Category: Hot Slut of the Day

Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 23, 2016 / Posted by:

The video for Kendra Wilkinson’s spaceship wreck of a song “Lost In Space“!

Danger, Will Robinson! Danger! Pure fuckery head! If you haven’t done your usual Monday morning ritual of mainlining coffee into your veins before snorting six lines of crushed-up Vivarin and butt chugging a bottle of Monster, you should do it now and double it up. Because your brain is going to need some serious mood-altering shit to take in the song that the dead-voiced chanteuse Kendra Wilkinson queefed up.

Usually when a talentless reality trick puts out a song, they do it at the height of their fame, so Kendra is about 10 years too late. But I guess it’s really never too late for foolery. In the video for Kendra’s song “Lost In Space,” which has the production values of a low-budget Lost In Space porn parody, she plays a slutty martian and a slutty space cadet who terrorizes Dr. Zachary Smith and Will Robinson with her dance moves and monotone singing voice. A Speak & Spell with almost-dead batteries has more human emotion in its voice than Kendra does while singing this shit. Not even 13 Holly Madisons could clean up this mess:

With that being said, that intergalactic turd is way more entertaining than a lot of the performances that happened on the Billboard Music Awards last night.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 22, 2016 / Posted by:

The shoplifting seagull!

All the way back in 2007, the city of Aberdeen in Scotland was hit with a giant crime wave when a seagull the people named Sam terrorized bags of Doritos at the same store. Sam was a sort of Robin Hood, because after he’d snatch the Doritos when the storekeeper wasn’t looking, he’d take that shit outside, rip it open and share the deliciousness with all of his seagull friends. Sam, being the brilliant thief that he was, managed to never ever get caught and got out of the game.

Well, either the hunger for crime (and chips) has pulled him back into the art of thievery in his old age, or one of his protégées is keeping his chip-stealing legacy alive. A video surfaced on YouTube of a seagull in an unknown beach town casually strolling into a cafe and violently attacking a bag of chips before casually strolling back out with it. One innocent bystander was so frozen with fear that he could barely move. Or he was so in awe of the seagull’s ability to not give one fuck that he couldn’t move. Either or. Watch this Thomas Crown-in-training:

As of posting time, this seagull is still on the loose and hasn’t been caught. I would tell the owners of beachside cafes everywhere to hide yo chips, but why bother? This masterful chips snatcher would get them anyway.

via Mashable (For Ramon)

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 21, 2016 / Posted by:

Miss Peach from Clue!

Miss Scarlet and Mrs. White will forever be my favorite Clue characters, but in 1985, Parker Bros. decided to change EVERYTHING by adding a few new tricks to the game and they added my third favorite character. When they released Clue VCR Mystery Game, they added a few new suspects including a Southern belle named Miss Peach. I didn’t know Miss Peach existed until the late 80s when my mom bought me the Clue VCR game at a garage sale. The Clue VCR game brought all the characters to life and you had to watch the scenes in order to play the game. Sometimes I’d just watch the scenes without playing, or I’d play by myself against myself (Forever Alone: The Junior Years).

The picture of Miss Peach above is from Clue Master Detective, which came a little later. But at the 2:50 mark in the video below is actress Mara Flash (who is now a “distinguished” real estate agent in Manhattan) acting for her life as Miss Peach. Julia Roberts should’ve hired Mara Flash as her Southern accent acting coach for Steel Magnolias because this is how a Southern accent is done!

Miss Peach was in a few other Clue games and her last appearance was around 10 years ago. Because Hollywood’s evil work isn’t done until they’ve butchered and shredded every inch of your childhood, there’s been talks of a Clue: The Movie reboot for years. I wouldn’t mind it too much if they included Miss Peach, but then again, they’d probably punch us all in the throat by casting Blake Lively. Ah do declare, why am I even putting that out there?

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 20, 2016 / Posted by:

The “erotic eggplant” that is up for sale on the New Zealand auction site Trade Me!

