Category: Hot Slut of the Day

Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 16, 2018 / Posted by:

Teletubby Custard from Burger King!

Back when Teletubbies were at the peak of their fame and were greedy money whores who were selling everything from Beanie Babies to dildos (I’m not going to Google that mess, but I’m guessing Teletubby dildos are real), they got together with Burger King and Jell-O to sell their custard to the masses for a limited time in the 90s.

There’s many Teletubby custard recipes out there, but Burger King made theirs with Jell-O, leche, and probably enough preservatives and chemicals to cause one of your internal organs to mutate into an evil Teletubby that ate you from the inside/out (and not in a sexy way). I never tried Burger King’s Teletubby custard, but apparently it tasted like getting a blow job from an angel with no teeth while being handfed sugar-dipped raspberries by Idris Elba wearing a loin cloth spun from gold.

Here’s the video of the Teletubbies making their custard, and because of the farts and splash-sounds, this video is definitely some sucio freak’s idea of porn.

And do we really want to know what the secret ingredient of Teletubby custard was? Well, if the secret ingredient was what I think it was, then I guess those Teletubbies ate a lot of pineapple, because that stuff was supposedly sweeter than a sugar cube slathered with honey.

Pic: Burger King

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 15, 2018 / Posted by:

Ellie is a big, beautiful mound of love and talent who’s got one working eye and is 13 years old. 13 years is apparently 68-ish in Beagle years. When I’m 68 years old, the only “treat” I’ll do a trick for is a 20-something Grindr hook-up who’s into grey pubes and has a grandpa fetish. But Ellie was gracious enough to flawlessly perform a new trick for a little food in the name of her human getting some YouTube views.

Ellie’s human Wes Hess doesn’t only have a hot rhyming name, but he’s also got an extremely talented pooch who learned a new trick for him. Wes put a treat in Ellie’s bowl, and taught her to  sit up on her hind legs when he says, “ready, set,” and to run for that treat when he spits out “go.” But Wes decided it’d be real funny to mess with an elder pooch who doesn’t have much goddamn time left for his trickery, and said “row” and “low” instead of “go.”  The look that Ellie throws at Wes when he says “row” and “low” is the same “don’t fuck with my emotions now” look I throw at a Popeye’s employee when they tell me they’re out of warmed up biscuits and it’s going to take 10 minutes. Being the very good and patient dog she is, Ellie waited until she heard “go” and went for it. Fuck World Cup, this is the only sport I care about!

And I’m sure that as a “thank you” for messing with her old ass and joints like that, Ellie gave her human a treat in the form of a dog caca in his shoe.

Pic: YouTube

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 14, 2018 / Posted by:

Fredy Alanis, the 19-year-old who ended up in the hospital after literally choking on a dick.

Young Fredy here lived his own episode of Sex Sent Me To The ER back in January when a Hidenburg-sized dick busted up his airways and put him in the hospital. Now, if an extra long watermelon dick caused me to have to pull out my insurance card at the hospital, I wouldn’t tell anyone what had happened. I’d pull some “Oh, doctor, I accidentally sat on that Carlo Rossi jug of wine after moisturizing my asshole with Crisco” shit by telling the doctors that I got a little too excited while drinking a 40. Because my reputation as an old used-up slut would be ruined if people knew I couldn’t take a colossal cock to the froat, but Fredy broadcast it to the world when he tweeted about it on July 5. That tweet led to Fredy telling the site them about how his airway was done in by a big dick.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 12, 2018 / Posted by:

Cherie Trieffel, the drag queen who brought glamour and drama to the “If anyone objects to this union..” portion of a wedding!

The wedding ceremony itself is usually the time when I sleep with my eyes open as a way of preparing my body and soul for all the boozing and cake-eating I’ll have to do to get through talking to my relatives and dancing to shitty songs at the reception. When you’ve seen one wedding reception, you’ve seen one too many, because they’re boring! But not the wedding ceremony of The Peters (aka Peter McConnachie and Peter Deaville) at Saint Luke’s church in Glasgow, Scotland.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 11, 2018 / Posted by:

The My Little Pony Merry-Go-Round Game!

One of the main reasons for why the 1980s is the greatest decade in the history of time (Note: If you disagree, please go to Phoenix.edu and enroll in Get A Fucking Clue 101, because you obviously need more education) is that it gave us gloriously gay objects of pure gayness. Everything involving the world of My Little Pony falls under that, especially this My Little Pony Merry-Go-Round game from 1985.

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