Category: Hot Slut Legends
The HSOTD Hall Of Fame: Dorian Lord!
It’s only fitting that the final Hot Slut of the Day post be about the original: Dr. Dorian Cramer Lord Vickers Buchanan Callison Santi Hayes Laurence from One Life to Live!
The soap opera One Life to Live, which ran for over 40 years on ABC, was an essential part of my childhood and teenhood because it’s the show my mom watched at work during her lunch break. So I tried to keep up with the show so I could talk about it with her, and obviously, one of my favorite characters was the villainous goddess of pure glamour Dorian Lord. Dorian was the main nemesis of the show’s protagonist Victoria Lord (mainly played by Erika Slezak), and she was the hottest thing that little gay me had ever seen. I mean, she was a doctor and a vision of potent seduction, so she could steal your mean while doing heart surgery (I honestly don’t know what kind of doctor she was).
Not long after I started Dlisted, my friend Lahoma, who also wrote for this site once upon a time and knew I was an OLTL fan, said to me, “Make Dorian Lord Hot Slut of the Day; she’s the most gorgeous woman in the world!” So I did just that. On January 31, 2005, Dorian Lord became the first HSOTD. And the rest was HSOTD history. Dorian has been played by Nancy Pinkerton, Dixie Carter (yes, THEE Dixie Carter), Claire Malis, and Elaine Princi, but Robin Strasser’s portrayal of Dorian Lord is the standard. Robin bodied that role for 23 years. After I made her HSOTD, I got one of my most prized possessions:
I always keep it by my front door because if there’s ever a fire, I can grab it while running out. Oh wait, I just heard you say, “But Michael, you stupid fuck, what if the fire starts the front of your house.” Shit, great, now I have to spend my day digging a hole in my front yard to keep this precious artifact safe forever!
Pic: ABC Photo Archives/Disney General Entertainment Content
The HSOTD Hall Of Fame: STAINS!
The whole Hot Slut of the Day feature started with paying tribute to hotness from the past, and I usually only made humans HSOTD but threw in the occasional cartoon character and 80s toy. But when I started to make animals HSOTD, the entire Hot Slut game was changed, and it’s never been the same since! Three animals have won the highly coveted (emphasis on “high” because you gotta be high to covet that shit) Hot Slut of the Year: Spaghetti Cat (2008), the late great Freya (2022), and STAINS (2009)!
The Aughts were the golden era of reality shit shows because you couldn’t turn on the TV without a new one hitting you in the face. It’s Me or the Dog was a British reality show that debuted on UK’s Channel 4 in 2005. It was like a dog owner’s answer to Supernanny. It followed dog trainer Victoria Stillwell as she went into homes to help humans responsibly train dogs who weren’t acting right. The show was a hit and came to Animal Planet in the US in 2008. STAINS starred in the 13th episode of season one in January 2009, but before the episode even aired, he became a breakout star when a preview clip on YouTube of his hypnotic cupcake eyes went viral. Victoria was using the cupcakes to teach him restraint, but to us viewers, it looked like she was cruelly taunting him! Victoria should’ve been immediately put into handcuffs for animal abuse. Since all of us would probably widen our eyes like, “Is this trick serious,” over being teased with cupcakes, everyone embraced STAINS, and he became a breakout star.
2009 was a big year for STAINS (and no, his humans didn’t capitalize his name like that. I did that so his name could match his capitalized eyes). STAINS became an instant meme, and The Soup, where I discovered him, made him their Entertainer of the Year. STAINS is most likely in heaven now, and yes, heaven is definitely a giant plate of all the cupcakes he can eat. The original post is after the cut.
The HSOTD Hall Of Fame: Phoebe Price!
Who’s That Girl isn’t only a 1987 Madonna song and movie; it’s also what I screamed when I first laid my eyeballs upon the glittering ginger goddess, and Alabama rose that is Phoebe Denise Price. Long before Dlisted was even a tickle in the internet’s ballsack (just nod and pretend that made sense), PP was ruling Hollywood! GoFugYourself was one of the first blogs to give Phoebe a much-needed stage on the internet, but I fell in love with her while going through photo agency websites and noticing how much they covered her. I had to know who she was and quickly discovered that she’s a WORLD-RENOWNED supermodel (no citation needed), a bona fide Hollywood star (see: her role as Customer with Car in an episode of The X-Files), and fashion icon. PP is fun, over-the-top, and gives a fuck while not giving a fuck at the same time. So I wrote about her over and over and over and over and over and over and over again, so much so that readers began to send me disturbing and offensive emails like, “Stop posting about Phoebe Price.” And yes, those readers now lie in a plot in my brain labeled “dead to me.”
