Category: Hot Slut of the Day

Hot Sluts Of The Day!

February 6, 2016 / Posted by:

Modern Talking!

In the 80s, England was the Queen of the dude pop duos. They gifted all of our senses with musical jewels like Erasure, Pet Shop Boys, Wham!, Soft Cell and Climie Fisher (don’t act like you still don’t know every word of Love Changes Everything). Germany must have gotten sick of England being the largest creator and exporter of pop duos, because in the mid-80s Modern Talking was born!

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February 5, 2016 / Posted by:

The flying pink dildo that was thrown at a New Zealand politician during a press conference.

If you asked me something about American politics, there’s a good chance that my brain would go to sleep and the flying toaster screensaver would play in my head. (Yes, my brain’s screensaver is still the flying toaster. I haven’t updated its software since the 90s.) If you asked me something about New Zealand politics, my brain would fall asleep even faster, but before it did, I’d slobber out the words, “Er, isn’t Lucy Lawless their president or something?” So of course, I know nothing about this Steven Joyce politician dude and his politics. But apparently, a Kiwi nurse knows all about him and she let him know her feelings when she threw a dildo at his face during a press conference. Oh, in the US, our protesters throw shoes and tomatoes. In New Zealand, their protesters throw dildos. In the US, a dildo is our GOP presidential frontrunner. In New Zealand, their politicians get showered with dildos. What a beautiful place.

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Hot Sluts Of The Day!

February 4, 2016 / Posted by:

Choco, Van and Marsha, the mascots of Rocky Road cereal from the 80s!

Here’s another HSOTD to remind all of us that back in the greatest decade that ever was, the 1980s, cereal makers really knew how to make a nutritious and well-balanced bowl of pure deliciousness. Sometime in the mid-80s, General Mills decided that what the children really needed was to fill their stomachs with the cereal version of rocky road ice cream. It was delicious early on-set diabetes in a bowl! Rocky Road cereal kind of looked like oversized bunny poo, but it was delicious oversized bunny poo. It was made up of chocolate cornballs, vanilla cornballs and nutty chocolate balls filled with gooey white stuff (Side note: I think I read that same description on a Craigslist casual encounters ad once and yes, I responded.)

In the commercial for Rocky Road cereal, the cornballs and the chocolate-covered marshmallow became a cartoon band. Thirty lumps of sadness fill my heart thinking about how Rocky Road cereal was taken out before its time and because of that, Choco, Van and Marsha never released a full album.

I mean, a cartoon band featuring two balls that look like nutsacks and a yodeling marshmallow in fuckme boots? That is what 80s dreams are made of.

Pic: Dinosaur Dracula 

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February 3, 2016 / Posted by:

The furry turd noodle brows that graced John Travolta’s beautiful bronzer-covered face on last night’s first episode of American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson. 

I’ve posted about the tiny weasel fetuses that John Travolta wears to play Robert Shapiro before, but seeing them on a TV in HD and in motion last night was an experience. The first episode of American Crime Story happened last night and I was hoping it would be a campy extravaganza like Showgirls but in Brentwood… and with less rhinestones… and bigger tits (I mean, Travolta’s chichis are way more juicier than Nomi Malone’s..) and without Elizabeth Berkley and Gina Gershon. You know, now that I think about it, Gina Gershon and Elizabeth Berkley would’ve been inspired as Pimp Mama Kris and the morally corrupt Faye Resnick. But moving on…

It wasn’t that campy and my teen self who was glued to the TV during the trial was riveted by it. (Don’t worry, my teen self won’t give you spoilers.) There were some campy parts like Selma Blair as PMK and Connie Britton as Faye gossiping at Nicole Brown Simpson’s funeral and Cuba Gooding Jr. calling himself “The Juice” all the time. O.J. shouldn’t have only been charged with murder, he also should’ve been charged with a crime for making everyone call him “The Juice.” For me, the highlight of last night’s episode was John Travolta who obviously made the decision to play Robert Shapiro as if though Robert Shapiro was a sedated caterpillar who really couldn’t move his face because it was covered in orange-tinted cement. He was like The Caterpillar in a man wig.

And those stick-on brows… One of them (the left one) should win a Best Supporting Actor Emmy and the other one should win a Best Supporting Actress Emmy (yes, she’s a woman). And after they win those awards, they should be turned over to the Smithsonian.

Pic: FX

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February 2, 2016 / Posted by:

Sticker Boy, the real winner of the Iowa Cacas!

