Category: Hot Slut of the Day

Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 24, 2014 / Posted by:

Nosy Bears, the coked up teddy bears from the 80s!

Coke really was the bad shit of choice in the 80s and it was so big that even the teddy bears were snorting it up. The Nosy Bears were neon and pastel colored teddy bears with snow globe noses that came alive when you’d squeeze their bellies. Each drugged up, raver ass-looking Nosy Bear had a plastic globe nose with a scene in it. There was a Nosy Bear whose nose popped popcorn and a Nosy Bear whose nose had a little car in it. Ghost Of The Doll says they hit the toy store stroll in 1987 and were around until they retired (read: went to rehab) sometime in the 90s. Playskool, their creators, replaced them in the 90s with the Rolly Eyed Bears, bears with eyes that would light up and roll around every time you waved a glow stick in front of their faces (because coke was out and E was in). No, the Rolly Eyed Bears didn’t exist, sadly.

Warning: If you press the play button on the Nosy Bears commercial below, the song will snort its way into your brain and stay there all day. “They have a nose for fuuuuuh-uuuuuun….

We know what the Lohan kids got every year for Christmas in the late 80s.

The Nosy Bears have been out of the spotlight for years, but it’s been reported that they recently turned up in Brazil at a Neves 4 Prez rally. They have a nose for fun and for Brazilian politics!

Pic: MLPTP (For Meagan)

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 23, 2014 / Posted by:

Splash Out! 

In the 80s and 90s, we were really easy to entertain (although, some things never change since I spent a good chunk of my night watching more cyst popping videos on YouTube, because I never want to swallow food again), so the Splash Out ball from the early 90s brought hours upon hours of wet fun. There was really nothing to it. You stuck a water balloon in it, set the timer and played Hot Potato with a group until the loser got a face full of water. I know, a ball exploding liquid in your face… EVERYTHING in the early 90s was HIGHLY inappropriate.

The Splash Out ball must’ve been cheap, because I had one and most of my friends had one. Mine broke almost right away after some careless ass dropped it on the concrete, but it brought tons of wet fun before it’s tragic murder. When nobody was around, I’d play a game of Splash Out by myself. I’d put it on the ground, wait for a few seconds, pick it up and repeat until it exploded. Playing Splash Out by myself was the saddest moment in my life (until last night when I watched 7 cyst popping videos in a row).

 

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 22, 2014 / Posted by:

Momotaro, the pussy in Japan who can walk backwards!

In this 7 second long highly enlightening video, Momotaro stands up on his hind legs and walks backwards after his human says something to him. Momotaro can walk backwards AND he obviously knows the importance of an A+++ eyebrow situation (he should be Renee Zellweger’s private eyebrow game tutor)? What has your pussy done today? Hell, what have I done today, because walking backwards is an accomplishment I wish I could achieve. Feast your eyes on this natural marvel:

See, some cats truly do care about humans. Momotaro knows that humans can never have too many “up on outta this post” GIFS to use in comment threads. Thank you, Momotaro!

(For Caroline)

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 21, 2014 / Posted by:

The “virtual autopsy” picture of King Tut! 

If Hollywood made a King Tut biopic right now, they’d probably dye Zac Efron’s hair black and cast him in the title role. But according to a “virtual autopsy,” King Tut looked more like the love child of Prince William and a Concorde Pear.

For the BBC documentary Tutankhamun: The Truth Uncovered, researchers did a virtual autopsy composite using over 2,000 computer scans of his burial mask and results they got from doing a genetic analysis of his family. Researchers discovered that King Tut’s parents were part of The Incest Is Best Club, because they were brother and sister. Expect St. Angie Jolie to announce that she plans to direct a biopic of King Tut’s parents starring her and James Haven.

The Daily Mail says that because his mom was also his tia and his uncle was also his tio, he was born with physical impairments including a club foot. Scientists also think he died of an inherited disease when he was 19. Earlier this year, egyptologists from the American University in Cairo discovered that King Tut’s dick was embalmed at a 90-degree angle. They didn’t see how long it was. I know, what kind of researchers are they?

