Category: Hot Slut of the Day

Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 19, 2014 / Posted by:

Derby the dog with 3D prosthetic legs!

Derby was born with tiny, underdeveloped legs (he is the Dooneese of dogs), so he’s never been able to fully run and he’s had a shit of a time getting around. Tara Anderson of South Carolina took in Derby a few months ago, because she kept looking at his picture and reading his story on the site for the rescue group Peace and Paws and she wanted to help him. When she first fostered Derby, she got him a cart, but shit was clunky and he still couldn’t run with the wind the way that he wanted to. So Tara, who works for a 3D printing company, came up with an idea to make him 3D prosthetics that’ll let him run.

With help from her co-workers and an expert in animal prosthetics, Tara created a pair of prosthetics using some fancy 3D modeling software and a 3D printer. Sherry Portanova, who is now Derby’s adoptive human, was there when he put his 3D prosthetic legs on for the first time and she says everyone’s heart melted and slipped out of their pee holes when they watched him sprint. Sherry said, “The first time he was put on them, he took off running. I was absolutely amazed at how well he did.”

I have two perfectly good running limbs and Derby still runs 2 more miles a day than I do. Sherry says that he runs around 2 miles a day and he runs faster than them.

The clip of Derby running on his 3D legs not only made me feel some weird warmness in the area where my heart used to be, but it also got my gutter sludge of a brain thinking about the future of 3D printing. If us humans can print out 3D prosthetics today, then it’s only a matter of time before we can print out all sorts of 3D stuff at home including 3D dildos. The future can’t come soon enough!

And I fully expect Derby to win all the golds at the 2016 Olympics! (No Oscar Pistorius jokes, please!)

via HuffPo

SHARE

Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 18, 2014 / Posted by:

Jordan James Parke, the delicate and demure British rosebud who injected gallons of fillers into his petals to look like his beauty idol Kim Kardashian. Err, Jordan James Parke looks more like the baby that was pulled out of Harald Glööckler 9 months after his rhinestone-covered ovary eggs (yes, Harald has rhinestone-covered ovary eggs) were inseminated with the essence of Kylie Jenner. In other words, JJP looks a million times more gorgeous, stunning and glamorous than the dumpster mannequin he idolizes!

»

SHARE

Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 17, 2014 / Posted by:

Schlomo, Grandpa Boris’ arch nemesis in the Rugrats Hanukkah special!

Animated Christmas  TV specials are a dime a dozen and around this time of year you can’t click through the channels without bumping into one (example. Last night when my eyes spent way too much time with that cartoon Elf movie on NBC. I would blame the good shit, but I was sober, so I only have myself to blame). Hanukkah cartoon specials are much more rare and the one I remember the most is the Rugrats Chanukah episode from 1996.

In the special, the kids, who are always high on acid, imagine themselves as characters in the story of Hanukkah as Grandma Minka reads them a book about the meaning of Hanukkah. Grandma Minka doesn’t finish the story, because she has to cook latkes and the babies attention turns to Tommy and Dil’s Jewish abuelito Grandpa Boris screaming about how his childhood rival Schlomo has been cast as the Greek king in the local synagogue’s Hanukkah play. Grandpa Boris is playing Judah. The babies think Schlomo is really the Greek king and they make a plan to take down the “Meanie of Chanukah” at the play.

The Rugrats Hanukkah episode has everything you could ever want from a Hanukkah episode: Latkes, a dude in a dreidel costume, Angelica being a bitch and a good old-fashioned pepaw fight between Grandpa Boris and Schlomo. Nickelodeon has the entire episode online and I should’ve watched this shit last night instead of spending way too much time with Elf. Angelica is the star of the episode, because she’s the star of every episode, but the second breakout star of the episode is Schlomo. Schlomo knows how to wear a cape and you can’t deny that magnificent white cartoon beard.

Happy Hanukkah!

SHARE

Hot Sluts Of The Day!

December 16, 2014 / Posted by:

Lost ‘n Founds, the depressing as hell stuffed animals for the Emo child in your life.

