Category: Girlfriend Please

Justin Timberlake Says It’s All Good Between Him And Janet Jackson

January 17, 2018 / Posted by:

There’s many reasons to be annoyed by Justin Timerlake. Like his phoniness, or his new Man of The Woods persona that turned out to be a “Filthyfake-out, or that awful Troll song, or how SexyBack makes my dick want to shrivel up and die and I don’t even have a dick! But the thing I dislike most about him is how he behaved after Nipplegate during the Super Bowl. Justin has always been dodgy about pulling Janet Jackson’s top off during the Super Bowl Halftime Show in 2004, and now he’s saying that things are good between he and Janet after he threw her and her nipple under the bus.

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Marky Mark’s Contract Had To Do With Him Getting Paid $1.5 Million For “All The Money In The World” Reshoots 

January 12, 2018 / Posted by:

Marky Mark’s team hasn’t said anything about the story that he got $1.5 million while his co-star Michelle Williams got under $1,000 for reshoots on All The Money In The World. But why should Marky Mark’s team open their mouths to the media when “sources” are out there defending them. Sources are now saying don’t hate the player, hate the game. And yes, I brought out that saying in 2018. I am your cool auntie who loves that hip new rapper Lil’ Bow Wow and still considers her bedazzled Motorola Razr her prized possession. Boo ya!

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Ellen DeGeneres Laughed At Eric Trump’s Ass For Suggesting She’s Part Of “Deep State”

January 4, 2018 / Posted by:

The day before Donald Trump and Steve Bannon went from tongue boning each other in the asshole to eating each other alive (and definitely not in a sexy way), the Trump son who isn’t Don Jr. or Barron, decided to remind people that he exists by putting on his tin foil MAGA cap to say that he believes that Ellen DeGeneres is a secret member of an organization that is trying to undermine his dad. (SPOILER ALERT: The organization that is trying to undermine Trump exists in Trump’s head since it’s his own brain.)

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Meghan Markle’s Sister Is Now Trying To Start Shit With Prince Hot Ginge 

December 28, 2017 / Posted by:

You would think that the people who are happiest about Prince Hot Ginge and Meghan Markle getting married would be Prince Hot Ginge, Meghan Markle and the makers of coats, but nobody is happier than her half-sister Samantha Grant!  Because Samantha can cash in now that her half-sister is marrying into the British royal family. See, monarchy haters, the British royals create jobs. They even created a full-time opportunist attention whore job for an American!

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The Moment When Barack Obama Blatantly Lied To Prince Hot Ginge’s Face (Probably)! 

December 27, 2017 / Posted by:

My favorite journalist Prince Hot Ginge interviewed our 44th POTUS Barack Obama on BBC Radio 4, and in between fluffy questions about the political dangers of social media and the pressures of being president, PHG asked hard-hitting ones like “boxers or briefs?”, “Rachel or Monica?” and “Kim or Khloe?” Obama wouldn’t answer the last one, but he should’ve said, “You mean Kim Fields or Chloe Lattanzi, right? Because they are the only Kim and Chloe I care about!” There was one answer that Obama gave and it made me wish he was hooked up to a lie detector machine, because I really want to see a lie detector needle spell the words “Bitch, PLEASE!” on a piece of lie detector paper.

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Princess Michael Of Kent Is Sorry For Wearing That Blackamoor Brooch 

December 22, 2017 / Posted by:

Contrary to what J.K. Rowling wrote in the Harry Potter books, Voldemort didn’t die. He faked his death, used his dark powers to turn himself into a German-Hungarian baroness and married into British royalty and became Princess Michael of Kent! No, Princess Michael of Kunt may be the most terrifying member of the Death Eaters, but she isn’t Voldemort (I think). Although, she is making Voldemort proud by how she’s continued to spread fuckery for years. Case in point: Lainey Gossip brought up how Princess Michael of Kunt wore Blackamoor jewelry, which many say fetishizes and glamorizes slavery, to a pre-Christmas lunch at THE QUEEN’S house. That lunch is where Meghan Markle, who is half black in case you don’t know, met many members of Prince Hot Ginge’s extended family including Princess Michael.

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