As a birthday present to myself in 2007, I made Phoebe Price Hot Slut of the Day. And Chicken Cutlets ended up winning Hot Slut of 2007, becoming my favorite HSOTY winner ever. PP proudly wore the HSOTY crown, but as I mentioned in my goodbye announcement post, she re-branded Hot Slut as Hot Babe. An activist! Speaking of, here’s one of many favorite PP stories. The year was 2008, and a little unknown fashion brand called Channel or Chennile, or something, was having a party at their store on Robertson in West Hollywood. PP graciously agreed to give that no-name brand some attention by gracing their small party with her superstar presence. But some uneducated PR girls blocked her from getting in, claiming she wasn’t on the list. It is the understatement of understatements to call this The Crime of the Century! PP wasn’t having it and vowed to sue Chanel if they didn’t immediately apologize to her. Behold, the Norma Rae of Not Being On The List!
About a second later, Phoebe declared victory when she discovered that the Chanel store on Robertson had closed:
Okay, in actuality, that store was just getting renovated at the time. But the Chanel on Robertson did end up closing this year. They were obviously so shaken up and paralyzed with embarrassment over being called out by Phoebe Price that it took them 15 years to finally put a Going Out Of Business Because Phoebe Price Called Us Out sign on their window. The power of Phoebe Price truly is like no other!
Pic: BauerGriffin/INSTARimages.com
The HSOTD Hall Of Fame: Fefita La Grande!
Fefita la Grande is a Hot Slut of the Day I will never forget because she helped, without even trying, to teach me a very valuable lesson: Don’t fuck with the Dominican Republic! Before a reader nominated Fefita la Grande for HSOTD in April 2012, I had never heard about the Dominican Queen of the Accordian. But as soon as I laid my eyes on her head-to-toe glamour and took in her piping-hot talents, I instantly fell in love, and making her an HSOTD was a no-brainer. Emphases on “no brain.” Because one morning, I woke up to thousands of emails, and usually, that’s my cue to pull the sheets over my head and go back to sleep. It turns out that a newspaper in the Dominican Republic gave me a serious case of male pattern baldness by grabbing my hair and dragging me for calling their country’s national treasure a Slut. So many Dominicans defended Fefita by tearing me a new one (and not in a sexy way). I was only called a pendejo that much when I changed the music from Menudo to Stacey Q at a family reunion in 1987. Out of all the problematic shit that has poured off my fingertips, that post got me the most outrage.
When I showed my mom the article and some of the emails, she responded, “It’s like calling their abuelita a puta,” before handing me a chancleta to slap myself down with. I wrote to many telling them I didn’t mean it literally and was paying tribute to her, but the damage was done. If only I listened to the words of wisdom from Phoebe Price and re-branded Hot Slut as Hot Babe, this would’ve never happened! The original post is after the cut.
The HSOTD Hall Of Fame: Abandoned Couch!
This Friday, Dlisted will hang a closed sign on its door after 18 years of spreading the industrial-strength fuckery, and yes, I’m still slightly in denial. And I’m the trick that brought this on! But Dlisted cannot say goodbye to the internet without paying tribute to one of its most popular and weirdest features: Hot Slut of the Day! For me, there are dozens of memorable HSOTDs who have permanently taken up residency in my brain, but I’ve managed to narrow it down to five for our Hot Slut Hall of Fame.
Our first inductee into the HSOTD Hall of Fame is a Hot Slut from 2008. It landed in my inbox as an HSOTD nomination from former regular commenter LA (shout out to LA!). Abandoned couch was… wait for it… wait for it.. an abandoned couch left on the curb in the 10000 block of West Victory Boulevard in North Hollywood. It made HEADLINES after a driver lost control of their car, flipped sideways, and landed on somebody’s memaw’s old couch. The driver wasn’t injured, and it was obviously thanks to Abandoned Couch! AC was a perfect HSOTD because it was smothered in pure glamour (see: its gold jacquard ensemble), and it was an unlikely hero. AC went on to become Hot Slut of the Week and Hot Slut of the Month but didn’t get the Hot Slut of the Year crown. That went to Spaghetti Cat. But former and current readers still bring up Abandoned Couch to me today, and some say it’s their favorite HSOTD in HSOTD history. Hopefully, Abandoned Couch has re-branded as Lounging Couch and is spending its retirement lounging on a beach somewhere. It deserves it!
Original HSOTD post from September 15, 2008:
Abandoned couch in North Hollywood, CA – This lonely couch saved a 30-year-old passenger in a car accident! The car just happened to land on the couch this way. Cops say the couch probably cushioned the blow. The passenger walked away without any injuries.
I need to show my lazy ass couch this story. It just lays there, feeding on my crumbs, when it really should be out in the world, saving others!
via Curbed
Pic: Flickr
Open Post: Hosted By Freya The Boat-Sinking Walrus Queen Getting A Sculpture In Her Honor
Only a year ago, the world was introduced to Freya, the instantly iconic walrus who terrorized Norwegian docks with 1300 lbs of beauty! Last summer, Freya decided to vacation on the boats of the Norwegian people, sexily lounging on them like an Instagram influencer at the Monaco Yacht Show. However, her antics quickly launched a thousand insurance claims because she managed to sink all the boats she laid across! Despite her popularity, Freya was taken by the authorities and put down due to public safety concerns. However, her legacy as the hottest mammalian sunbather will live on because she’s getting her own statue!