If I was an employee at the Silos in Waco, I would call out sick or take cover because Chip and Joanna Gaines are likely hissing shiplap over someone being able to manipulate more cash out of the home improvement teet than they have. I always thought Drew and Jonathan Scott, better known as the Property Brothers, were a snooze. Joke’s on me because while I was sleeping watching their show, Drew and Jonathan brought in $500 million last year.
After winning a Jell-o Wrasslin’ contest over Lance Bass for the Brady Bunch house, HGTV announced plans to turn it into the brown and orange toned shag carpet day dream of 1970s delights. The house in Studio City, CA used for the exterior shots of The Brady Bunch will be gutted and the inside turned into an exact replica of the interior set. Well, Marcia (AKA “Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!”), Jan, Cindy, Greg, Peter and Bobby were all on hand to (collect a quick check) and help usher in the re-dawning of this most fabulous decade as re-imagined through reality renovation television.
The auction business is one nasty industry, and Lance Bass ironically got the same treatment Marcia Brady’s nose got from the football during an auction for the right to take over the house that served as the exterior of The Brady Bunch. When the Brady house in Studio City, CA went up for auction, Lance initially thought (and told fans) he won the thing in August…only to later learn HGTV won out in the end. Considering this is a network that hires those shady Love It Or List It tricks or the Flip Or Flop train wrecks, this should come as no shock that they might play dirty down at the auction house. I guess they didn’t expect fans to return the Marcia football back at their noses, so they’re going to bring Lance on for the project.
Lance Bass‘ blonde tips are crisply burnt because of the fire raging inside of him this week. Lance desperately wanted to buy the Brady Bunch house which went on sale recently. Lance didn’t get it and he cried foul about a Shady Brady stealing it away from him. If you heard about Lance losing out on the house despite having a sizeable bid and smelled a conspiracy, your nose is on the nose!
If there is one thing we have learned in the last few months, it’s that Joanna Gaines is the Griselda Blanco of DIY and home renovation. When Joanna and Chip Gaines, her husband, announced last year they were quitting their HGTV show Flip or Flop, landfills across America wept wondering what might happen if Chip and Joanna weren’t around to pilfer through the dump for wood to reclaim. It quickly emerged that HGTV is kind of a cheapskate with talent, and the Gaineses wanted more moolah and a less restrictive boss since lighting those silos set them back some Benjis. While Joanna may be pious for an hour on Sundays, she shows the spirit of Kris Jenner lords over Waco for the rest of her week when it comes to making money. That theme now apparently extends to our legal system. Continue reading
A little over three long months ago, the loyal disciples of Chip and Joanna Gaines’ giant clocks cult cried magnolia scented tears into their Magnolia Market brand fake eucalyptus wreaths after the two announced that they were quitting their really fucking popular HGTV show Fixer Upper after 5 seasons. At the time, Chip and Joanna burped up an explanation saying that they’ve decided to end their show to focus more on their family. I took “focus more on their family” to mean that they’re going to focus on getting more $$$$ from a different network that will pay up to see them renovate a house the same damn way over and over again. But yesterday, the Gaines’ announced that she is carrying the newest member of their barn door army.