Category: Hot Slut Of The Day!

Hot Slut Of The Day!

November 19, 2014 / Posted by:

Benjy, the gay bull in Ireland who was saved from the slaughterhouse by the co-creator of The Simpsons!

Sometimes a headline really hugs my whole body and flies me to another dimension and this headline at The Telegraph did just that yesterday. Benjy, a Charolais bull from Count Mayo, Ireland was being fattened up for the butcher house by his farmer, because he’s gay and wasn’t interested in barebacking any heifers. Poor Benjy just wanted to listen to some Robyn, watch some The Comeback and maybe swipe through Tinder to find a nice gay bull to eat grass with. Benjy didn’t want to bust any nuts into a lady cow. The vet said that Benjy’s fertile, but he was more into the bull that replaced him (Falling in love with a straight… Oh, Benjy.) So the farmer planned to turn him into food after putting some chunk on his body.

Animal activists found out about Benjy’s plight and started the SAVE THE GAY BULL campaign. They needed $7,825 to send Benjy to Hillside Animal Sanctuary in Norfolk, England and they raised around $6,200. Sam Simon, who was married to Jennifer Tilly once and produced Taxi, Cheers and The Simpsons, found out about the campaign through PETA (I know, I know) and put up all the money. Sam has terminal cancer and is using some of the millions he’s made to save animals.

Sam Simon said a few words about saving Benjy:

“All animals have a dire destiny in the meat trade, but to kill this bull because he’s gay would’ve been a double tragedy.”

Benjy will move to his new home around the holidays, so it’s going to be a great big gay Christmas for him! Benjy’s a blond, he’s hung like, a well, like a bull and he knows how to work that nose ring, so he’s going to get so much bull ass at that sanctuary.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 30, 2013 / Posted by:

Sarah Massey, the big, beautiful goddess whose 7-foot-long ASS could swallow Kim Kardashian’s quadruple stuffed ass in one bite.

Sarah Massey is unofficially the proud owner of the world’s most enormous ass and she talked to Barcroft TV about what it’s like being built like a Knights of the Round Table meeting. Sarah, who is a wife and mother to young sons, tells Barcroft that her North America-sized ass measures 7 feet all the way around. Even though some of Sarah’s family members, including her sons, want her to lose weight, she embraces her ass and loves the fact that when she walks out of a room her ass looks like a family of buffalo fighting at a watering hole. Yes, Sarah’s husband probably needs to put on an oxygen mask and hold onto a flare gun when he eats her out, but she still loves everything about her body. Sarah exercises regularly, but when it comes to eatin’, she really doesn’t hold back. Dive in and get into Sarah:

You better take cover under a sturdy surface, because it’s only a matter of time before Sir Mix-A-Lot sees this and his dick explodes. Speaking of dicks exploding, Sarah makes money by giving chubby chasers on the Internet something to fap over. I’m happy for Sarah if she loves having an ass that can double as a dinner table for 16 people, but I really can’t at that yellow ass wig. Bitch, you are not HOTTIE. I just want to reach through the screen and snatch that yellow wig right off of her head (but her ass would probably jump up and bite my hand off before it even made it to her head).

via VVV

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 15, 2013 / Posted by:

Keebler Pizzarias!

In the early 90s, Hayden Pannettiere’s ancestors were hanging out in the dark part of the forest, gorging themselves on pizza and chips while passing around a joint of the good shit, when one of them said that it would be really, really awesome if a pizza and a chip, fell in love, bareback fucked each other and then gave birth to a delicious pizza chip. That’s how the Pizzaria was created!

Keebler Pizzarias were basically a knock-off of Doritos, but they were better because they had “pizza” in their name and they came in flavors like cheese pizza and pepperoni pizza and supreme pizza. Why sit around and wait a whole 30 minutes for an actual pizza to be delivered when your lazy fat ass can just grab a bag of Pizzarias and swallow that deliciousness whole. The commercial was also the best, because it had an elf whose hair was shaped like the turd you’d squeeze out after eating a whole bag of Pizzarias.

Just like most good things, the Pizzarias didn’t last long and Keebler discontinued them. They sold the recipe off and you can get a version of them made by T.G.I. Friday’s at the gourmet emporium known as The Dollar Tree, but some say it’s not the same.

Because of Keebler Pizzarias, the early 90s was a good time to be a really lazy stoner.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 4, 2013 / Posted by:

The sixth member of The Breakfast Club ensemble: the beautifully crafted sculpture in the library.

Art is subjective and means something different to each of us, but I know we can ALL agree that: a) The Breakfast Club sculpture is an important piece of modern art and is America’s answer to David and; b) The Breakfast Club sculpture is obviously a pea-headed double amputee doing “The Snake.” Or maybe it’s Matthew McConaughey pointing over yonder. Or maybe it’s a potato sack full of misshapen dicks.

And I know it’s pretty much impossible to make something perfect even more perfect, but Allison did it by decorating its head with a piece of bologna.

hsotdbreakfastclubsculpture2

After The Breakfast Club finished shooting, the artist shellacked that piece of bologna to the sculpture’s head and donated it to MoMa where it’s been a headliner ever since. (That’s not true.)

