I don’t know if Pepto-Bismol works this way, but I just chugged an entire bottle hoping it might prevent some of the nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, and diarrhea I will definitely get from reading this awful shit about the Duggars. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Megyn Kelly’s second interview with the Duggars airs tonight, and this time she’s sitting down with two of Josh Duggars molestation victims, his sisters Jill and Jessa. If you were wondering whether the second interview is just as awful as the first, Megyn has pretty much confirmed that, yes, yes it is. Megyn spoke to Extra about her upcoming interview with Jill and Jessa, and she let us know what to expect this evening.
“They started off as your normal 22, 24-year-old girls, a little bubbly, kinda giggly, and then when we really get into it the tears started to flow… imagine how painful that would be… they never chose to have this piece of their family story put out there, and I think they are struggling with what people are assuming about their family and about what happened to them.”
When asked if she thinks Jill and Jessa have forgiven their brother for the shit he did, Megyn answered:
“I do, yeah I do. They told me that. They also talked about the journey from the pain to the forgiveness, and it was not without some bumps in the road.”
Ugh, why do I get the feeling that part of the interview began with Michelle Duggar pulling a cue-card out of her crunchy nest of hair, handing it to Jill and Jessa, and whispering “Now remember, you’ve forgiven Josh. I’ve written down your journey from pain to forgiveness right here if you so happen to forget.”
By the way, the Pepto didn’t work. Turns out it’s no match for the stomach-turning power of this mess.
If you ever find a drone hovering above you, do not try to fuck with that bitch, because that bitch may bite back and slice up your best finger banging finger. Enrique Iglesias learned this the hard way at a show in Tijuana, Mexico last night.
Enrique’s rep tells the Associated Press that during his shows, a drone flies above the audience to get shots of his fans and sometimes he grabs the drone to give everyone a point-of-view shot. But last night, the drone didn’t feel like being touched by Enrique and it sliced his fingers up. Julio Iglesias’ child accidentally grabbed the blade part and he bled like a newbie bottom taking a 10″ inch burrito peen without lube.
Enrique proved that he can be our hero, baby (sorry), by going on with the show. His rep says that he ran to the side of the stage and got it “semi-treated.” Apparently, his people told him to cancel the show, but he performed for 30 more minutes and he even went full punk by drawing a heart on his shirt with his own blood. Drawing a heart in blood on a t-shirt is what Taylor Swift would do if Taylor Swift’s body was temporarily possessed by Sid Vicious.
After the show, Enrique went to the airport where an ambulance was waiting to fully treat his jacked-up finger. He took a flight to L.A. where he’s going to meet with a specialist.
So, again, the lesson to be learned here is to not put your hand anywhere near a piece of machinery that’s got razor sharp blades on it. And yes, this is coming from a trick who once almost lost his good fappin’ hand while doing the YMCA dance under a living room ceiling fan.
And to think, I thought that Enrique Iglesias had his mole removed through lasers or some shit, but now I know that a drone cut that bitch off.
Many advertisers are doing what Jim Bob Duggar has never done while mating with Michelle Duggar. They’re pulling out. So far, 13+ advertisers and counting have let it be known that they’re done with buying commercial space during 19 Kids and Counting. TLC snatched 19 Kids and Counting from its schedule, but they haven’t officially dropped it in the bin marked CANCELED yet. Maybe they’re thinking it’ll all blow over (or they’re working on that rumored spin-off show). If they’re waiting it out, they better get a copy of War and Peace and have a seat in the most comfortable chair in the waiting room, because it’s going to be a while. This mess isn’t going away. Case in point: InTouch Weekly uncovered another dingle in this shitty situation.
This whole Josh Duggar child touching situation has already produced several dozen Big Gulps full of chunky, lukewarm hypocrisy and here’s another one, so open up and plug your nose. The police report from 2006 says that Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar knew that Josh Duggar was a 14-year-old PedoCub who molested several girls (including his sisters) but they never turned him over to the cops. Jim Bob asked a state trooper friend (turned convicted kiddie porn collector) to give Josh a “stern” warning. When the police wanted to talk to Josh for real in 2006, Jim Bob refused to bring his son in for questioning. Well, the Jim Bob Duggar of 2002 claims to have felt much differently about how an incest committer should be punished.