Sometime before 1989, a toy executive at Galoob felt that there were way too many toys out there that made kids happy and what the market really needed was a depressed, sad, teary-eyed stuffed animal that brought on the sads. Lost ‘n Founds were stuffed animals that were homeless, sad and so down and out that they cried tears. After you fed them water from a bottle and squeezed their tummies, water would squirt out of their eyes. Yes, they really existed.

Seriously, though, I don’t know why those little bitches cried all the time. They had nothing to cry about. They were brand new and clean! What about the torn up, stained, raggedy, busted, janky stuffed animals who were discarded in a Salvation Army bin and spent the rest of their lives living on a dusty, dark shelf? Those stuffed animals really had something to cry about. They’re the ones who make you sing that Sarah McLachlan song to yourself when you look at them.

The Lost ‘n Founds were fake homeless animals and their tears were made of tap water. But I still love them, because they’re ridiculous and hold a special place on the long list of things that prove that the 80s were weird as shit.

Super villains like Heather Cho probably wish these sad, crying stuffed animals were around when they were kids. She’d scream at it to cry more before dipping her macadamia nuts in its tap water tears.

Pic: Flickr

SHARE

Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 15, 2014 / Posted by:

Stella, the pineapple-hating Pit Bull!

And here’s another episode in Dlisted’s never-ending series, “Dogs Are Really Fucking Weird.”

My dog isn’t afraid of most things (Yes, he’s that tiny dog who will stand up to a dog five times his size and will get his ass handed to him in a poop bag), but he’s deathly, deathly afraid of flies and doesn’t trust those bitches. When he sees a fly, he shakes with fear the same way I do when my stash of the good shit goes empty on a Saturday night and I realize that my weed shop doesn’t open up until 12 the next day. He will run from the room the same way you will run from the room at Christmas times when your family starts discussing race relations in America. Well, Stella is just like my dog, but instead of being afraid of flies, she’s terrified of the #1 jizz sweetening ingredient: PINEAPPLES!

Stella’s human posted a video of her facing off with her nemesis. Stella barks at that bitch and won’t get near it. To Stella, pineapples are the Michael Vick of tropical fruits. Maybe Stella’s afraid that pineapple will start singing, “Mr. Jones and meeeee.” I can’t blame her.

Crazy ass Stella. But you know, when aliens hatches out of every pineapple on the planet and begin their world domination, Stella will sit back and think to herself, “I tried to tell you dum dums.

via Metro UK 

 

SHARE

Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 14, 2014 / Posted by:

Carol Decker, the Tiffany of the British pop rock scene and front woman of T’Pau!

Carol Decker deserves HSOTD for the sole fact that she once wore a black shower puff on her teased nest of ginger fabulousness to a Christmas party in the 80s (evidence: picture above). But Carol Decker is so much more than a hair icon. T’Pau (who was obviously named after the hot Vulcan high priestess with a next level eyebrow situation) had a few hits in the UK in the 80s and their biggest US hit was “Heart and Soul,” the song from 1987 that makes you want to screw a blue light bulb into your bedroom lamp and point the fan at you before you sway in the breezes. “Heart and Soul” went all the way to #4 on Billboard Hot 100. Their next singles “China In Your Hand” and “Valentine” didn’t take over the ears of Americans the way that “Heart and Soul” did, but they were hits in the UK.

After their debut album, T’Pau released two more albums before breaking up in 1991. In 1998, Carol Decker brought T’Pau back with new members and they released a fourth album. Carol and T’Pau original member (and her ex-boyfriend) Ronnie Rogers reunited last year for a 25th anniversary reunion tour. T’Pau still tours in the UK  today and according to Carol’s Twitter page, they’re releasing a new album called “Pleasure and Pain” next month.

Here’s hoping that their new album brings them to the US because my 8-year-old self needs to see Carol deliver the smooth rap ballad “Heart and Soul” live and in person.

And those angel harp earrings should be in a museum.

SHARE

Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 13, 2014 / Posted by:

Caladryl!

