While watching E!’s awkward and messy red carpet coverage, I nearly put my bong away, because I got secondhand high, drunk and whatever from Matt LeBlanc. (But then I quickly clenched my bong like it was 9″ dick, because I remembered that I still had more Giuliana Rancid interviews to get through.)
The generic brand Ryan Seacrest (which is saying a lot since Ryan Seacrest is the generic brand Ryan Seacrest) called Jason Kennedy asked Matt LeBlanc some stupid questions on the Emmy red carpet and Joey Tribbiani was the opposite of thrilled to be there. But when Jason mentioned that Emilia Clarke, who plays that dragon chick on Game of Thrones, was with Giuliana at that very moment, he got a body boner and perked up. Emilia fangirled over Matt when they were on The Graham Norton Show together a few months ago.
Jason asked Matt if he watches GoT, and he went full creepy uncle when he said that he watched it the first season and stopped, but needs to catch up, because “that’s when she started getting naked.” I could practically hear his tip get moist when he said that. Matt IS that gross uncle who tells you that you’re really filling out and always tries to peck you on the mouth.
— Hollywood Reporter (@THR) September 18, 2016
Emilia laughed it off and said, “I’ve watched Friends. I don’t remember him getting naked, though.”
I blame Ryan Seacrest’s Sunday night understudy for this! If Jason Kennedy never asked Matt LeBlanc about GoT, I would not have the image of him going home tonight to watch GoT while fucking a dragon Fleshlight, and you know he’ll keep his Ray-Bans on. Damn you, SeacrestBot 2.0.
And here’s Emilia looking like a fancy condom and Giuliana looking like Miss Havisham’s mothball-covered curtains at the Emmys tonight.
Pics: Wenn.com, Getty
Having to stand and talk to Giuliana Rancic on that hot-as-fuck Emmy red carpet last night sounds like the epitome of HELL to me, so I’m genuinely shocked that most famous types didn’t pull an “I don’t know her” as they hauled ass indoors and started humping the nearest AC vent. Thankfully some people, like American Horror Story’s Sarah Paulson, thought ahead and brought their own shade.
Sarah stopped and talked to Clippy’s sister, and the heat truly removes all fucks from one’s system, because their interview was just one giant “No, bitch” moment. Shortly after Giuliana reminded everyone that Sarah has been nominated – and lost – four times, she asked Sarah (who was nominated for playing conjoined twins Bette and Dot on AHS: Freak Show) if she’ll get two Emmy awards if she wins. Rather than look at her in the face and low-whisper “Are you serious?“, Sarah gifted us with this beautiful soul hug:
Sarah Paulson with an outstanding subtweet of Giuliana Rancic. pic.twitter.com/45KEpgPwH3
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) September 20, 2015
Did anyone think to check Giuliana for frostbite, because that was ice cold. “No, sorry sweetie” PLUS that voice? Even shade queen Jessica Lange is slow-clapping for that one. Of course, Sarah didn’t win (Regina King did instead), but she took home an even better award: Outstanding Achievement in Making Shit Awkward with Giuliana Rancic. “Welcome to the club!” hollered Elisabeth Moss.
Here’s more of the Luke to Jessica Lange’s Yoda, as well as Giuliana in some low-budget JLo cosplay on the red carpet last night.
Zendaya’s cable provider can probably expect to hear the words “Yes, I’d like to renew my subscription to the E! channel” at some point today, because it looks like she’ll no longer have to worry about seeing her arch nemesis Giuliana Rancic pop up between commercial breaks of KUWTK like a malnourished Whac-A-Mole.
Giuliana released a statement last night confirming that she has decided to pack up her stuff from the E! News desk (a bottle of negative-calorie water and several sticks of sugarfree air) and mosey on out. However, she’s not turning in her E! staff ID card just yet; Giuliana says she’s sticking around for Fashion Police and will continue to annoy celebrities during E! Live From The Red Carpet shows.
“For more than a decade, I was fortunate enough to play a role in the success of E! News and will miss my family at the show. At the same time, I am excited to not only continue as host of two major franchises on E! but also executive produce the aspirational new show Rich in Faith for Oxygen as well as take my wine and clothing lines to the next level. This is such a thrilling time for me and I thank the gang at E! for understanding my desire to embark on this next chapter in my life.”
E! added to Giuliana’s so long, farewell statement by saying: “During her time here, Giuliana played an instrumental role in building E! News into a global entertainment news powerhouse and, while we will miss seeing her on set every day, we are delighted to continue to work with her on Fashion Police and Live From the Red Carpet.”
There’s no word on whether or not Giuliana’s old job is up for grabs, but I’m sure that hasn’t stopped every hard-up famous-ish person from salivating over this news while they print out their resumes. Raise your hand if you too pictured Kelly Osbourne, NeNe Leakes, and Khloe Kardashian sprinting Amazing Race-style to the E! offices this morning.
