The Grammys red carpet always looks like an intergalactic space orgy sprinkled with a bunch of random rappers who just rolled out of bed with barely enough time to grab their grill from the bedside table thrown in for good measure. Every year, it’s a mess. Plus you’ve always got legitimate superstars mixed in with a whole lot whosits and whateverhappenedtos. This year’s Grammy red carpet was no exception. I’m trying to sift through some of these looks, and honestly don’t know where to begin.
Cleaning crews at The Beverly Hilton are probably still vacuuming up the shards of glitter that flew off of Billy Porter when he twirled in that amazing technicolor dreamcape, and are mopping up the Fiji water that people spewed out after realizing they were in the presence of the one and only Fiji Water Girl, and are disinfecting the floor after hundreds of people shit themselves as Baroness Jamie Lee Haden-Guest (seriously, she’s a baroness) sashayed onto the red carpet and they thought, “Damn, Brigitte Nielsen is looking hot after birthing out a baby!” People probably shit out everything in their system and are going to need some probiotics to get their guts good again. I see what you did there Queen of Activia!
For some people, Halloween is an excuse to get dressed up like a damn fool, but for others, it’s an annual tradition to play Halloween Bystander and watch what kind of over-the-top nonsense The Unofficial Halloween Queen, Heidi Klum, steps out in. She’s been everything: Michael Jackson’s Thriller werewolf, Jessica Rabbit, old Heidi Klum, skinless Heidi Klum, Heidi Klone. This year, Heidi and her boyfriend Tom Kaulitz went as the ogre Queen and King of the swamp, Fiona and Shrek from Shrek.
Recently-ex Project Runway hostess and the Halloween version of SNL’s Penelope, Heidi Klum, has no regrets about leaving the brand that made her famous. In fact, she did everything but straight up tell People that the show has been a bore for several seasons now and she’s glad she’s leaving.
The American Music Awards doesn’t have the respectability of the Grammys or the pizazz of the MTV VMAs, but it’s got…well, it’s got a pointy award and people that show up, and that’s all you really need for a music award show. As such, guests still put in some effort for the red carpet. Post Malone’s hair is still a mess and he’s got those “Yes I’ve been slowly picking off my Shellac manicure” nails, but he also came through with a bedazzled belt buckle and nudie suit made by Union Western Clothing featuring his initials and several snakes. I guess he didn’t get the memo that Taylor Swift had the whole snake thing locked down last night. Oh well, it still pulled his whole look together. That is, if he was going for a look that tells people he’s a very successful businessman who sells snakes at an Alabama swap meet.
Heidi Klum is still dating Tom Kaulitz of Tokio Hotel, but in a turn of events that can best be described as Sliding Doorsian, she recently revealed that if the timing was different, she might be dating another younger man from the music industry. Drake texted Heidi Klum once and he may have wondered if he sent it to the right number. Oh, Heidi got that text; she just ignored it.