Category: Hot Slut of the Day

Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 19, 2014 / Posted by:

Ripple, the 18-month-old hyper mastiff mix who is what every weather report needs!

I don’t know what’s going in on in that screen shot. Either they’re getting into armpit play (that weather guy IS the Kristen Stewart to Ripple’s Robert Pattinson) or they’re doing a really weird version of the Rumba and if that’s the case, get them on Dancing with the Has-Beens and Never-Wases now.

Canada’s Global News Edmonton regularly features dog friends who need a home and during Mike Sobel’s weather segment last week, Ripple from the Edmonton Humane Society made an appearance and nobody was prepared for the gust of fuckery he brought with him. From the very beginning, Ripple had zero shits to give about the damn weather and he no care that it was going to be sunny and warm in Edmonton (Side note: 17 celsius may be warm in Edmonton, but that shit is UGGs, coochie cutters, parkas and heated car seats wether in L.A.). The only thing Rippled cared about was trying to gnaw his way to freedom by cutting that leash off with his teefs.

Ripple proves that if you have a dream, just keep gnawing on the crap that is holding you back until that dream comes. Ripple eventually freed himself from that bitch ass leash, but he wasn’t done with it. He tried to destroy it some more and he almost took down Mike while doing so. Now this is what a I call a weather report:

Apparently, Ripple was adopted and I hope he was adopted by a producer from the Today show. Because Al Roker’s segments would be 1000% more entertaining if Ripple was trying to take him down while he delivered the weather.

And I can’t believe Mike Sobel made it through that segment without calling Ripple a dyke.

Vid: Uproxx, Pic: Twitter

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 18, 2014 / Posted by:

Wendy’s Superbar!

Nowadays, a “Superbar” to me is an “open bar.” But back before my boozing days, the Superbar was a mega buffet at Wendy’s. In 1979, Wendy’s was the first fast food place to bring in a salad bar and in 1988, they injected steroids into the salad bar when they introduced the Superbar.

The Superbar had a Mexica Fiesta station, an Italian station, a salad station and a fruit station. It was like a mini Las Vegas buffet. I don’t remember what any of it tasted like (that’s probably a good thing and for once in my life my bad memory is on my side), but I do remember mixing taco meat with pasta like a true gourmet connoisseur.

The Superbar’s reign as the fast food super buffet king came to an end in 1998. But it’s legacy lives on thanks to the wet shits some people get from their insides still dealing with the fact that they ate at the Wendy’s Superbar once. And well, at least we still have the Sizzler (THANK GOD), Golden Corral and other buffet restaurants, because I would be lost if there wasn’t a place for me to invite my mom to for dinner just so I can hear her say, “Do I look like I want to eat salmonella and E. coli?” She always makes food sound extra delicious.

And here’s a Superbar ad from the olden days:

That commercial was false advertising. I never saw glamour goddesses like Teresa at the Wendy’s Superbar.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 17, 2014 / Posted by:

The hypnotizing Windows 98 screensaver!

I am strictly an Apple whore now, but back in the far away olden days of the late 90s I had an Acer my mom bought me on HSN and it came with that infamous Windows 98 screensaver. I hated to love that screensaver and I loved to hate it. Every time it came on, I’d stare at it for hours and get sucked in. It trained me for my eventual stoner days.

It’s seriously one of the ugliest screen savers ever. That HGTV Flip or Flop couple should update that mess.

That never-ending maze that sucks you in was totally foreshadowing of what was to come from computers and the Internet. I went from getting the heaves while staring at that ugly never-ending maze for HOURS to getting the wet heaves while staring at videos titled “Pulling The Longest Ingrown Hair Out Of My Face” on YouTube for HOURS. And that annoying, scary ass rat. I wonder what ever became of it? It probably gorged itself on organic aged cheese, learned Spanish in Spain from the masters, summered in the Hamptons every year and eventually grew up to be Goop.com. It still terrorizes computers today.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 16, 2014 / Posted by:

Tri Color Pasta!

It’s hard to believe, but there was a time when people were able to serve up elegant and gourmet dishes without any help from Martha Stewart or Goopy Paltrow. How did we do it? We didn’t need to go to the farmer’s market to get some organic shit or spend 2 hours developing sores on our hands from making our own pasta. All we needed was a can of olives, a packet of dressing mix and a bag of tri color pasta. Those three key ingredients brought the ZING to your mouth.

