Category: Happy Things
Demi Moore Shared A Video Of Bruce Willis And His Family Celebrating His 68th Birthday
Since it was initially announced that Bruce Willis was struggling with aphasia and had to step back from the business, fans and just meddlesome people alike became curious about how he was faring. But it became more apparent that things were pretty serious when his wife, Emma Heming, and his ex-wife, Demi Moore, shared that his diagnosis was updated to frontotemporal dementia. Emma had to then ask for the loud, invasive paparazzi to leave Bruce alone just so he could get from “point A to point B” safely and without distraction, which was sadly a pretty eye-opening look into the disease’s progression. But though Bruce sold his likeness to a deepfake company to be used in perpetuity since leaving the biz, no faking was necessary to see Bruce’s obvious joy in a video Demi posted from his 68th birthday celebration over the weekend.
A Dolly Parton Lifestyle Brand Is Coming
When the Marie Kondo “get rid of all your shit” revolution happened I didn’t understand why us “specialty collectors” (ok, hoarders) had been commanded to clear space in our houses with such a manic sense of urgency. At the time, the KonMari method felt a bit drastic, but now it all makes sense! Dolly Parton has just signed a deal for a complete lifestyle brand. Hole-E-Shit. Now I know why I was commanded to make room in my closets and cupboards- I needed space to fill up with everything and anything Dolly. Thank you, Marie Kondo! Continue reading
Ricky Martin And His Hot Piece Are Getting Married
Jonathan Knight of New Kids on the Block declared yesterday that he and his man are promised to be married. And on today’s Ellen, Ricky Martin declares that he and his Venti cup full of Syrian-born hotness of a man are promised to be married too. I hope this trend of middle-aged former boy banders getting engaged to a sexy piece of man meat continues and one of my favorite boy band pieces Devin Lima of LFO (it’s the brows) comes out as gay and a nudist and shares naked pictures of he and his man getting engaged on a nudist colony. After these couple of weeks, you owe me this, universe!
Abby Wambach Is Now Getting On A Christian Mom Blogger
When I read that Abby Wambach is with a Christian mom blogger, the voice inside my head screaming the words, “Please let it be Anna Duggar,” was so loud that I think I have a few more cracks on my skull. But it’s not Anna Duggar.
Matt Dallas And His Husband Adopted A Son
Since Dlisted turned into Babehlisted today, we may as well go all the way.
While dingle-brained Backdoor Farrah once again tries to convince everyone that an actual adoption agency is willing to give her another tiny human life to ruin, Matt Dallas (or “WHO?!” to anybody who doesn’t know about the show Kyle XY) and his husband of a year, Blue Hamilton, announced that they have adopted a 2-year-old boy named Crow. Does anybody know if Matt and Blue named Crow or did he get that name from his birth parents? Because I need to know who to direct my judgmental looks toward.
Matt and Blue crammed ten thousand “LOOK AT MY NEW KID” Facebook posts into an 11-minute long video where they talk about why they decided to go with adoption. Crow was in foster care in Arizona and they got a 6-month trial period with him, but they knew from almost the moment meeting him that they wanted to make it permanent. WARNING: This quote will put a certain Rick Astley song in your head. via Towleroad
“We just happened to fall in love with this certain little boy who came to stay with us. During the car ride home, we decided that he was gonna be ours and we weren’t gonna give him up.” Matt added, “There was supposed to be a six month trial period, and there was about a six-minute trial period before we knew he was gonna be ours.”
The video is below. My heart is wet ash covered in ice and even it warmed a little while watching this. But I’m going to the mall in a second so I’m sure it’ll freeze again as a I curse whores out while trying to find a parking space.
And if you didn’t watch all 5 hours of that video and are wondering if Matt’s kid has a bellybutton, the answer is I don’t know, because I didn’t watch every second of it either.
Jason Collins Becomes The NBA’s First Openly Gay Player After Signing With The Nets
RT to welcome @jasoncollins34 to Brooklyn! #Nets pic.twitter.com/D05R9td9cx
— Brooklyn Nets (@BrooklynNets) February 23, 2014
And to answer the question in your head after reading that headline, yes, I had to Google to see what the NBA stood for, because I wasn’t quite sure. The National Beyonce Admirers Club? The National footBall Association? The National Basketball Association? Yeah, that’s it.
Back in April, professional 35-year-old basketball player Jason Collins did the hand-to-face pose on the cover of Sports Illustrated and announced that yes, he likes peen and man ass. Jason was a free agent at the time, but he’s a free agent no more. The Brooklyn Nets tweeted a picture of Jason Collins signing a 10-day contract with their asses. The Nets burped out this statement to USA Today after Jason Collins signed his name on the contract, making that shit official:
“The decision to sign Jason was a basketball decision. We needed to increase our depth inside, and with his experience and size, we felt he was the right choice for a 10-day contract. Jason told us that his goal was to earn another contract with an NBA team. Today, I want to commend him on achieving his goal. I know everyone in the NBA family is excited for him and proud that our league fosters an inclusive and respectful environment.”
I had to look up that 10-day contract shit, because I thought it was a typo and then thought that these motherfuckers created the 10-day contract for Jason and Jason only. Homophobic whores! But I guess the 10-day contract is pretty normal this late in the season. The 10-day contract is when a free agent type signs a contract which lasts 10 days or 3 games, whichever comes first. A team can only sign a player to two 10-day contracts. After the 10 or 20 days is up, the team either has to say their goodbyes or sign the player up for the rest of the season. The more we all know.
ESPN says that Jason Collins is expected to play tonight during the Nets vs. Lakers game. So I guess this means that for the first time in the history of my life, I’m going to watch a basketball game tonight. Fire up the bong. I’m going to need it.