So, there you go. There’s a true-to-life, 100% authentic picture of a 19-year-old King Tut working the shit out of an Egyptian diaper. I think I speak for all of us when I say that we’d all hit it. He was king! That diaper’s probably filled with gold.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 20, 2014 / Posted by:

Snapple’s Tru Root Beer!

In the 90s, Snapple ruled the world and most of the population pissed, shit, jizzed and sneezed the stuff up, because practically everyone guzzled it up like it was tap water. My mom worked in a hospital and sometimes I’d volunteer in the office of her department (sadly, I didn’t get to wear a candy stripe outfit). My job was to give patients pamphlets with info on how to prepare for their procedure (don’t drink water, don’t eat food, get your will together, say goodbye to your loved ones, curse your enemies out one last time, etc…) and this one time, I told this chick she couldn’t eat or drink water after midnight. Her only question was, “But what about Snapple?” She was serious. Snapple was her oxygen!

So because Snapple was as important as air, they tried to come for the soda game and they released a bunch of “all-natural” Snapple sodas including Tru Root Beer. Tru Root Beer was supposed to be less sweeter than other root beers and that shit was clear. Since Snapple sodas lacked a key ingredient others soda had (read: CRACK), they never became a thing and they were discontinued sometime in the late 90s. But some SnappleSodaheads are still strung out for their sweet nectar of choice and wake up in the middle of the night screaming its name.

I’m not sure why Snapple dropped the “e” from “true.” Was it because of 90s styling or could they legally not use the full word “true” since their root beer truly wasn’t root beer because it was fucking clear. But that’s what I liked most about Snapple’s Tru Root Beer. It asked one of the most important questions of the 90s: Can root beer-flavored water be trusted?

Pic: The Frisky 

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 19, 2014 / Posted by:

Ripple, the 18-month-old hyper mastiff mix who is what every weather report needs!

I don’t know what’s going in on in that screen shot. Either they’re getting into armpit play (that weather guy IS the Kristen Stewart to Ripple’s Robert Pattinson) or they’re doing a really weird version of the Rumba and if that’s the case, get them on Dancing with the Has-Beens and Never-Wases now.

Canada’s Global News Edmonton regularly features dog friends who need a home and during Mike Sobel’s weather segment last week, Ripple from the Edmonton Humane Society made an appearance and nobody was prepared for the gust of fuckery he brought with him. From the very beginning, Ripple had zero shits to give about the damn weather and he no care that it was going to be sunny and warm in Edmonton (Side note: 17 celsius may be warm in Edmonton, but that shit is UGGs, coochie cutters, parkas and heated car seats wether in L.A.). The only thing Rippled cared about was trying to gnaw his way to freedom by cutting that leash off with his teefs.

Ripple proves that if you have a dream, just keep gnawing on the crap that is holding you back until that dream comes. Ripple eventually freed himself from that bitch ass leash, but he wasn’t done with it. He tried to destroy it some more and he almost took down Mike while doing so. Now this is what a I call a weather report:

Apparently, Ripple was adopted and I hope he was adopted by a producer from the Today show. Because Al Roker’s segments would be 1000% more entertaining if Ripple was trying to take him down while he delivered the weather.

And I can’t believe Mike Sobel made it through that segment without calling Ripple a dyke.

Vid: Uproxx, Pic: Twitter

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 18, 2014 / Posted by:

Wendy’s Superbar!

Nowadays, a “Superbar” to me is an “open bar.” But back before my boozing days, the Superbar was a mega buffet at Wendy’s. In 1979, Wendy’s was the first fast food place to bring in a salad bar and in 1988, they injected steroids into the salad bar when they introduced the Superbar.

The Superbar had a Mexica Fiesta station, an Italian station, a salad station and a fruit station. It was like a mini Las Vegas buffet. I don’t remember what any of it tasted like (that’s probably a good thing and for once in my life my bad memory is on my side), but I do remember mixing taco meat with pasta like a true gourmet connoisseur.

