In news that falls clearly in the “A check is a check” category, Beyoncé taught us all that she’ll do more than Coachella if the price is right. One of Priyanka Chopra’s bridesmaids apparently won’t need to make a Bumble appearance to pay off her own wedding catering bill because her gazillionaire dad managed to pay for Bey to come and be the damn warm-up singer at a pre-wedding bash. Who headlined?! The actual voice of God??
After two disturbing days full of news about suspicious packages containing homemade pipe bombs being mailed to several high-profile Democratic politicians and Trump haters, reports are rolling in from everywhere that the so-called MAGAbomber has been arrested.
Yesterday, several suspicious packages were delivered to some very high-profile Democrats, like former President Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. The internet has taken no time in nicknaming the person or persons responsible the MAGAbomber, instantly making MAGA hats just a little less cute (dropping them from “not very” to “burn it“). More sketchy packages have been sent to other high-profile Democrats including former Joe Biden, congresswoman Maxine Waters, and vocal Trump-hater Robert De Niro.
If you’re a Democratic politician, don’t get anywhere near any kind of package today. If you’re a Democratic politician and you picked up a trick on Grindr, get your security to sniff his package out before you open it. If you’re Hillary Clinton and were expecting an Amazon package filled with Halloween-themed scrunchies (shut up, just let me believe that Hillary Clinton is still a scrunchie addict), don’t even think about getting near it when it arrives. Because some scary possible terrorist shit is going down.
Reboot/revival/whatever fever is alive and well, and yesterday Murphy Brown stepped up to plate. Candice Bergen can honestly do no wrong in my book, but after a day of everyone watching the Supreme Court hearing of Dr. Christine Blasey Ford and a screaming Brett Kavanaugh, people may have needed a break from political shit. The Murphy Brown reboot didn’t get the best of ratings considering it’s on CBS and those shows still hit 1997-style ratings since it’s the nursing home network of choice, but they did at least get Hillary “Hilary” Clinton in a cameo where she tried to get a job as Murphy’s secretary.
After two days of public viewing (featuring a costume change and a gold casket, no less), today was the day everyone gathered and honored the life of the Queen of Soul at her funeral. But of course a legendary diva like Aretha didn’t go out with a couple eulogies and pastor-led rendition of “Amazing Grace” before a lunch of sandwiches in the church hall. That gold casket should have been your first and only clue needed to know Aretha would absolutely going out like a legend in an all-day, star-packed memorial service.