When I heard that Halle Berry might have gotten a “massive” (as Page Six called it) tattoo on her back, I said to myself Lord, Jesus someone please go perform a welfare check on her to make sure she’s not going the way of The Affleck. Like Ben, Halle’s had some ups and downs and does not have the greatest record when it comes to impulse control. But when I saw the picture Halle posted on Instagram of her new back art, I breathed a sigh of relief. It’s not so bad.
Cleaning crews at The Beverly Hilton are probably still vacuuming up the shards of glitter that flew off of Billy Porter when he twirled in that amazing technicolor dreamcape, and are mopping up the Fiji water that people spewed out after realizing they were in the presence of the one and only Fiji Water Girl, and are disinfecting the floor after hundreds of people shit themselves as Baroness Jamie Lee Haden-Guest (seriously, she’s a baroness) sashayed onto the red carpet and they thought, “Damn, Brigitte Nielsen is looking hot after birthing out a baby!” People probably shit out everything in their system and are going to need some probiotics to get their guts good again. I see what you did there Queen of Activia!
Halle Berry and her third husband Olivier Martinez were married for two years, and they’ve been dragging out their divorce longer than that. They could technically start celebrating the anniversary of when they first filed divorce papers. Halle and Olivier may love keeping it messy, but the court system that has to deal with them clearly doesn’t.
Whenever the name Halle Berry comes to mind I never think about Boomerang, Losing Isaiah or the movie she won the Academy Award for Monster’s Ball. No sir. When I think of Halle I immediately go straight to Catwoman. It’s awful. Like a clump of congealed kitty litter resting up underneath a couch, making everything stink. But I LOVE IT! And apparently she does too because they gave her a whole ‘lotta money for it.
Halle Berry was a presenter at the GLAAD Media Awards on Thursday and took a moment to mention one of the greatest films of all time – 2004’s Catwoman – and declare that she thought it deserved another “goddamn chance.” YES, IT DOES. The only thing wrong with this emancipation of a bad movie proclamation was Halle not working that Clan of the Cave Bear braid that she was sporting last summer. That braid took us all to Fascination Street. Was it for a movie? Was she exploring the woodlands in a much more barbaric time? Bring that braid back, Ms Berry. And lobby for a release a Criterion Collection cut of Catwoman, already. Sharon Stone (she played the villain) has already got an outfit for the release party to go with her derisive laughter.
There was a lot of messy fashion at the SAG Awards last night (prepare yourself accordingly after that jump below!). But obviously any effort that was put in was immediately cancelled out the second Kate Hudson returned to the scene of last year’s fashion crime and fully outdid herself in a fluffy Valentino vision of countrified love. I say love because, duh, the hearts a’plenty, but also because I love this dress. What’s not to love? Black velvet (check), pink beauty pageant chiffon (check), a high-lace neckline with corresponding bib of ruffles (checking furiously). The only thing missing is a pink parasol. Kate probably left it in the limo for fear of being mistaken for Miley Cyrus in a knock-off production of My Fair Lady called Decent Lookin’ Gal.
Here’s who else showed up and sizzled eyeballs with style.