#EggplantFriday is back thanks to this phallic ass eggplant that is bringing in the bids on Trade Me. As The New Zealand Herald (via Mashable) points out, a Trade Me user is auctioning off this eggplant that looks like a peen to those of us whose brains are programmed to see everything as a peen. The auction went up last weekend and it ends Saturday (which is today in New Zealand). So far it’s got 29 bids and is at NZ$115. The eggplant peen pusher tells the Herald that his dad found it growing in their garden and at first, they thought it would be funny to sell it online. But then they decided to turn that joke into some money for charity. One of their family friends recently died of prostate cancer, so they chose to donate the money they make from the auction to the New Zealand Prostate Cancer Foundation. It also made sense to them since the eggplant is shaped like a dick. via the Herald:

“It was a happy coincidence that the eggplant had that shape,” he added.

He said the 10cm eggplant is stored in the family’s refrigerator at the moment and seemed to be holding up pretty well.

Goopy Paltrow should really buy that thing, mark it up 1000% and sell it in GOOP’s sex toy section as a dildo. It’s perfect for them! It’s organic. It’s vegan. And you have to get into all sorts of yoga positions to fuck it.

I don’t only see peen when I look at that eggplant. Sure, I see a really crooked hard one and also a really soft one that’s all melancholy-like because it just listened to an Adele song. But I also see Gonzo’s nose and an anteater gently drinking water from a pond. With that being said, would I hit it until we made eggplant parmesan together? I would answer that disgusting question, but I have to write a certain Trade Me seller to ask if he ships to the US.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 19, 2016 / Posted by:

Mark the Chicken, the true winner of  Survivor: Kaôh Rōng!

I think I may be the only trick who actually liked last night’s flaming pile of shit ending to the 5,601,562th season of Survivor, because it was a real WTF. It gave me a reason to hit the bong, so thank you for that, Survivor.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 18, 2016 / Posted by:

Crying Baby Mario from Yoshi’s Island!

But your honor, I tore apart that drugstore, punched all the customers in the face, torched the place and then took a bat to all of the cars in the parking lot because the sound of that piece of shit Baby Mario crying is stuck in a crevice in my brain and I want it out!” is probably a defense that many criminal bitches used in court in the 90s and I bet it worked.

In Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island, which came out in 1995, you are Yoshi the dinosaur and you have to help Baby Mario save Baby Luigi who was kidnapped by King Koopa’s son. As you make your way through the land, you have to carry Baby Mario’s annoying, high-maintenance ass on your back and whenever you get hit by an enemy, he floats off in a bubble and you have to get him back in a certain amount of time or you lose a life. Every time Baby Mario falls off your back, he starts bitching and whining like Justin Bieber whenever his au pair doesn’t make the choo choo sound while feeding him a spoonful of banana and weed mash. Yoshi must have an endless supply of Xanax, because anybody else would bid adieu to that chillón and hop off to their dino cave to play Zelda in peace.

Someone, who really missed their calling of being a ruthless dictator since they know how to bring pain upon the people, created a weapon of mass nerve destruction in the form of a YouTube video of Baby Mario crying for 12 hours straight. This is probably what @twitter’s mentions sound like whenever they change shit:

You know, this video can also be used as fool-proof birth control. When a dude and a chick are bareback boning, they just have to play this video and as soon as he busts one, those sperm fish will swim right back into his dick slit as her ovaries pull down a storefront metal gate. At least Crying Baby Mario is good for something.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 17, 2016 / Posted by:

The alien skin crown that Violet Chachki wore on last night’s grand finale of RuPaul’s Drag Race season 8!

This HSOTD post contains a SPOILER or two about last night’s Drag Race finale, so if you haven’t watched yet and don’t want to be spoiled, then you should log out, shut down your computer, stick cotton balls in your ears and duct tape your eyelids shut, because there are SPOILERS everywhere. You cannot escape them! One of my friends IM’d me first thing this morning to say, “Bitch, I haven’t seen Drag Race yet so do not spoil it for me,” and I responded with, “Okay, but oh baby, your ass is probably going to find out.” To which he responded with, “‘But oh baby’? You don’t talk like that. Wait… ‘But oh baby…’ BOB! Goddamn you, asshole!” The winner’s name is even hiding in everyday sentences!

