Category: HGTV
The Royal Family Of Waco Is Adding Another Member To Their Shiplap Kingdom
A little over three long months ago, the loyal disciples of Chip and Joanna Gaines’ giant clocks cult cried magnolia scented tears into their Magnolia Market brand fake eucalyptus wreaths after the two announced that they were quitting their really fucking popular HGTV show Fixer Upper after 5 seasons. At the time, Chip and Joanna burped up an explanation saying that they’ve decided to end their show to focus more on their family. I took “focus more on their family” to mean that they’re going to focus on getting more $$$$ from a different network that will pay up to see them renovate a house the same damn way over and over again. But yesterday, the Gaines’ announced that she is carrying the newest member of their barn door army.
Chip And Joanna Gaines May Not Be Off The Air For Long
It’s Black Friday, where half of us were in line at Kohl’s at 5am and not above pushing an 86-year-old Memaw if it meant landing 2-for-$25 cashmere sweaters. In related news, it appears HGTV’s favorite born again shiplap evangelists Chip and Joanna Gaines might be getting their hands on more cold hard cash. Continue reading
Chip And Joanna Gaines Allegedly Left HGTV For More Shiplap Cash
Everyone panicked last month when it was announced that HGTV was about to drop its Waco rudder. Chip and Joanna Gaines said they were packing the shiplap into a U-Haul and driving off into the sunset to “catch our breath” at whatever goody-goody camp those two preach at in the off-season. But it appears that breath will be more than caught if someone comes along promising to add a few zeros to the Gaines’ joint checking account. Continue reading
“Fixer Upper” Will End After Its 5th Season. What Does This All Mean!?!
Spin cycle classes, UGG stores and Starbucks all across middle America will be emptier than Chip Gaines’ head today, because all basic moms will be at home blasting a Sam Smith song from their Spotify playlist as hot tears fly out of their ducts as they clutch the giant clock they bought on sale at Magnolia Market. Because the King and Queen of Waco, Chip and Joanna Gaines, announced today that the fifth season of their extremely popular HGTV show, Fixer Upper, will be its last.
Drunk Driver Blows Down Three Little Pigs House
Ken and Kelly Downs are blaming Magnolia Reality, the company owned by HGTV’s Fixer Uppers stars Chip and Joanna Gaines, for tricking them into purchasing a home in a really shitty Waco, Texas neighborhood. How shitty you ask? Well for one thing, a drunk driver somehow managed to give Bo and Luke Duke a run for their money and do some serious damage to their home, nicknamed The Three Little Pigs House.
A Property Brother Is Going To Become A Property Husband
As one HGTV couple’s marriage crumbles into a pile of dusty plaster and wood lath, the foundation for another HGTV marriage has just been poured. People magazine has announced that last night, Property Brothers Drew Scott, aka the business in the front to Jonathan’s party in the back, got engaged to his girlfriend of six years Linda Phan.