sluts for it to happen, but Nestle Alpine White is finally get the HSOTD homage it deserves. In 1986, Nestle knew that what the palates of Americans really needed is to be elevated to the culinary heavens, so they released Alpine White (with Almonds). Alpine White was pure white chocolate deliciousness (okay, it was probably 0.2% chocolate and the rest was sugar and melted rubber, still delicious) that was embedded with almonds. At one point, it was the it candy bar of snobby children who had refined tastes and would definitely raise their nose to any drugstore chocolate that wasn’t Alpine White!

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

February 21, 2017 / Posted by:

Alduin, the bearded dragon who “waves” at his human when she waves at him!

The most impressive trick my pet can do is force himself to caca whenever we’re walking in front of the patio of a restaurant or a Starbucks that’s full of people. He truly has the power to embarrass. It’s a gift. But this bearded dragon named Alduin has him beat. Alduin’s human, Mei Shan Li, gave The LAD Bible (via everywhere) this video of her doing a slow, long wave at her lizard. Alduin sees her wave, runs up to his perch and does a slow, long wave back. Most Hollywood reboots can suck Lucifer’s fart, but this reboot of Arrival is the greatest reboot I’ve ever seen!

So is Courtney Stodden’s baby nephew’s wave his way of warning mankind about the destruction that’s about to swallow us all? (You’re a little late, Alduin, we already know about that.) No, Alduin’s majestic lizard wave isn’t some kind of warning or a party trick. A site called The Bearded Dragon says that a bearded dragon waving their arm is a sign of submission.

There are a couple of possible meanings when a bearded dragon waves it’s arms. One meaning is species recognition. If a bearded dragon waves at another bearded dragon, it tells the other dragon that he/she is aware of their presence.

Another meaning is submission. A bearded dragon may wave his or her arm whenever they are approached by a larger bearded dragon or whenever a larger animal approaches the dragon.

So in other words, it sounds like Alduin’s wave does not translate to, “Why, hello back to you, bitch.” It sounds like it really translates to, “Okay, okay, mercy, mercy! I give in! Now can you stop with that weird creepy hand wave thing you’re doing? It’s freaking me out!”

Pic: Facebook

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

February 20, 2017 / Posted by:

The Purple Wig From Lifetime’s piece of trash Britney Spears movie Britney Ever After!

I couldn’t watch Lifetime’s latest turd jewel, Britney Ever After, on Saturday, because the hotel I was staying in didn’t have Lifetime. I know, I almost went to the front desk to complain, but I know they would’ve said, “Um, you know this is Super 8, right?” So I finally watched it last night and I had two thoughts while watching it:

1. I am so not high enough for this trash.

2. My camcorder home movies from the 90s had a bigger budget than this wreck.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

February 19, 2017 / Posted by:

The IKEA Allen Wrench!

The victims of the Bowling Green Massacre took to the streets last night and lit Swedish Fish while humming the melody of a Robyn song to show solidarity with the victims of what happened in Sweden on Friday night. At a rally in Melbourne, FL yesterday, Donald Trump was talking about terrorist attacks and refugees in Europe when he dropped this piece of information that made the brains of Swedes burp up a lingonberry-scented question mark.

 “Here’s the bottom line, we’ve got to keep our country safe … You look at what’s happening in Germany, you look at what’s happening last night in Sweden. Sweden, who would believe this. Sweden.”

Nobody knew what the fuck he was talking about.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

February 18, 2017 / Posted by:

The AOL dial-up victory symbol from the 90s!

Those of us who dealt with AOL dial-up in the 1990s probably lost at least 10 years of our lives from nervously sitting in front of a computer and waiting for that mess to connect while shouting, “Nobody make a damn phone call!” There was nothing more dramatic, suspenseful and anxiety-ridden than staring at the screen, watching and waiting for your dial-up to fully connect and fill that third box with a symbol of pure victory!

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

February 17, 2017 / Posted by:

The Monopoly Thimble!

The Monopoly Iron better make room in its suite at Countryside Acres (Yes, yes, I know I’m mixing up my board games) for a new roommate, because another O.G. game piece has been forced into retirement. Four years ago, Monopoly took out the Iron (aka the game piece nobody wanted to be) and replaced it with Hazel the Cat. Hasbro has been slowly getting rid of the original pieces from the 1930s to make way for shiny, new bitches, and the Thimble is the latest one to get tossed. The Top Hat, Shoe and Battleship better hope they have enough money in their 401k, because they’re next!

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