That dried pink gunk on the tip takes me back. “Me too” said every dude who once jacked off next to Liberace.

Last night we learned that for the next few days, St. Angie Jolie’s royal minions will be busy gently patting the itches out of her Chickenpox bumps as Jennifer Aniston cackles loudly while petting her Cabbage Patch Cat and God punishes humanity for this by unleashing massive Southern California tornadoes (or as an Oklahoman calls them, “Light, gentle, soothing breezes.“) on L.A. The pox on St. Angie made me remember the time Chickenpox got me. I was in the first grade (if my corroded memory serves me right, which it usually doesn’t) and a bunch of kids in my class got hit at the same time.

I pretty much lived in a bath tub for two weeks straight. When I wasn’t soothing the worst feeling I’ve ever felt since the time my mom wrongly made me eat liver and onions, I split my time between listening to my abuelita scream at me for scratching instead of patting and pouring the pink goodness known as Caladryl all over my body. Thanks to modern science, Caladryl dries clear now, but it didn’t when I was a kid. So not only did it temporarily take away the itches from the Satan’s rash on my body, but it also left pink polka dots all over me. It was a junior gay dream come true. It was the greatest thing to me at the time.

During my Chickenpox struggle, one of my mom’s friends came over and as she watched me dab Caladryl on my Chickenpox bumps, she said that one of her dumbass kids drank that stuff once, because they thought it would taste like Strawberry Quik. I laughed about it at the time, but now I’m wondering what Caladryl would taste like with some white rum and peppermint schnapps.

And it’s really surprising that not one Hollywood mess has named their kid Caladryl yet.

SHARE

Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 12, 2014 / Posted by:

Benjamin, the orphaned pygmy goat who has pranced into the hearts of millions.

I know, I don’t know why I picked a screen shot where it looks like Benjamin’s saying, “What up, vato.” I’d like to think that he’s saying, “Keep ya head up!” Because Benjamin hasn’t let getting abandoned by his mom keep him down.

Just hours after Benjamin started breathing the Earth’s oxygen for the first time, his biological mama je’e hit the road and let him live his life on his own, because she was unable to feed him. According to the 3 second Google search I did, sometimes mom goats can’t nurse their kids because their chichis won’t produce leche or their kid can’t suck on their nipple right. Tom Horsfield (Side note: I wish Whores Fields was my last name), who runs the Pot House Hamlet estate in Yorkshire (Second side note: I wish my last name was Whores Field and I wish lived on an estate called Pot House), took Benjamin in.

For the past few weeks, Tom has been Benjamin’s daddy and has done everything for him from bottle feeding him and taking him for walks. Pot House Hamlet is a tourist attraction in Yorkshire, so Benjamin has become a breakout star with visitors. Benjamin lives in the house now, but Daddy Whores Field will release him into the fields with the other goats when he becomes a grown up goat.

Metro also says that the original video of Benjamin sucking on a bottle and frolicking around got over 30 million views, because this is the Internet.

It’s Friday, so all you Mon-Fri workers should be doing the happy strut that Benjamin’s busting out. He’s prancing the way a 9-year-old me pranced on Christmas morning after “Santa” brought me a Pogo Ball.

SHARE

Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 11, 2014 / Posted by:

Nonna Marijuana, the Italian Julia Child of weed cooking!

Nonna Marijuana has been on the Internet for years and I’m mad that I barely discovered her brilliance yesterday, because if I would have known about her sooner I would have gladly hosted Thanksgiving dinner at my place. Good shit gnocchi is the perfect dish to help you deal with your family. VICE’s weed channel Munchies introduced me to stoner national treasure Nonna Marijuana (government name: Aurora Leveroni) who has been called the world’s most-accomplished marijuana chef. To answer the question in your head, I’ll let you know if Nonna Marijuana ever announces that she’s looking to adopt extra grandchildren.