Sticker Boy came (to the Iowa Caucus to steal the spotlight), he saw (the cameras at Hillary Clinton’s not-much-of-a-victory speech), he conquered (by going viral for a second)! Last night in Iowa, Hillary pretty much tied with Bernie Sanders and they had to break the tie by wrestling in a plastic pool full of creamed corn. Hillary won that creamed corn wrestling match and after she cleaned herself off and got out of her bikini and into her business suit, she gave a speech.

I watched CNN last night, because the Silver Fox talking about poll numbers while wearing a suit does things to me and during Hillary’s speech, there was a dude behind Ole’ Bill (who was making a weird happy face like a 9th grader who just took his first toke of the good shit) and that dude easily snatched the spotlight. Meat-Mound from Workaholics‘ attention whore (well, more of an attention whore) younger brother decided that the stupid Iowa Cock-Ass shit needed some real entertainment. So during Hillary’s speech, he danced, busted out weird faces and did mouth stretch exercises while two stickers were stuck to his cheeks. No, he wasn’t high on bath salts. He was just high on democracy (and attention)!

Mashable says that Sticker Boy’s real name is Peter Clinkscales and he’s actually Sticker Bro, because he’s a student at Drake University. Sticker Bro only showed up to Hillary’s speech, because he wanted to see a presidential candidate speak. He says he’s undecided right now. Well, I’m not undecided about whether or not Sticker Boy completely won the Iowa Caucus. He did win. And fuck age requirements, Sticker Boy/Blazer Kid 2016!

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February 1, 2016 / Posted by:

Danny Zuko’s shorty short short gym shorts from Grease: Live last night.

About 15 minutes into Grease: Live last night, I wondered if I was just really, really stoned or was it not as shit-tastic as I thought it would be. I was completely ready to char the edges of my already blackened heart by hate-watching it from beginning to end, but it wasn’t awful. I actually liked it, I can’t believe they technically pulled it off and I sat through all 3 hours of it. Yes, that shit was 3 long ass hours long. It’s supposed to be Grease: Live. Not Schindler’s List: Live.

Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t perfect and there was plenty of shit for me to judge. Some of the sets (see: the diner set and the high school hallway set) looked like they were recycled from Saved By The Bell and they kept with that theme by casting Mario Lopez in the role he was born to play: a sleazy, slime-faced TV host who hits on high school girls. But in AC Slater’s defense, everybody in that high school was about 30 years old (just like the movie!). They looked like seniors at Benjamin Button High. I mean, Aaron Tveit as Danny Zuko looked like a nerdy dad doing bad Dylan from 90210 cosplay. But he did work those shorty shorts and gave me some bulge, and that was enough to make me temporarily forget about his unsexy Danny Zuko.

But I am mad that they cut “It’s Raining On Prom Night” and gave a useless new song to Carly Rae Jepsen. Frenchy doesn’t have her own song in Grease, so since they cast Carly Rae, they wrote a new one for her and they really shouldn’t have. The new song didn’t fit in with the other songs and it sounded like a Brit Brit Spears b-side from 1999.

As for Julianne Hough as Sandy, eh. It’s like judging plain microwave oatmeal. It’s fine, it does the job and it’s not like you’ll be asking for more or remember it later. And at times it felt like Vanessa Hudgens was doing an impersonation of Stockard Channing as Rizzo, but she still pulled it off while dealing with the death of her dad.

All of the Grease: Live musical numbers are here if that’s how you want to spend your Monday. It was a hit, ratings wise, so I hope this means that they’re going to do Grease 2: Live starring Michelle Pfeiffer! Hey, if Aaron Tveit can get cast as a high schooler so can Michelle Pfeiffer.

Pics: @UsWeekly , FOX

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January 31, 2016 / Posted by:

Cha Cha DiGregorio (as played by the late and great Annette Charles) from the Grease movie!

Tonight FOX will completely butcher (probably) and scoot a layer of bland on the classic Grease when they present their own live version starring Ryan Seacrest’s hardest-working beard ever Julianne Hough (as Sandy), Coachella Queen Vanessa Hudgens (as my idol Rizzo), Justin Bieber’s ex-babysitter Carly Rae Jepsen as Frenchy and Broadway type Aaron Tveit as Danny.