In the 80s, tri color pasta was one of the IT foods. It was the kale of its time. We thought that shit was really, really healthy. It was triple the flavor (I couldn’t really tell)! Triple the party! And triple the wow! Every time my mom had a pot luck at work, she brought us a gigantic bowl of tri color pasta, because everybody brought that shit and they had pounds and pounds of leftovers. Either everyone was really lazy (that was it) or everyone knew that tri color pasta is to a pot luck what lube is to butt sex. You can never have too much of it (actually, you can)! Some people who were really skilled at the culinary arts would really bring the Le Cordon Bleu touch to tri color pasta by adding cherry tomatoes and Kraft parmesan cheese.

Sometimes I still see tri color pasta on menus at the finest restaurants (Coco’s, Carrow’s, etc…) and sometimes they write it as “tri colore” pasta. That extra “e” makes it extra gourmet, extra Italian and extra authentic.

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Hot Sluts Of The Day!

October 15, 2014 / Posted by:

The dog friends who worked together as a team to get a ball out of a pool!

There’s not many details about this highly important video below. The only things we know is that sheltie dog is yanking on that black dog’s tail and that black dog is trying to pull that ball out of the pool. Most think that after that ball fell into the pool, those two dogs huddled together, came up with a plan and then busted out this hot rescue mission move. Or a trainer spent hours working with them on this shit. Who knows, the only thing I do know is that Dateline NBC needs to stop everything they’re doing and find out everything there is to find out about these talented and resourceful bitches. They should be in the Navy!

Or maybe this isn’t a team situation at all. Maybe that dog is trying to get the ball while the sheltie bites at its tail while thinking, “Bitch, the ball is mine.” If that’s the case then the HSOTD title belongs to the sheltie and the sheltie alone.

via Sunday World

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October 14, 2014 / Posted by:

Sara X, model and classic music titty dancer.

When Mozart wrote Eine kleine Nachtmusik in 1787, he looked at the musical notes he had written on paper, put his troll doll pencil topper in his mouth (they had those back then, right?) and thought to himself that his piece would be much more enchanting and artistic if it was performed while a pair of tattooed bosoms danced around. Well, the core of Chad Kroeger’s soul (yes, he’s the reincarnation of Mozart) is smiling today, because Sara X brought that dream to life. Sara X put the class in classical music in a YouTube video of her delivering a titty ballet to part of Eine kleine. The best part may be her emotionless face. Not only is she a talented chichi dancer, but she does a spot-on impersonation of Kristen Stewart’s acting.

Sara X says that no invisible strings or tickery was used to make her tits wiggle. When some hos screamed, “FAKE!”, she let it be known on Facebook (via HuffPo) that if they’re screaming that about her tits, then they’re right, but they’re not right if they’re screaming that about her talent.

The number of people saying this video is fake is flattering, am I really that good?! There are these very elaborate theories about wires running under my boobs and people behind curtains pulling the strings of my top… Let me assure you, while my boobs are very fake, the video is very real. I am flexing my pectoral muscles and it’s moving my implants.”

We”ll know for sure if Sara’s tit twerking is for real when she closes the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra season alongside Butt-hoven.

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Hot Sluts Of The Day!

October 13, 2014 / Posted by:

The Mormon Missionary and the Michael Jackson street impersonator who had a Moonwalk-off on the streets of Barcelona in Spain.

If you stared in the double eyes of plastic doom in the post below, then your face is probably frozen with fear and your heart is probably shimmying out of your b-hole, because nothing is more terrifying than an Osmond and her doll. Well, here’s something that will warm your soul and give you life several times over.

A Michael Jackson impersonator in Barcelona (Side note: How long before the Michael Jackson Estate sues this impersonator for copyright infringement because they want that MONAY! I can’t hate. The cream made of blended pearls that Blanket Jackson moisturizers his locks with costs.) did what a Michael Jackson impersonator does: bust out the Moonwalk on the sidewalk. But little did his ass know that a Mormon missionary named Elder Gus Garcia would bust out a Moonwalk that’d make Detective La Toya drop her monocle and clap. Those magic underwear really are magic.

Just when you’re beginning to think that the world is a pile of shit that gets shittier and shittier, the universe shows us that magical things still happen by giving us a Moonwalk-off between an MJ impersonator and a Mormon missionary in Spain.

The next time a Mormon knocks on your door, tell him to “beat it” and he may convert your ass by delivering a hot Moonwalk like this. This is how you spread the word of the Lord.

via Reddit

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Hot Sluts Of The Day!

October 12, 2014 / Posted by:

The glamorous and demure Aerobicise swans who scooted sweaty, warm gracefulness all over Showtime and MTV in the 80s!