The Superbar’s reign as the fast food super buffet king came to an end in 1998. But it’s legacy lives on thanks to the wet shits some people get from their insides still dealing with the fact that they ate at the Wendy’s Superbar once. And well, at least we still have the Sizzler (THANK GOD), Golden Corral and other buffet restaurants, because I would be lost if there wasn’t a place for me to invite my mom to for dinner just so I can hear her say, “Do I look like I want to eat salmonella and E. coli?” She always makes food sound extra delicious.

And here’s a Superbar ad from the olden days:

That commercial was false advertising. I never saw glamour goddesses like Teresa at the Wendy’s Superbar.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 17, 2014 / Posted by:

The hypnotizing Windows 98 screensaver!

I am strictly an Apple whore now, but back in the far away olden days of the late 90s I had an Acer my mom bought me on HSN and it came with that infamous Windows 98 screensaver. I hated to love that screensaver and I loved to hate it. Every time it came on, I’d stare at it for hours and get sucked in. It trained me for my eventual stoner days.

It’s seriously one of the ugliest screen savers ever. That HGTV Flip or Flop couple should update that mess.

That never-ending maze that sucks you in was totally foreshadowing of what was to come from computers and the Internet. I went from getting the heaves while staring at that ugly never-ending maze for HOURS to getting the wet heaves while staring at videos titled “Pulling The Longest Ingrown Hair Out Of My Face” on YouTube for HOURS. And that annoying, scary ass rat. I wonder what ever became of it? It probably gorged itself on organic aged cheese, learned Spanish in Spain from the masters, summered in the Hamptons every year and eventually grew up to be Goop.com. It still terrorizes computers today.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 16, 2014 / Posted by:

Tri Color Pasta!

It’s hard to believe, but there was a time when people were able to serve up elegant and gourmet dishes without any help from Martha Stewart or Goopy Paltrow. How did we do it? We didn’t need to go to the farmer’s market to get some organic shit or spend 2 hours developing sores on our hands from making our own pasta. All we needed was a can of olives, a packet of dressing mix and a bag of tri color pasta. Those three key ingredients brought the ZING to your mouth.

In the 80s, tri color pasta was one of the IT foods. It was the kale of its time. We thought that shit was really, really healthy. It was triple the flavor (I couldn’t really tell)! Triple the party! And triple the wow! Every time my mom had a pot luck at work, she brought us a gigantic bowl of tri color pasta, because everybody brought that shit and they had pounds and pounds of leftovers. Either everyone was really lazy (that was it) or everyone knew that tri color pasta is to a pot luck what lube is to butt sex. You can never have too much of it (actually, you can)! Some people who were really skilled at the culinary arts would really bring the Le Cordon Bleu touch to tri color pasta by adding cherry tomatoes and Kraft parmesan cheese.

Sometimes I still see tri color pasta on menus at the finest restaurants (Coco’s, Carrow’s, etc…) and sometimes they write it as “tri colore” pasta. That extra “e” makes it extra gourmet, extra Italian and extra authentic.

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Hot Sluts Of The Day!

October 15, 2014 / Posted by:

The dog friends who worked together as a team to get a ball out of a pool!

There’s not many details about this highly important video below. The only things we know is that sheltie dog is yanking on that black dog’s tail and that black dog is trying to pull that ball out of the pool. Most think that after that ball fell into the pool, those two dogs huddled together, came up with a plan and then busted out this hot rescue mission move. Or a trainer spent hours working with them on this shit. Who knows, the only thing I do know is that Dateline NBC needs to stop everything they’re doing and find out everything there is to find out about these talented and resourceful bitches. They should be in the Navy!

Or maybe this isn’t a team situation at all. Maybe that dog is trying to get the ball while the sheltie bites at its tail while thinking, “Bitch, the ball is mine.” If that’s the case then the HSOTD title belongs to the sheltie and the sheltie alone.

via Sunday World

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