In 2002, Jim Bob Duggar ran for U.S. Senate and on his campaign website, he said that anybody who commits incest should find themselves side-hugging the Grim Reaper during a one-way trip to hell. Jim Bob’s campaign site has since been deleted, but nothing is ever truly deleted on the internet. Defamer got a screen shot through a cached version of the site. While you read this mess, I’m off to Google: “How Do I Truly Delete A Cached Version Of Some Old MySpace Pictures Of My Friend And Me Dressed In Drag As Mariah Carey In The Heartbreaker Video At A Halloween Party In 1999?”
Jim Bob lost the Republican nomination. Josh Duggar is also still alive.
It’s really not surprising that when his own committed incest, Jim Bob went from “Death to those evil incest doers” to “Oh, I’ll just ask Officer McPedoFlicks over there to give him a stern talking to” real quick. It’s just one of those things that after you read, you shrug and think to yourself, “That’s so Duggar.” But I have learned something new about the Duggars, specifically Michelle.
I used to think that Michelle’s curly fries and tidal wave bang hair looked like that because she covered it with homemade gel and enough hairspray to kill a bull. But now I know that it looks like that because it’s full of dark-sided secrets!
Ugh. Even when he’s nothing but a solid-white blob with a question mark over his face, Josh Duggar still manages to give me the creeps.
I’ve started to develop some major tears in my neck muscles, on account of all the chronic NOPE-style head shaking this gross mess with Josh Duggar has caused. But my neck isn’t the only thing that has gotten sore; my eyes are also cramping up at the amount of times they’ve hard-stared at TLC in an “Are you going to do anything about this?” way. So far, all TLC has done is release a statement saying they’re sad for the family and victims and that they’re pulling all episodes of 19 Kids & Counting off the air. Now TMZ says TLC is thinking about pulling more than just episodes.
According to “connected industry sources“, TLC is weighing their options when it comes to 19 Kids & Counting. One option is to flat-out cancel the show, but that probably won’t happen, because the only thing TLC likes more than families who disclose their shady pasts before they get on camera is cold hard cash. TLC also believes the Josh Duggar molestation scandal wouldn’t affect viewership, since it’s pretty clear they still have a huge evangelical fan base who would keep watching the show. However, they are worries that companies might pull their advertising dollars.
So their second option is to take a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser to Josh Duggar and his family and completely take him out of the show. According to the sources, nobody really gives a shit about Josh anyway and viewers only care about the girls, like Jill and Jessa. Apparently option No. 2 is the one that is looking best to TLC.
But what I really want to know is how TLC plans on writing (yes writing – we all know that shit is as fake as a Kardashian’s ass) Josh Duggar off the show. Will he die in an unfortunate botulism accident from improperly sterilized pickle jars? Or maybe they’ll pull a Poochie and send him back to his home planet on a flying can of Aqua Net hairspray, never to been seen or heard of again.
UPDATE: TLC pulled 19 Kids and Counting from their schedule, but they haven’t officially canceled it yet.
As Josh Duggar shat up a statement where he admitted to molesting several underage girls when he was a teenager (and later prayed the pedo away), TLC really went for it by airing a marathon of 19 Paychecks and Counting. Obviously, the marathon was scheduled to air long before the world learned that Josh Duggar is even more disgusting than we all thought. But after Josh admitted it, you’d think that maybe, just maybe, someone at TLC would hit the abort button on that marathon and replace it with episodes of I’m A 600-lb Gypsy Bride And I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant With A Little Amish Medium. (That may or may not be a real show on TLC, but I’m pretty sure it’s real.)
TLC hasn’t said anything yet about what they’re going to do with 19 Kids and that’s making the butter in No Mama June’s veins boil. TLC dropped Here Comes Honey Boo Boo in the dumpster right after a picture came out of No Mama June hanging out with the convicted pedo who allegedly abused her own daughter Chickadee. Seen above hugging on a horse’s ass (“You’ll have to be more specific, because I see two horses asses there. Horse ass-to-horse ass!” – you), June the Hutt tells TMZ that she will hit TLC with a lawsuit if they don’t put 19 Kids And Counting in the trash. June moaned about how the cancellation of her show cost her hundreds of thousands of dollars and she wants that monies if TLC keeps the Duggars on the air.