At my house, we didn’t get cable until the early 90s and we only got it because a guy at my mom’s work sold her a descrambler box on the cheap. (What is the statue of limitations for descrambler boxes?) So I never knew that while I was watching boring, basic antenna TV, HIGH ART was being broadcast on MTV and Showtime.

Dlisted reader Elaina, who sent this in, said that this “Jane Fonda’s answer to soft-core Skinemax porn” shit first aired late at night on Showtime and then on MTV (back when MTV showed QUALITY television). The Aerobicise swans breakout moment came in 1984 when Axl watched them in Friday the 13th Part 4.

The Aerobicise segments were simple yet highly, highly artistic. A group of graceful swans, who were done up like they just sashayed out of a Glamour Shots studio, stood in a circle on a Lazy Susan of perfection and busted out some stunning moves that made them look like they were doing an ancient tribal dance to make Gerard Butler appear. Long before Miley Cyrus smeared salmonella all over Robin Thicke’s crotch by rubbing her undercooked chicken paillard ass on it, MTV filled the eyes of viewers with twerking glamour like this:

I don’t know whether to say they look like they’re working the invisible rubber off of an invisible three-way dildo or if they look like they’re demonstrating a Duggar birthing circle.

Those moves that look like something out of a doody bubble ballet… That crimped hair… That delicately applied Wet ‘N Wild liquid eyeliner… That porn music…. Add this clip to the overstuffed-as-hell filed labeled “This Is Why The 80s The Absolute Best.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 11, 2014 / Posted by:

Rincon, the stray dog from Puerto Rico who was rescued by a bunch of hot male models!

File under: If Disney produced the Zoolander sequel.

And here’s an ovaries busting story that might make you want to put on a dog costume and sleep on the streets of Puerto Rico in hopes that some hot ass male model will rescue you and you’ll spend the rest of your days snuggling up to his nipples while happily getting metal poisoning from the blue steel look he burns into you. Rincon’s life started out shitty. Like thousands of dogs, he was born on the streets of Puerto Rico and shit was down and out until a chiseled GQ motherfucker angel named Jules Shratter found him, rescued him and brought him back to Brooklyn to live an apartment with other hot male models Nick Bateman, Brendon Beck and Landon Falgoust.

Jules told Metro UK that he wasn’t even looking to adopt a dog, because you can’t bring a dog to a GAS FIGHT!!!, but he had to save Rincon because Rincon is a creature that is ALMOST as adorable as him:

“It was love at first site, and very impromptu. I’d had no earlier inclination to get a dog, but I saw Mooks (Rincon) and picked him up right then and there.”

Rincon is now living in a dream world in a Brooklyn apartment where he spends his days posing for Instagram pictures with his hot shirtless man model roommates. And I see that picture of Rincon, a jar of peanut butter and a video camera. Today, I’m going to break into a Panda Express storage room and crack open all the fortune cookies until I find an ancient Chinese spell that’ll switch my body with Rincon’s!

Pics: rincon_da_bully

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October 10, 2014 / Posted by:

The Fluppy Dogs! 

When you see a headline that reads, “Girlfriend Attacks Her Boyfriend With Ax Because He Didn’t Talk To Her,” you think to yourself, “Oh, that Laura Jeanne Poon’s at it again.” Then you think to yourself, “FLORIDA!” That headline is all Florida. When you see a picture of six happy ass yarn dogs that look like mops that were used to clean up a melted Lisa Frank pastel rainbow, only one thought pops up in your head and that thought is, “Those bitches are from the 80s.” The Fluppy Dogs were all 80s and they couldn’t be more 80s if their farts smelled like Tinkerbell perfume.

The Fluppy Dogs were supposed to the new Care Bears but that obviously didn’t happen. The Fluppy Dogs TV special aired in 1986 and I didn’t watch it live, but my upper middle class friend Armando had a VCR that could tape TV shows (this blew my young mind) and he taped it so we watched it over and over again. I didn’t know until I did research for this highly important profile that the Fluppy Dogs TV special was a pilot for a series that never happened. The TV special flopped and I’m not sure why. The Fluppy Dogs were dog-like aliens who had a special crystal key that let them travel between worlds. It was the 80s. How did everyone not eat that foolery up?

When some youngin’ who didn’t live through the best time in history, the 80s, asks “What is the 80s?” you should show them this:

I’m not sure if that’s pro-acid propaganda or pro-Scientology propaganda, or a little of both?

The Fluppy Dog TV series was a tragic failure, but a toy line was born from it. You can still find a ton of Fluppy Dogs (who were obviously Betsey Johnson’s hair icons) on eBay, which kind of surprises me. You’d think that Nicki Minaj bought the entire world’s supply years ago and skinned them alive to make her wigs.

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