For over 75 years, Nonna Marijuana has been cooking Italian deliciousness and five years ago, she marijuana-ized her recipes when her daughter Valerie, who is a medical marijuana activist here in CA, started suffering from seizures following a car accident. Nonna Marijuana now uses her culinary expertise to help people who are sick and need some healing. Using good shit buds grown by her daughter, Nonna Marijuana makes the perfect weed butter and adds that to her recipes. Nonna Marijuana isn’t into riding the green cloud herself, so she relies on others to nibble on her good shit creations to make sure the taste is just right. To answer the question in your head, I’ll let you know if Nonna Marijuana ever accepts applications for volunteer taste testers. Or maybe I won’t, because I don’t need the competition.

Nonna Marijuana isn’t only a master at the ganja culinary arts, she’s also a lightning bolt of wit. In an episodes of Munchies’ Bong Appetit series, Nonna Marijuana lets everyone know that she’s NOT THE ONE when it comes to screwing with her weed.

“No sticks, no stones will break my bones. But don’t fool around with my marijuana. I can assure you that if you do, sticks and stones will break your bones.”

That’s very close to what my abuelita used to say, which is: “Sticks and chanceltas will break your bones if you fool around with me.

Nonna Marijuana turns 92 (NINETY TWO!) on December 25, so from now on, we should also celebrate her birth on Christmas Day by making her signature dish: Chicken Pot-cciatore!

Viva Nonna Marijuana! If HGTV knows what’s right for them and America, they’d cancel all of their current shows (except for Drunk Ass Sandra Lee’s show) and give all of their airtime to Nonna Marijuana and Auntie Fee. Those three are the only culinary experts we need.

SHARE

Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 10, 2014 / Posted by:

NYC’s most avant-garde subway performance artist (that job description just made James Franco fart out a cloud of hot jealousy) Kalan Sherrard!

What could be making Kalan Sherrard’s face turn into a beam of happiness in his mug shot? Did he get arrested for trying to smuggle a ton of meth in his ass and just as the officers pulled out the bad shit, some of it leaked in his butt? Is he really happy to be arrested because he finally got to use “The Joker in a mug shot” face he’s been practicing for years? Is that happy face totally manufactured and he did it just so he can end up in The Smoking Gun’s mug shot tag?

It’s probably the third one, but I’m just going to tell myself that Kalan’s face looks like a rainbow on speed because he’s filled with joy from swinging around a fake dick in front of the cops at Art Basel in Miami. Nothing brings genuine joy like swinging around a dildo in public. The Miami New Times says that Kalan and his partner Maria Paz Valenzuela are disgusted with how Art Basel has turned into a playground for the really rich and famous who don’t care about art (“Wha? I bought a Monet mousepad, okay?” said Leonardo DiCatchAHo as he dives face first into a lake of naked models) so on Sunday they protested against it. They walked into the Collector’s Lounge and shouted words from BMW’s guide to collecting art while dressed up like Burning Man refugees. When security got to them and ushered them out, they screamed, “Fuck Art Basel!

Once they got outside, the police took over and when Kalan pulled out a dildo, he was tackled to the ground. The police thought his dildo was a gun. Kalan and Maria were arrested and charged with disturbing the peace (I hate my fingers for not making a Freudian slip by typing “peen” instead of “peace“) and resisting arrest without violence. It was the second time in one week they were arrested. They were arrested last Thursday by Miami police for disorderly conduct.

After his release, Kalan told The New Times that he knows he would’ve been shot dead if he was in a “darker body.” He also continued to spit out anti-wealth and anti-art-world words.

Here’s the video of Kalan and Maria getting arrested:

So they arrest a dude waving a dildo around yet dildo (see: Parasite Hilton) after dildo (see: Dan Bilzerian) are let into Art Basel? That’s selective dildo discrimination! This news is also pretty upsetting to me, because I thought I knew Florida. If you can’t wave a dildo around in Florida, where can you wave a dildo around? (Answer: The Scientology Celebrity Centre since the dildo is their official flag.)

The dude at the 1:54 mark in the video gets a HSOTD honorable mention for asking “Is that art?” while watching the cops take Kalan away. It’s all HIGH ART!

 

SHARE

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >