According to Star (via Daily Mail) professional bitchy sorority girl and the Ghost of Blake Lively Future Gwyneth Paltrow is doing Brad Falchuk, the creator of Glee and a dude who sort of looks like Jonathan Cheban with all the slow-looking lizard Photoshopped out of his face. A source claims Gwyneth and Brad spent a weekend back in June together at the $8,000 a night Armangiri resort in Utah, where they had dinner and hung out by the pool. Extra gross note: the source says Gwyneth was topless.
They first met on the set of Glee back in 2010 when she guest starred as “Gwyneth Paltrow Trying To Make Singing Gwyneth Paltrow Happen Again” (aka “Holly Holiday”). Brad’s wife filed for divorce in March of 2013 and Gwyneth announced she was calling it quits with Chris Martin in March of 2014. Insert Church Lady How Conveeeeenient here. NO! I’m sure she wasn’t wrapping her organic free-range pussy around Brad’s trouser mic on the set of Glee. If anything, they probably bonded over their mutual eye roll-inducing contributions to American culture (Goop.com, Lea Michele).
But don’t start monogramming the hand-woven endangered Italian silkworm towels just yet, because I don’t see this lasting very long. An $8,000 a night resort in Utah? EW BRAD, HOW DARE YOU?!?! You might as well have just pulled up to a dilapidated Motel 6 off the interstate and told her to grab some snacks from the vending machine while you negotiate for a room that doesn’t smell like Beefaroni and used condoms. Actually, that’s probably the first thing she said when they pulled up to Armangiri. “Yuck, why does it smell like poors here? Is that water in the pool? I only swim in imported cultured pearl dew from the moons of Venus. I hate you, take me home.”
Chris Colfer, the baby dolphin with human legs and arms who has played Kurt on Glee since the beginning, tweeted this out today:
Some took that to mean that those Blind Items are made of truth and in the behind-the-scenes game of Hunger Games that the Glee cast is playing, Darren Criss got Chris Colfer killed off. But I took it to mean that Chris Colfer finally had a nervous breakdown after the costume department insisted that his character still dress like a 70s era gay on a Peter Allen-themed cruise (or like Monroe from Too Close For Comfort).
A quick minute after that tweet went up, Chris’ manager, agent, publicist, assistant, assistant’s second cousin, first grade teacher, substitute first grade teacher, the first dude he blew and the dolphin dentist who cleans his baby teeth all screamed the word “HACKED!” and claimed that Chris Colfer didn’t tweet that shit. Chris Colfer is not leaving Glee. It was a Third of July prank.
But really, who thought that Kurt got fired? They need Kurt for the final episode. They need every ho from that show even that blonde cheerleader they all hate. They need them all. Because in the last episode, Sue Sylvester is finally going to lose her mind and slaughter all of those annoying brats for slaughtering song after song after song after song. Then as those brats’ dead, bloody bodies lie in a mountain of carnage, Lea Michele will climb on top of those corpses she’s more talented than and sing a Barbra Streisand melody while a montage of Rachel’s greatest moments play. It’ll be the perfect metaphor and a perfect ending. So yeah, they need Kurt. They need his dead, bloody body!
And here’s Lea Michele in a totally natural and not-at-all set-up photo shoot with her hooker whore boyfriend in L.A. yesterday. These were all taken on the same day. That bitch really is a high school drama student to the core. Even her staged photo shoots have costume changes.
Almost two weeks ago, TMZ said that the fourth place loser of a Barbra Streisand sound-alike karaoke contest Lea Michele and the prototype for a Kim Kardashian Bratz doll Naya Rivera were both involved in a messy situation on the Glee set that ended with one of them dramatically leaving the set. Blind Gossip also had a blind item about how Naya’s engagement to Big Sean ended after one of her co-stars (hmmm, I wonder who that was?) hopped on his tube pillow dick. Well, this morning PopWrapped (via NYDN) said that Naya was told to pack up her new face and get the fuck out of there.
A source (Hi, Lea!) says that Naya’s trailer was packed up and she was told she won’t be in the season 5 finale and won’t be in season 6, which is the final season, at all. Their source (Hi again, Lea!) said that Lea had nothing to do with Naya getting pink slipped and it was the producers’ decision. Kristin at E! also said that Naya won’t be in the season 5 finale, but she wasn’t fired and no decision has been made about Naya being in the final season. A “show insider” told Kristin that Naya was supposed to be in the season 5 finale, but she was written out of the script and the change has nothing to do with Lea. The “show insider” also said this:
“We love Naya and want only the best for her. Hopefully we can work it out. We all needed a moment. [This break is] best for everyone.”
