The American Music Awards aired on CBS last night in order for you to have something to talk about with your weird cousin Trisha over Thanksgiving weekend. The AMA’s are the perfect empty vessel in which to hold your familial conversational obligations. That said, a few attendees did come to slay. Like Hailee Steinfeld, who, thanks to that leather bra and sharp shoulder pad situation, is seen giving you The Bodyguard starring a young Joan Crawford.
Heidi Klum is a model, she’s a TV talent show judge, but above all, she’s a huge fan of Halloween. Heidi Klum doesn’t half-ass her costumes; you’ll never see her wearing a cheap striped polyester suit and going as a trademark-skirting Juice Demon. Last year she went a little lazy by dressing up as herself. This year she kind of made up for it by using a whole crate of film-grade latex, prosthetics, artificial animal fur, and spirit gum to transform herself into Michael Jackson at the beginning of “Thriller.”
The strange thing was that everyone wasn’t told to go home as soon as this feathery vision of dusty pink gluh-moore whipped his boa train on the carpet. Why even bother going on with the 2017 CFDA Awards when it was already shut down by an exquisite bejeweled pink ostrich? I’m sure that is a question that fashion professors will ponder with their students for years to come.
The Grammys are the time and place for some high fashion fuckery. You can go high concept crazy (see: CeeLo Green), or you can go tacky casual with a twist of try hard. Halsey chose the latter. Halsey told Giuliana Rancic that her look was “a little TLC, a little Aaliyah.” When I first saw Halsey on the red carpet, I immediately got a T-Boz in the Creep video vibe. Halsey must have realized that she couldn’t blatantly rip-off such a legendary look without receiving a cease-and-desist, and so she added her own spin. And in this case, her spin was to ditch the matching robe and walk down the red carpet with her tits out. She also went with her natural hair, which was a choice. Personally I would have gone full-homage to T-Boz with some bangs and side-curtains. But I’ll give her a pass on this one. If she didn’t have time to steam the wrinkles out of her ensemble, I doubt she had time to clip on some hair.
Emma Stone really didn’t have much to say about that junior prom princess dress when she reached Ryan Seacrest on the red carpet of the Golden Globes last night. The face she’s making in that picture above kind of says all that needs to be said, really. It’s very “Please direct all Worst Dressed lists to my stylist.”
Halloween isn’t only the one day of the year when I get in my car and drive through the neighborhood, looking to find a lazy person who just left a bowl of candies out for the kids, so that I can steal it and run off. It’s also the one day of the year when hundreds of sites declare that Heidi Klum Has Won Halloween Yet Again! Heidi Klum won last year when she did herself up like a Julie Masking version of Jessica Rabbit. Heidi won in 2014 when she did herself up as The Fly if The Fly was directed by Lisa Frank. And she won in 2013 when she did herself up as an Upper East Side abuelita. So last night, every blogger probably had their “Heidi Klum Got Another Gold Medal In Halloween-ing!” headlines ready to go, because Heidi Klum never really disappoints. But some were left confused and scared about the future of everything when she showed up to her annual Halloween party in NYC as herself. Heidi Klum came as Heidi Klum in one of Jennifer Lopez’s ugliest leotards, and was surrounded by a bunch of Klum klones. This is the part where we all wake up our inner Tyra Banks and scream at Heidi: “Do you know that all of America was rooting for you and then you come in here treating this like it’s a joke?! I was rooting for you! WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU! How dare you!”