Category: Guy Ritchie
Madonna And Guy Ritchie’s Next Dramatic Custody Meeting Will Be Sans-Lawyers
I know this pic is old as hell, but I like to think that that’s the same awkward [screaming internally] face Guy Ritchie made when his lawyer informed him that there would be no one there to mediate Madonna’s melodramatic performance art crazy at their next custody discussion.
The last time we checked in on Madonna and Guy Ritchie’s messy custody fight over their 15-year-old son, Rocco Ritchie, sources were saying that Madonna had accepted a judge’s decision to let Rocco live with his daddy in London. Now UsWeekly is saying that she wants the three of them to sit down together and discuss this shit without lawyers and judges. Oh yeah, this will definitely end well. Madonna is so angry about this situation that she called her ex-husband a “cunt” in front of an audience of thousands, so I can only imagine the kind of sweet talk she’ll use for an intimate audience of two.
A source tells UsWeekly that Madonna’s kiki with Guy and Rocco will probably happen sometime early in April, but they’re not exactly sure when or where. The source adds that Madonna is worried a date and time will never get set, because Guy and Rocco recently fucked off to the Maldives and she can’t get a hold of them. Regardless of whether or not it actually happens, Madonna and Guy are scheduled to meet back in court on June 1st.
I’m still not sure why Madonna wants to have a no-lawyers meeting. Maybe Madonna doesn’t want there to be any witnesses when she tries to work the same witch sorcery she uses to reverse the age in her face to reverse Guy’s alleged brainwashing techniques.
Pic: Wenn.com
Madonna May Have Accepted Defeat In Custody Battle Against Guy Ritchie
Last night in the Open Post, I commended Madonna for being relatively tame, for her, with that almost-teary huff huff she pulled at her concert in Auckland, New Zealand when she dedicated “La Vie en Rose” to her son Rocco Ritchie. Last December, 15-year-old Rocco packed his shit up, put on his headphones to listen to Nicole Scherzinger‘s masterpiece “Don’t Hold Your Breath” and moved his ass in with his dad, Guy Ritchie, in December. I thought Madonna was trying to be more low-key with her attention seeking, but she played me. The Daily Mail is reporting she has allegedly accepted defeat on getting Rocco back. This revelation, of course, happened to be “leaked” on English Mother’s Day. Well, played Madonna.
A Judge Tells Madge And Guy Ritchie To Stop Being Messy And Handle Their Custody Issues Privately
I know, Madonna must be brand new to that judge…
Madge and Guy Ritchie’s train wreck of a custody battle plowed into a court room in NYC today. Their 15-year-old son Rocco Ritchie was living with his mom and went on tour with her, but around Christmastime, he refused to leave his dad’s house in London. Rocco was over living with his mom and wanted to stay with his dad. It was reported that Madge is too controlling and strict for Rocco and Guy is the opposite. Madge went to court to force Rocco to go home with her. The judge ordered Rocco to go home to New York, but he stamped that order with a giant “NOPE.” Between then and today, Madge has called Guy Ritchie a “cunt” during one of her shows, she allegedly hired a private investigator to follow Rocco and she posted throwback pic after throwback pic of him on Instagram. Meanwhile, Rocco has been toking up, because wouldn’t you? Well, a hearing was held today and the judge let those two have it.
Madonna May Have Hired A P.I. To Expose Guy Ritchie’s Shitty Parenting Skills
The world nearly turned inside/out with shock over the weekend when The Sun posted pictures of a 15-year-old rich kid of famous parents smoking the good shit with his friends at a skate park in London. I joked that the Dark Priestess of the Illuminati probably set that ESCANDALOSO paparazzi moment up to show the world that Guy Ritchie lets their son Rocco Ritchie do whatever the hell he wants. Well, TMZ says that Madonna is afraid that Rocco is spending his days getting stoned and living without any rules, so she’s hired a private investigator to follow him around. Um, I don’t know if Madge hired the right private investigator, because what in the hell kind of private investigator gets found out by TMZ? Detective La Toya would never.
Escandalo Alert: Rocco Ritchie Got Caught Smoking!!!
Over the weekend, The Sun posted pictures of 15-year-old Rocco Ritchie smoking a “suspicious-looking cigarette” (which is lawyer of a tabloid talk for “joint“) with friends in London and it’s all pretty surprising and shocking. I mean, a 15-year-old smoking weed. I thought that many 15-year-olds, especially rich ones, nowadays don’t mess with weed, because it’s amateur shit and they have already moved on to getting high by sticking tampons soaked in liquid meth up their butts. Rocco must be a late bloomer…
Madonna Thinks Guy Ritchie Is Trying To Brainwash Their Son
“Wheee! Isn’t this fun? Say it with me: this is fun. This is fun. More fun than mom. What? Did I say mom? That was weird and totally unintentional.”
If reading about Gwyneth Paltrow’s ~so~ perfect relationship with her ex-husband yesterday made you gag and think “God, doesn’t ANYBODY hate their exes anymore?“, I have good news for you. Madonna still hates Guy Ritchie with the fire of 1000 burning anal warts. UsWeekly says Madonna hates him so much, she’s pulled out her pointin’ finger and accused her ex-cunt of trying to brainwash their son, Rocco Ritchie.
Even though a judge ordered him to pack his bags and return to his mama’s house six weeks ago, Rocco is still living with his dad in London, because Rocco doesn’t want shit to do with Madonna. Madonna’s original theory about Runaway Rocco was that Guy had been talking shit about her for years to their son in an attempt to recruit him onto Team Your Mom Sucks. Now she thinks he’s been doing more than just casually rolling his eyes and muttering “wanker” under his breath.
A source close to Madonna says she thinks Guy has been trying to brainwash Rocco before their next custody hearing, which is happening today. Guy has apparently been pushing the hard sell on Rocco by constantly telling him he should be living in London and not with his mom in New York. The source also claims Guy has taken a Kris Jenner approach to education by telling Rocco he can pretty much drop out any time he wants because school is for fools. Madonna isn’t a fan of quitting and wants him to stay in school. Again, she thinks he might be encouraging Rocco to drop out as a form of attempted brainwashing.
As for how Madonna is taking it all, the source says she feels “incredibly hurt” and that the situation is “really horrible.” Basically, on a scale of Desperately Seeking Susan to Shanghai Surprise, it’s a Swept Away.
So to recap: Guy’s brainwashing technique includes aggressively talking trash about Rocco’s mom, isolating Rocco from his mom, and encouraging him to drop out of school. I think the Church of Scientology’s recruitment club just found its latest guest speaker.
Here’s more of Guy and his son (“Son? More like hostage!!!” hollered Madonna) riding around London on their bikes over the weekend.
Pics: Splash