Category: High Art

Open Post: Hosted By A Dog Opera Directed By Tilda Swinton

October 26, 2018 / Posted by:

Only Tilda Swinton could post a 6-minute long video of her dogs on the internet and have it be dubbed high art. I mean sure, she appears to have used a very nice camera and scored it with an opera by Handel, but a dog video is a dog video. But it’s Tilda so it must be art! I have a feeling that if I posted a 6-minute video of my cat licking his pecker and set to “The Magic Flute”, I’d get flagged for content violation.

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Here’s Willem Dafoe As Vincent Van Gogh in “At Eternity’s Gate”

September 6, 2018 / Posted by:

There’s a trailer out for the Julian Schnabel directed Vincent van Gogh biopic called At Eternity’s Gate starring Willem Dafoe. Finally, Americans will have an answer to the age old question: is it pronounced van Go or van Goff? Have you been walking around saying “Van Go” like an unsophisticated colonial rube your whole life, or have you been putting a little English on it and pronouncing it “Van Goff”  like a continental rube your whole life? Here’s the trailer which also stars Danish snack Mads Mikkelsen as a priest (yes, Father I have sinned. I’m sinning myself as we speak), and American snack Oscar Isaac as Polynesian titty aficionado Paul Gauguin.

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Open Post: Hosted By Lady Gaga Getting Ghoulish For Instagram 

August 15, 2018 / Posted by:

With A Star Is Born coming out in a few months, Lady Gaga must think we forgot she’s not actually a normal brunette lady who wears jeans, eats turkey sandwiches, and only has like one nice going out purse. Her extreme reverse makeover for that film is the current version of Lady Gaga we are all walking around with in our heads and that is not O.K. To remind us all who the fuck she is, Ms. Gaga decided to pull a stunt and post some unsettling pictures on Instagram. A little something to wake the little monsters up in advance of her Las Vegas residency that’s scheduled to start in December. What’s perhaps more disturbing than the photos themselves, are the descriptions written by Billboard magazine in case you are too scared to actually look.

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Open Post: Hosted By The Beautification Of Saint George

July 2, 2018 / Posted by:

Some folks in Spain are fired up over the recent restoration of a 16th century statue of San Jorge (Saint George), a dragon slaying knight. St. George has been living in the Church of St. Michael in the town Estella for a minute. According to Huffington Post, he got to looking a little wan and tired, as you might expect after posting up in church for some 500 years. George needed a spa day like last century, so the church asked a local workshop to get him together. Off went Old Georgie for a little tune up, and he came back with his face beat for the God’s. However, some experts weren’t so pleased with the result. I guess Georgie boy isn’t supposed to look like Pee-wee Herman on a Quaalude bender.

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Open Post: Hosted By Shia LaBeouf As His Own Dad 

June 1, 2018 / Posted by:

The Beef is back, ya’ll! And surprise, surprise; he’s doing some meta artsy-farty movie in which he plays his own dad. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Shia LaBeouf is filming a movie called Honey Boy (his dad’s nickname for him), which he wrote, and is playing a character based on his father, Jeffrey Craig LaBeouf. Jeffrey apparently is among the follically challenged so, Shia being Shia, sports a partially shaved his head and goober glasses for the role.

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Jared Leto Would Like To Bum A Ride As He Hitchhikes His Way Across America

April 5, 2018 / Posted by:

Jared Leto is pretty much the most authentic American we have right now, so it makes perfect sense that he’s undertaking the sacred American rite (for white dudes) of hitchhiking across the country in service of his art. James Franco is livid! Jared’s band 30 Seconds to Mars has an album coming out titled America, which is presumably American themed thus prompting Jared’s journey into the heart of darkness. Jared talked about the trip with “America’s host” on On The Air With Ryan Seacrest.

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