The inside source went on to say, “And if Naya doesn’t come back, we always have Lea. Lea’s beauty and talent can carry the rest of the season and can carry the final season. In fact, if every cast member but Lea left the show, the show would be better because of it. Lea is Glee and we should really just change the title to Glea. And..and…and OH GOD, Lea, please don’t threaten to sing another Barbra Streisand song into my ear. I said what you told me to say! Please! MERCY!”
Glee’s current ratings are at an all-time low, but they’ll raise higher than what Lea Michele thinks of herself if they turned the cameras around and gave us the backstage fuckery that’s supposedly going down. Over the past couple of months, Blind Gossip has had several blind items about how Lea Michele and Chris Colfer are in cahoots and have been working together to push Naya Rivera and Darren Criss off of the show. There’s been more backstabbing and diva theatrics than what happens backstage at the Queen of Scientology pageant (you know what I’m talking about, Tommy Girl and Travolta!). TMZ says that on Tuesday, the drama between Barbra Streisand’s second Wednesday matinee standby and Kim Kardashian’s klone got so bad that one of them was kicked off of the set.
Team Naya claims that Lea held up production when she stepped away from the set to deal with personal crap. After the cast and crew waited around for a while, Naya went to the producers to bitch to them that Lea is a lit matchstick shoved up everyone’s asshole. They’re all over her shit. Lea heard about Naya’s talk with the producers and dramatically exited stage left and never came back to the set.
But Team Lea has a different story. They say that Lea and Naya weren’t even shooting scenes together and she didn’t know that Kim Kartrashian’s badly-made wax figure complained about her. Team Lea says that Naya was kicked off of the set. The source also claims that Naya was fired. Team Naya denies she was given BYE BITCH walking papers.
To add another layer of ESCANDALO to this mess, Blind Gossip posted a blind item on Tuesday about a TV actress who broke up with her musician boyfriend after she read text messages on his phone between him and one of her co-stars whom he allegedly screwed on the side.
This pretty television Actress and her musical Fiancee recently broke up. Lots of rumors and public accusations flying back and forth: Controlling! Flirtatious! Insecure! Jealous! Cheater! Thief!
While both sides are spinning publicly, we know that there are two facts that both sides privately acknowledge as being true.
The first is that she broke up with him. Yes, we know he said that he is the one who called off the wedding, but that’s not true. She ended it.
The second is why she ended it. He cheated on her. Our Actress found a series of text messages on The Fiancee’s phone from a woman with whom he had hooked up on multiple occasions. It wasn’t the first time she caught him cheating, but it was with whom he was cheating that was the final straw.
Of course there was a huge fight. She yelled at him for being a liar and a cheat. He yelled right back that he did it because he was tired of her flirting with other guys. He also told Our Actress that she could have a hundred plastic surgeries but she was never going to be as hot as his famous colleague’s celebrity Significant Other (who is The Fiancee’s idea of physical perfection). Ouch.
You know the rest. Couples therapy, breakup, accusations, spin.
This is obviously about Naya and Big Sean. Most of the blind item aficionados at Blind Gossip think the side piece costar is Lea Michele, but I’m not sure. If Lea was taking a ride on Big Sean’s fat moray eel dick, I think we’d all know it. Because we’d see pictures of Lea dragging the organs that fell out of her vag from Big Sean fucking her. So I’m guessing the home wrecking side piece slut is either Unique, Demi Lovato or Lord Tubbington. It was obviously Lord Tubbington.
Look at that slut with his legs wide. He’s practically bragging about it.
At the party for Glee’s 100th episode in West Hollywood last night, TVLine asked JLo Kardashian (born name: Naya Rivera) about the rumors that she’s getting dropped from the show. The rumor started when Lea Michele said that the rest of season 5 mostly focuses on the hos in New York and she named off everyone but Naya. Naya said that it was a “Freudian slip or maybe not” on Lea Michele’s part (shaaaaade) and then she went on to say:
“People just take things, little things, and blow them up.”
That answer can also be the answer to my question, which is, “Girl, did you get bigger Tupperware cake covers installed in your chest?”