But anyway, I was hoping that my favorite virgin who can’t dance Kim Chi would take the crown, but figured Bob The Drag Queen would. That wasn’t a surprise, but what was a surprise was that Miss Congeniality went to the Puerto Rican cousin of Angelica from Six Days, Seven Nights, Cynthia Lee Fontaine. Naomi Smalls’ Cliffhangers were viciously robbed, because out of every trick in the entire season, they perfectly defined “charisma, uniqueness, toe jam and nerve!” But the show made up for that injustice when season 7 winner, Violet Chachki, did her final sashay as reigning queen while wearing a magnificent as fuck look that left almost everyone bald and bleeding from getting snatched.

Violet Chachki floated out at the end of the show in drag that was very “Vivien Leigh in Anna Karenina after she was possessed by aliens and buried in a deep grave where bugs nibbled on her flesh until she rose from the dead.” Violet’s waist was cinched down to the size of a dwarf mouse’s soft dick and that Alien Nation crown looked like it was carved out of a giant tumor. If you’ve got a goiter that needs to be machete’d off, ask your surgeon to save it for you after they remove it, so you can take a tip from Violet and transform it into a glorious crown!

If Xenu was a woman who shopped entirely in the “1800s Russian baroness” section of a costume store, she would look like Violet Chachki and John Travolta would be worshipping her instead of sending her hate rays with his mind.

Pic: @NacidoVillano

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 16, 2016 / Posted by:

The Calico cat in the white collar who surprised us all!

So, here I was thinking that cats were all in cahoots with each other and planning to one day work together to completely take over the planet and become our new overlords. I knew it was coming, but this video has thrown a complete PLOT TWIST into everything I thought was true. I don’t know where or when this video was shot, but I do know that it was uploaded to YouTube just a few days ago. In this history-making-video, a dog starts to sniff at the ginger pussy in the background. The ginger pussy swats at the dog, which isn’t surprising, but what happens next may make you question everything you knew to be true.

After the ginger pussy swats at the dog, the dog jumps back and at that moment, you may be thinking that the Calico pussy is going to slap at that pooch while they pooch is down… But the Calico cat comes at the ginger pussy and beats at that bitch before the riveting scene cuts out. What does it all mean?! A cat coming for another cat to protect a dog? Hmmmm… I have a feeling that the Calico cat is a double agent and it only went for the ginger pussy to throw the dog off. The Calico cat has probably earned the dog’s trust and is going to use that to get in on the inside and take the canine community down!

That must be it, because why oh why would a pussy turn on another pussy. And a ginger pussy nonetheless! (Either that or the ginger one stole the Calico one’s man and the Calico cat has just been looking for a reason to whoop a trick.)

via Tastefully Offensive

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 15, 2016 / Posted by:

Nabisco’s Escort Crackers!

I had never heard of Nabisco’s Escort Crackers until reader Angela slipped them into my box and let me know that they were an edible piece of pure elegance back in the day. Escort Crackers were introduced by Nabisco on a silver platter sometime in the early 1970s and stuck around until at least the early 1980s.

Escort Crackers were for those of you who had $1,000-an-hour call girl tastes but were on a “half-assed afternoon hand job from a toothless rest stop hooker” budget. If you ever had THE QUEEN over your house and wanted to serve her a spread that would outdo anything that was served to her at Buckingham Palace, you’d serve her General Foods International Coffee, Opera Creme cookies, Breyers Viennetta and Escort Crackers.

Escort Crackers’ slogan probably inspired Prince to write the lyric, “You don’t have to be rich to be my girl.” That’s what Escort’s slogan’s should’ve been: “You don’t have to be rich to eat our biscuits.”

Sadly, Escort Crackers are gone now, because the people of America no longer crave true decadence and sophistication. Because of THIS ECONOMY, Nabisco replaced Escort Crackers with Day-Shift Whore Biscuits, and later with Craigslist Hustler Saltines.

Pic: Vintage Paper Ads

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 14, 2016 / Posted by:

Day-To-Night™ Barbie!

The greatest Barbie that was ever created, Peaches ‘N’ Cream Barbie, and Loving You Barbie have all been honored here at Dlisted, so now it’s time to pay tribute to the Barbie who proved that you girls can do anything like take off your blazer and reverse your skirt. I know, DTN Barbie really inspired you to reach for the stars! (And your skirt so you can reverse it for date night with Ken.)

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