Why does “pineapple pizza” keep popping up in all my social media feeds lately? It’s that and “fidget spinners.” I can’t escape them! Raging celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay hates him some pineapple pizza. He hates it more than when a masochistic chefs screws up on one of his many reality shows. He hates it more than he hates Amy and Samy Bouzaglo! Continue reading
And now for more sadness… One month after he announced on The Late Late Show the was going to be a father for the fifth time, Gordon Ramsay has revealed that his wife Tana Ramsay has miscarried their son five months into her pregnancy. People says that Gordon shared the sad news on Facebook earlier today.
“Hi guys, Tana and I want to thank you so much for your support over the past couple of weeks. We had a devastating weekend as Tana has sadly miscarried our son at five months. We’re together healing as a family, but we want to thank everyone again for all your amazing support and well wishes. I’d especially like to send a big thank you to the amazing team at Portland Hospital for everything they’ve done. Gx”
49-year-old Gordon and 41-year-old Tana’s family includes three teenage daughters and a teenage son.
This news is especially considering how happy Gordon was when he announced it. Seeing the words “You’re almost 50” and “Congratulations, you’re going to be a parent for the fifth time” would probably make a lot of people sweat, but not Gordon Ramsay. He was so excited. He was happier than a Gordon Ramsay yelling at a group of Hell’s Kitchen chefs after a dinner service that was nothing but raw beef wellingtons and overcooked halibuts. Not to mention that as anyone who has ever watched MasterChef Junior know, he’s legitimately cute around kids.
Not content to let Jamie Oliver be the only soon-to-be father of five in the beady-eyed famous blond British chef game, Gordon Ramsay announced on The Late Late Show last night on that his wife Tana Ramsay is currently knocked up with their fifth kid. To put that in terms that Hell’s Kitchen viewers will understand, Gordon put his unwrapped beef wellington on the same plate as Tana’s halibut, dumped a whole bunch of risotto on top, and soon they’ll have a perfectly cooked scallop. He also revealed that Baby Scallop will arrive in September and will be their fourth daughter.
“I’m a little bit nervous. Obviously, I’m happy with another girl. Four girls. Four weddings. Four Sweet 16s. Four boyfriends. Um, so.”
Gordon and Tana already have a small army of teens in their house, which includes an 18-year-old Megan, two 16-year-old twins Jack and Holly, and 14-year-old Mathilda. It’s a good thing Gordon is rich as hell, because Gordon and Tana are probably going to have to buy all new baby stuff. The Ramsay’s youngest kid is 14-years-old, and I don’t know many people that hang on to cribs and stinky old diaper genies for almost a decade and a half.
But I wouldn’t be surprised if the first thing they purchased for the new baby was a couple pairs of ear plugs. Not for Gordon and Tana, either. For the baby. “Welcome to the family, little sister! You’re going to want to keep these on you at all times, just in case dad finds a rotten lime in the back of the fridge and has a meltdown.”
Gordon Ramsey is my favorite SharPei chef, always bringing crinkled forehead goodness to slap would be cooks down left and right on his show Hell’s Kitchen. Swooooon. Now here’s something more to swoon over: Gordon’s pic on his Twitter account showing off his new buff bod as he preps to do the Hawaiin Ironman tomorrow. Yes, Gordon is serving melted cast iron perfection in that picture and we’re all grateful.
In true GR fashion, the Hawaiin Ironman perfectly blends and frappés a 2.4 mile Waikiki roughwater swim, a 112 mile bike race around O’ahu and a 26.2 mile Honolulu marathon. For Gordon, piece of freshly shredded carrot rum cake with delicious cream cheese frosting garnished with the sweet tears of his competitors.
My favorite of the comments on his Twitter page was this one:
@GordonRamsay HOLY DAMN BOY YOU COOK UP A STORM IN MY PANTS
— Emma Blackery (@emmablackery) October 9, 2013
Agreed and get it, Emma! And GET IT Gordon. Show those mofos what a buff (build and color) SharPei can do!! Bite an extra hole in their unsuspecting mailman asses. And then at the finish line, serve them up some hot INYOFACE on a bed of wild rice infused with coconut milk and their sour regrets for ever taking you on. Your choice of baked potato or a side of storm in your pants. If you can take on and sort of win with Amy’s Baking Company, you’ve got this.
When somebody asks you what that scent of rat whiskers, foundation residue and spicy hummingbird juice (aka Ken Paves‘ sweat) wafting off your body is, do you really want to look them in the eye and say with a straight face, “Oh, it’s Eva by Eva Longoria”? That is some shit that will make everyone in the room turn around and walk out. You know that not even Eva Longoria herself uses that shit as a toilet freshener or roach spray. But here she is whoring it out at a mall in London today. Did I say it smells like rat whiskers? No, it really smells like the saliva shooting out of Eva’s mouth when she laughs at the bitches who spent their hard-earned money on her perfume.
And the box! THE BOX! It looks like some bootleg company unlawfully stole a file photo of Eva and slapped it on the box of the feminine hygiene product they sell at The Dollar Store.
Here’s more of Eva making that money in London today and going to dinner at Gordon Ramsay’s restaurant last night with Posh. And by dinner, I mean Eva ate and Posh sniffed on dirty napkins brought to her by the busboys.
Gordon Ramsay was taking his sundried mammillas out for a stroll with his wife on the beach in St. Tropez yesterday when he stopped so that this eyeballs could taste a pair of roasted and wrinkled ham hocks. You know Gordon was thinking how delicious those things would taste with a red wine sauce drizzled on top of them and a side of broad beans. Serve ’em up, you stupid donkeys!
And before you start farting about how Gordon is wearing too many clothes on a nekkid beach, take a better look because he’s clearly baring the ass on top of his neck. What more do you want? (And I still would. Both those asses).