Naya posted a picture on Instagram yesterday of her at the beach with her fiancé Big Sean (looking like Freddy Krueger as a referee), and either her tits got swole from a severe allergic reaction to her dude’s fugged-up ensemble or she got her tits Stoddenized. It’s obviously the latter and all Naya needs to do is fill her ass cheeks with 10 cans of Fix-A-Flat and she’ll be warmly welcomed into the Glad family of products and can also get work as Kim Kardashian’s Instagram body double. Speaking of messy Instagram pages, if you haven’t visited Naya’s recently, you should. Her Instagram looks like the portfolio of an artist who uses candle pillars to make figurines of Nicki Minaj, Kim Kardashian, JLo and Sophia Lamar.
Here’s pictures of JLo Kardashian, Lea Michele, Jane Lynch, Trouty Mouth and the other Glee tricks at the 100th episode party last night.
Lea Michele won Best Actress in a Comedy at the Teen Choice Awards yesterday and while accepting her surfboard trophy, she thanked Glee’s fans for hugging her heart and she said a few nice words about her boyfriend and co-star Cory Monteith, who died of an alcohol and heroin overdose about four weeks ago. While Kevin McHale honored Mickey Mouse and Justin Bieber by wearing black shorts with black tights (that look is not okay), Lea honored Cory by saying:
“Thank you, guys. Thank you. I just wanted to be here today to personally thank all of you and tell everyone out there how much all of your love and support has meant to me over these very past difficult few weeks. Thank you. Not that I had any doubt before, but you guys are most certainly the greatest fans in the world. And I wanted to dedicate this award to Cory. For all of you out there who loved and admired Cory as much as I did, I promise that with your love we’re gonna get through this together. He was very special to me, and also to the world. And we were very lucky to witness his incredible talent, his handsome smile and his beautiful, beautiful heart. So whether you knew him personally or just as Finn Hudson, Cory reached out, and he became a part of all of our hearts and that’s where he’ll stay forever. So thank you guys so much. Thank you.”
And here’s the video of Lea’s speech:
I always get the Teen Choice Awards confused with the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards. I guess teens and kids are totally different and they each get their own choices. So while I was watching this, I kept thinking to myself, “Oh God, they’re totally going to slime her at the end.”
Three days ago, a stork built a nest on top of Heather Morris’ garage and that means it’s getting ready to bring her a baby. UsWeekly says that 26-year-old Heather Morris has a 3-month-old fetus friend growing in her womb and she made it with her high school sweetheart turned grown-up boyfriend Taylor Hubbell. A source says that Heather and Taylor didn’t plan for her to come down with a case of the BABIES!!, which means either the condom broke, she bought her birth control pills off the Internet or she really doesn’t know that a baby is made when a sperm fish swims out of a dude’s peen and shoves itself into a lady egg.
“She’s a little more than three months along and starting to show,” the source says of the Scottsdale, Ariz. The dad-to-be is the star’s longtime boyfriend Taylor Hubbell, whom she met in high school.
“It was totally unexpected, but they are incredibly happy and excited,” the source tells Us.
Although a second pal says the pair have no plans to wed just yet, a march down the aisle might not be far off. Says the source: “I see it in their future.”
Finn from Glee went to rehab and it got him a blurb in People Magazine. Brittany got knocked up and it got her a blurb in UsWeekly. So that means that right now Lea Michele is getting it on with a turkey baster and a meth pipe, because next week’s covers of UsWeekly and People are HERS!!!!!
Out of all the cast members from Glee, I’d figure that Lea Michele would be the one to announce that she’s checking herself into rehab on a Sunday night since she’s always high on herself. But no, Lea’s real-life and TV boyfriend Cory Monteith checked into rehab and last night he released a statement through his rep to People saying that he needs to press pause on everything else and deal with a substance addiction right now.
“Cory Monteith has voluntarily admitted himself into a treatment facility for substance addiction. He graciously asks for your respect and privacy as he takes the necessary steps towards recovery.”
30-year-old Cory (I know, I didn’t know he was 30 either. He’s the Gabrielle Carteris of Glee) first went to rehab when he was 19 after his family staged an intervention. Cory said before that he was addicted to booze and pretty much snorted and smoked everything else. When Cory got out of rehab the first time, he went straight back to the bottle and kept drinking until he got caught stealing a bunch of money from a relative. That was the bottom under Cory’s rock bottom and after that, he cleaned up, got a job as a roofer, took acting classes and now he’s on Glee.
A quick minute after Cory released his statement, Lea released her own, “I love and support Cory and will stand by him through this. I am grateful and proud he made this decision.”
