Category: Hot Slut of the Day

Hot Slut Of The Day!

September 22, 2017 / Posted by:

Cracker Jack Cereal!

If there is a heaven, I hope I get in (cut to the bouncer at heaven’s gates cackling after saying, “I can’t wait to tell that hellbound bitch that he’s not on the list!“), because the welcome breakfast in the orientation room definitely consists of all the cereals from the 80s and 90s that we didn’t get a chance to eat since there were so fucking many of them. Cracker Jack Cereal is one of those.

Mr. Breakfast says that the Ralston-Purina company made a cereal version of Cracker Jack in 1983. Just like Cracker Jack, the Cracker Jack Cereal had a prize in every single box. This was before those Cracker Jack whores got cheap and replaced their luxurious prizes with a digital code to download some stupid game nobody wants to play. And like most 80s cereal commercials, the Cracker Jack one made it seem like its secret ingredient was crack, because these kids are way too hyper for morning times.

Ralston-Purina was mostly known for making dog and cat food, and so I’m not saying that Cracker Jack Cereal was probably back stock of doggy dry food covered with corn syrup, but if it was, I still would.

Pic: Pinterest

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

September 21, 2017 / Posted by:

The peen drawing that made a cameo appearance in the cartoon Maya the Bee!

Ever since my favorite serious artiste, Wanksy the street dick drawer of Greater Manchester, got his beautiful work covered and silenced, I’ve been hoping that his dick drawings will spring up elsewhere. It looks like my wish has finally come (punned on purpose) true and his earlier works are getting attention, because the drawing of a cut dick complete with balls and a peen slit showed up on Netflix. Six Loser Moms Who Have Way Too Much Time On Their Hands  One Million Moms is probably going to stop rage writing ABC about the Roseanne revival’s gender fluid character, and start writing rage e-mails to Netflix.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

September 20, 2017 / Posted by:

The Baby Grows doll!

In the golden age of potent fuckery that we all know and love as the 1980s, toy companies were in a war to see who could come up with the weirdest and creepiest shit that’d entertain children, but make parents lock their bedroom doors and sleep while clutching a rosary that’s been dipped in holy water. Playmates Toys, which sounds like the name for Hugh Hefner’s line of bunny-eared dildos but is the actual name of a toy company, stepped up to the challenge in the 1980s when they used the seed of Satan to create Baby Grows.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

September 19, 2017 / Posted by:

The Dadbag!

Are you a skinny hipster who looks down at your mega flat stomach in disgust and wish that you had a gorgeous mound of hairy chunk? Well, you can get one the natural way by becoming a blogger. But shoving microwaved Panda Express leftovers and spoonfuls of Halo Top (covered with Hershey’s syrup, Cool Whip and candied pecans to make that diet ice cream taste better) into your mouth while sitting in front of your computer day in and day out takes serious hard work and not everybody has that kind of discipline. So if you’re a lazy skinny bitch who doesn’t want to do the work needed to get yourself a luscious gut like a strip mall accountant, an art director from London has created the perfect bag that will take you from current day Chris Pratt to 2009 Chris Pratt.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

September 18, 2017 / Posted by:

The spotlight-stealing clip-on ponytail that Jane Fonda worked at the Emmys last night!

Whenever  I find out that Jane Fonda is going to be at an awards show, I just know that the bathroom floors of that awards show are going to be covered with the thick tears of jealousy pouring out of the eyes of every man, woman and child who spots her looking a zillion times better than them and weep over their averageness. Jane didn’t disappoint at the Emmys last night.

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