And what other statue can say that it’s had Judd Nelson’s dick on its neck before? (Actually, a lot of statues can probably say that since Judd Nelson is a mess and has most likely neck fucked tons of statues.)

(For Lahoma)

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

September 29, 2013 / Posted by:

Drunk Popcorn Guy who lived life to the fullest at yesterday’s Washington State vs. Stanford game.

Look at this dude. He’s sprawled out all majestic-like on those stadium seats like those stadium seats are his throne and he’s the drunk popcorn king. He’s surveying his land and breathing in life (or maybe he’s breathing in the fumes from his drunk burps). This is how you live! Every now and again you have to remind yourself that you’re alive by dumping a bag of popcorn on your drunk face at a college football game. To paraphrase the greatest philosophers of the late 90s, Courtney and Marcie from Jawbreaker: Eat it, live it, love it.

via Tastefully Offensive

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

September 9, 2013 / Posted by:

The napkin note that Aaron Paul left for a Breaking Bad fan who served him food at a Carrabba’s in Beaumont, TX.

Aaron Paul has a lot of love to give. He hugs the Domino’s delivery guy for delivering his pizza (but every good stoner does), he talks to fans who park outside of his house, AND he’ll write a word of advice for you on a napkin after you serve him a Chicken Trio at a Carrabba’s in Texas. Aaron went to a Carrabba’s in Beaumont, TX (he’s filming a movie around there) and when he found out that his server is really into Breaking Bad, he autographed a napkin and dropped some advice on that shit.

Aaron Paul is really good at giving advice and he should put out a line of Don’t Do METH napkins, but it’s kind of hard for me to believe that he’s the one who wrote on that napkin, because the word BITCH is nowhere on it. On an episode of Antiques Roadshow in 50 years, the Breaking Band historian won’t be able to verify the authenticity of this napkin because BITCH is missing from it. This napkin would’ve been some Smithsonian shit if only Aaron wrote, “Don’t Do METH, BITCH!”

via Reddit

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 14, 2013 / Posted by:

Because of all the shitty news that has made this week extra shitty, you might need some awww-ness to soothe the wilting edges of your soul. So here’s a little Pomchi (which sounds like the name of a pomegranate chai latte sold at Starbucks for $85 and an ovary egg, but it’s short for pomeranian chihuahua) doing God’s work by chomping on watermelon and looking weirdly adorable while doing so. This Pomchi looks like an Ewok’s nutsack with eyes.

The last time my chihuahua ate any kind of melon, his ass exploded and he lost half of his body weight in shit. I hope that didn’t happen to this Pomchi, but I don’t think it did since that Pomchi is obviously an animatronic furbot who runs on watermelon and the awwwws from humans. It does not shit. (Yeah and I just realized that with the first sentence of this paragraph, I made this week even shittier. I ruin everything!)

via HuffPo

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 12, 2013 / Posted by:

Mac Daddy, the bulldog who is not here for his new seatbelt and is letting his owners know by throwing an eyelash-burning side-eye that’ll make your soul jump out of your ass and run for safety. That is exactly the kind of side-eye I needed on this Friday. And Mac Daddy is also serving a side-eye that Jesus would run from, because he knows that his owner is shooting that video in vertical. Mac Daddy is throwing a side-eye for all of us.

via Cheezburger (For Jane)

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

June 16, 2013 / Posted by:

The romantic and beyond classy bald patch tattoo that a 68-year-old British man got to honor his 28-year-old wife.

Even though Bob Baker of Hemel Hempstead was 40 years old when his young piece of a wife Kelly was barely a fetus, their marital love has lasted three years and so he decided that the most romantic and beautiful way to pay tribute to her is to get a tattoo of her mowing whatever hair he has left while wearing a bikini and heels (although, those look more like kitten heeled-booties to me). Bob’s two grown children, who are both older than Kelly, bought him the bald patch tattoo as a Father’s Day gift. Mr. Baker, who also has Kelly’s name tattooed on his neck (how chola-like of him), tells the BBC (via Arbroath) that most people who have seen the fuckery on his head love it:

“75% of people who have seen it say it’s wicked and come up and shake my hand.”

That 75% was probably so boozed up and so stoned that they had a blurry filter over their eyeballs, because that tattoo looks like Kelly as much as my b-hole looks like a freshly bloomed baby pink rose. That tattoo looks more like a deformed turtle woman with a ginger wig pushing a cart full of Legos.

hsotdlawnmowertattoo

 

I know, I’m crazy. The resemblance is just so amazing and it almost looks like an actual photograph of Kelly pushing a real lawnmower while wearing a bikini. You can barely tell the difference!

And if you’re a father, this Father’s Day, do something selfless FOR ONCE and honor your piece by getting a tattoo of them that looks nothing like them.

Happy Daddy’s Day to all the daddies! (And I’m sorry if you read “Happy Daddy’s Day” and pictured Courtney Stodden saying that to Doug Hutchison as he eats a Father’s Day breakfast of scrambled eggs and corned beef hash off of her pushed-up tits.)

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