There’s some people whose assholes refuse to spit out a turd unless they are in the privacy of their own bathroom. Then there’s other people whose assholes never get the shies and can easily make a caca anytime, anyplace. One of those kinds of people is now terrorizing a family in Colorado Springs, CO by doing drive-by poopings on their front lawn. The family is pissed about the pooping, which is weird since the cost of lawn manure is too damn high and they’re getting that shit for free.
Angry hemorrhoid James Woods loves Twitter more than anything. Yesterday James #tooktotwitter to share his outrage about the upcoming movie Call Me By Your Name starring Armie Hammer. It’s about a love affair set in Italy in the 1980’s between a 24-year-old and a 17-year-old (per Entertainment Tonight, the age of consent there is 14).
Now, you’d think that James would be On. Board. given his well documented career as a geriatric connoisseur of very young women, but for some reason this particular story set him off. What could it be that has him all up in his feelings? Oh, it’s about two men? I see.
Over the past couple of weeks, Usher (sex alias: Papa Bear) has been in the middle of a herpes scandal that continues to grow bigger, grosser, and more green by the minute. And I’m not talking about Usher’s allegedly leaky green boner, either. We went from Usher settling with one past accuser for $1.1 million, to getting sued for $20 million for allegedly infecting another woman with Herpes Simplex 2, to three more alleged victims of Usher’s tainted dick threatening to sue for exposing them to the virus.
One of the women, Quantasia Sharpton, held a press conference with her lawyer Lisa Bloom earlier this week, claiming she didn’t have herpes, but was super pissed Usher’s unprotected dick exposed her to it. Usher isn’t singing “You remind me of a girl, that I, once gaveherpes toooo,” because Usher is telling friends he never slept with Quantasia.
The filming for Robert Pattinson’s movie seems a little, well, icky. As Edward Cullen, he wasn’t that into werewolves, and, as an actor, he ain’t that into pup play, either. Page Six reports Robert was on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night promoting his new flick Good Time, and it sounds like he didn’t have that much of one when his director tried to get him to wank off a pooch. I get character acting, but dog diddling has me channeling Phaedra Parks saying, “Something in the buttermilk ain’t clean!” Um, say wha?
And I’m not talking about in someone else’s moonshine still. Although now that I think of it, that could be an entirely tasteless term for the grossness that allegedly happened. TMZ says that Tom Wopat, aka Luke Duke from The Dukes of Hazzard (or Jeff from Cybill, if that’s more your speed) was arrested for felony indecent assault, battery, and possession yesterday in Waltham, Massachusetts. He may have once been a good ol’ boy never meaning no harm. But present-day? He’s apparently a gross ol’ man who has allegedly caused plenty of workplace harm to female co-workers.
Back in September 2015, a radio DJ from Denver, CO named David Mueller filed a lawsuit against Taylor Swift after he was fired for allegedly groping Taylor’s ass during a meet-and-greet in 2013. David swore he would never, and blamed his boss at KYGO, Eddie Haskell, of being the perv responsible for the butt touch.
Taylor’s team shot back with a counter-suit saying, yeah, you would. And then about a year later, an extremely incriminating photo made its way online showing David Mueller with his hand in the vicinity of Taylor’s butt region. Taylor reportedly wanted this mess to go to trial, and planned to donate any courtroom winnings to sexual assault charities. Taylor might want to start drawing up a short list of charities, because TMZ says it’s going to trial next week.