And I don’t know if Cory’s going to feel weird or relieved when he’s in rehab and realizes that not everybody around him is suddenly breaking into song and changing costumes. It’s probably going to make him feel weird. This is why we need all-singing rehab.
Seen here on the Glee set today looking like Gollum’s cig-addicted mother who works at the last truck stop before Mordor, Lindsay Lohan’s pristine reputation as a responsible, hard-working, polite and pleasant employee remains non-existent! LiLo worked on the Glee set for a total of 3 days (counting today) and so far a cast member has eye rolled her on Twitter and hos have described her as a “nightmare.” White Oprah just lifted her head off of a bartender’s body after doing a shot out of his belly button and said, “That’s my little mess!”
E! News says that LiLo’s first day of shooting actually caused a few crew members to die of shock, because she showed up on time, knew her lines and was completely professional. Well, did you think LiLo would deprive the cast of crew from experiencing her signature spoiled cunt theatrics? Of course not. For her second day of shooting yesterday, LiLo showed up 3 hours late and acted like she didn’t want to be there even though she should be polishing everyone’s taint with her tongue for giving her a chance. Dot Marie Jones, who plays Coach Bieste, Tweeted and then deleted this yesterday morning:
“Gonna be a long day!! Some ppl show up late and just throw a wrench in things. Not cool! I’d rather be an hour early (I was) than 5 minutes late.”
E!’s source added that she “did not want to work. She had not memorized her lines, and she kept disappearing so no one could find her.”
LiLo’s rep Steve Honig, who must have broken dozens of pairs of stress balls with his butt cheeks while lying for this ho, did his job by defending her ass:
“The production team came to us and said that they wanted to start [with Lindsay] right after lunch, which was at 2. They wanted to begin with Lindsay at 3, so that meant she had a lot of time where she wasn’t doing anything. That’s why people didn’t see her. She was then in hair and makeup and began after lunch at 3. If there was a problem yesterday, I would have just said ‘no comment,’ however I can’t ignore this because this is utter B.S. This is a classic example of people trying to bash Lindsay. She busted her ass yesterday and is back on set again today.”
Steve Honig is so good at spitting the bull shit that if you ever need someone to call in sick for you when you’re not sick or to tell your boyfriend that you didn’t cheat on him with some trick from the bar when you did, he’s the dude you need in your life.
Another Glee source said that LiLo showed up on time today and has been on her best behavior so far.
When it comes to showing up on time, LiLo is like my cousins. If you want their tardy for the party asses to show up at 5, you have to tell them to be there at 2. If the producers of Glee expected her to always be on set, they should’ve shot all her scenes at the bar at Chateau Marmont. If they wanted her to memorize lines, they should’ve wrote those lines on a coke-snorting mirror. They didn’t even try to work with her! The producers brought this upon themselves and they only have themselves to blame. Signed, White Oprah.
(stunning portrait of LiLo via Pacific Coast News)
FOX and Ryan Murphy both felt the lukewarm, whiskey-scented, Parliament-infused wrath of White Oprah after GOOP’s character called her precious child “crazy” on an episode of Glee. White Oprah stumbled up to the front gate of FOX and nearly dropped the bottle of the Thunderbird in her hand as she vowed to destroy those hateful bitches for telling the truth about her meal ticket! Then White Oprah passed out on the steps and by the time one of FOX’s gardeners woke her up by leaf blowing her in the face, she forgot all about it! Or at least I thought she forgot all about it, because there was no lawsuit. But look at what we have here.
TVLine says that Lindsay Lohan is “in talks” to play Lindsay Lohan in one of the last episodes of the season. I’m going to guess that the only reason this is happening is because this is part of LiLo’s settlement deal with FOX, as well as White Oprah getting 7 minutes in heaven (for her, 7 minutes in the 9th circle for him) with Matthew Morrison’s nipple.
A source tells TVLine that LiLo will be a “celebrity” judge at Nationals. This shit hasn’t been confirmed, but FOX did confirm that Whoopi Goldberg is playing a drama school professor in several episodes.
The good news is that LiLo is playing a judge, which means she’ll sit at a table, which means she can read her lines off of a prop note card sitting on the table, which means she won’t have to strain her crack smoke-damaged retinas by reading a teleprompter. NO, I’m sure LiLo has really grown as an actress since her cue card-reading SNL days. LiLo will totally write her lines in dot lettering with an orange Sharpie on the palm of her hand so it looks like freckles. That’s how serious actresses do it!