While Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie may have closed the door to their fucked-up divorce fight and put a “privacy please” sign on it (for now), the door to Johnny Depp and Amber Heard’s fucked-up divorce fight remains wide open.
Johnny Depp wasn’t going to let Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie be the only ones to deliver some pre-Christmas legal messiness, now was he?
People reports that Johnny wants Amber Heard to pay 1/10th of the legal fees he racked up in their smegma-covered divorce fight. Johnny’s lawyers filed documents asking the court to force Amber to pay $100,000 of his attorney fees and other legal costs. Johnny says that the mountain of money in his vault of treasures is $1 million lighter, because that’s what he’s paid his lawyer Laura Wasser to deal with this divorce mess. Johnny argued that Amber should pay a piece of that for violating their confidentiality agreement and for filing frivolous motions with the court.
NBC has made the decision to give us the Hedy to Single White Female’s Allie by creating a knock-off of the movie that’s probably going to be cheap, messy and a dog killer (because your dog will contemplate suicide as you force the poor thing to watch the Single White Female TV show with you).
It’s just like that old saying, you know? The couple who wears giant matching diamond rings together, stays together after a cellphone fight in Beverly Hills (that’s a saying, right?). Two weeks ago, Diddy and Cassie reminded everyone they were still together by getting into a messy breakup fight in a car that ended with him stealing her cellphone and her mom calling the police. It sounded like the “U” in Cassie’s “Me & U” was no longer Diddy. However, some sources were saying that nobody was planning a “Congratulations, your crotch is free!” party for Cassie or Diddy just yet, because they breakup a lot and it usually doesn’t last. Looks like the sources were right on that one.
A little more than a month after being released early from jail for good behavior, Dustin Diamond, aka Screech from Saved By The Bell, is back in again. The fuck-up is truly strong with this one. Page Six says that Screech was arrested in Wisconsin on Wednesday after violating the terms of his parole.
An official wouldn’t say how he violated the terms. Maybe he showed the terms a clip of his sex tape? But they did confirm that he was in custody due to a probation whoopsie. Screech was put away for pulling a switchblade on a guy in a bar and stabbing him, so the obvious guess would be that his probation officer caught within 100 feet of a bar or a switchblade or the guy or something. However, sources tells TMZ that Screech’s arrest is drug related. Goddamn it, Screech, didn’t you learn anything from that PSA you made with Brandon Tartikoff? There’s no hope with dope!
I know that Dustin Diamond is like a moth to a forever fucking up flame, but damn if he didn’t go back to jail sooner than I expected. It’s barely been six weeks. Not to mention that only last week he was on Extra telling Mario Lopez that he wanted to put the “tomfoolery and malarkey” behind him and focus on starting a family. Maybe he missed jail too much and wanted to go back. But why? Who misses being in jail? Were Screech and his fellow inmates keeping themselves entertained by acting out old episodes of Saved by the Bell, and his early release fucked up the production schedule? “Look, I need to get back inside. They’re doing the fake IDs episode next week, and I’m the only one who knows the blocking for the scene at The Attic!”
Because every Hollywood type and their dog are being asked their thoughts on this year’s Oscar boycott (I’m pretty sure there’s a reporter holding a mic up to the dog from The Danish Girl as I type this), Joel and Ethan Coen were recently asked how they felt about the #OscarsSoWhite situation. The Coen Brothers have won four Oscars and have been nominated for a billion more (the film they wrote Bridge of Spies is nominated for six this year), so you’d think they would have lots of thoughts on the subject. As it turns out, the Coen Brothers don’t exactly give a Fargo-dipped fuck about any of this.