Over the years, we’ve heard talk of the possibility of a Black Bond (Idris Elba), we’ve heard talk of a Thirsty Bond (Tom Hiddleston) and there was even talk of an Aussie Bond (Hugh Jackman)! But is the world ready for talk of a Baby Bond? While Flinty Bond (Daniel Craig) still has the role on lockdown for one last go-round, one of the editors on Spectre, Lee Smith, had the brilliant idea that Harry Styles should be the next James Bond, reports The Daily Mail.
The annual Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show happened last night in Shanghai! The good news is, it wasn’t a total disaster. Despite some stumbling blocks erected by the Chinese Government, they somehow managed to find enough ladies, enough cameras, and drum up enough hullabaloo to pull it off. The bad news is, it was still the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. The uncategorized news is that Harry Styles was the featured performer, since previously scheduled Katy Perry was deemed an enemy of the state.
Of course he cried! This is the white witch! The white-winged dove! She IS Rhiannon, the story of a Welsh witch!
Harry Styles, who seems to be quickly reaching a Tay Tay Swift-level of omnipresence lately, was joined by Stevie Nicks at his show at L.A.’s Troubador, last night. They dueted on one of his songs, and two of hers – “Leather and Lace” and “Landslide.” Landslide is already a tearjerker, but then sing it with Stevie herself and try not to fall apart. They should have done “Edge of Seventeen,” because I wanted to see Harry try and match Stevie’s microphone kicks and shawl twirling and fail miserably.
Watch Harry fall apart (at the 4:35 mark), below.
And be sure and clock Stevie’s truly formidable platform boots in that video. Stevie is 68 years old and wearing boots that would snap the ankles of these lesser chicks. She is a goddamn treasure.
All the One Direction guys are all off doing their own thing now. Zayn Malik was the first to jump ship and release an album. Eventually the rest started releasing music that will definitely show up on a BuzzFeed list in 2028 called “14 boy banders who tried to go solo.” Liam Payne, the one who made a baby with Cheryl, released his debut song as a solo artist called Strip That Down. So of course he was asked about the other solo music being released by the other members of 1D.
The Gymboree Mick Jagger (who happens to do an A+++ Mick Jagger impersonation) is on the cover of Rolling Stone looking like a stoned 70s hustler trying to push out a stubborn shit, and inside of the magazine, he talks about Taylor Swift and what he thinks of her writing songs about their relationship. Tay Tay’s Squad can stand down, because Harry only blew heart-shaped air kisses of niceness at her.
Yes, that is a picture of Harry Styles’ cut-off hair. Believe it or not, it’s not a picture of an electrocuted rat or Mr. Hankey in a fur coat made of frazzled horse hair.
A highly important moment in hairstory happened recently when Harry Styles became Not-As-Harry Styles by taking a machete to the glorious split ends wonderland on top of his head. Harry posted a picture on Instagram of his hand holding onto what looks like a dehydrated pony’s tail that is in dire need of an IV drip full of Gatorade. Harry posted this caption with the pic:
The Little Princess Trust is like Locks of Love. It’s a charity that gives real hair wigs to children with cancer.
I’m wondering why Harry didn’t auction off his hair and give the money to charity instead. There’s definitely thousands upon thousands of Directioners who would sell everything they own and steal from their own family members to buy it. Maybe Harry didn’t do that, because he knows what kind of sucio things they’d do to his hair. I don’t even know to know, but I’m assuming it involves Googling the question, “What type of resin do I use to turn a ponytail of hair into a dildo?”
And here’s pictures from earlier this year of Harry Styles’ stunning mane of Crisco beauty. RIP Harry Styles’ hairy fall of greasiness.