If you’re watching that tonight, you’ll probably spend the entire time screaming, “Bitch, you ain’t no Olivia Newton-John! Bitch, you ain’t no John Travolta! Where is Annette Charles when you really need her?!” So in honor of you doing that, let’s pay tribute to my second favorite Grease character after Rizzo: Cha Cha!

Cha Cha is the hottest bitch at St. Bernadette’s and the dance floor melts whenever her feet touch it. When Ch Cha hits the dance floor, straight men bust out a million nuts into their boxers as the women melt into a puddle of pure jealousy. The things Cha Cha did with a skirt are magical. She was a true artist in every way. Get into her brilliance:

One of my best childhood friends once told me that her father was somehow related to Annette Charles who played Cha Cha. For all I know that could’ve meant that her dad’s 6th cousin twice removed once had a neighbor who lived next door to Annette Charles’ manicurist. Ancestry.com’s DNA kit didn’t exist back then, so I’m not sure if she really knew how she was related to Cha Cha. But the only thing I know for sure is that I nearly passed out when she told me, because in that moment I learned that one of my friends was somehow related to an icon of the times!

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January 30, 2016 / Posted by:

The “In-N-Out Urge” bumper sticker!

When I was a little kid I used to see “In-N-Out Urge” bumper stickers everywhere and back then, my brain hadn’t begun to transform into the mound of gutter sludge it is today, so I didn’t put two and two together. Back in the 70s and early 80s, people blacked out the “B” and the “R” on an In-N-Out Burger bumper sticker so it’d read “In-N-Out Urge.” I haven’t seen those bumper stickers in a while, but I saw one a couple of weeks ago or so. Since my brain has fully developed into a wet pile of dirt, worn-out dildos and leaky used condoms, I immediately thought to myself, “That’s about fucking!” So I went on the Internet to find one, and found articles about the history of the “In-N-Out Urge” bumper sticker. I never knew the history of it and I should’ve! Reading about it made me want to enlighten myself more by enrolling in the course “In-N-Out History” on Harvard online. (They offer that course, right?)

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January 29, 2016 / Posted by:

Nano, the cat stuck inside of the body of a 20-year-old Norwegian woman!

If you’ve ever found yourself falling deeper and deeper into a k-hole of WHAT THE FUCK by going through the “otherkin” tag on Tumblr or reading about “otherkins” on the Internet, then this Hot Slut of the Day is going to bring back memories of you laughing through the confusion as you read about that stuff. Otherkins are non-humans who say that they were born in the body of the wrong species. A good example of an otherkin all of us know is Pimp Mama Kris. You know, she’s a blood demon from Hell stuck in the body of what looks like a human. But today’s HSOTD is a much kindler and gentler otherkin.

In an interview that was posted on YouTube, Nano says that when she was 16, she realized that she’s a house cat in the body of a human. I see you bitches saying that she should get a reality show called I Am Cat.

Nano hates water, hisses at dogs in public, likes looking at things, sleeps in sinks (????), has a super sense of hearing, can see better than humans at night, prefers to crawl around on all fours and has tried to catch a mouse. Nano also has piercings, wears fake eyelashes and dresses like a goth 9th grader like all cats do. If your cats don’t do that, then they’re not cat-ing right. Nano’s psychologist tells her that it’s just a “phase” and she’ll grow out of it, but she thinks that she’ll forever be a cat.

What will really convince you that Nano is a pussy on the inside is that she is fluent in the complicated language of Meowenese. Nano and her friend Sven, who has a cat personality on the inside, meow at each other and they know exactly what the other one is saying!

You know, I like sleeping as much as possible, I silently judge humans all the time and I lift my b-hole into the air whenever somebody touches my ass, so maybe I’m a cat on the inside too.

But really, that video failed to show me a really important detail. Does Nano shit in a litter box or does she balance on the edge of a toilet as she pisses into it? A sequel to Nano’s story better be on its way, because there are questions that need answers!

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January 28, 2016 / Posted by:

Banana, the kinkajou who broke into a Florida memaw’s house in Miami and took a nap on her chest.

The only things I wake up to are a hangover and my dog drooling on my arm while farting into my side. But in Florida, they always have to do it up Florida-style by waking up to cat monkeys of the rainforest. CBS Miami says that early Tuesday morning, a 99-year-old lady woke up to find a Banana on her chest and no, that’s not a sexy euphemism. Banana’s the name of the kinkajou who somehow made his way into a lady’s home and curled up onto her sleeping body. That sounds like the start of the weirdest Golden Girls episode ever…

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