Category: Gross

Robin Thicke Wanted Miley Cyrus As Naked As Possible For Their MTV VMAs Performance, So Says Miley Cyrus

August 28, 2015 / Posted by:

After a thick layer of vomit covered our eyeballs from watching a cracked-out bootleg Harley Quinn scoot her chicken paillard ass against the crotch of Beetledouche, Robin Thicke tried to act like he was all innocent and had no idea that Miley Cyrus was going to dry hump his dick with her butt. The tampon in aviators said at the time that he wasn’t even paying attention and was looking up when Miley’s ass cheeks became one with his crotch. But Miley says otherwise.

In the same New York Times interview where declared that she’s a master statistic knower, The pansexual genderqueer chipmunk says that Robin knew exactly what was going to happen during their 2013 VMAs performance and she also says that he would’ve been happier if she took the stage in a whole lot of nothing:

“I didn’t really know him too much before, and I don’t really know him now. It was funny, because I got so much of the heat for it, but that’s just being a woman. He acted like he didn’t know that was going to happen. You were in rehearsals! You knew exactly what was going to happen. And he was actually the one that approved my outfit, so I thought that was very funny. He wanted me as naked as possible, because that’s how his video was. It was very much a collaboration. My part — ‘We Can’t Stop’ — was all me. But when it went into ‘Blurred Lines,’ that was his performance.”

The outfit that Miley wore during that performance is demure and conservative compared to what she wears (or doesn’t wear) today. Today, that outfit would be considered her “going to Sunday morning mass at a Catholic church full of strict abuelitas” outfit. I’m not exactly clutching my anal beads in shock over Miley saying that Robin played dumb, but what I want to know is, who approved his busted suit? Because that is the ho who needs to be tried for their sins.

And here’s the breathing epitome of smarmy in NYC on Wednesday.

Pics: Splash, Getty

The Duggars’ Return To TLC Is Really Happening

August 14, 2015 / Posted by:

What’s that old saying? When life hands you a molestation confession, milk it and get those ratings with a 1-hour documentary on sex abuse? TLC is doing just that.

When TLC announced that they had finally canceled 19 Kids and Counting, they also said that they weren’t done with the Duggars just yet. They said that they were working on a special about child sexual abuse and that the Duggars, including two of Josh Duggar’s victims Jill and Jessa, would take part in it. Well, they actually did the special and announced today that it will air on August 30th. Because TLC doesn’t want to totally look like soulless money grubbers, they are airing the special without commercials.

HuffPo says that TLC worked with the anti-abuse organizations RAINN and Darkness to Light to make the special titled Breaking The Silence. Josh’s face is probably not going to be in it, but Jill and Jessa are in it.

Viewers will also hear from experts, including a prevention training session conducted by Darkness to Light that is attended by Jill and Jessa, two of the Duggar sisters who have publicly spoken of being molested in their youth by their brother Josh. He has never been arrested or charged in connection with the molestations.

Even though the special will air without commercials, I fully expect to see a scene where Jim Bob Duggar talks about the child touching safeguards (aka a bible, just a bible, sold exclusively on the Duggar website) they put in place as well as a scene where Michelle Duggar talks about how much Josh has been through while making laundry detergent using The Duggar Family Homemade Laundry Detergent Kit® (sold exclusively at Walmart).

Pic: Fox News

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Khlozilla Thinks That Her 17-Year-Old Sister Dating A Grown Man Is A “Special Case”

July 27, 2015 / Posted by:

Seen above looking like a Predator working the prosthetic butt that Martin Lawrence wore in Big Momma’s House, Khloe Kartrashian is on the cover of Komplex Complex and in the interview, she brings the heave-summoning jacked-up foolery in heavy doses. Khloe defends Kylie Jenner’s relationship with PedoTyga and also tells us what it sounds like when Pimp Mama Kris fucks. If you really don’t feel like torturing your stomach and soul, skip the words that Khloe sharted up and watch this video of a bull dog trying to climb into a tiny folding chair instead. That bulldog works the “ass out, head over shoulder” pose a million times better than Khlozilla does.

Brooke Hogan Wrote A Poem About How The Hulkster Totally Isn’t Racist

July 25, 2015 / Posted by:

Brooke Hogan, one of the many nuggets floating around in the metaphorical toilet that is Hulk Hogan’s sex tape transcript (working title: “The Hulkster is About To Make You Feel Real Uncomfortable, Bruthur“), is apparently super sad that people think her daddy is racist. I know, right? Whatever would give us that idea? It’s not like there’s reportedly a recording of Hulk Hogan growling out the n-word over and over again. Oh wait…

Brooke wants you to look past The Hulkster’s word turds and into his (probably) deeply sun-damaged heart. Shortly after Hulk admitted that, yeah, he said some offensive shit and apologized for it, Brooke wrote a poem titled “If You Knew My Father” and posted it to Facebook. So for those of you who have ever scrolled through the Dlisted archives and wondered what former famous person Brooke Hogan has been up to, you have your answer. Poetry. She also made a picture collage of Hulk Hogan shaking hands with an assortment of people, because Brooke Hogan really wants you to know her dad loves everyone.

The poem is after the cut because it’s way too many words. But also because it’s a damn MESS and you’re going to want to slam a couple shots of something hard before you try to work your way through it.

Hulk Hogan Got Dropped By The WWE Over A Transcript Of Him Saying Racist Shit

July 24, 2015 / Posted by:

Hulk: So whatcha gonna do when the Hulkster runs racist on you?

