There’s article after article on the internet that claims Theresa Caputo, The Long Con Medium, I mean, The Long Island Medium is a shameless charlatan who is carrying on the late Sylvia Browne’s legacy by taking advantage of vulnerable and grieving sadlings. The Long Island Medium now has news for the non-believers. Science has proven that she has a gift, and no, that gift isn’t conning people while pretending to speak to the ghost of their loved one (aka her assistant spouting out info they found through Google while wearing a white sheet over their body).
Beyonce And The Dixie Chicks Performed At The CMAs And I Don’t Think Everyone Lived To Tell The Tale
It was a night of exploding heads last night. Heads exploded during the never-ending final game of the World Series. Heads exploded while watching Diggle get topless on Arrow (and yes, a different kind of head exploded.) And heads exploded when the Dixie Chicks and Beyonce shared the stage at the Country Music Awards in Nashville. My thoughts are with the ears of the receptionists at ABC who are probably getting hit with a thousand tornados of blood-curdling anger screams from country fans who still hate those unpatriotic traitor trollops the Dixie Commies and who also hate that police-hating non-country ass Beyonce!
Jessica Lange And Susan Sarandon Will “Feud” As Joan Crawford And Bette Davis For A New Ryan Murphy Show
The Ryan Murphy Network (real name: FX) set fire to the b-holes of fans of legendary bitch fights and Old Hollywood scandals today when they announced that they have ordered a new Ryan Murphy anthology series about classic feuds. The first season of the series, titled Feuds, will cover the rivalry between Joan Crawford and Bette Davis while shooting What Ever Happened To Baby Jane? Ryan Murphy’s muse Jessica Lange will play Joan Crawford and Susan Sarandon will play Bette Davis. In the future, every show on television will be a Ryan Murphy anthology series starring Jessica Lange.
Some people would have you believe that Oscar Sunday is the most glamorous night in movie town, but those people are liars. Or misinformed. Or just plain dumb. Sure, the Kodak Theatre is filled to the gills with the likes of Angelina Jolie, Julia Roberts and fart enthusiast Jennifer Lawrence. Sure, all the attendees are dressed up in fancy gowns custom-made for them by blind nuns. And, yes, it is a celebration of the “best” in the industry – if you’re white. But the true icon of awards is none other than… THE RAZZIES!
I only know the name Cam Newton, because I am a devoted follower of glamour that makes b-holes pucker and he has shown us time and time again that his personal style falls somewhere between “Zoolander’s back-up stylist” and “security guard at the Roberto Cavalli boutique in Moscow who works part-time as a Russian pimp.” Cam isn’t only the walking definition of demure male elegance, he’s also the quarterback for the Carolina Panthers. Cam wore that “Liberace’s accountant” ensemble while showing up to play in the Super Bowl yesterday, and well, those sparkles on his magical loafers probably aren’t sparkling anymore.
In case the mixture of 50 gallons of beer, 28 pounds of deep fried cheese, Coldplay’s presence and boring football shit put you into a coma, which you didn’t come out of until this morning, I’ll tell you that the Panthers lost against the Broncos. Players have to speak to reporters after the game whether they won or lost. It’s a hard job but someone has to get paid millions upon millions of dollars to do it.
Because Cam Newton’s team lost, he had to sit in a chair and listen to reporters ask him what went wrong, why is he such a loser and why does his team suck horse nuts and so on and so on. Cam should’ve done a Marshawn Lynch and said, “I’m just here so I won’t get fined.” Instead, Cam sat there all glum-like while spitting out short answers before he quit that bitch by walking off.
Some sites said that Betty White’s Dab protege STORMED OUT of the press conference, so I was expecting some real theater! I mean, Cam Newton dresses like a gay hairdresser in a telenovela, so I thought he was going to give us some Neely O’Hara-approved messiness while storming out. But no, he just walked off.
Apparently, Cam exited stage left because he overheard one of the Broncos telling a reporter how his team beat Cam Newton. Whatever, fuck the Broncos, because I’m sure that none of them took breaths away while showing up to the after-party in a Givenchy leather skirt.
So many tricks on the red carpet stand there like a hungry and half-comatose zombie and earn themselves an F- in pose game. But Catherine Zeta-Jones always gets it and at the London premiere of some movie called Daddy’s Army (which sounds like the name of Kevin Spacey’s favorite military-themed gay porn) she delivered chichis and leg in front of photographers. Bitch worked it like an overachieving 2nd year Barbizon student trying to get an A in posing on her finals. (Side note: We actually didn’t have finals at Barbizon, but if we did, I would’ve been held back.) You can almost hear CZJ say, “Eat it, St. Angie,” as she sticks out her fame whoring leg and makes the most out of that knock-off Jessica McClintock bridesmaid dress. The wind even tried to trip her up by almost exposing her cancer-dispensing coochie to the world, but she was not having it this time. Show them, CZJ!