Category: Guy Ritchie

Madonna Regrets Both Of Her Marriages And Says She Has A Current Obsession With Sex

August 31, 2022 / Posted by:

“Did she ever NOT have an obsession with sex,” said everyone. But I’m not sure if you all know this or not, Madonna likes sex. Sure, she’s only reminded us of that every day for the past four decades and has an entire book called SEX, but just in case you were unaware here’s your reminder. However, did you also know that although she’s been married twice her Yelp reviews of her time with Sean Penn and Guy Ritchie would yield a huge “Hell No! Never again!”? That’s what she’s admitting in a new interview where she briefly discusses her marriages but talks at length about world issues. And by “world issues“, I mean SEX!

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What A Great Promo Picture For A Community Theater Production Of “Aladdin.” Oh, Wait…

December 19, 2018 / Posted by:

I was initially going to say that this looks like a low-budget, fuck effort cover of a cheap Aladdin porn parody, but they’re all wearing way too many damn stupid clothes for that! Does Guy Ritchie’s live-action version of Disney’s Aladdin take on global warming, and in this one, the Middle-East is always cold and it never gets to “whip those hot man nipples out” Fahrenheit?

Entertainment Weekly put out the first pictures from Aladdin starring Will Smith as the Genie, Naomi Scott as Princess Jasmine, and Mena Massoud as the title character, and while my first wish to a genie would be for a hot piece of man who cums bitcoins, others would wish for this live-action Aladdin to disappear in a cloud of smoke FOREVER. Because well, Jambi from Pee-Wee Herman looks more like the cartoon genie from Aladdin than Will Smith does. And my 80s self, who used to put his troll doll’s hair into a topknot, is calling 911 on Guy Ritchie, Disney, and Will Smith, because that goatee looks like the scalped-off topknot of a troll doll.

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King Arthur: Flop Of The Round Table

May 15, 2017 / Posted by:

Well, if we’re going to talk about the medieval turd that is the latest King Arthur movie, we may as well do it in between looking at Charlie Hunnam’s nipples.

Guy Ritchie’s King Arthur: Legend of the Sword had a production budget of $175 million. That doesn’t include the money that was spent to pimp it out, and it also doesn’t include the bottles of Valium that Warner Bros. publicists swallowed down every time Charlie Hunnam said dumb shit in an interview. King Arthur opened this past weekend and more people wanted to pay to see Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn looking like Johnny Depp-levels of stanky than see Charlie Hunnam in leather. It bombed bad, and based on the reviews, it made some say, “Maybe that dried dingle wasn’t THAT bad,” while thinking about the King Arthur movie with Clive Owen and Keira Knightley.

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The Messy Custody Fight Drama Between Madge And Guy Ritchie Is Almost Over

June 1, 2016 / Posted by:

Just when you thought that nothing could be more horrifying than Madge in an Illuminati ritual mask, your eyes scroll down to those jeans which look like they were made by JNCO! This 90s fashion comeback has gone too, too far.

No, Madge isn’t wearing that mask (which is very “Madge after her 10th face lift and 10,000th Botox session“) to a sacrificial Illuminate ceremony. Madge took her kids, Lourdes and Rocco, to that theatrical experience called Sleep No More last night. Everyone has to wear an Eyes Wide Shut mask while watching it. People says that 15-year-old Rocco Ritchie is back in NYC after he’s been living with his dad Guy Ritchie in London for a while.

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Madge And Rocco Ritchie Together Again On Instagram

May 2, 2016 / Posted by:

When we last wrote about the disastrous custody fight over 15-year-old Rocco Ritchie between Madonna and Guy Ritchie, Rocco had stopped fighting with his mom for a second to reunite with her at her house in London. Well, it looks like things between them are still okay.

Madge and Guy’s next court room battle royale isn’t until June, but a judge told both of those messes to try and work out their custody issues privately. Maybe they proved that miracles do exist and they were able to stop being wrecks, because Rocco has been spending a lot of time with Madge. People says that Madge has been staying in London, where Rocco is temporarily living with his dad, ever since her Rebel Heart tour ended. I guess Rocco also got over being mad that his mom keeps putting pictures of him on her Instagram, because over the weekend she posted this new picture of them together. Madge posted it with the caption:

madgeweneeeed

We need what, exactly? More booze? Because if you replaced Rocco with a long-haired black chihuahua rolling his eyes, I’d be Madge on a Friday night after drowning all of my sorrows in Hawaiian Punch, vodka and the good shit. Madge is giving me “Siamese Cat wax figurine right after chasing two Ambiens with a glass of red wine” and Rocco is giving me “first toke of the night.” That makes sense, because many people have to be drunk to hang out with a hormonal teenager (“Tell me about it.” – my mom during my teen years) and many people probably also have to be stoned to hang out with Madge.

Pics: Instagram, Wenn.com

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