WWE: Um, fire you.

WWE announced this morning that they are done with barbecued piece of gristle Hulk Hogan because of a leaked transcript where he uses his deep fried mouth slit to shit out the n-word a bunch of times. The WWE’s website is now 40% less orange, because they have already erased every sign of Hulk Hogan from it. They released this statement:

“WWE terminated its contract with Terry Bollea (aka Hulk Hogan). WWE is committed to embracing and celebrating individuals from all backgrounds as demonstrated by the diversity of our employees, performers and fans worldwide.”

George And Amal Clooney Are A Real-Life Rom-Com, So Says Their Friend

July 23, 2015 / Posted by:

The good news is that George Clooney is taking a quick break from telling the world that he loves Amal Clooney more than Kanye loves Kanye, more than White Oprah loves an open bar, more than John Travolta’s prostate loves a good rubdown, etc… etc… The bad news is that George Clooney has handed the baton over to a supposed friend named Kathy Lette (more like, “Kathy Lette’s Not”) who laid it on so thick that you will need to put on a snorkel mask before reading or else you’ll drown in the verbal cheese vomit she spews out.

The New York Times Published More Excerpts From Bill Cosby’s Vomit-Inducing Deposition

July 19, 2015 / Posted by:

If your Sunday hangover has given you the dry heaves and you need something to inspire you to barf everything in your stomach out, here’s the perfect thing!

Around two weeks, The Associated Press was able to get a judge to unseal the 2005 deposition that speckled lump of grossness Bill Cosby gave when he was sued by Andrea Constand who claimed that he drugged and assaulted her in 2004 at his home in Pennsylvania. In the AP’s piece, they said that Bill Cosby admitted to buying quaaludes to give to women for “sex.” Well, The New York Times threw up more pieces from the 1,000-page deposition and it’s a great thing to read if you’ve been looking for an excuse to dunk your head in a giant pot full of boiling ammonia.

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Brody Jenner Says His Little Sisters Could “Teach Him” Things About Sex

July 18, 2015 / Posted by:

Brody Jenner recently did an interview with Mirror Online (via UsWeekly) and talked about sex, because Brody Jenner is a sexpert now. One of the things Brody talked about was how his younger half-sisters, Kendall and Kylie Jenner, probably won’t be calling up their big brother and asking for sex advice any time soon. And it’s all thanks to growing up in the Kardashian Khompound.

“Do you seriously think they don’t know what’s up? They could teach me things! I mean, look at their older sisters. Are you kidding me?”

And if Kylie and Kendall are too busy to teach him about sex, he could always call up Scott Disick and to audit the non-stop fuckfest happening at his bachelor pad this weekend.

But really, what could an amateur sexpert like Brody teach them that they haven’t already learned from a pro like Kim Kardashian? Only in the Kima Sutra does it explain how to execute maneuvers like The Sleepy Kanye (when you slip your husband a sleeping pill so you can spend the night taking selfies), The Fame Maker (when you have sex with a famous singer’s barely-famous brother on camera), or The Non-Drowsy Kim (when someone fucks you so good that your face muscles move). Speaking of sex tapes, Brody also talked about if either of his little sisters decided to release a sex tape. Brody, STOP.

“I’d be supportive if that’s what they wanted to do. I’d congratulate them – especially if they did what I did and put an entire project together from beginning to end.”

The “project” Brody Jenner is referring to is a sex tape he made when he was 17 and destroyed shortly after. Once again, as if Brody needs to give Kendall and Kylie advice on releasing a sex tape. If they want to learn how to release a sex tape, they can sign up for their Kris Jenner’s 2-day seminar, How To Kash In Your Koochie With Kris, at Hell’s Learning Annex.

Here’s one of Brody’s little sisters (the fashion model one) getting frozen yogurt yesterday.

Pics: Instagram, Wenn.com

Subway Jared’s Home Got Raided In A Child Porn Investigation

July 7, 2015 / Posted by:

The entire marketing department at Subway is melting in their office chairs this morning, because their slogan “Eat Fresh” has a new NOT RIGHT meaning and has careened into dark places of NO.

FOX59 says that at around 6:30 this morning, the Zionsville, Indiana home of fatty turned $5 foot-long pusher Jared Fogle was raided by the feds in an ongoing child porn investigation. Reporters at Subway Jared’s house say that an evidence truck is parked in his driveway and both the Indiana State Police and FBI investigators are at the scene. It’s Pat’s creepy-looking nephew hasn’t been charged with anything and the feds are still searching his house. Back in college, Jared ran a black market porn lending service out of his dorm room, so the feds could be spending a whole lot of time with his hard drives.

The raid on the house that $5 foot longs built could be part of a long-term child porn investigation. In April, Russell Taylor, the former director of The Jared Fogle Foundation (an anti-obese kids charity started by Subway Jared), was put into handcuffs for possessing and producing child porn. Investigators found more than 500 dark-sided videos and pictures in his house. Russell Taylor was dropped by The Jared Fogle Foundation immediately after he was arrested. Russell Taylor tried to kill himself in jail and he was put on life support.

In possibly related news, reporters at the scene say that tricky bitch Ronald McDonald and shifty brat Wendy were seen tip-toeing out of the backdoor of Subway Jared’s house while giggling and high-fiving each other.

And well, if Subway drops Jared, I’m sure he can get a job in Mike Huckabee’s campaign or as Josh Duggar’s cook.

Pic: Subway

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