Just like that, the performance of “Gangnam Style” is officially no longer the worst thing to ever come out of Glee.
UsWeekly says that earlier today, 35-year-old Mark Salling, formerly Puck from Glee/currently a major creep, pleaded guilty to possession of child pornography of a prepubescent minor.
I Can’t Wait To Hear About The Stupid Method Shit That Jared Leto Is Going To Do While Playing Hugh Hefner
It hasn’t even been a week since Hugh Hefner’s corpse moved next door to Marilyn Monroe’s corpse (in possibly related news, Marilyn Monroe’s corpse requested a crypt change), but Hollywood is already making moves to bring his biopic to the big screen. Brett Ratner (who directed the Rush Hour movies and who jacked his shrimp dick to Olivia Munn while eating actual shrimp) has been trying to get a Hugh Hefner biopic made for almost ten years. It’s now one step closer to happening, because the only actor who has truly ever acted Jared Leto has signed on to slip into some silk pajamas to play Hugh Hefner. This is great news for ophthalmologists, because they’re going to get a ton of new business from people who break their eye muscles from rolling them so hard while listening to how method Jared got to play Hef.
For weeks and weeks, the people of a neighborhood in Colorado Springs, CO have been wondering why a lady, who has been dubbed The Mad Pooper, has been terrorizing their lawns and parking lots with caca bombs she drops during her runs. What could it be? Does the chick have an evil roommate who gets revenge on her for not cleaning the toilet by spiking her breakfast protein shakes with Ex-Lax? Does a Bieber song regularly poop up on The Mad Pooper’s jogging playlist and the sound of his voice causes her to stop and take a shit wherever she’s at (that’s a natural reaction)? The people just wanted answers. Well, it looks like The Mad Pooper has finally let out something other than a lawn turd. She let out an explanation of sorts through a dude who claims to be a “family rep.”
There’s some people whose assholes refuse to spit out a turd unless they are in the privacy of their own bathroom. Then there’s other people whose assholes never get the shies and can easily make a caca anytime, anyplace. One of those kinds of people is now terrorizing a family in Colorado Springs, CO by doing drive-by poopings on their front lawn. The family is pissed about the pooping, which is weird since the cost of lawn manure is too damn high and they’re getting that shit for free.
Angry hemorrhoid James Woods loves Twitter more than anything. Yesterday James #tooktotwitter to share his outrage about the upcoming movie Call Me By Your Name starring Armie Hammer. It’s about a love affair set in Italy in the 1980’s between a 24-year-old and a 17-year-old (per Entertainment Tonight, the age of consent there is 14).
Now, you’d think that James would be On. Board. given his well documented career as a geriatric connoisseur of very young women, but for some reason this particular story set him off. What could it be that has him all up in his feelings? Oh, it’s about two men? I see.
Over the past couple of weeks, Usher (sex alias: Papa Bear) has been in the middle of a herpes scandal that continues to grow bigger, grosser, and more green by the minute. And I’m not talking about Usher’s allegedly leaky green boner, either. We went from Usher settling with one past accuser for $1.1 million, to getting sued for $20 million for allegedly infecting another woman with Herpes Simplex 2, to three more alleged victims of Usher’s tainted dick threatening to sue for exposing them to the virus.
One of the women, Quantasia Sharpton, held a press conference with her lawyer Lisa Bloom earlier this week, claiming she didn’t have herpes, but was super pissed Usher’s unprotected dick exposed her to it. Usher isn’t singing “You remind me of a girl, that I, once gaveherpes toooo,” because Usher is telling friends he never slept with Quantasia.