The annual Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show happened last night in Shanghai! The good news is, it wasn’t a total disaster. Despite some stumbling blocks erected by the Chinese Government, they somehow managed to find enough ladies, enough cameras, and drum up enough hullabaloo to pull it off. The bad news is, it was still the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. The uncategorized news is that Harry Styles was the featured performer, since previously scheduled Katy Perry was deemed an enemy of the state.
Of course he cried! This is the white witch! The white-winged dove! She IS Rhiannon, the story of a Welsh witch!
Harry Styles, who seems to be quickly reaching a Tay Tay Swift-level of omnipresence lately, was joined by Stevie Nicks at his show at L.A.’s Troubador, last night. They dueted on one of his songs, and two of hers – “Leather and Lace” and “Landslide.” Landslide is already a tearjerker, but then sing it with Stevie herself and try not to fall apart. They should have done “Edge of Seventeen,” because I wanted to see Harry try and match Stevie’s microphone kicks and shawl twirling and fail miserably.
Watch Harry fall apart (at the 4:35 mark), below.
And be sure and clock Stevie’s truly formidable platform boots in that video. Stevie is 68 years old and wearing boots that would snap the ankles of these lesser chicks. She is a goddamn treasure.
All the One Direction guys are all off doing their own thing now. Zayn Malik was the first to jump ship and release an album. Eventually the rest started releasing music that will definitely show up on a BuzzFeed list in 2028 called “14 boy banders who tried to go solo.” Liam Payne, the one who made a baby with Cheryl, released his debut song as a solo artist called Strip That Down. So of course he was asked about the other solo music being released by the other members of 1D.
The Gymboree Mick Jagger (who happens to do an A+++ Mick Jagger impersonation) is on the cover of Rolling Stone looking like a stoned 70s hustler trying to push out a stubborn shit, and inside of the magazine, he talks about Taylor Swift and what he thinks of her writing songs about their relationship. Tay Tay’s Squad can stand down, because Harry only blew heart-shaped air kisses of niceness at her.
Yes, that is a picture of Harry Styles’ cut-off hair. Believe it or not, it’s not a picture of an electrocuted rat or Mr. Hankey in a fur coat made of frazzled horse hair.
A highly important moment in hairstory happened recently when Harry Styles became Not-As-Harry Styles by taking a machete to the glorious split ends wonderland on top of his head. Harry posted a picture on Instagram of his hand holding onto what looks like a dehydrated pony’s tail that is in dire need of an IV drip full of Gatorade. Harry posted this caption with the pic:
The Little Princess Trust is like Locks of Love. It’s a charity that gives real hair wigs to children with cancer.
I’m wondering why Harry didn’t auction off his hair and give the money to charity instead. There’s definitely thousands upon thousands of Directioners who would sell everything they own and steal from their own family members to buy it. Maybe Harry didn’t do that, because he knows what kind of sucio things they’d do to his hair. I don’t even know to know, but I’m assuming it involves Googling the question, “What type of resin do I use to turn a ponytail of hair into a dildo?”
And here’s pictures from earlier this year of Harry Styles’ stunning mane of Crisco beauty. RIP Harry Styles’ hairy fall of greasiness.
Between Rob Kardashian getting engaged to Blac Chyna -aka Angela Kardashian- and Kylie Jenner giving you busted down, put to the fire Barbie realness, Pimp Mama Kris needs a little ray of sunshine. She’s has been locked in her business woman lair for a week, probably, crying, knocking back highball glasses of white wine spritzer and having to put on her best serious voice for conference calls with the dark beings responsible for her manger of somewhat lifelike daughters. Well, today she can celebrate and step out for a little because the one that is clearly most embarrassed to come from the same gene pool, Kendall Jenner, is possibly back with someone who is, arguably, one of the most famous people in the world, Harry Styles. PMK needs the fame points of others or she may well cease to exist.
I don’t want to be cynical because that’s totally out of character for me, totally, but something about this just isn’t ringing true to me. First of all, we can’t see who the guy is in the picture. It could be a decoy for all we know! A lousy fake! A scam! PMK is desperate for some good press and taking attention away from Rob, the soiled one. This wouldn’t be the first time Kendall and Harry were questionably together. Remember when they had lunch with Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi on a yacht? Yeah. I don’t know what favor Ellen owed PMK, but my god, lunch with those two must have meant she had a huge debt to pay off.
I’d like to believe they’e for real because the world needs more love to balance out all the horrible, but I don’t think it’s worth my time or yours to look for love in a PMK ProduKtion. As I alluded to earlier, I have a feeling that were we to see the guy in the picture from the front, it would be a “B-” Harry impersonator. PMK isn’t known for her finesse and this is smelling of high school drama department level staging to me. Good try, Kris, but nothing will distract us from Rob’s Revenge: The Movie! He even got Kim to give the most lifelike performance of her life (via his Instagram):