I came of age on the social fringes of the gutter punks and squatters who viewed catching a little case of the bed bugs (or scabies or crabs, for that matter) as a crusty rite of passage. They would be raising a brown bag of Mickey’s 40 OZ to Brazilian model Sabrina Jales St. Pierre whom People announced is suing Palm Desert Embassy Suites for allegedly giving her a bad case of the skin nibbles caused by bed bugs. Try to get through this story without itching and you win a gold star.
Ann Coulter, the hemorrhoid that a Ninth Circle rat chewed off of Lucifer’s asshole and barfed into a puddle of acid where it mutated into a shit-spewing demon, accused the detention camp children of being crisis actors. Well, Melania Trump heard what Ann Coulter said and decided to show a bitch what crisis acting really is when she showed up to the New Hope Children’s Center in McAllen, TX today and pretended to care about the 60 immigrant kids and teens from Central America who are being detained there. But before Melania acted like she cared, she told us that she really doesn’t by wearing a jacket that read “I Really Don’t Care. Do U?” as she boarded the plane headed to Texas. In Melania’s defense, she was probably forced to wear that because it’s the new official uniform of the Trump family.
It’s a real shame the tainted cereal coming out of the Kellogg’s factory is Honey Smacks and not Frosted Flakes, because “They’rrrrrrrre Gross!” is the stuff headline dreams are made of. But it’s the puffed wheat vulvas you’ve got to watch out for.
Kellogg ‘s announced yesterday that they were voluntarily recalling certain boxes of Honey Smacks due to a possible health risk. The recall comes after the CDC and the U.S. Food and Drug Administration reported 73 people in 31 different states who likely got sick from the cereal (with 24 of those that ended up in the hospital). The alleged culprit: salmonella.
Luckily, the recall is limited to two specific UPC codes. You can contact them for a refund.
PRODUCT RECALL ALERT: Kellogg’s is recalling Honey Smacks cereal in 15.3 and 23 oz packages with UPC codes 3800039103, 3800014810 due to the possible presence of Salmonella. https://t.co/LVqujYqUpK pic.twitter.com/8eS6uB6YgM
— U.S. FDA (@US_FDA) June 14, 2018
If you’ve got a box of Honey Smacks at home in either a 15.3 or 23 oz package with a UPC code readong 3800039103 or 3800014810, then you might want to dump it in the trash and ask for your money back. To be fair, I feel like that’s the most common response after opening a box of Honey Smacks.
Honey Smacks are distributed throughout the U.S., Mexico, Costa Rica, Guam, and the Caribbean. Kellogg’s says they’re investigating a third-party manufacturer that makes the cereal. Currently, no one has died from the Honey Smacks salmonella outbreak. Kellogg’s doesn’t say how the cereal got infected with salmonella. But come on, it’s obvious. Frogs are a notorious carrier of salmonella. Clearly Dig’Em was in that factory with his slimy hands all over the cereal before it went out. I hope Dig’Em has a good lawyer.
First we had Stormy Daniels say that Trump’s alleged pillow talk involvd a compliment comparing her to his daughter Ivanka Trump. And ex-Playboy Playmate Karen McDougal talked to CNN’s Anderson Cooper to discus her alleged 2006 affair with Trump, and she too says she was on the receiving end of a totally-unsettling Ivanka-based compliment.
Our stomachs aren’t going to make it through this year… First, many prepared to wet heave up their insides after it was wrongly reported that Stormy Daniels’ lawyer claimed they’ve got pictures of Donald Trump’s chipotle-dipped dick. And now we’re hearing that another living human actually said, “Ok!”, to doing Donald Trump Jr. The night that Jabba the Trump became the Overlord of the United States, overused bronzer puff Aubrey O’Day re-tweeted anti-Trump tweets, and when someone tweeted at her, “really? But you was on trump show!!! Why are you mad that the checks stopped coming!“, she dropped this dramatic foreboding nugget:
“No. my story I didn’t tell is worth millions now 😉 …this doesn’t hurt me, it hurts America.”
Many figured that she had a story involving Trump’s pussy grabbin’ claws of doom, but the story is that Aubrey rubbed her bare parts all over Don Jr’s no-neck area while his wife Vanessa Trump was pregnant with their third child. Picturing Don Jr. slamming his naked carcass against Aubrey O’Day is causing my already-tortured eyes to burn. Do-do you got a first aid kit handy? But really, a member of Danity Kane being a part of an ESCANDALO with a Trump in this day and age? Welcome to 2018.
Anyone with a career in robotics repair is in for a busy week. Ryan Seacrest’s former stylist has come forward with detailed allegations of sexual harassment and assault, and something tells me the highest-functioning animatronic of the E! Network has blown several fuses over it.