Before we dive face first into a giant puddle of grossness, here’s a video of a puppy friend going, “Hiccups, how do they work?” You’re definitely going to need it later. Or just skip this depressing wreck altogether and go straight to the palate cleansing cuteness.
Yesterday, my mouth gave birth to 19 heaves (and counting) when I wrote about how the eldest of the Duggars, Josh Duggar, was investigated briefly for doing something “inappropriate” to a minor when he was 17. The only details we knew at the time were that his dad Jim Bob Duggar turned his son in to the police and the case went nowhere due to a pedo state trooper not following up on it. Well, InTouch Weekly and TMZ have added 4,500 coats of gross creepiness to the situation.
A year or two ago, I was on a 19 Kids and Counting message board (yes, go ahead and join God, Jesus and everybody else in the section marked “I’m Judging You For That”) and I read about how Josh Duggar, the first kid to fly out of Michelle Duggar’s tennis ball machine punane 27 years ago, was accused of wrong stuff involving a minor. Well, InTouch Weekly claims their “sources” have seen the receipts. I better work on my shock face, because I’ll need to make it tomorrow morning when I turn on Today and see Michelle Duggar trying to sweep this story under the rug by announcing that she’s knocked up with triplets she’ll name Jalopy, Jerky and Jem (she better not).
InTouch says that in 2005, a 17-year-old Josh was brought into a police station in Arkansas by his dad Jim Bob Duggar, who said he caught his son sneaking out of a young girl’s bedroom. InTouch doesn’t say how old the girl was or who she was. Jim Bob learned that “something inappropriate” happened and immediately put his son in front of the police to face the law. An investigation was opened and Josh faced charges for “sexual assault in the fourth degree,” but since the world is sometimes a shitty, shitty place it went nowhere thanks to the state trooper who originally took the police report. The state trooper never followed up on it. I’m taking that to mean that the state trooper, shrugged, said “meh” and pushed the case to the side, because that same officer was later convicted on child pornography charges. The officer is currently serving a 56-year sentence in prison. So yeah, the officer investigating the alleged child molestation case turned out to be a pedo. I almost said, “Only in Florida,” out loud and then I realized this mess happened in Arkansas.
If that headline made your clit skedaddle up into your body, you might be able to coax it back out with a GIF of Charlie Hunnam’s humping ass. But who knows if that will even do it. It knows things now and it’s not sure the world is safe as long as Alan Thicke is orgasming as his son yodels out a high-pitched castration wail.
In “sometimes the sleazy, gross apple doesn’t fall far from the sleazy, gross tree” news, Alan Thicke and his wife Tanya Callau just had to let it be known that Robin Thicke’s song “Sex Therapy” is like musical Viagra to them. That’s funny, because to me, any Robin Thicke song has the opposite of effect on my fuck parts. While talking to UsWeekly, Alan said that when he and Tanya really want to go to Fucktown, they put on his son’s song. Suck down an entire bottle of Dramamine, because this mess will bring the heaves:
In this week’s Loose Talk video, Alan, 68, and his wife, Tanya Callau, 40, admit that they aren’t afraid to get busy in the boudoir with son Robin Thicke’s music in the background. “When we do get freaky, we love [Robin’s song] ‘Sex Therapy,'” Callou, Alan’s wife of 10 years, told Us. “You have to admit, it’s a great song to get in the mood.”
Thanks to Robin and Tanya, that song is now a great song to get you in the mood to barf your insides out.
Some people like to get off to Marvin Gaye and Alan likes to get off to Robin Thicke. Since he’s into using really cheap imitations for sex tools, I’m sure he uses Dollar Tree lotion instead of lube and drinks Taco Bell Fly instead of Spanish Fly.
And of course, Robin Thicke had something to say about this:
Since they’re both gross, I bet Robin Thicke puts on his dad’s song “Hot and Sweaty” when he wants to get sexy. Me too, actually.
Oh, Bill Cosby “spoke out” alright; he spoke out, in, up, down, backwards, forwards, and sideways. He was the great glass elevator of talking, and all directions lead to NO. Bill Cosby recently spoke to ABC News about those sexual assault allegations that will not go away, no matter how many times he tries to Swiffer sweeper that shit under the rug. I don’t know if he was sucking back a couple fermented pudding pops in the green room before the interview or just doing an impression of a dude who should probably stop talking, but it was a mess.