Even after both Kelly Osbourne and Kathy Griffin strapped on life vests and jumped from the sinking ship called the S.S. Fashion Police, E! decided against burying the show with Joan Rivers and decided to bring it back. E! announced today that Fashion Police will come back on August 31st and when it does, Joan’s daughter Melissa Rivers will be sitting in the head bitch chair next to Brad Goreski and elongated ant Giuliana Rancic.
The Hollywood Reporter says that E! will squirt out 6 new episodes and Melissa Rivers will continue to be executive producer. It looks like the format isn’t going to change that much. Melissa, Brad and Giuliana will be regulars and they’ll talk shit with celebrity guests. What I mean by “celebrity guest” is an extra from #Rich Kids of Beverly Hills if they’re lucky. Melissa will also carry a taser which she’ll use on Giuliana if Giuliana says anything even mildly offensive. So basically Melissa will use that taser when Giuliana says, “Hello, I am Giuliana Rancic.”
Even though E! said that Fashion Police was going to come back after Kathy left, I didn’t really think it would come back. I figured that E! would realize that since it didn’t work with Kathy, maybe it won’t work with anybody not named Joan Rivers. But well, I guess Melissa hosting Fashion Police is better than E! “retooling” the entire thing and turning it into a show where the Kartrashians do nothing but rate all of Caitlyn Jenner’s looks of the week. That will probably happen on September 1st.
For those of you who are reaching for your glasses and wondering who hired Robert Gimlin and the ghost of Roger Patterson to operate the cameras for the Billboard Music Awards, don’t worry – it’s not you. The above image is blurry because current film technology isn’t advanced enough to catch the ninja-like speed of Chrissy Teigen’s dress as it attempted to take out the poor woman walking behind her. Forget Taylor Swift and her gangly gang of suburban road warriors; Chrissy’s dress was the real deadly assassin at the BBMAs.
As Chrissy was walking to the stage with her co-host Ludacris, some woman tried to cut across behind her, but I guess she caught the back of Chrissy’s dress and instead of her ass landing in her seat, it landed on the floor. Unfortunately, Chrissy didn’t have time to be the wind beneath that lady’s wings and lift her ass off the ground, so she kept walking. Does anyone have an extra sweater? It just got COLD!
But Chrissy Teigen would like you to know she’s not a icy-hearted ho who enjoys watching clumsy tricks struggle all over the floor. According to Chrissy, Chrissy didn’t know there was a Code BOOM happening behind her.
In case you didn’t know by the fact that Giuliana Rancic’s face is all over the news (and by the “news” I mean The Daily Mail and People since that’s pretty much “the news” to me), she’s been hitting the ho stroll harder than usual because she’s pimping out her third book called Going Off Script: How I Survived a Crazy Childhood, Cancer, and Clooney’s 32 On-Screen Rejections. Yes, she has more than one book, because everyone is dying to know every single thing about the life of a professional “What Are You Wearing?” asker. Because Giuliana needed some shit for her book, she dusted off a 10+ year old cheating rumor and threw it in.
Giuliana and Jerry O’Connell bumped nipples in the early aughts and she writes that he passed his peen to another twice before dumping her. According to Page Six, Giuliana writes that things between her and Jerry were heart-shaped queefs and rainbows until he cheated on her with Ginger Spice.
“I was being two-timed for one of the lesser Spices?” she writes. Confronted, O’Connell told her, “ ‘Yeah, I know. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened.’ He had as much emotion as the customer-service representative who tells you your bags missed the flight.”
They broke up for a second, but got back together. That lasted about as long as a fried Twinkie casserole in front of Mama June’s face. Giuliana claims that Jerry quit her for good after meeting his now wife of 8 years Rebecca Romjin at a party in Vegas.
O’Connell wandered off. “Little did I know he was in the VIP area, talking up Rebecca. As a prelude to feeling up Rebecca.”
A week later, he departed for Las Vegas and stopped returning her calls. When she confronted him at his home, he refused to buzz her up.
“Nope. Sorry, homegirl,” he said, ending their relationship with: “Things change, but you take care, OK?”
Dumping a trick via a building intercom is like making someone come in on a Friday morning just so you can fire them. But the image of Jerry dropping that “sorry, homegirl” line on her after she tried to get him to buzz her in has taken me up, up and away.
And Giuliana’s ass needs to be taken away and jailed immediately for that ignorant “lesser spice” comment. Bitch needs more education! Ginger Spice isn’t the lesser Spice, because there are no lesser Spices. Choosing a lesser Spice Girl is like choosing a lesser of the Shiba Inu 6. It’s not possible! (But if I had to, I’d choose Sporty Spice. Fuck, here comes the screaming.) When I read that Giuliana accused Jerry of cheating on her with a lesser Spice, I pictured her walking in on him fucking a jar of dill seeds.
Here’s Giuliana whoring out her book for the paps in NYC today.